Deviating from the Norm
by GoatEatingToilet
Summary: If you asked me a few months ago, I would have told you I'd never be caught dead hanging out with the freaks. Life's full of complications and lots of things can change in a couple of months, though… lots of things. Still, falling for one? No one could have predicted that. (OC POV. Follows show ep. by ep., but starts before episode 1. AU. Slow burn). REVISING as of 7/27/2016
1. Sticks and stones

_Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own any of the music referenced or characters used in this story (except Donovan Matsen). No copyright infringement is intended._

_Author's Note: I apologize in advance if I do a horrible job of capturing the personalities of the original characters correctly. I have a somewhat bad habit of reforming predesigned characters to my own style when writing about them. This is also my first real attempt at writing in first person (I'm far more comfortable writing in third person), so forgive the awkwardness if I absentmindedly switch to third person every now and then. Lastly, I tend to make my stories dialogue heavy._

_I plan on trying to upload at least one chapter a month. Life is too hectic for anything more than that, though._

**_Adding this for the sake of clarity: Chapter 1 takes place *BEFORE* episode 1 of the show. Chapter 2 is where the show starts._**

**Chapter 1 – "Sticks and stones…"**

* * *

Another day at McKinley High… another abhorred, monotonous school day. I leaned back against the chain-link fence, cracking a few of the weather-worn plastic slats that had been placed in it decades ago as a privacy measure. The courtyard was never supposed to be a hangout for smokers, but that is what it eventually turned into as more and more kids realized that they would not be chastised for smoking on school grounds if they were in that area. It was quite apparent that the staff knew what was going on within the confines of the fenced space, but trying to stop it would be like pulling teeth. I guess they figured they had a better shot of smokers going back to their classes if they were still at school instead of being forced to leave for their nicotine fix.

I stared out in front of me, watching my friends joke around and take a drag off a cigarette every now and then. I use the term 'friends' far more comfortably now than I did when I first encountered them, because if you asked me a few months ago, I would have told you I'd never be caught dead hanging out with the freaks. They simply weren't my kind of clique, and our social standings were at complete opposite ends of the spectrum (jocks and burnouts coexisting? Not a chance). Lots of things can change in a couple of months, though… lots of things.

* * *

I wasn't formally welcomed or initiated into the group, not at first, but I guess there is a bit of hesitation in telling the 6'1" former defensive tackle of the McKinley Norsemen to take a hike. I started hanging around the patio just to get away from anyone who would want to talk to me, just so I could be by myself in a group of people who didn't want to know me anyway. I wasn't like any of the people who hung out there at all. I didn't wear band t-shirts, I didn't have long or greasy hair… hell, I didn't even like cigarettes thanks to growing up in a household with two chain-smokers. I was trying to be a recluse, but I had good reason. It wasn't until one of my new friends, Nick Andopolis, sparked up a conversation with me that I actually exited my shell a little. Well, it started out as Kim Kelly's attempt to press my buttons, but it grew into a conversation.

Even though I was a newcomer to the area, it was easy to spot the regulars, like the group of four that Kim and Nick were a part of. At first glance, they were your typical set of freaks and didn't really stand out from the other packs in any shining way. The one thing I could say about them was that they all liked to talk… loudly. It was actually because of their loud conversations that I had learned all of their names, as well as bits of pieces of their dirty laundry. It wasn't that I attempted to eavesdrop on them… it was just a very open space where sound had a tendency to travel. Kim had been giving me a judgmental stare for the better part of the week, almost like she had just noticed that I was one of those… things, one of those jocks, and I simply did not belong. She wouldn't have exactly been wrong either.

"What's with the meathead in the corner?" she said to the rest of the group, but made sure she spoke loud enough for her taunt to be heard by me. "It's like, who the hell invited him back here?"

"Keep it down, loudmouth," her boyfriend, Daniel, hissed through a whisper, giving her a look like she was playing with fire.

Aside from that, none of the clique replied to her questions. As far as I could tell, they were all avidly trying to avoid even the temptation of looking my way.

"I thought I would try hanging out with the cool kids for a change," I called back flatly with a quick, fake smile before turning my gaze back down to the notebook I had been scribbling in. _Shit. I shouldn't have said anything,_ I thought to myself. _Now they'll notice me more than ever._

I couldn't help myself, it seemed. One snappy attitude deserved another. Honestly, though, the girl and I even shared a current class together and she had no idea who I was.

Daniel released a genuine, yet small laugh and turned his head my way. The guy had one hell of a smile and it was hard to tell if he was trying to be nice or just vindictive with it sometimes.

"Whatever," Kim said, rolling her eyes. "Did your teammates realize you suck or something, and banish you to our little corner?"

_Sticks and stones,_ I told myself. _Sticks and stones… _What the hell? Had I mistakenly stepped on the estrogen button or something? Why was she suddenly targeting me?

Now Ken turned his attention towards me as well. "Uh, Kim, that's Donovan Matsen. He's that guy who put that other football player in a co-"

He stopped talking when I abruptly raised my head and gave him a cold, hard stare. His mouth was still ajar and he looked like he was just expecting some sort of retaliation. This was exactly why I quit the team, why I started frequenting this place: to get away from what happened.

Three weeks ago, during the first game of the season when we were unlucky enough to be going up against the Wellington High Jaguars, I tackled Tommy Addler. It might not sound like much when I just put it out there like that, especially considering that that is specifically what I am supposed to do for the team, but when I mention that Tommy is a legend not just in his school but also in almost any other through the region with a football team, it may take on a more significant light. The kid started out as nothing, people couldn't even be bothered to remember his name, let alone give him respect. When he got ahold of the ball for the first time though, all of that changed. During mid-season of his freshman year, he made a wild interception from out of nowhere. He just jumped up high into the air like he was a goddamn grasshopper or something, caught the football as if it was second nature and as soon as his feet hit the ground again, he took off running like a bolt of lightning. He did this two other times before the game year played out. Tommy was pretty much fast-tracked to quarterback during his sophomore year and had led the Jaguars to their first-ever state championship. The kid was a prodigy and a machine all in one and, from all the rumors going around, it sounded like he was bound and determined to take his team to the finals once again.

He also had a target on his back; that was for sure. There were plenty of players on other teams that were full of jealousy, or simply wanted to make a name for themselves as the one who stopped Addler. I fell loosely into the second category. The damn kid was so fast that he hardly ever got tackled and, if he did, it was just barely. He got away from me on three separate occasions last year, so my sole objective during the entirety of that game was simply to grab the little shit. It wasn't for recognition or bragging rights, though I would have been sure to take full advantage of those if I pulled it off, but simply because I knew I could do it. It was something that was ingrained in my system. I had been playing a defensive tackle position since I was twelve and I grew to love it and crave the high it provided whenever I smashed into another person, took the wind out of their lungs and made their feet fly into the air.

When the opportunity presented itself and Tommy was left out in the open, I lunged forward just as the star quarterback caught the football (yes, it was another Goddamn interception) and began to make pace with it. I wanted to make it as spectacular as any touchdown the Jaguar rival could pull off and collided into him with all of my might, crashing both of us into the ground. There was a buzz in my head as the rush of adrenaline ran through my body. I laid on my back, listening to half of the crowd cheer and the other half boo. Even though the Jaguars were undoubtedly going to keep their fourteen point lead and win, this would be the highlight of the game for sure. I laughed to myself, my chest heaving up and down vigorously, as players from both teams huddled around us. There was no denying it, I was proud… I was damn proud! My friends helped me to my feet and I even received a few congratulatory pats on the back. I turned around to see how pissed off Tommy was, maybe even shoot him a taunting smile that read 'I got you,' but there was one problem… Tommy Addler was not getting up.

I had broken other player's collarbones and given them various other sprains, pains and bruises with my hard hits (tackling the shit out of someone was just my thing on the field), but I had never put anyone in a coma… not until that day at least.

Life kinda stopped being the same for me at that moment. I had never realized the impact I could make on someone's life with just a display of brute strength and cockiness, and I certainly didn't want to be the reason why someone never woke up again.

Lucky for me, Tommy did wake up, just over a week later and the doctors expected him to make a full recovery and rejoin his teammates on the field sometime later. I, however, did not recover so well and decided to drop out altogether. I was never like this before football… I never wanted to hurt someone or win at any cost. The results of what I was becoming scared me enough to realize I needed to distance myself before there was another incident.

My parents were split on the issue, with my mother being very understanding and my father being disappointed in me. He had aspirations of me riding into college on a football scholarship, being spotted at a game and going pro. It was the second time I disappointed him with a big decision… the first one actually being that I joined the football team in the first place. Before that, he wanted me to study business or something so I could master the stock market. He always liked to say it is the smart way to get rich.

Add to all of that the fact that the Addler family was considering filing a lawsuit and you can see why I just wanted the world to forget about me.

Kim's jaw dropped upon the realization of who I actually was. "Oh, shit. You're that guy?"

I didn't reply… I was too ashamed to. I simply looked at my notebook once again and hoped they would just start ignoring me once more.

They were mumbling amongst themselves now, undoubtedly about me. I noticed a shadow approaching, but did not raise my head up to see who it belonged to.

"Come on, leave him alone, Nick," Daniel commanded from across the patio.

Seemingly ignoring his call, I heard Nick say "Hey, man," as his shadow nearly consumed me.

I looked up, trying to appear as indifferent as ever. The guy was tall, had to be taller than me, or at least it looked that way from where I was sitting. "Do you, um- you know, can I?" He pointed to the empty space beside me with his odd stuttering. I raised an eyebrow and nodded after a moment of hesitation. As he took a seat beside me I began to speculate on just what was going on. I knew there was bad blood between freaks and jocks, so a target could very well be on my back and I was being lulled into a false sense of security.

"Hey, I just wanted to say that I heard, ya know, about what happened with you leaving football and stuff. I think- I think I know what you're doing here, too. Just getting away from it all?"

I simply nodded again, trying to appear indifferent.

He nodded in return, "Yeah, I kinda thought so." After releasing a somewhat sizable sigh, he clasped his hands together and looked down at them. "I, uh… losing a team sucks, man, right?"

I was puzzled. What did he mean? I didn't remember him being in football at all, or even… oh, wait. Basketball. That's right, he was one of the up and comers on the basketball team until he was caught with a bag of marijuana in his locker. When was that, anyway? Oh well, it didn't matter… that kinda thing would nix anyone's future prospects in sports.

"Nick! Come on, man! He ain't interested!" Daniel yelled, trying to peel his friend away from me.

"Your buddy seems like he doesn't want you talking to me."

Nick shrugged his broad shoulders. "It isn't that exactly, he just hasn't had a lot of good memories with the jock crowd, ya know? Anyway, we're not in sports anymore for totally different reasons, but I still know how it feels to have that teammate friendship and lose it all at once."

It was weird- I had known this kid for all just twenty seconds and something about that last thing he said totally got to me. I felt bad for him in that moment, because the guy really looked like he was lamenting what he had lost, or at least those who he had. While his exile came from within the team, mine was self-imposed. I was still friends with most of my former teammates and spoke to them every now and then. They usually wanted to talk sports and, sooner or later, the conversation would turn to me coming back. That was something I simply was not interested in so it was just far easier to avoid talking to most of them for any great length of time.

He looked at me solemnly for a second and then cracked a slight smile. "Do you want to, um… do you want to hang out with us?" His slight smile turned into a full-on goofy grin. "I mean, yeah, why don't you come over and sit with us? You seem like a cool guy and it feels good to get in with a new group. Trust me, we don't bite."

"Nah, it's…" My first instinct was just to say thanks but no thanks and ignore him, but he seemed so certain about what he said and, honestly, I was jonesing for some people to just talk to. As it turned out, I made for a pretty pathetic hermit.

"You sure everyone is cool with me hanging out over there?" I asked loudly with a slight smile of my own. "Even Blondie?"

The three guys broke out in laughter, with Ken commenting, "He already knows your nickname, Kim."

She glared at me irritably through squinted eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. If looks could kill I would have been six feet under by that point.

She simply stated 'Screw you,' under her breath before turning and walking away without another word.

"She, uh, really doesn't like me," I stated, scratching the back of my head as Nick and I made our way to the others.

Daniel shook his head, "Nah, don't worry about it. She just gets like that sometimes. It's like, we've been going out for two years, right? But there're still days when I could swear she hates me."

The trio laughed; his two friends actually nodding their heads in agreement. I took a seat and started talking with them. Nick seemed content with my attempt to connect with all of them, Daniel looked somewhat skeptical, but with Nick's comment about his troubled past with those involved in sports I couldn't really blame him. And Ken… well, I couldn't even begin to read his opinion on me, but he did seem to be sizing me up in some way with his eyes.

We discussed a lot of random stuff in just a matter of minutes. Sure, most of it was just about movies and music, but it was nice to talk with some of my peers about _anything_ other than sports. In the time we talked, I could see Daniel ease up and grow more comfortable with my presence. I could also tell they were all just itching to bring up the subject of the Addler tackle, but it seemed as if they gauged my earlier reaction to it with the correct amount of caution and stayed away from the subject entirely.

* * *

The group was small, but each of my new friends had their own very distinct personality that shown brighter than most of my old friends. Daniel was kind of like a rebel without a cause (he even had somewhat of a James Dean look about him, complete with jeans and a leather jacket), and liked to think of himself as the 'mature' one of the crowd. He didn't care much for school, but he seemed the type who would be there for his friends in a heartbeat. If you really listened to some of the things he said, you might also get the idea that he has a touch of anarchism to him. His girlfriend, Kim, was somewhat of a firecracker and everyone had to watch their step around her. On a good day, she was just one of the gang, but on a bad one, she was looking for any reason to put a target on you. Her short-temper, coupled with Daniel's incessant display of charisma towards other females, created a rather rocky relationship between the two, but they endured. Nick is probably the friendliest of all of us, and far kinder than was good for him in most instances. Even though it was the bane of his short-lived sports career, he still loved to smoke weed and have a good time while high. Then again, all of the freaks did. Aside from pot, Nick was also obsessed with music and had aspirations of someday becoming a famous drummer. Last but not least was Ken. If he opened his mouth, you could almost bet that his words would be dripping with sarcasm if they weren't already going to be an outright wise-crack. He was a bit of an oddball in that he seemed to come from a better background than any of us, but he preferred not to talk about it.

* * *

Things continued to get better and better between all of us over the next couple of days, and after only a week of knowing each other, we were all friends. Even Kim had come around to liking me. I was honestly surprised with how well and quickly we all got along, especially considering that I came from a clique that the freaks absolutely hated. Either I was totally desperate for some human interaction, or I had run into a good bunch of people. I was hopeful for the latter.


	2. And then there were six

_Author's Note: Subtle timeline shift, if anyone happens to catch it._

**Chapter 2 – "And then there were six…"**

* * *

Shock and awe. That is the best way I could describe the general reaction everyone had when I started to hang out with and befriend the freaks. The questions and concerns were endless, and they flowed in from all sides. Why are you doing this? You know who those people are, right? You're not one of them. They'll change you.

What pierced me the most though was how sullen my parents were over the new bonds I had created. I had expected as much from my father (as much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I knew in my heart that he would disapprove), but my mother had a veiled appearance of acceptance that stung more than if she would have outright denounced them like my father had. It felt completely faked, almost as if she was lying to me... and I didn't like that. Although, maybe I was looking at it wrong. Maybe my mother's pained look was actually one of defeat, like she had quickly given up on this battle and was instead hurt by my stubbornness. Sometimes I hated being able to see both sides of every argument.

Accepted or not, I appreciated my new friends and there was no way in hell I was going to let any outside forces sway my opinion of them. They may have been a rough bunch, but they knew how to have a fun time and we all seemed to click.

We'd hang out everywhere. The patio, the park, random parking lots, Nick's house… we would hang out in the basement a lot there, actually. We'd also hang out behind, or even in, the outdoor bleachers at school. Unfortunately, they were right next to the football field and I really hated being there. It wasn't just the unpleasant feeling they brought on, but also because I could barely fit my large, tall frame in-between the mass mess of woven, zig-zagging metal bars that held the whole contraption together. I had no idea how Nick managed to seamlessly navigate the area considering I conked my head at least once every time we went near the damn place.

* * *

It wasn't long after my arrival, just a little into October as a matter of fact, that yet another soul was introduced to the pack. Ken, Nick and I were hanging out at the patio, goofing off and having fun, when I noticed Daniel making his way towards us with a brunette-haired girl in tow. He stopped to ask one of the other kids there if they had the M-80s they had promised him and I watched as the brunette, who was wearing a pale green army jacket that was at least two times too big for her, stopped and stared undecidedly at the surroundings in front of her. It was almost as if she was about to dive off a cliff into the fog below and considered taking a step back. She shook it off a moment later and continued to follow behind Daniel.

"You guys know Lindsay?" Daniel said in a half-introductory, half-questioning tone.

She raised her hand up briefly and said 'Hi' in a barely audible voice. Her face spread into a big smile that looked more nervous than genuine. Nick recognized her right away as a fellow student in his English class last year, referring to her as 'that chick who got an A' and jogged my memory in the process. She was a smart girl, a mathlete or something like that. She was dressed way differently than I had ever seen her before, though. It was odd, but Nick's mention of her high grade seemed to send some sort of vibe through Daniel, as he made a little face and looked down solemnly. Perhaps he was contemplating if he would ever be remembered by anyone for getting an A… for anything.

"Yeah, well… what're ya gonna do?" she replied back, shrugging her shoulders at the end of her awkward answer.

Ken smirked and, almost if on cue, deadpanned, 'I dunno, what _are_ you gonna do?'

We all chuckled at his witticism, even Lindsay. Though, I could quickly see her smile fade a few seconds later when she realized the conversation had stopped dead at that moment. I took the opportunity to break the ice and introduced myself and her face lit up.

"Oh yeah! You're that football player!" she began, but was cut short when Daniel nudged her slightly and shook his head, implying she should stop there. There was another awkward silence before Lindsay spoke up again.

"So, are you guys going to the homecoming dance?"

Her question was met with more laughter and wisecracking.

"That's funny! It's a joke, right?" Daniel asked.

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "My dad is… kinda makin' me go."

After yet another round of laughter (this time at her dad's expense, at least), she added to her reason for asking. "I just thought maybe, you know, you guys were gonna go- to make fun of people. I mean, that could be kinda funny, right?"

I groaned on the inside a little, as her desperate attempt to connect with us was starting to show.

"I would go, but I have a prior _engagement_. My cousin just sent me a bunch of mushrooms and I'm gonna eat them," Ken revealed.

Nick made fun of the fact that they would probably be playing disco music at the dance and, as the conversation continued, things kept getting more and more awkward. It was understandable, though. Lindsay came from the goody two-shoes camp before her venture to the slightly darker side... which made me wonder: what was she doing here?

There was a learning curve that she would have to adjust to if she really wanted to hang out with these kinds of kids. Dirty jokes, swearing, skipping classes, cheating on tests, insubordination… I had experienced my fair share of it all from the sporty side of things. As Nick and Daniel began a little bout of horseplay, I watched a thin brunette cautiously make her way into the patio area and train her sights on our group.

"Lindsay?" she said loudly, trying to beckon the grade A student's attention. "Linds?"

A thoroughly embarrassed-looking Lindsay rushed over to the girl and you could just tell she was going to shoo her away. I couldn't take it anymore. It was like when characters in a TV show or movie are involved in something that makes you feel so uncomfortable for them you have to pause it or change the channel for a second until you compose yourself again. Sadly, I couldn't do that in real life, so I just left the patio instead. I saw Ken trailing behind me a ways and I was going to slow down so he could catch up, but he just disappeared into one of the classrooms nearby. I didn't have any idea what he was up, but knowing the group I was with, it wasn't anything good.

* * *

Lunch was almost over and I wanted to try to find Kim before we ran out of time to swap solutions. We had math together for our next class and neither of us were too fond of it in general. Over the past week, we had compared our incomplete homework assignments and managed to fill them in a bit more by taking answers from one another… even if it was a 50/50 shot of them being right. It was the only subject in school that literally made my head hurt. The less I had to think about it, the better. Since dropping football, I had to actually study to keep my grades up. Things were quite a bit easier when the teachers just gave me a passing grade out of fear of being endlessly harassed by an entire team of overly-aggressive teenagers. We all looked out for one another, and we all exceeded in our grades as a result… even if most of us only had half-a-brain's worth of actual education because of the scheme. Now all of the pressure to obtain and maintain passing grades was back on my shoulders. Math was the only class where I was struggling, thankfully.

I finally found Kim hanging out next to her locker, talking to Karen Scarfolli.

"Goddamnit," I muttered to myself as I gained the attention of Kim's friend. I _hated_ Karen Scarfolli, and that is a pretty strong word to use as a general feeling for someone, but Karen was very deserving of it. She was one of those people who went out of her way to be a complete bitch to anyone who she didn't consider a friend. From all appearances, she was fearless too, not giving two shits whose face she got in or for what reason.

"Oh look, it's a used jockstrap," she said, motioning her head towards me.

"Oh look, it's a…" Suddenly I went blank in an attempt at a witty response. My eyes shot from side to side rapidly as my brain tried to come up with something, anything! They were just looking at me. This was embarrassing. "Oh, fuck it;" I finally recovered in a nonchalant tone, "you're a bitch."

There must have been something about the way I said it, because Kim burst out into a fit of laughter that served to only further enrage her friend. Karen gave me the same deadly look Kim had two weeks earlier. I could see she had trained her well. The two were part of a larger group that consisted of, well, female bullies. It was a chaotic and sporadic assembly of girls who usually came from broken homes and were seeking an unwilling human outlet for their pent up rage. With the constant infighting and bickering, no one knew who was really in or out of the club anymore and it just seemed to have a revolving door feel to it. Regardless, Kim considered herself the leader of the girls, even if the self-appointed title was not very near and dear to her heart.

"Laugh it up, Kim," Karen said disgustedly, "'cause what goes around comes around."

Kim shook her head slightly, still laughing, "Oh but Karen, you _really are_ a bitch."

"What's with you? We make fun of jocks like this. Now you're hanging out with one?" Karen's face was still holding the twisted look as she eyed her friend.

"Come on," Kim breathed, appearing to quickly grow tired of the back and forth. "He's not like those guys anymore. Right, Matsen?"

I grimaced, slightly irritated that she called me by my last name. I quickly learned that she had an frustrating habit of calling her friends by their last name when she was annoyed with something. I guess I should count myself lucky that she called me by the entirety of my first name instead of just 'Don'… I felt so old when people called me that.

She glanced back at me with a look of expectation about her.

"Uh…" I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess?" I wasn't really sure how to answer, which is why it came out as a question more than anything. I mean, I didn't _feel_ any different than when I was hanging out with my teammates. Was I acting different? I didn't think so. I was just being myself around my new friends, which felt really great, honestly. Nick was very correct in how good it felt to get involved with a new group.

Kim glared at me for a fleeting moment before rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to Karen. Seemingly, my answer was not entirely satisfactory for her. As it turned out, none of it really mattered. Karen let out a huff of disinterest and left almost immediately after my response. Kim didn't even bother to call out to her, instead whipping her head back my way.

"So, I'm cutting math. I didn't do any of the homework last night and I'm really not in the mood for mind-numbing numbers. You wanna come?"

"Come where?"

"I dunno!" Her face tensed up in a slight fit of exasperation. "Just anywhere but here."

I thought about it for a moment before agreeing. At least that made her smile a little.

* * *

We continued on our way, turning into the main hall as the crowd of students began to swell, each anticipating the bell that would signal the start of the next class. It didn't take much effort to spot our band of misfits in the distance… they were the only ones standing in the middle of the hall and not moving.

"We're cutting," Kim interrupted without concern as she barged into whatever conversation our friends were having without us. "Who's got gum?"

Everyone started digging around, as if they all had some sort of secret stash of gum on-hand that I didn't know we were all supposed to be carrying. Ken pulled a mangled (and somehow still wrapped) piece of Wrigley's Doublemint Chewing Gum from his back pocket and held it up to her like it was the grand finale of a superb magic trick.

"Ta-dah! I just pulled a piece of gum out of my butt!" I imagined him deadpanning and swallowed a laugh before it erupted.

She approached him with a look of ridicule on her face and in her tone. "Oh yeah. That- that's real great, ya know. Why don't you blow your nose in some bread and make me a sandwich, too?"

Lindsay and I both snorted out a laugh. I couldn't help it that time. She had a point. How could a snot sandwich be any worse (or better) than fart-flavored gum? Ken made it a point to break wind whenever he felt like it and I could almost guarantee that piece of gum had been covered in the vicious butt vapor at least once… probably more from the look of it. The really bad thing about Ken's gas? It was unbearable! I would go as far as to say it was just a notch below mustard gas and classify it as an inhalation hazard.

"Why is everyone crawlin' up my butt today?" he asked exasperatedly and judging from his response, this was not the first time someone had lashed out at him recently. Nick leaned over and whispered that Ken had provided an answer-less chemistry exam to Daniel just moments earlier and received a small verbal browbeating as a result.

_So that explains why he was sneaking into a classroom._

"Hey, Kim," Lindsay suddenly called out, "I got some."

Kim quickly turned around and sized up the newcomer with an up and down glare. There was nothing but disappointment written all over Blondie's face as she realized we had another member.

"What's she doing here?" She narrowed her cold gaze on Daniel. Somehow she knew he was behind bringing in a new girl.

The conversation started steering down awkward lane again and I could just feel myself itching to hit the pause button. Daniel tried to explain that Lindsay was "our" friend, but Kim was having none of it. It was as if this was her initiation process and she wanted to test the waters to see just how far and quickly she could push a person.

"Did I do something to you?" Lindsay asked as Kim continued her demeaning badgering.

"You're here."

"Kim-" Daniel tried to once again interject, but was cut short by Lindsay this time instead of his girlfriend.

"Well, I have as much right to be here as you do."

Daniel sighed and turned away, seemingly expectant of the storm that would now ensue.

Kim released a single, spiteful laugh and began to advance on the newcomer. "Hey, brain… I shoplift in your daddy's store. You're just some rich kid who's trying to piss off her parents. You think you can hang with these guys? You think _that's_ gonna make you cool?"

She tore into Lindsay with a passion, almost as if the girl had done her a great injustice in the past and it was time for retribution. There was a strenuous silence as Kim backed Lindsay into a corner with their words and she had no idea how to reply to her. Then again, when she was on the warpath, Kim had that kind of power. Her sheer determination to just be mean gave her tongue a sharp edge that would slice you in two if you weren't careful.

"I don't know what to tell you," Lindsay finally admitted, sounding somewhat confused as to her current mess. I was facing Lindsay's back, but I wish I could have seen her face. I wish I could have seen exactly how she looked and what vibe she was giving off… because whatever it was, it turned Kim into a shark that was ready to go in for the kill. I _never_ wanted to make that face.

Kim glanced up at me, her face reading that she wasn't done yet, and I momentarily considered intervening, but it was already too late.

"You know what, I'm sorry," she said, but showed no signs of sincerity with her words. "Let's be friends."

Kim quickly clutched the bottom of Lindsay's bag and turned it upside down, raining its contents all over the floor. I was starting to reconsider my impromptu outing with Ms. Kelly now, as I didn't want to end up the target of her rage when she was done with Lindsay. It was kind of funny when I thought about it that way: a 6'1" man built like a brick shithouse being scared of a 5'6" woman with attitude.

"There. Now we're friends. See you at the mall," Kim continued to mock.

"What are you… on your period?" Daniel asked, both appearing astonished and slightly embarrassed at how his girlfriend was treating his new friend.

"Hey, if you wanna hang around with your little poser friend here and pretend with her, that's your waste of time."

Daniel tried to divert her attention by lightly tugging on Kim's long, blond hair, wearing that enigmatic smile of his.

"Just keep her the hell away from me!" Kim finished, pushing past her boyfriend and latching onto my arm, pulling me away with her. I guess I was cutting after all, whether I wanted to or not.

* * *

I was slightly embarrassed to drive Kim around in my 1972 Dodge Challenger 340 Rallye. It was a beautiful black on black-TX9 color that I had painstakingly tried to keep in mint condition ever since my cousin sold it to me. When I asked him where he got it, he simply said it was through a friend of a friend of a friend and I knew to stop asking questions after that. Things were gonna get shady if I kept digging deeper. It was a miracle I could keep it as untarnished and rust-free as I had considering there tended to be more salt on the roads than actual snow in Chippewa. I had no doubt that I looked like a spoiled rich kid when I was driving around in it, but nothing could have been further from the truth. I didn't know why I cared. I mean, if Kim was truly my friend, then the fact that I had a nice car wouldn't start to plant seeds of doubt in her mind. She seemed to be distracted and not really in the mood to give a shit anyway.

We went to Stackey's, even though lunch had just ended. I don't know where she was during the majority of it, but the cowboy macaroni they were offering in the cafeteria was nothing more than a mash up of leftovers. The mac and cheese from Monday, ripped up left over hamburger patties from Tuesday, tomato soup from yesterday and a mix of corn and onions from God knows when. All of it made my stomach turn instead of yearn.

Using my superior skills of deduction (haha), I guessed that Kim decided to pass on lunch when she ordered the same meal I did. A full stack. A classic Stackey's cheeseburger along with a large fry and a large drink.

It was a surprisingly warm and sunny day for being October and we decided to eat at one of the outside tables. The wind played up every now and then and would blow a clump of Kim's hair around until she corralled it back into place. Each time it happened, I couldn't help but think she would make a perfect subject for my photography habit. Each of my new friends would, really. I liked to take pictures of people in their natural state, timing it just right so I could catch their raw emotions in the image with them.

Nick was so expressive with his face (especially is his cheesy, happy moments) that I was sure he would have made for a wonderful subject. Daniel's goofball grin said a thousand words sometimes, but he had a serious side to him to that was prominently displayed on his face when invoked. It would be a miracle to get any kind of genuine expression out of Ken at all. Kim, though… there was something different about her. She was a very beautiful girl and would undoubtedly photograph well, but the real striking feature about her was her eyes. Her big baby blue irises simply demanded attention, and it didn't matter if she was happy to see you or aggressively piercing your soul with them, they just pulled you in either way.

I had not told any of the gang that I had a picture taking obsession. Hell, I hardly told any of my old teammates about it. It was kind of my little secret, but only because I was so unsure of if it was something I was actually interested in or if it was just a passing phase. The constant negativity my father put towards it didn't help matters either.

In a spaced-out moment I mentioned a passage I remembered from a book that seemed fitting to the situation we were currently in. "And then there were six…"

"What?" Kim questioned, peering at me like I had just spoke a foreign language.

Embarrassingly I shook my head, explaining I was quoting a line from Agatha Christie's _And Then There Were None_. She continued to look at me blankly and I decided to simply forgo the whole explanation and merely state that I was talking about how our little family of weirdoes grew from four to six in a matter of weeks. It was probably better that way seeing as how the song the book was titled after was incredibly racist anyway. Unwittingly, I had sparked a dying ember on the Lindsay fire and the whole thing exploded again.

"God! Who the hell does she think she is, anyway?" Kim spat out, lightly spraying the table with bits of food as she talked with her mouth full. "Oops," she whispered a moment later.

I just decided to keep chewing my food and try to avoid getting into it with her... she was damn determined though.

"I mean everything I said back there was true, y'know? She's just some stupid, rich, brainy kid who wants to piss off her parents in some lame attempt at rebellion and ditch her old friends for cooler ones. She'd only be using us. I mean, if we let her in, she'll just leave us for the next rung on the social ladder as soon as she can."

In the short time I had known her, this was the most articulate I had ever known Kim to be. Too bad she was also pissed… and kinda paranoid.

"She's not like you. If anything, you went down in popularity when you started hanging out with us. That's how I knew you weren't pulling some stunt or trying to screw us all over. You stuck around even at the cost of your standing."

I didn't think I had much of a 'standing' to begin with, so losing it to hang out with my friends was not a big deal. "And what about the other stuff?" I teased, trying to move on from talk of me. "Do you really shoplift from her dad's store or were you just trying to get under her skin?"

She looked at me and scoffed before swallowing the batch of fries she angrily stuffed in her mouth a few seconds before. "If there was anything worth stealing in that stupid store, I would, believe me. The whole damn place is so overpriced, anyway."

There were a few moments of silence as she focused her attention on her food and flicked a couple of burned fries onto the ground. "Stupid Daniel," she mumbled. "He was right about one thing though… I'm probably being extra bitchy because I'm on my period."

I gulped down the mouthful of Pepsi I had just taken in so hard that my throat burned in pain afterwards. "Did I really need to know that? I don't think I did."

She laughed and threw another bad fry my way. "Well, get used to it, buddy. No one said being my friend was easy."

We continued to talk and eat our lunch, laughing about ridiculous stuff and trying to steer clear of serious conversation. It was the oddest thing, but I felt like I bonded with her the best out of the four of the original group. Maybe it was because I had never really had a girl who was a friend without being a girlfriend or because our personalities complimented one another and didn't clash (which was surprising considering how we started out). Whatever the reason, it was a new and interesting experience for me.


	3. Beauty and the Beast

_Author's Note: This chapter goes off of and builds around the alternate ending to episode 1. I remembered reading it on the Freaks and Geeks website (a long, long time ago. Thanks to the archive website I found it again) and thought it would be perfect for this story. As the alternate ending goes, in addition to Millie and Lindsay, Kim Kelly was working the refreshment table at the dance as well, much to her dismay._

**Chapter 3 – "I'll be the beauty and you can be my beast…"**

* * *

The next day at school Nick dropped a bombshell in reveling that he and Lindsay were caught off school property during school hours by Mr. Rosso and she was being forced to work the refreshment table at tomorrow night's homecoming dance. The hippie guidance counselor had all but completely given up on Nick and decided not to even attempt placing a punishment on him.

While Ken, Daniel and I burst into laughter at their misfortune, Kim simply released a large sigh and buried her face in her hands for a moment when she found out. The four of us were hanging out under the stairs (which was the only place we would really frequent while inside school) when Kim burst into a repetitive verse of saying 'shit, shit, shit'.

"What the hell?" I questioned and shot a glance to Daniel, who looked to be just as confused as I was until an imaginary light bulb seemed to pop on above his head. Once it did, he grinned toothily.

"Is little miss Kim going to have to work the refreshment table with her favorite person ever?" he quipped.

"Bite me," she groaned while Nick, Ken and I continued to share dumbfounded expressions.

Earlier that day, Kim had gained the ire of Mr. Rosso when he caught her at the tail end of harassing a little geeky kid. As punishment, she was being forced to work the refreshment table at homecoming as well. We must have sounded like we were stoned out of our minds with the roar of laughter that followed Kim's confession.

"You all better show up," she demanded as our amusement subsided, "I'm not spending three hours alone with that brain. I've had a hard enough time trying to avoid running into her today."

"It's not like you had to put in much effort. Do you really think she's interested in being anywhere near you with how ya treated her yesterday?" Daniel sounded irritated, looking down at his hands and picking at a random finger.

Kim stared at him, a look of anger growing in her eyes.

"I have plans. Magic mushroom plans," Ken responded, still snickering a little.

"Yeah, me too," Nick quickly joined in. "I've got to, uh… practice my drums. For the whole night."

I looked over at Kim, knowing full-well it was my turn. "No excuse, just not going. Hate me all you want. Sorry."

"God! You guys all suck!" she whined, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. She looked up at her boyfriend with hope and sweetly said his name, "Daniel?"

He was still eyeing his hands. "You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it," he answered somewhat coldly.

She stood up in a hurry, appearing hurt by his statement. "Oh yeah? I'll remember that the next time you want to do anything in bed, Desario. How about that?" She stormed off without even the interest of waiting for a response.

Daniel pushed himself off the wall and strolled out of the alcove a moment later, seemingly as cool and collected as ever, looking in the direction Kim left but ultimately walking away in the other.

No one said a word, but Ken and Nick had a look about that read that this was not an uncommon event. My face must have been telling the tale of my bewilderment because Ken released another laugh and explained that Kim and Daniel held one of the most dysfunctional relationships since the beginning of time and they (usually) had weekly break up and make up sessions.

* * *

"So, you're really not going?" I asked Daniel the next day as we worked on his Trans Am. I knew as much about cars as he did about football. I mean, I knew how to keep 'em clean and tidy looking, but I didn't know jack about the insides. All it took was a slight show of interest and Daniel took on the role of a friendly father-figure mechanic like it was destiny. I learned more from him in a few days than I had from auto shop in a year. I had only been over to his house twice, but his mother was nice enough to me both times. I had not met his father during either of my visits and something told me I probably wouldn't. According to Ken and Nick, he had had some kind of accident and was pretty much bed-ridden. On the rare occasions when he did try to move without help, he would usually fall and hurt himself. Not that anyone could tell if it was a new injury or simply an aggravated old one, though, as the man was in constant pain regardless.

Daniel grunted, putting all of his strength into trying to unscrew a stuck lug nut. "Goin' where?"

We had just finished replacing his brakes and he had unintentionally demonstrated why it is imperative to ensure you are not trying to screw the nut back in at an angle, even a slight one.

"To homecoming tonight. Ya know, for Kim. Geez, you want me to give it a shot?"

He looked up to me, releasing his bear hug grip on the tire iron. "Yeah, by all means, give it your best."

Daniel grabbed a rag and began cleaning some of the oil and grit off his hands while I kneeled down to the tire.

"Anyway, to answer your question: No, I'm not goin'. Maybe spending some time with Lindsay will help Kim get along with her. Besides, she'd probably want to do something girly there anyway… like dance."

I released a small laugh, "Isn't that what people are supposed to do at dances? Dance?"

"Yeah, well, Desarios don't dance. Except at weddings… when we're really drunk."

A grin formed on my face as I shook my head at his response. From the sound of it, he wasn't even trying to say that with a straight face. With a little bit of effort, I cranked the iron and the lug nut popped out of its socket.

"Phew! I sure worked up a sweat doing that! I can see why it was giving you so much trouble." I was growing more and more comfortable ribbing my new friends. After all, it was an integral part of our dynamic.

"Yeah, yeah," Daniel conceded through his cheesy half-smile, "Just don't strip it when you put it back on, Superman."

* * *

I glanced over at the clock on top of my nightstand. 8:38.

It was 8:38 on a Saturday night and I was lying on my bed, bored out of my skull. At home. Alone. Even my parents were having more fun than I was while they enjoyed their weekly date night. Daniel and Nick drove off somewhere hours ago, Ken was very likely stoned beyond recognition by now and the only other two of the crew were at school, serving up refreshments to sweaty, pimple-faced hormone machines.

I let out a loud groan of displeasure, knowing there was no place to go but back to the hellhole, before bouncing myself off my bed and reaching for my jacket. Someone had to make sure those two were not pulling each other's hair out.

* * *

It took me a moment to spot the table, but as soon as I did it became quite obvious that Kim was royally pissed. She had the usual pose: Crossed arms, wicked scowl across her face and that damn look of death. She didn't even dress for the occasion. She was just wearing her regular clothes. Then again, so was I… but I hadn't exactly planned on being there. I made my way towards her, wondering when she would notice, but she seemed lost in some sort of trance. She was staring out into the crowd of our peers, just watching them. I was about to say something when a dorky-looking kid with glasses approached. He did me the favor of breaking her concentration.

"Can I have a cup of punch?" He pointed to the large bowl of orange-ish red liquid on the table in front of him.

Kim fixed her gaze on him from the opposite side of the table, not making a move for the ladle at all. "What, are your stupid arms broken?"

The kid quickly shook his head, poured himself a cup and dropped a quarter on the table before scampering off back to the wall he was resting on previously.

"I didn't know this was self-serve," I joked through a grin, feeling fairly certain that the storm had passed.

She turned suddenly, still appearing angry at first, but her look lightened when she realized it was me.

"I thought you were Mr. Rosso scolding me again for a second."

"I sound like Mr. Rosso?"

"I dunno! I wasn't really listening. It just sounded like someone didn't like how I handled that."

I looked around for a second. Next to Kim was Millie Kentner, Lindsay's highly religious friend who had tried to beckon her away from the patio a couple days ago, but that was it.

"Where's Lindsay?"

Kim scoffed and rolled her eyes. "The little princess went home. First she moped around, then she went out and danced with that Eli kid who broke his arm and then she started whining about how tired she was to Mr. Rosso, so he told her she could leave. She didn't even really do anything here! At least I sold, like, two-dollars worth of this horrible punch." Without even looking, she flicked the newly-gained quarter towards Millie, who raised her hands up and flinched as it bounced off her palm. The coin rolled back to us and fell over after hitting my shoe. I picked it up and nicely handed it over to Millie.

"Thanks," she muttered.

Kim punched my arm, finally wearing a smile. "I thought you guys weren't coming."

"They didn't. I did." _That actually stung a little. She's pretty tough._

"Oh." She sounded glum again, and it was obvious she was hoping Daniel would show. "Well, when this is done, we can go find them and you can watch me kick their asses."

* * *

All three of us leaned against the wall that was a few feet back from the table, watching couples dance and wallflowers stand around just as awkwardly as we were. Whenever someone came up for something, Millie would quickly cater to them. She was a nice girl, and she could be funny at times… she even made Kim laugh once. Mostly though, she would just close her eyes and dance by herself to whatever song was playing while Kim and I talked. Mr. Rosso passed by us a few times, but he never made a remark about me hanging out with the girls or the fact that Kim had stopped trying altogether.

"So, Lindsay danced with Eli. Who did you dance with?"

"I didn't," she snorted out with a laugh.

"Let me guess, Kellys don't dance either?"

"What?" She looked at me with an amused expression on her face. "I can dance… I just don't want to with anyone here."

It was then that someone announced the last dance over the PA system and _Lights_ by Journey started playing. I laughed as I thought of a perfect way to tease her.

"Share the last dance with me?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

She didn't even bother looking at me. "Oh you're funny."

"Come on. I could have stayed at home and left you here by your lonesome. You kinda owe me, I think. Besides, this could turn out to end like a fairy tale. I'll be the beauty, you can be my beast."

"You're such a shit!" Kim laughed and shoved me lightly.

I simply held out my hand to her. She released a big sigh before taking it, though she did a horrible job of hiding a smile.

She knew to clasp her hands around my neck and wasn't shocked when I placed mine on her hips. Perhaps this Kelly really did dance after all.

"Are you and Lindsay friends now?" I asked as our feet shuffled from side to side and Steve Perry serenaded about his 'ci-tay' in the background.

Kim crinkled up her face slightly. "No, but I can probably stand being around her now at least. Seems like she's not going anywhere."

"Truth be told, I kinda thought I'd hear tales of how you two clawed each other's eyes out when I got here."

Kim grinned and shook her head, "I can be mature, you know?"

* * *

We only continued to dance for another minute before I heard a familiar voice say my name from a short distance.

"Donovan?"

"Aww shit," I muttered under my breath, watching Vicki Appleby briskly make her way towards us. She actually looked really good in the deep v-neck dress she was wearing. It was quite… risqué.

Kim quickly dropped her arms from around my neck and placed her hands atop mine.

"Are you serious?" Vicki's fists were clenched tight and a scowl was spread across her face. She was all but literally fuming. "You flake out on me even though we planned to go together and now you're here with some…" She eyed Kim with a look of disbelief, "…some skank freak?!"

I felt Kim begin to move and I held her back in fear she would lunge at the head cheerleader for her insult.

"Excuse me?" she roared, pulling at my grip slightly but not with any true force.

Vicki ignored her, keeping her sights set on me.

"After the Addler thing I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I didn't flake out. Then, less than a week after I quit the team, you dumped me!"

Kim looked to me in a bit of shock. It would seem that the information of my former (and very short) relationship with Vicki was news to her. I couldn't tell if she was impressed or disgusted, but I was leaning towards disgusted. My suspicions were confirmed when she pushed my hands off her hips and moved a few steps away from me, like I was now diseased or something.

"So you would rather go to homecoming with that instead of me?" Vicki swung again with a putdown.

"Yes," I answered without thought, becoming rather irritated with her. Of course I would rather go to the dance with a friend over a girl who was obviously only with me because of the long-standing cliché that cheerleaders are _supposed_ to date jocks.

Kim quickly rebutted, "No!"

"I mean no… wait, what?" I glanced over to her.

_Did Kim just answer for me and I backtracked into it?_

Vicki squinted at us, confused by what just took place. "Are you high or something, Don?"

_Ugh. Fuck that nickname._

Now it was my turn to squint, looking back to Vicki. "No!" I replied back, sounding as astounded as I truly was.

Kim rebutted again, "Yes!"

"I mean yes… what?" Another quick head swivel and I was getting a bit dizzy.

_Goddamnit! What the hell? Why did I do that again?_

"Oh my God, this is ridiculous," Vicki breathed, rolling her eyes so hard I could've sworn she would see her brain… if there was one up there. "I shouldn't be surprised, though. You've been a complete mess ever since you gave up football."

I had no idea what to say. People thought I was a complete mess? Well that's interesting. Suddenly, both girls turned and walked away from me as if it was some sort of rehearsed synchronized ditching routine.

"What the hell?" I called, trotting after Kim. "I'm not high. Are you? What was that?"

She stopped and turned around, looking displeased once again. "Well I had to say something! Do you think I want that bitch starting up some horrible rumor about us? Daniel would kill you!"

_Daniel? The guy who was beat by a lug nut? That guy- killing me?_

My face must have been a canvas for my thoughts as Kim quickly protested again.

"Okay, he might not _kill_ you, but I don't want you guys fighting. You know she's a shit-stirrer!"

"We're just friends, Kim. It's not like she caught us making out or anything!"

I had no idea that dancing was so taboo.

Her face changed once again, like she had just reminded herself of something. "And, really, you and Vicki? I knew you were popular but, Jesus, I thought you at least had some class."

She turned back around and flung the gym doors open with so much force that they violently smacked against the wall. I guess we weren't going out to find the guys anymore.

I stood there for a minute in silence, trying to figure out which I truly understood less: cars or women.


	4. Tread carefully

_Author's Note: I would like to thank lydiathedinosaur for the wonderful and thoughtful reviews. They really put a smile on my face and encouraged me to continue on with posting this story here._

**Chapter 4 – Tread carefully**

* * *

Sunday. Homework crunch time. Unfortunately, it also seemed to be Homecoming fallout time as well. Throughout the entire day I kept receiving calls from friends and, more so, former teammates. Vicki had made quick work of spreading the news, apparently. Donovan Matsen was now addicted to pot and was so high at the dance he didn't even know how to talk right… or so I was told, at least. I wasn't sure who to be more pissed with: Vicki for being the predicable gossip girl she was or Kim for feeding the (as she would put it) shit-stirrer. If I was hearing about it this much in less than twenty-four hours, it would burn through the school population like a wildfire on Monday.

My dad was somewhat excited by all of the attention I had been getting again. I think he was under the assumption that my team was calling because I was going to get back into football, not because I was the subject of some juicy chatter. I didn't want to squelch his mood, but if he even thought about bringing the matter up, I would really have had no problem turning back into a disappointment for him. My mother was simply annoyed by the nonstop interruptions to her daily routine. When she started acting like that, behaving oddly or becoming irrationally angry at the drop of a hat, it truly worried me because I was never sure if she was just having a bad day or if she was getting sick again. For as long as she could remember, she had always had periods of time where she felt completely horrible, both physically and mentally. When it happened, she… well, she changed. It was kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There was really no other way I could think of to explain it. She simply wouldn't act like herself. She would become mean and spiteful, act irrationally and become altogether unpredictable. There was a strong physical reaction as well. Her whole body would swell, especially her arms and legs, and every movement was pure agony for her. She had been diagnosed with everything under the sun, and when her current doctor became frustrated with the lack of progress on whatever they thought she had, they would drop her. Each new doctor disregarded the previous one's conclusion and came up with one of their own. It was an endless cycle of nothing. Her most recent physician, Dr. Hudson, decided upon a radical prognosis and proclaimed my mother had Lupus. Actually, he said a long, medical name that I was incapable of remembering, but Lupus was the short term for it. It was complicated and, as far as I could tell, fairly mysterious to most medical professionals. He had put her on a new plethora of medication, but warned that until we truly knew what was wrong, it may not help matters much.

* * *

The beginning of the school week had, at long last, finally arrived. It's not like I was really looking forward to it, but better to get it out of the way than continue to dread the inevitable. I made my way out to the patio before the first bell of the day rang to see who I could spot. I quickly identified Daniel sitting at our normal spot on one of the metal benches, getting in a little nicotine fix before the school day started.

As I began to walk to him he lifted his head and nodded to me.

"I heard you caved and dropped by the dance to keep Kim company. Even shared a dance with her."

There was a moment of hesitation as I tried to read Daniel's face, but he was wearing that smile of his and the tone went right alongside it.

"That was pretty nice of you, man, pretty nice."

I felt a bit of relief wash over me. I never would have pegged Daniel as the jealous type, especially given his laid-back personality, but people did act differently when their significant other was the subject.

"So," he continued, throwing me a quick glance, "You danced with my girl, when do I get to dance with yours?"

I took his question literally and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant. I wasn't dating anyone. Was he talking about Vicki? That would be weird. No question. Besides, I thought he said Desarios don't dance.

"What?" I finally blurted out, sounding just as stumped as I actually was.

Daniel began to laugh. "Your car, ya lamebrain. When do I get to take the Challenger for a spin? You know I'm kind of in love with it, right?"

"Mine? Your Trans Am is an upgrade in every way possible."

"Nah. My car ain't exactly up to standards anymore. It still needs a lot of help; I just don't have the cash… yet. That Challenger is a beast to look at though, and I really want to see how fast it can go from zero to sixty."

He was right, it was a gorgeous car. That was part of the appeal of buying it in the first place, just how perfect it still looked after being out and about for all those years. It was undoubtedly the best use of my summer job money (I will never work in the restaurant industry again, though. I promised myself that), that's why I had no problem handing over almost all of it to my cousin when he gave a price to my inquiry. Then again, also knowing that he would never screw me over and sell me a lemon helped a great deal as well.

There was a moment of silence as I contemplated bringing up a question that had been floating around in my head ever since I first witnessed Daniel drive his car into the school parking lot. After taking a seat next to him, I finally decided just to go for it and asked, "How did you get that car anyway?"

It was a nosy question, and truly none of my business, but his Trans Am was a special tenth anniversary '79 model and it blew my mind how he could afford something like that when it was just two years old. Even though I didn't really know cars before Daniel took me under his wing, I certainly had a fascination with them that far predated my introduction to him.

He snubbed out his cigarette and laced his fingers behind his head, leaning back into the next tier of the metal benches. It looked as if it was uncomfortably poking into the small of his back, but a slight smirk appeared on his face.

"You know about Ace Auto up on 9th?"

I simply nodded. It was one of the slicker car dealerships in town. It wasn't overly large, but they always had nice-looking vehicles on display.

"Yeah, well, my brother used to be friends with the owner, whose name isn't Ace by the way. Long story short, I still talk to him from time to time and he showed me the Trans Am sitting behind his place, covered in a tarp and completely neglected. Apparently he was one of the first in line to buy it when they hit the market and the idiot treated it like crap. Rode it hard, never took it in for maintenance or check-ups, let it sit outside in the elements all year round. Only favor he ever did for that car besides sell it to me was wash it damn near religiously, but the moron would use regular old dish soap! That and the weather are why the poor thing looks so bleached out. Anyway, it stopped running and all the local mechanics, including his own, wanted to charge him an arm and a leg to fix it. Nobody wanted to buy it off him, neither, not til I came around. I pretty much got it for a steal, but I know he really just wanted to get rid of it."

Suddenly, we heard Ken and Nick bickering back and forth about something as they made their way to the patio.

"You're such a liar," Ken remarked.

Nick seemed somewhat stung and annoyed as he looked over at his friend. "No, I'm not, man. Look, just ask Daniel when we run into him. He was there, too. He heard the exact same thing I did."

Ken finally veered his head in our direction and pointed towards us. "Better yet, why don't we just ask the man himself?"

Daniel nudged my shoulder with his elbow, his face showing the earmarks of a smile his mouth was attempting to hide. "If they're talking about what I think they're talking about, you've got some explaining to do."

"Fellas," Ken greeted as he approached us. "So, Donovan… Nick tells me he heard something very interesting about you Saturday night. Is it true that you and Vicki Appleby were, uh… you know, doin' it before you started hanging out with degenerates like us?"

Forward and crass are two words I would easily affiliate with Ken, but even his directness with this was a bit shocking to me.

Nick quickly smacked his arm with the back of his hand. "That's not what I said at all. She told us they were going out!"

_I heard that. 'She' told us…_

"OW!" Ken grimaced and began to rub his arm. "Does it matter? What's the point in dating a hot cheerleader if you're not going to have sex?"

"And how many hot cheerleaders have you had sex with, Ken?" I was trying to divert the question and continue to push us far off course of the matter. Sometimes it worked…

He snorted, "Apparently not as many as you have. Come on, man, level with us here. This is something about you that might actually be interesting."

…this time it didn't.

Daniel was cracking up behind me and it must have been contagious because I found myself beginning to laugh as well.

"Okay, okay. Yes, Vicki and I dated for a little while. Less than two weeks, actually. We got together just before school started, but the majority of time we were together, I was obsessing with football and she was bossing around the other cheerleaders. We made out a few times, but that was it. No sex."

Well, that technically wasn't it. I had made it to second base several times while we made out, but Vicki was very reluctant to go any further. She said we should spend more time together and get to know one another better before we took things that far. The problem was that our 'relationship' was just for show as far as she was concerned. There were ample opportunities where we could have spent time together and got to know each other on a more personal level, but she was never interested and always made some excuse to not be with me. If we went to a party where we would be seen by a lot of friends, she was all over me, but if it was just going to be the two of us hanging out, she wasn't even interested. Remembering our short time together actually left a bad taste in my mouth.

Both Nick and Ken looked utterly disappointed at my answer.

"You could have at least lied to us, man. We wouldn't have known the difference and you would have come off as way cooler," Ken lamented.

"Who's to say that wasn't a lie?"

He stopped and thought about it before finally smirking, "Touché, my friend."

"…what the hell does 'touché' mean?" Nick asked as we all walked back into the school building.

* * *

The week seemed to fly by, thankfully. There were times when I wanted to nag Kim about how she was so eager to spill the beans when it came to Vicki and me, but she always seemed to be in a bad mood. Her and Daniel were still having their issues, it seemed. By the time Thursday rolled around, Kim had near-gleefully admitted that she 'dumped Daniel's loser ass!' and, in the process of continuing to antagonize Lindsay, she had unintentionally made the girl agree to throwing a keg party at her house the next night. It had been a little while since I last went to a kegger and this one would be a brand new experience as I could only imagine a select few of my former cronies would show up there.

* * *

An hour into the party and my expectations of 'new' and 'exciting' went swirling down the drain. Not that I should have been surprised, but it was pretty much just more of the same. Kids wanting to get drunk, have fun and maybe get into a little mischief. I spotted Kim on the couch and took a seat next to her. Millie had arrived at some point and was playing a song on the piano that Nick was singing along to with her. I think it was some Doobie Brothers song about Jesus (which was honestly funny in itself considering how religious and anti-drugs Millie was and the band had the word 'Doobie' in their name). Millie was kinda on key, but Nick was all over the place and simply butchering any resemblance their version had to the original.

"Hey," Kim said as I plopped down. She sounded approachable enough, but her attention seemed to be on the horror show in front of us.

"Hey. So, I don't know if you heard or not, but word around school is that I am a bonafied stoner. You should see the way Coach Fredricks looks at me now," I began to laugh.

When she turned to me with that sour look on her face, I could tell I had misjudged her mood.

"Did you really come over here just to give me crap about that? So I may have started a rumor about you smoking some pot. Big whoop. You'd have to take a drug test to go back to your precious little sport. Like you've ever done anything more than get drunk anyway."

A smirk crossed my face._ Ohhh, if only you knew…_

"Holy shit! No way!" she said, suddenly sitting up. She was staring at me rather intensely. I don't think I had ever run across anyone who could read my face so quickly... or accurately. It was a tad disturbing just how guarded I had to be around her.

"Is our Donovan really just a huge pothead or something?" she laughed.

My smirk grew wider and I figured that would be answer enough. I wouldn't classify myself as a pothead per se, but I certainly enjoyed a toke every now and then. I always figured that if worse came to worse and I did have to take a drug test, there were more than enough straight kids around the school who would donate a clean sample for my cause… especially with a little monetary encouragement.

* * *

Daniel had invited his cousin and a couple of his friends and I was actually taken aback when I saw them. He had told me they were older, but I wasn't expecting a group of thirty-year -old burnouts trotting along with another guy who was at least fifteen years older than them and showing more grey hairs than Quaker's got oats. The geriatric alcoholic even went as far as to try to pick a fight with Ken when the two bumped into one another. It was a bit sad, really. Was this what Daniel, Kim, Ken, Nick and I had to look forward to if we kept along the same path? Spending all of our time looking for teenage keggers to leech off of? Lindsay was too smart to walk into the same pitfall, but could the rest of us see far enough ahead to sidestep it?

"Hey, hey…" I nudged Ken, trying to break the concentrated stare he was giving the old man from across the room. Even though Daniel had quickly interjected himself between the two, Ken probably still wanted to knock the guy's block off. "Is it just me or does this beer really suck? I don't- I don't feel drunk at all!"

"That's because it's non-alcoholic," he replied back dryly, still not breaking his glare.

"It's what?" I looked at the liquid sloshing around the clear, plastic cup in my hand, as if this new-found information would somehow reveal itself to my blind eye. "How do you know?"

"Because I've had non-alcoholic beer before and this is exactly what it tasted like."

I was going to try to engage him more on the matter, but two girls walked by and we instantly turned into a pair of gawking jackals. One of them was a cheerleader or something, as I noticed her hanging out with Vicki quite a bit, but the other girl was a new piece of eye candy. The fact that she had a rather large bust was more than enough to catch our attention. I heard Ken utter 'Good God' and turned to see he was following her with his gaze. At least he was no longer worried about settling a score with some old guy.

I gave him a pat on the shoulder and took my leave from the Weir house, ready to call it a night and head home. It was an interesting evening, even if the lack of actual alcohol robbed me of at least a pleasant buzz. I took note of Nick standing outside, but he didn't even see me drift by as his eyes studied the dead leaf in his hand like it was one of the most interesting things he had ever discovered in his life. Someone else came out as I unlocked my car door and I heard Lindsay's disappointed voice float down the driveway.

"Daniel and Kim are makin' out on my bed."

_Jesus! Already? They spent more time breaking up than broken up._

I felt somewhat sorry for her as I started the engine and pulled onto the road. She obviously had some sort of attraction to Daniel and was hoping to take advantage of his sudden single status, but she moved too slowly for such a small window of opportunity. I had to wonder if that was the real reason why Kim was so venomous towards the newcomer.

* * *

I reached under my car seat as I slowly made my way home.

_Where is it?_

My fingers finally fumbled across the hard, bulky cartridge and I shakily grasped it between my index and middle fingers. I flipped it over in my hand and popped Marvin Gaye's _What's Going On_ album into my 8-track player (it was my only solo post-buy modification and I was quite pleased with myself for installing it. Then again, I simply memorized how I uninstalled it from the dud at the junkyard and worked backwards). The amount of ridicule I would receive if Kim, Daniel, Ken or Nick found out I enjoyed a bit of soul music would be out of this world, but hey, you are who you are.

_Mercy Mercy Me_ started playing and I couldn't help but start to tap along on the steering wheel and echo the musician's verses. Even though he was talking about the deterioration of the environment in the song, I could easily apply the '_things ain't what they used to be_' line to my current spot in life. When it was over, I spun it all the way to the end of the last program, just so I could listen to the very first track, the title of the album, and proceeded to once again tap away on and sing into the steering wheel. They were my two favorite tracks from that release and, while I could relate one to myself to a certain degree, I realized I could also hear the similarities between this song and how I now viewed the freaks. Before I hung out with them, there was no love or understanding between us. We judged each other based on looks and social standings, but when it came down to it, we had more in common than we would have ever given each other credit for beforehand.

"_Talk to me, so you can see, oh, what's going on_," I belted out blandly, continuing down the road.


	5. Masks

**Chapter 5 – Masks**

* * *

"Um, hey, what are you doing for Halloween?" I heard Nick ask Lindsay. The word that triggered me out of my mini-trance was 'Halloween'. Tomorrow was the day and I was actually feeling a little excited. If there was any 'holiday' I would claim for myself, Halloween would definitely be it. Decorations had been popping up in stores and around people's homes for the past week and, while some were pretty good and inspired, none could truly compare to what my folks and I had put up for display. I continued to listen to the two talk about plans for the next night.

"Oh, I have to hand out candy with my mom."

Nick let out a little laugh and Lindsay began to look embarrassed.

"I know, it… sounds really dorky. Um, she gets really into it."

In yet another display that she was not too fond of the newcomer, Kim interjected mockingly, "Oh, Lindsay, I don't think that sounds dorky at all." She was barely able to contain a laugh that bubbled over. Under normal circumstances, her joke would be considered friendly ribbing, but there was still bad blood between the two.

I expressed a little smile as Nick hastily jumped in to defend her and the conversation seemed to go off track slightly before Lindsay pulled it back in.

"What are you guys doing?"

"I'm gonna be hanging out with my folks at home, too. Handing out candy, psychologically scarring children for life… you know, the normal stuff," I answered.

"Oh my God! Two dorks!" Kim blurted out and I simply rolled my eyes at her, the smile still hovering on my lips.

"Halloween is more sacred than Christmas in the Matsen household I'll have you know, missy. We enjoy our scary shit."

Daniel spoke up, sitting sideways and holding Kim between his arms. The two seemed very couple-like today. It was actually a bit weird to see them _so_ all over each other. I was used to them taking advantage of a captive audience for their make-out sessions, but even this was a little more tacky than usual. "Well, Kim, Nick and I are going out, borrowin' my uncle's big-ass caddy, and… thought maybe you'd like to come with us."

I figured he had to be talking to Lindsay, as Daniel and I had already set up plans for them to drop by and pick me up later on in the evening.

After what seemed to be a small inner-struggle, Linds declined the offer of a Halloween outing, the bell rang and we all dispersed.

* * *

Prepping for Halloween was actually a bit of a task for our house. We didn't just want to be another home dressed for the day on our street, we wanted to be _the_ house everyone stopped and awed at. This year we decided to go with a graveyard theme for the yard and to try to make the house look like a moss &amp; vine covered mausoleum from the outside. We had two maple trees in the front yard that had shed all but a few leaves and they were actually a little spooky when we spread the fallen debris all over the yard and placed our make-shift tombstones everywhere. They were made out of those thick Styrofoam sheets all the stores just threw away. We painted them with a few shades of gray spray-paint and put silly names like 'Ima Gonner' and 'Pearl E. Gates' on them. We even went as far as to create our own little fog machines (which were really just a small aluminum plate with the top half of a two-liter pop bottle taped to it. Mix some pure glycerin and distilled water and pour some onto the plate, put a candle underneath and within a few minutes you will have a nice pillar of fog billowing out) and disguised them to look like lanterns that were spread throughout our cemetery. Add a few tea lights next to some of the headstones and we had some pretty creepy scenery.

We all dressed up as well. My parents went with a tried and true duo-costume of Frankenstein's monster and his bride. Even though I had seen them don the outfits for a few Halloweens, I must admit that they did look good as the couple. My mother's hair, which was very long and curly, stood up rather well with the help of an entire can of hairspray. She highlighted the sides of her hair with some sort of temporary spray-on white color. The monster headpiece my dad wore was a little worse for wear, but he had had it for years. The flaps showed awkwardly around his forehead from up close, but far away it looked quite impressive. My mom would spend a good hour applying the green makeup and making sure the stitched-scars looked as real as she could make them.

When I was younger, I used to love being a skeleton every year. As I grew and my body filled out with muscle, though, being a beefy skeleton just didn't hold the same appeal. I had watched _Halloween_ last year and Michael Myers scared the living crap out of me. It became a slight obsession to try to put together a costume that looked just like his this year. It was only a three piece outfit, but the mask was damn-near impossible to find. All the ones in our local stores were too big and didn't really look anything like the one in the movie. I had to go to three different towns before I finally found one that was as close to perfect as my small budget could afford. I found an old, navy blue coverall at a thrift shop and used a pair of my dad's boots. Slap them all together and voila: scary, psycho killer ready to hand out candy to the kids.

* * *

The crew didn't drop by until a little after 7:30 at night. I heard them laughing and talking as they walked up the driveway, it sounded like they were enjoying all the effort we put into our decorations. They knocked on the door and rang the bell simultaneously as I took in a deep breath, grinned and pulled my mask back on. I imagined they were expecting some sort of cheap scare, but still hoped to pull it off nonetheless.

I ripped the door open as fast and violently as I could, acting as if I was going to rush them and releasing some sort of weird, guttural roar that even I didn't know I could make before that moment.

Everybody's eyes widened. Daniel yelled "Jesus!" and Nick even turned around and began to bolt down the driveway. Both Kim and Ken screamed.

Ken, of all people, screamed.

I burst into a wild fit of laughter that I literally couldn't control. I ran out of breath and was desperately gasping more in to expel in amusement. Falling to a knee, I must have sounded and looked just as crazy as I felt.

When they realized it was me, they all broke into laughter as well.

"Congratulations on being a big kid, Donovan," Daniel smirked as I welcomed them into my house.

Kim roughed up my Myers mask hair and passed with a smile along with Nick while Ken gave me a sturdy punch to the arm, citing, "If you tell anyone about that scream, you're a dead man. That actually goes for all of you!"

My parents, who were busy getting ready to attend the Maxwell family's annual Halloween Monster Mash party, greeted us as we entered the living room and I did a quick round of introductions and who's who.

I watched as my friends studied my mother and father, trying to decide which features I got from each. It was quite obvious though, or at least it was to me. A lot of my strong facial features came from my mother, surprisingly. Nice, chiseled cheeks, big, daring brown eyes, a very symmetrical nose and my lips had the same slight fullness to them that hers did. There was a tiny dimple in my chin that I hated (thanks, dad), but the pathetic amount of hair I could grow there was too patchy to hide it just yet (thanks again, dad). Better to just shave regularly and wait for it to fill out. My body was entirely from my father. He was built like a football player, too, but I had outgrown him by a full inch over the past year and, with any luck, I would get another inch or two before it stopped. The only two features I would say were an even mix of my parents were my skin color and my hair. I was the product of mixed-race parents. With my mother being African-American and my father Caucasian, I came out with a skin-tone that looked like I had a really good year-round tan. And my hair? Well, I had short, black, wavy curls. It wasn't as coiled as my mother's, or as straight as my father's… just somewhere in the middle.

"You make a really pretty bride of, uh, Frankenstein, Mrs. Matsen," Kim complimented as we all prepared to leave. The night wasn't exactly young anymore, but we certainly were, and knew there was more trouble to be had.

My mother smiled to her, "Well thank you, dear. You kids have fun tonight."

"But not too much fun," my dad chimed in with a laugh.

Ah, parents. Even when they try to be cute, they're embarrassing.

* * *

I had missed a grand spectacle of Lindsay Weir, upstanding student and do-gooder, destroying pumpkins, smashing mailboxes and (unintentionally) egging her own kid brother earlier in the day. Kim found some sort of extreme guilty pleasure in that last bit from the sound of her voice. With the exception of the destruction of a few more jack-o-lanterns and pillaging entire bowls of candy from houses whose owners were not keen to answer the door, the night consisted of a lot of back and forth joking around.

"Hey, Donovan, what time is it?"

I saw Daniel looking back at me through the rearview mirror. Nick, Ken and I must have looked like a tightly packed case of sardines as we all tried to squeeze into the back seat. Glancing at my watch quickly (I seemed to be the only one who wore one), I told him it was about a quarter to ten.

"Lindsay mentioned something about that new _Friday the 13__th_ movie playing again today. Maybe we could all go check that out before we call it a night," he said, granting a crooked smile to Kim. She was opposed to the idea before apparently, but since there really wasn't much else to do she apathetically went along with it.

* * *

The plan was for one of us to buy a ticket and let the others in through the back door of the theater and of course it would be my luck to draw the short straw among us. I was feeling a little goofy and still wanted to enjoy the last bit of Halloween there was left, so I put on the Myers mask as I entered the theater and asked the usher for one ticket to the movie. One of the many nice things about my height and size was that most people assumed I was the appropriate age for whatever I was trying to do. Except bars. They always carded.

The man at the ticket booth laughed when he looked up at me and said anyone who was that big a fan of the horror genre deserved one on the house and let me through. There was a fleeting moment when I felt bad for taking advantage of his generosity basically five times over as I let my friends in, but you only get to be young and rebellious for a little while.

I sat directly in the middle of our five seat line, with Kim and Nick on either side of me. As the movie began, I found myself pondering if this new slasher would be as good as my currently mimicked favorite.

After only about thirty minutes in, I felt Kim tapping on my arm. I looked over, noticing she was holding Daniel's hand with her other and was motioning with her free hand for mine. A slight snicker escaped my lips as I gave in.

_Kim Kelly, the toughest of tough girls, scared by a horror movie? Oh this is good, this is gre- Ow!_

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head and I breathed in sharply through my nose as she squeezed the life out of my hand during a scary music cue.

_Serves me right, I guess._

* * *

A few weeks later things had changed in our circle quite significantly. Somewhere along the way something had happened between Kim and Lindsay and they were actually becoming friends. I couldn't believe it when I first saw it, but the two had finally clicked. I assume it was tied closely with another event, one that I actually wasn't too happy to witness.

Kim had been hanging around regularly with Karen Scarfolli throughout Thursday, trying to make the bitchy girl feel better because her boyfriend dumped her for cheating on him (shocker). Basically that meant I spent a lot of time with the guys that day or simply disappeared whenever Karen was around… she seemed to show up everywhere, though! I couldn't even escape her at the park when Daniel, Nick and I decided to shoot some hoops after school (our former basketball superstar was dominating us, but that is beside the point). That was when it happened – Daniel and Karen started flirting with each other and I watched his mask of loyalty begin to slip.

Now, I'm not claiming to be the best boyfriend ever. I've made my mistakes in relationships and occasionally had a wandering eye, but I certainly never started stroking another girl's cheek or let her suggestively suck on my thumb while I was with someone else.

It looked like he was about a split-second away from kissing her when Kim's rusty Gremlin came roaring across the grass like there were crosshairs on all of us. Nick and I barely made it out of the way as she barreled through the basketball court area. She was screaming, "You are dead! You are SO dead! Do you hear me?! You are dead! Both of you are dead!" and her pitch grew higher and higher with each word. I assumed (hoped) that she was referring to Daniel and Karen in her screech.

I still don't know how, but Daniel explained his way out of it later on in the evening. The whole thing kind of tarnished my image of him a little. Unlike a lot of other jocks, I did not think infidelity was no big deal and, for whatever reason, I expected better of my new friends. As far as I was concerned, the only real positive that came out of the whole thing was that I would likely never have to see or try to avoid hanging out with Karen ever again. Well, that and Kim &amp; Linds' newfound bond.

Speaking of Weir, there was also an incident where Daniel had somehow conned Lindsay into helping him with his math. At first I think she was under the assumption that she was going to tutor him and he was going to learn, but it soon twisted into something where she handed him all the answers he needed to ace a math test. Anyone could have told them that going that far would throw up a big red flag, but what was done was done and sure enough they did end up getting caught. In the same way Daniel's interaction with Karen Scarfolli opened my eyes a little more to him, I think Lindsay began to realize that Daniel knew how to play upon people emotions and manipulate them to justify his own ends. He wasn't exactly doing it to be malicious or difficult; it was just a way he handled situations where he felt there was no easy out. Daniel told some sob story that nearly got them out of it, but he had used the same tactic on Lindsay just hours before and that was when she connected the dots and began to laugh hysterically, ruining any groundwork he had laid down. I wish I could have been there for that, I really do, 'cause the way both of them tell it, it just sounded absolutely hilarious.


	6. Unwanted Feedback

_Author's Note: Shortest chapter yet this time around, but the next is gearing up to be the longest (Honestly, I may split it in two if it gets much longer. Then it'll just be a double-treat that day :p)_

_So much for my warning of 'one chapter a month' when I first started, huh? I'm just having too much fun with this!_

_Also, I just read through **Wooden Ships **by hippiecrack and I almost chocked on my drink when I read her main character's surname was the same as Donovan's! Total coincidence on my end, but hilarious nonetheless._

**Chapter 6 – Unwanted Feedback**

* * *

"Hey, Donovan," Kim whispered, kicking at my shoe as I sat and innately tapped my pencil to the desk in study hall. I peered up at her, meeting her eyes with mine. She was glowing and looked as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. It was an expression she made when she said something really snarky that got a lot of laughs or when she knew some sort of secret she just couldn't hold to herself… or when, on that rare occasion, something put her in a good mood. Honestly, it was a lovable look on her and one I wished she displayed more often.

I was trying to memorize facts from our textbook for my history test next period. "What's up?"

She leaned in a bit closer, as if the walls had ears and this was some hush-hush info we were about to dive into. "You have a fake ID, right?"

I nodded. It wasn't exactly a well-kept secret that almost the entire football team had banded together and got fake IDs, so I assumed she had heard through word of mouth.

"Good," she grinned, "'cause we're all going to The Rusty Nail tomorrow night to listen to a new band called Feedback."

I groaned in disinterest and looked back down at my textbook. Most bar bands sucked… big time. Hell, I usually drank more just so I wouldn't have to remember them the next day. "Mr. Rosso sounds better than most of those bands, Kim, and that's saying something."

She cringed slightly, undoubtedly recalling our little 'intervention' with the guidance counselor earlier in the day when he sang to us. I'm still not entirely sure what that was all about. All six of us were called into his office first thing in the morning after school started. He began his little speech by telling us there were two ways we could look at anything in life: Either with positivity or negativity. Apparently he was concerned we were looking at all of life through a negative aspect because we simply didn't fit in with the norm anymore (or at least his version of it) and wanted us all to consider talking to him individually about stuff going on in our lives, changes to us both physically and mentally or just anything that we may be struggling with and needed guidance on. It felt like a weak attempt at a fishing expedition, but I had no idea what he was hoping to find.

"Then again, it could be worse, I guess. The band playing could be 'Creation' or something," I teased.

We both broke into a wild fit of laughter that we had to quickly reign in. Daniel, Ken and Nick (as well as another friend of theirs, Sean, who I never hung out with) were all together in a band, Creation, and they were… well, they were just bad. I think they all knew it too, aside from Nick, and they just wanted to have fun. I appreciated the fact that they could all play their instruments with some precision, but they were a long way off from being bearable. I had gone to one of their 'practice' sessions weeks ago and I vaguely recalled praying for my eardrums to momentarily flat-line. I was sitting on the couch in Nick's basement, in-between Lindsay and Kim, and the cringe on my face must've been quite apparent. Blondie stopped her head-banging, thrashing movements of appreciation and elbowed me (not-so-gently) in the side, whispering 'at least _look_ like you're enjoying this, Matsen, okay? They may suck, but they're having fun!'

I peered over at Lindsay for reassurance that a fake-happy was the right reaction, but she looked as mortified as I was. It was my first attendance… and my last. Following the status quo with our group, drama soon followed when Lindsay tried her best to encourage the band to actually try instead of just fool around since it was truly important to Nick. This, of course, was met with criticism, melodrama, pointed fingers, angry exchanges and a whole other collective of turmoil. The band fought, the band broke up, the band blamed Lindsay and finally the band got back together to continue to suck and not really strive for anything. During the whole process though, Nick and Lindsay kinda, sorta hooked up and made-out… or so the in-rumor went at least.

"Oh, come on!" Kim badgered and shoved my shoulder. "Even if the band sucks, it'll still be fun! Besides…" she trailed off, and I could tell she was just waiting for me to look at her again. Begrudgingly, I lifted my gaze back up into her light blue eyes. I felt like some sort of subservient being that just didn't know how to say no.

"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before. Even at Lindsay's party you seemed totally fine."

_Guess someone didn't tell her about the beer._

I had gotten quite wasted with the guys a few times, but she was right, I had never been drunk in front of her before. Odd how that worked out.

Kim was excited to go to the bar because it was, as she put it, Nick and Lindsay's 'first real date'.

"Wait, what?" I looked at her awkwardly. "I thought Linds told you they weren't dating."

She snorted out a laugh and rolled her eyes, "Well, she's not gonna admit it! You can totally tell, though. She denies anything is going on between them, but whenever she talks about it she is wearing a smile that says otherwise."

All of the sudden Ken and I were the odd men out in the group. How the hell did that happen? I definitely needed to get in touch with my Casanova side again.

Mr. Bherdalla finally had enough of our conversation, calling out, "Hey, talkie twins, this is study hall, okay? Unless you're taking a linguistics class, keep quiet and focus on your school work."

Kim and I shared an 'oops' look and scoffed before doing as we were told.

* * *

While Kim and I had our fake IDs at the ready (hers was actually her cousin's old driver's license), the rest of the group had to go though a few trials and tribulations to get their beer-drinking permits. They first tried to obtain them from a local provider, but I could have told them that Howie Gelfand would disappoint. The guy couldn't get good fakes if his life depended on it… which it might someday if he tried to stay in that shady business. Lindsay knew a 'friend of a friend' or something like that who also dabbled in the fake ID business and, while Ken kept his crappy Gelfand ID, Nick, Daniel and Linds decided to give this other guy a try. I never really got the full story of how it all went down, but by the time Friday night arrived, we were all prepped to 'legally' get drunk.

Upon our arrival at the Nail, while we were all prepping our nerves and getting ready to brandish our fake IDs with a confidence only found in those who knew they were not doing anything wrong. I was surprised by how casual Kim was with the bouncers at the door and it made me wonder just how often she had dropped by the establishment before. She was the only one of the six of us who just strolled right in. Well, Lindsay could have too, but she seemed a bit disheartened by the fact that Jimmy, the bouncer, didn't even want to check her ID.

"What it is, what it is, my brother," Jimmy began as I approached the entrance. "Gonna need to see some ID."

I held out the square card for him to examine and he smiled and waved me through, giving me a single pat on the back as I passed. That was one of the interesting things about running into another black person. Somehow, they just knew that I was, in part, one of them. Because of my lighter skin tone, most people assumed I was Hispanic… one guy even thought I was Italian, but whenever I ran into another brother, it was just immediate recognition. It was comforting to a degree, because it was as if an instant bond was generated from out of nowhere and you were just like 'hey, this guy knows what the deal is'. Sometimes it was a nod, sometimes it was a greeting, but there was always some sort of friendly notice.

* * *

Ken, Daniel, Kim and I sat at one of the open tables and let Lindsay and Nick have one all to themselves. As we heard the band get started, we all got excited and started clapping and cheering. They began playing the first song and I had an odd feeling of déjà vu.

_Is this… is this… _I tried to remember the name of the song we heard the day before from the counselor, but my memory was running a blank. Nobody else seemed to make a connection, but once the lights came on over the band, we all recognized Feedback's lead singer: Mr. Jeff Rosso.

Now, along with the déjà vu, there was a sinking feeling in the pit f my stomach. We all stared at the school faculty member in disbelief, just waiting for him to stop singing at any moment and call the bouncers on us. This was our kind of luck and it only had one name: Bad.

Unexpectedly, he seemed to not even notice us. They played through the song and then another and another before our beverages finally arrived. We had all settled back into our comfort zone by that point, certain that the danger had passed and we were going to pull one over right in front of the hippie.

"Alright, alright," Mr. Rosso began, taking a quick breather, "Hey everybody! I have got a great group of hard-workin' rockers behind me right here and I'd like to introduce them all to ya, but first we have some special guests in the audience I'd like to introduce."

He locked his eyes dead-center on us and even though his voice was still as friendly as ever, his glare was telling a different story,

_Oh no. Not now… it's beer time…_

"All the way from McKinley High school…" Rosso continued and I knew we were screwed.

Our IDs were confiscated and we had to sit through yet another, albeit short, lecture from Mr. Rosso. It was better than the alternative of him calling the cops on us, though. We all left the bar immediately after that.

"I can't believe this shit!" Kim hissed. Her outrage was understandable, as her ID was the only one out of the bunch that wasn't entirely fake.

Lindsay, always the optimist, looked like she was trying to come up with something to do now. "Hey, maybe we could-"

"Just take me home, Daniel. God, this night sucks," Kim rashly interrupted. She had clearly had enough for the evening.

* * *

Our outing simply disbanded after that outburst and I sat in my car for a moment, trying to convince myself that what I was contemplating doing was completely idiotic and tricky. With a sigh, I opened my car door and stepped outside again. Jimmy watched me approach the bar once again and started shaking his head.

"I heard about you and your friends'… unfortunate luck. Sorry, but I can't let you back in."

Now it was my turn to shake my head, "I don't want to go back in, but I was hoping you would help me with something."

He didn't ask what it was because he probably knew it was going to be a bad request anyway. I held a twenty dollar bill in my shaky hand and offered it to him.

"Is there any way you can go in there and snag our IDs back?"

Jimmy released a short, sarcastic laugh and rolled his eyes. "No. No, no, no, no, no."

"My friend spent, like, three-hundred dollars getting those, man."

"Do I look like I care? I see this kind of thing happen every week. Consider it a life lesson learned and walk away."

"Come on, brotha, please," I pleaded. I actually had no problem with appearing to beg for help… I was doing this for my friends. "Twenty bucks for twenty seconds of your time. They're not even going to notice the IDs are gone anyway."

Jimmy moved his lower jaw from side to side a few times, looking to the side and giving me hope he was actually considering what I had asked. A moment later he sighed loudly and snatched the money from my hand before disappearing into the bar. It took him a little longer than twenty seconds (more like two minutes), but when he reemerged he was holding one hand in his jacket pocket. He pulled me over to the side and discretely handed over the batch of plastic cards.

"Don't ever let me catch you trying to use these here again or I will burn them right in front of your ass. You understand me?"

I smiled and shoved them into my back pocket. "Perfectly."

"Stay outta trouble, brother."

"You too, man, you too."

I strolled back to my car with a certain pep to my step, happy to be the unsung hero of the night.


	7. No good deed… (Part 1)

_Author's Note: This was going to be a loooong chapter at first (5700+ words), but I decided to break it in half to keep somewhat in line with the others._

**Chapter 7 – No good deed… (Part 1)**

* * *

Just how boring was my life at this current point in time? Well, it was so boring that I chose to drive around to my friends' houses on a Saturday to hand deliver their fake IDs back to them instead of waiting until Monday like any sane person would. First I went to Nick's and almost had my heart explode out of my chest when his dad told me his son was on 'probation' and couldn't have any guests at the time, but insisted that he could give Nick whatever it was I wanted him to have. There was no way in hell I was going to just hand Mr. Andopolis an ID that stated his son was twenty-three years old, but my God, the man had a military temperament about him that made you feel like he knew exactly what you were up to and he could snap your neck with his mind. 'Intimidated' does not even begin to explain how I felt around him.

I stopped by Daniel's place next and caught him just as he was getting ready to leave. He seemed less enthusiastic than I assumed he would be to get his ID back, but it was quite obvious that something was preoccupying his attention. It likely had to do with his father, as his mother always had her son running errands for her so she wouldn't have to leave her husband alone at home.

"Thanks, man. I would stay and do something with ya, but… I kinda got stuff I need to do. Maybe someday soon we'll be able to put these to good use again though."

"No problem, Daniel," I smiled, but then I suddenly realized that I actually had no idea where anyone else in our group lived (I couldn't even remember how to get to Lindsay's house), so I tried to pawn Kim's card off on him to give to her, but he was losing his patience by that point and told me to just give it to her myself.

"2413 West Alumni Avenue or something! Just look for her car!" Daniel yelled, his roaring voice barely noticeable over the deafening sound of his engine as he revved away in his Trans Am.

* * *

Alumni Avenue was actually only a few blocks away… I had just always avoided the area because it was one of the more rundown parts of town. My 'hero' role was not panning out as I had hoped it would so far and I was just going to call it quits if I met the same reaction from Kim… which I was fully expecting.

As I pulled into the driveway and parked behind Kim's Gremlin, I soaked in the sights in front of me. Half of the yard was just gone… nothing but dirt. The other half had piles of 2x4s all over the place as well as a random, old water heater. An oven that had seen better days and a few rolled up rugs flanked either side of the front entrance. It was an unclassifiable mess and yet it somehow looked nicer than Daniel's yard, which was practically hidden beneath rusted junk.

I hesitantly opened the screen door, which was just barely hanging on by a single hinge, and knocked on the front door. I had heard tales of just how 'psycho' Kim's parents were… well, her mother and her stepfather. She was very insistent that she was in no way, shape or form directly related to the 'slime' married to her mother.

'Whose at the damn door?!' I heard a male voice yell from inside and part of me, a very large part, was not looking forward to either adult answering my call for attention. To my relief, it was Kim who responded to my knocking. She smiled when she saw me, but something was off. Her eyes were red and puffy, not as if she had been smoking, but like she had been crying and she seemed a little shaky. Upon further inspection, her right cheek looked swollen and sore.

"Hey. What are you doin' here?" she asked through a voice that sounded just as unsteady as she appeared.

Reaching into my pocket, I replied, "I, uh, I got something for you."

She cocked her head to the side and quickly wiped away a tear that began rolling down her cheek. It was, in a word, heartbreaking. I didn't know what was wrong and I had even less idea of what to do.

"I managed to get these back last night after everyone scattered." I handed her back her cousin's old license. "I figured my beer fund better go towards some good cause since none of us were gonna get drunk."

Kim released a single laugh and covered her mouth as she took the card with her other hand. She seemed to be beaming just to get it back and hastily shoved it into the front pocket of her jeans before looking back up at me. "Thanks, Donovan. I-I really appreciate it."

We stood there in a vexing silence for a moment before I piped up again. "Is everything okay, Kim? You seem… I dunno."

She looked down to the ground and spoke in a voice that lost all of its Kim-ness. "Yeah, no, everything is… everything is…" There was a slight shuffle of her feet before she peered back up at me and continued, "Donovan, would you mind staying here for a little while?"

Something was definitely wrong and I replied 'sure' without a second thought. As I stepped into the house I realized that I was walking into the gutted remains of a home. Some walls were finished, some had sheets of plastic over them, waiting for drywall, and others were nothing more than skeletal 2x4 frames with wires crossing through them like the tattered remains of an old cobweb.

"Who the hell is this? One of your other boyfriends?" the same voice from earlier bellowed out and a man staggered into the living room, barely able to balance himself.

Kim didn't look at him when replying and again set her sights downward, which lead me to believe that he was her stepfather and also the problem she was dealing with today. "This is my friend. Donovan."

I cleared my throat, "Nice to meet you… sir." I might have grimaced when I said that last word, I wasn't entirely sure, but it just felt… painful to say. I didn't even know the man and I could already sense he was not deserving of any respect.

"Save-" The man let out with a loud, wet burp and blew it out like some pleasant aroma. "Save it. If you're a friend of hers then you're prol- prol-… you're a bum. Get out of my house!"

Kim shot her head up, a look of terror in her eyes. I had never seen her act so browbeaten… and I never wanted to again. She began to protest. "No, he's-"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he yelled to me again, overriding her without concern.

A scrawny woman suddenly scampered into the room. "Jesus, Rob, keep it down. Chip is trying to sleep. Why are you yelling?"

Rob pointed at me with a hand holding a bottle of beer. The contents inside sloshed around violently, some even spitting out of the top and spilling onto the shag carpet beneath. "This little funk… I mean punk. You're daughta brought annudah punk to MY house!"

"OUR house," the woman corrected, "and she's allowed to have friends over… so long as she isn't LYING to us about them." She shot an accusatory look to Kim when finishing her sentence.

"I told you I didn't lie about everything I said about Lindsay. She IS smart and she IS my friend!"

I stood in awe of the dysfunction playing out in front of me. Was this what Kim's normal home-life was like? No wonder she lashed out at others so often without hesitation or remorse. She needed an outlet from being her parents' outlet and anyone who crossed her path at school, be it student or teacher, would be a sufficient target.

"And what about him? Does he live in Benton Harbor in a vacation home, too?" the woman sneered.

"No! I- He-" Kim was stumbling for words.

I looked over to her and realized she was trying to choke back tears and stand up to her two bullying parental figures at the same time.

"I'm Donovan, a friend of your daughter. I live across town and dropped by to see if I could hang out with her for a while. I used to be a football player at McKinley until earlier this year… after I put a kid in a coma." I was looking at Rob when I admitted my reason for quitting sports, hoping he would get the point I was trying to make in an otherwise random and overly informative statement.

The woman seemed somewhat taken aback by my confession and huffed, "Nice 'friend' you've got here, Kim."

Rob stared at us for a moment before taking another swig of his beer. "Yeah, well keep it down. One kid's sleepin' and we're going ta watch _The $50,000 Pyramid_ marathon." He had dropped his offensive tone and lazily flopped onto the couch. My idle threat had no impact. "And don't think you're goin' nowhere neither, girly. I still got your car keys. You're lucky we don't sell that thing."

The woman, Kim's mother I assumed, joined him a moment later without saying another word.

Again I looked over at Kim and she was peering at the couple with a look of hatred in her teary eyes. I was waiting for her to scream or start yelling profanities or simply just go crazy on them… but she didn't. Instead, she stomped off past them and down the hall. I wasn't entirely sure if I was actually given the okay to stay or not, but I really didn't care. All I wanted to do was make sure my friend was okay.

* * *

She had stormed into a room that merely had a shower curtain in place of a door. Soft sounds of sobbing flowed out as I got closer and I felt all at once lost, completely uncertain of how to console her. I still had my awkward guy moments where dealing with emotions was uncharted territory and this was now certainly one of them.

Timidly, I knocked on the chipped moulding around the curtain. "Kim… are you… can I…" I winced with irritation. Are you what? Can I what? I had no idea what to say.

The crying abruptly stopped and the sound of the faucet running could be heard. Was this the bathroom? It must have been. I listened to Dick Clark make small talk with the contestants of the show while waiting for… whatever the hell I was waiting for.

A minute later she shut the tap off and finally lightly called out, "Donovan, are you still out there? You can- you can come in."

"Ummm…" I replied to the perplexing invitation.

I heard her chuckle at my response. "I'm not using the bathroom or anything. There's just nowhere else to go in this stupid house. We know who's out in the living room, which is right next to the open kitchen, my brother is sleeping in my room and there's no way I'm going in their bedroom. So, please, just come in here."

I pulled the thin sheet of plastic aside and walked in, a pained look spread across my face as I still, for whatever reason, anticipated seeing something I wasn't supposed to. Kim was sitting on the toilet, though not indecently, but simply because it was one of the only surface areas to sit on in the cramped, unfinished room.

"See? Everything's fine, you big baby," she greeted, sniffling a little. There was a damp washcloth in her hands and it looked as if she was attempting to conceal the fact that she had cried by irritating the rest of her face with the harsh fabric. She looked over at the sink in disdain and sighed out, "Except that Goddamn clog."

I peered over my shoulder into the hand basin and saw that it was indeed quite full and draining at an incredibly slow pace. A short survey of the fixture and I could see it had a pop-up plug. A smile crossed my face as I remembered an unfortunate mishap of curiosity I created as a child.

"I think I can actually help you with that," I laughed.

"Oh, what? Now you're a plumber, too?" she mocked.

I told her the tale of how, as a child, I would roam the house with a screwdriver in hand and methodically loosen and retighten every little bolt I could find and reach. I eventually moved on to taking other things apart and putting them back together, but that did not always turn out for the best. Sometimes I would put them back together wrong and, occasionally, I would lose interest altogether and not even bother trying. That was the case with our bathroom sink during my adventure in 'what's-this-do?' land. I had somehow managed to take apart a good portion of the pop-up plug while under the sink and, upon the realization that I simply wasn't strong enough to put it all back together, I went to my bedroom and started playing with my plastic dinosaurs. An hour later when my father went to use the bathroom, he nearly jumped out of his slippers when water began gushing out from the cabinet drawers as he washed his hands.

As Kim's laughter generated from my inspiring story of handyman-ness subsided, she looked at me with a hint of curiosity in her eyes. "Do you really think you can fix it?"

I put on the best show of confidence and cockiness I could, eyeing the washbowl again to make sure it had emptied. "Pffft! Of course! …maybe."

The nice thing about the kind of drain stopper the sink had was that you really didn't need any tools to dismantle or reassemble it, and once you removed it, you had open access to the pipe.

"Oh God," she shook her head and buried her face in her palm, but not before I caught a glimpse of her smile.

I opened the doors below the sink and began to clean out the clutter stored within. "Just get me a metal clothes hanger that I can ruin, Blondie."

* * *

Less than ten minutes later I was fishing the long, flimsy length of wire down the drain. The gunk-covered pop-up part of the sink drain lay next to the sink, garnering looks of repugnance from Kim every few seconds.

"If that's grossing you out," I began to warn, lightly pulling up the wire with my catch on the other end, "you probably don't want to look at what I'm about to haul out of this hole."

She shook her head in defiance. "No, I'll be fin- oh my God! That's disgusting!"

I tugged a clump of muck the length of a snake from the drain. It left a trail of blackish-green slime as it dragged against the porcelain surface of the sink.

"What the hell is that?" Her face was still contorted into a look of revulsion.

"Do you, uh, happen to wash that pretty, long blonde hair of yours in this sink?"

"Sometimes, yeah."

At that moment I could almost see the correlation come to fruition in her head.

"Wait, are you trying to say all of _that_ is _my_ hair? My mom does the same thing, y'know?"

I winked at her and began to crack up. "Then I guess you're both to blame, huh?"

"How much do our lives suck right now?" Kim asked a few minutes later as I pulled another clump of hair out. "I'm hiding out in the bathroom, trying to avoid the assholes in the living room while one of my friends is happily yanking scalp-sized servings of hair from the dark reaches of our bathroom pipes."

"Well, when you put it like that… yeah, our lives really suck right now. But, hell, I was so bored earlier today that I decided to drive to each of my friends' houses to hand deliver their IDs back to them. This is an upgrade." I removed the last collection of clog-inducing material I could reach and tossed it into the small bathroom garbage along with its counterparts. "So, what do you say we get out of here once I put this back together?"

She stood up and straightened her shirt. "That's the best idea you've had since you got here." Her small jab was proof that she was feeling better.


	8. …goes unpunished (Part 2)

**Chapter 8 – …goes unpunished (Part 2)**

* * *

"And just what have you two been doing?" Kim's mother, Cookie, asked. Her scowl was scrutinizing enough, but her tone took it over the top.

"Not what you're thinking," Kim scoffed in return and flowed past her to grab her coat.

"I knew I should have kept my eye on you two. I swear, if you guys-" Cookie stopped, finally paying attention to what her daughter was doing instead of patronizing her. "Where do ya think you're going?"

"Out." Kim's voice came out as exasperated and it was obvious that any interaction with her mother was an instant downer to her.

"Out? At seven at night? I'm about to make dinnah!" Cookie crossed her arms and squinted her view at us. "Of course. Time for drugs! You had sex, now you're gonna get high."

Kim returned her mother's judgmental gaze to her, the words she spoke seething with anger. "Get off my back already! We didn't do anything!"

"You little liar! Now I wanna know just what the hell were you two doing back there?" Rob's booming voice caused Kim to jump a little.

"I-" was all I managed to get out before the famous Kim Kelly eye roll made an appearance and she groaned out a reply, cutting me off.

"He fixed the bathroom sink, okay? He did something you should have done years ago!"

Rob began to laugh like he just heard a preposterous lie. "Yeah, right. That thing needs a professional to fix it, not some idiot like your friend here."

"Go see for yourself!" Kim snapped back with a raised voice. "It drains faster than you can think now. Oh wait, it already did that even when it was clogged, dumbass!"

I nervously scratched the back of my head, uncertain of if I should try to corral my friend in or just let this play out like it was.

"You don't talk to him like that!" Cookie yelled.

Rob's face dropped into a glare and he immediate began to clomp his way towards his stepdaughter.

"What did you say to me? Do you think I won't backhand you again because he's here? You WILL respect me you little bitch!"

Kim didn't flinch or back down, but you could tell she was expecting to be hit. I quickly injected myself between the two and Rob stopped just a few inches away from me.

"Out of my way, boy, unless you want a good knock, too!"

He was around my height and had an average build, if not for a bit of a beer-gut, but he also had some liquid courage on his side as well. If worse came to worse we would end up trading blows, but better my face being smashed in than my friend's.

Kim began pulling at my arm. "Donovan, let's go. He's not worth- no, let's just go."

I took a few steps back as Kim's grip began towing me away, but my eye contact with Rob never broke until we made it through the door. I now knew exactly why Kim's cheek was swollen and why she was hesitant to be herself in the presence of the drunk, and my newfound knowledge left me extremely pissed, but I never reflected it in my appearance. I just remained stoic. If a person can't read your face, they can't predict your actions and that always gives you the upper-hand… or at least that's what coach always said.

'Don't either of you bother comin' back!' I heard him yell as we got into my car. I looked over at him and my stomach sank when I saw him reel his arm back with a beer bottle tightly gripped in his hand. He was going to throw it. He was going to fucking throw it right at my car.

"Sonofabitch!" I wheezed as I scrambled for the door handle, but it was too late. I watched in horror as he clumsily shot his arm forward and, to my instant relief, he connected with one of the wood pillars holding up the awning above the entrance. The glass exploded into his hand and he yelled out some half-formed obscenity before cradling his bleeding appendage to his chest.

I spun the tires hard in the dirt driveway as we left; creating a monstrous cloud of dust that veiled Rob from our sight. We heard him yell out in agony again, followed quickly by Cookie's voice asking. 'Jesus! You're bleeding everywhere. What happened?'

* * *

This was the second time in about a month that Kim had taken flight from her house and sought refuge outside of it, relying on the kindness of her friends in some way. She looked just as frustrated as I felt as we drove down the street. Biting on her thumbnail, she seemed to be focused on the passing scenery outside, but I could tell she was lost in thought.

"God!" she huffed out suddenly, almost in a fit, "I hate- I hate living with them, ya know? They make my life miserable and it's like I have no control. They give me flak all the time and never believe a thing I say and…" She trailed off and, from the corner of my eye, I saw her touch her face where Rob had hit her earlier. "And I just hate living there with them."

We cruised around aimlessly for about thirty minutes, sharing sporadic conversations about nothing in particular. It was as if we needed to fill the silence that kept creeping up, but neither of us really wanted to reminisce about what just happened. We drove by Daniel's, but his car was still gone so we figured he must be as well. Nick's place was out of the question, too, and both Ken and Lindsay's parents were not fond enough of Kim to let her crash at either of their houses.

A look at my watch reminded me of what time it actually was and that I was not only supposed to be home over a half-hour ago, but also that I was likely late for dinner and I had not even called. Kim seemed apprehensive about having to go back home, so I extended an invitation for her to join us, all the while trying to think of how to explain the situation to my folks.

* * *

I got the usual third-degree when we returned home and my dad wanted to know why I was gone for longer than I said I would be. My parents, especially my father, had grown a little weary of my recent antics (such as being gone for long stretches of time without concern for contacting anyone) and it was beginning to show. Kim was standing in the living room and I had no doubt she heard me clarify that I dropped by her house and stayed a while because there were a few family problems going on.

One of the many things I loved about my mom and dad was how understanding they can be to certain circumstances. When they heard about her predicament and the fact that she was still in tow and brought her appetite with her, they were more than willing to set up an extra spot at the table. My mother, being the inquisitive soul that she was, had a truckload of questions for my friend concerning her situation and, to my surprise, Kim had no problem opening up about them in front of all of us. She didn't go into full detail (the physical abuse would remain her and my secret alone), but there was enough information for us to get a picture of the broken home she went back to on a daily basis. When I thought about it, part of me understood why she was so agreeable to talk about it. It was a lot to keep inside and even getting a little bit of it out must have been a welcomed relief.

After we ate, my mother coaxed Kim's home number out of her and gave her parents a call. It was just to 'loop them in and let them know everything was alright' she said. She looked very distressed as the phone conversation continued and I imagined she was hearing more of the demeaning attitude I had earlier. She pulled me to the side a few minutes later, saying that Kim should probably stay at our house for the night with the reaction she got. They were still irate with her and a trip to the ER resulted in over one-hundred stitches to close various gashes in Rob's hand, which, again, was blamed on Kim.

My friend seemed comforted when the offer for an overnight stay was put on the table and she accepted it almost sooner than I could finish the question. I helped her turn the couch into a bed and said goodnight to my parents.

"You guys have, like, no idea how much I appreciate this," Kim breathed, "I just hope I'm able to get to sleep tonight after the shitstorm that was today."

I smiled, repeating a line I had used earlier, "I think I can actually help you with that. Let's go to my bedroom."

Her eyes grew so wide I thought they might just pop out of her head. "Donovan!" she said in a shocked tone.

"No, no," I laughed, "I know how that sounded, but it isn't what I meant. I just wanted to see your reaction. What I mean is, sometimes taking the edge off of a hard day with a little pot helps me sleep better. I'm not sure if it works for you, but…"

A grin quickly spread over her face. "Going to your bedroom sounds like a great idea all of the sudden."

* * *

I sat on the end of my bed, putting away my small collection of paraphernalia, but keeping a little bag out. Kim was sprawled out on the floor, looking much calmer than I had seen her all day as she reached the end of her second joint. She took a small "break" in-between the two to smoke a cigarette. Personally, I would always much rather fill my lungs with a medicinal herb than nicotine, but I also understood it was an addiction that was very hard to break (my parents were proof enough of that)… and it was legal, whereas cannabis was not.

We had been hanging out in my room for the past hour, just talking, smoking and enjoying each other's company. She was enamored with the pictures I had up on my wall, ones that I had taken with the Canon AE-1 my cousin, Jacques (pronounced jock-quees, as I had to enunciate for her several times), had given me for my birthday. It was a five year old camera, but they were still pretty expensive to buy, so I knew it was another 'don't ask questions' kind of story. It was the first time anyone outside of my family has seen the images I captured and it was encouraging that they were so well received.

Her cheek had lost a lot of its redness, but I could see the faint hint of a nasty bruise starting up under her eye. One more toke and, after being held in for a few seconds, she sighed out a puff of smoke with a smile and stretched her arms far above her head. The light blue long-sleeved shirt she was wearing lifted slightly amidst the strain and exposed a small portion of her midsection. Inappropriate thoughts began flooding my mind like a heavy rain.

I pushed the ideas out of my head, cursing myself for being so typical, and held my hand out to her. "Here, gimme the roach."

"You actually keep this shit?" she questioned with a laugh, passing it to me.

I wet my fingers and pinched it out for safe measure, placing it in the bag with my other ends. "Waste not, want not. There are dry seasons here."

She continued to laugh but instantly gasped when there was a short, rapid succession of thumps on my window. "What the hell is that?"

"That's my girl. She's on time, too, as usual." I reached up to move the curtains.

She furrowed her brow at my answer and, in an overly inquisitive voice, asked, "Who?"

_Was that a slight irritation I sensed in her tone?_

There was a set of small, bright green eyes staring back at us when I moved the cloth.

"My semi-adopted cat, Irina," I smiled, watching the grey feline stroll back and forth on the outer windowsill. I popped the latch, pushed the window open a little and Irina wiggled her way inside, hopping down onto my bed and rubbing up against me.

Kim smiled as she sat on the bed to join us. "Hi, pretty kitty," she greeted, the delivery changing from irritated to sweet in an instant. "Why do you call her Irina?"

"'Cause she's a Russian Blue and I'm not too original." I started stroking the feline's short, soft fur and she instantly began her loud purr of appreciation.

Kim reached over to pet her, but Irina began to growl as her hand neared. "Someone's possessive!" she scoffed.

"What can I say? My touch drives the ladies crazy."

Kim and I both laughed and I got up to clear out my cat's food bowl. I had 'hidden' it in plain sight by treating it like it was some random holster for all of the crap I pulled out of my pockets. "She's probably just hungry. I'm pretty sure she has an owner, but I think they are using her as a mouser."

"In Chippewa?"

"Yeah, I know, it's odd. It's either that or her owner neglects her because I have bought two separate collars and put them on her and each time I did they were gone the next night she dropped by. Poor girl was skin and bones when she first pawed at my window."

I grabbed my water bottle, filled the bowl and scooped up a handful of cat food from the small bag I had behind my dresser. Even though I was sure she was a well-kept secret at first, I had a sneaking suspicion that my parents knew I was feeding and inviting a cat inside on a near-nightly basis. Sadly, all three of us were allergic to cat dander and it wouldn't take long before we would begin sneezing wildly with one around, but I couldn't help that I loved the damn things.

Reaching out the window, I poured the ample helping of food onto the windowsill and placed the water next to it, Irina's beautiful eyes following me all the while as her chest rattled with a purr.

"Sorry, girl," I said, running my hand across her head and picking her up, "but it is a take-out kind of night for you." She trotted over to her food and happily began to eat as soon as I placed her back down. I closed the window and looked back over at Kim, who now had a crooked smile on her face.

"Donovan Matsen, you certainly are a man of many faces, aren't you? A jock, a burnout, a sweetheart, a badass, a pothead and now an animal lover."

"Oh, I'm a regular jack-of-all-trades, master of none," I laughed.

"Certainly better than a master of one," she returned back slyly.

Glee spread across my face at her unexpected retort. "Oh, Miss Kelly, you're far smarter than given credit for. Alas, I must end our Renaissance imitation and head to bed, but I will bid you goodnight before I do."

"That was by far the geekiest thing I have ever been a part of in my life," she giggled out.

I started to head to the door when she called out, sounding a bit confused. "Hey, wait, where are you going? This is your bedroom, remember? I'm the guest."

"You can add 'Gentleman' that the list of yours, 'cause I'm taking the couch and letting you have the bed. No arguments. One night won't kill me. Just, ya know, control yourself. Don't go rooting through my underwear drawer or nothing."

Kim scrunched up her face and snorted out a response, "Gross!"

I exited as quickly as I could. I knew Kim would protest (well, no, not to raiding my underwear drawer, but the sudden sleeping arrangement switch) and I was losing the ability to put together witty responses, but, more importantly, I felt like I was getting a little too cozy around her.

* * *

I was busying myself trying to untwist the sheet on the couch when I heard a voice behind me.

"So, you gave her the bed, huh?"

I spun around in a slight fright, realizing who was talking halfway through my motion. "Geez, mom, you scared the crap out of me."

On nights when she had a particularly hard time getting to sleep, my mother liked to drink a cup of Chamomile tea. I wasn't sure if it was an actual remedy or simply a placebo effect, but either way it usually got the job done. She took a sip of her drink and continued on as if we had just entered into a normal conversation.

"I heard you two laughing and talking when I walked passed your room and don't think I didn't notice how you look at her."

Instant embarrassment. If my mom noticed, how could Kim not? Just like I thought, I was getting too cozy… and interested. What a walking contradiction I was turning into. How could I begrudge Daniel for his unfaithfulness when I was attracted to his girlfriend myself?

"She's a very pretty girl, Donny. Your other little girlfriend, what was her name? Victoria? She was pretty, too, but something about her seemed off. I don't know. I like Kim, though. She comes from trouble and I can tell she's got a little in her, but… it wouldn't hurt to see how far you two could make it, you know?"

"Mom!" I barked in a whisper. "Kim is one of my good friends, she has a boyfriend and… no, we're just friends. Geez."

_What is with this 'couple' theme everyone kept placing on us today?_

She took another drink of her tea, smiling and calm as could be. "I had a boyfriend when I met your father. That changed."

I buried my face in my hands. "Oh my God. This isn't happening. This can't be happening."

"I'm just saying. That's all. Have a good night, sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you, mom. Goodnight."


	9. Assassinate Lincoln

**Chapter 9 – Assassinate Lincoln**

* * *

The school was buzzing with adrenaline over the fact that our basketball team had done the impossible and actually made it to the regional finals. Ken seemed to be oblivious to this fact as we walked down the hall, not that it should have surprised me.

"Who's Lincoln?" he asked Vicki as she and another cheerleader strung a sign across the hall that read 'Assassinate Lincoln'.

"Our rivals." Vicki peered down at him wearing a look that said he was the stupidest person she had dealt with all day. I was desperately focusing my attention everywhere and anywhere except in her general direction.

The other cheerleader chimed in, "We made regionals. Isn't that cool?"

Ken, still dumbfounded by exactly what was 'cool' and banner-worthy, asked, "In what?"

"Basketball." Vicki must have looked at him again and spotted me, otherwise I have no idea why she would say what she did next, "You know, our only good team with good players who don't quit for no reason."

Finally remembering what he had found out a few months ago he quickly glanced at me with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Oh yeah! You two-"

"No, no." I covered his mouth and pushed him forward with my other hand. "We're done here, Move along."

Not one to disappoint, I heard Vicki begin scolding the other cheerleader a nanosecond later over something. We made our way over to Daniel and Kim.

It had been about a month since I witnessed the fallout at the Kelly household and neither of us had spoken a word about it to anyone else in the group. I could only imagine that both Daniel and Lindsay had seen similar events during their trips to her house, but it was the kind of thing you really didn't want to recall. She had covered the bruise with makeup and, if I didn't know for a fact it was there, I never would have guessed anything was wrong. That concept was actually somewhat scary to me because it made me wonder just how many times she had done a cover-up job in the past and no one knew.

"Did you guys hear about the basketball game?" Ken asked as we neared them.

_How could they not? They're not stupid!_

"_Pretty exciting_," he finished, sounding as if the notion couldn't be more boring to him.

_Oh, that's right; Mr. Miller is the endless fountain of wit and sarcasm. I'm the stupid one._

"I'm so sick of all this 'rah-rah' crap everywhere. These jocks think they're such badasses, walkin' around like they cured cancer."

I raised my eyebrows guardedly, holding up my hand ever so slightly. "Um, former jock, right here."

"They're just monkeys! 'Eee eee eee eee!'"

"Still right here and now slightly offended," I continued, but it was apparent that Daniel was trying to get under the skin of an actual jock and not paying attention to my banter. Ken gave me a reassuring pat on the back, as he was getting a chuckle out of it at least. Lindsay appeared and the conversation instantly switched to her and Nick. After requesting to speak with Kim privately (resulting in Ken being scolded for jokingly asking if Linds was pregnant), the three of us were left to our own devices… to naturally assume that she was, indeed, pregnant. The couple had progressively been getting heavier and heavier as their relationship continued, and last week Kim and Daniel were both sure they were going to have sex. Our speculation did not seem that far-fetched.

* * *

As it turned out, we were way off base. Nick and Lindsay weren't expecting… they were breaking up. It took Kim all of an hour to blab the news to Ken, Daniel and I. Secrets were not exactly a good thing to trust her with. Sure, the news sucked, but everyone was making it out to be a super-big deal.

"Nick… does not exactly take break-ups well," Daniel confided after school as we all clustered in front of some lockers the next day. "He kinda goes off the deep end."

Now my curiosity was truly piqued and I asked, "Such as?"

He gave me a look of disapproval before answering. "Well, when Heidi Henderson dumped him he broke into her house and got into a fight with her dad. The cops got involved and everything."

"Okay, yeah, that's a little off the deep end."

Ken cleared his throat awkwardly as Lindsay turned the corner, signaling for all of us to shut up. A group of excited kids ran by, screaming about how we would kill Lincoln and that McKinley ruled. This, in turn, brought on more jovial jock bashing with Ken delivering a true zinger about attending the game because he heard we were going to lose and he thought it was funny when jocks cried. I couldn't help but burst into laughter when he started imitating a baby and whining about how the other team cheated. Sometimes it actually felt like that in the locker room after a tough loss.

The conversation went right back to the doomed relationship when we spotted Nick nearing from down the hall. Daniel practically begged Lindsay not to go through with it, but she didn't seem too conflicted about what she wanted to do.

"Hate to be that guy's drum set tonight," Ken commented in earnest as the couple left the building.

* * *

Less than an hour later and Ken, Daniel, Kim and I were still hanging out around the school. If there was a class in loitering, we would all certainly be getting an A+. Ken had just let one rip and, in an effort to clear our minds of the stench, we all started talking about scents we liked instead of what was currently in the air.

"I really like the smell of coconut," Kim admitted with a hint of a smile. "It's calming, y'know?"

_Something coconutty for her birthday and some anti-gas stuff for Ken's. Check, _I thought to myself before contributing.

"I like the smell of rain. You can pick up on it before it even starts and it's just so, I dunno, refreshing and pleasant."

"Anything is pleasant in comparison to that," Kim smirked, looking to Ken momentarily.

Daniel began adjusting his beanie and fawned, "Man, I love the smell of gasoline." He gave the air a good sniff for emphasis.

Kim politely informed him that those kinds of fumes result in brain damage and a very nice red convertible slowed to a stop in front of us.

My eyes began examining the fine piece of machinery ahead. _Oh, man, that's, uh… it's a…. oh come on, Donovan! Think!_

The driver asked something but I was still trying to remember what kind of car he was driving and didn't listen. Kim replied and then, finally… _A '68 Pontiac LeMans!_

"Norsemen suck!" the driver yelled and all four occupants began pelting us with water balloons before driving away as we all clumsily gave chase on foot. Needless to say, we didn't make it more than a few feet before we gave up as the car sped off into the distance. Daniel threw his nearly-empty cup of Faygo at the assailants, but even that was a horribly wasted effort.

Ken, being ever on point that day, soberly stated, "That bettera been water. That's all I'm sayin'."

What a fantastic way to end a Friday.

* * *

Surprise, surprise. Daniel's car needed some more work done on it. The four of us were hanging out in front of Aldo's Auto Salvage and Tow (nobody ever called him Aldo anymore, though, just Al), changing out the spark plugs and checking out the general wellbeing of all things under the hood. Somewhere along the way, conversation drifted to the status of Nick and Lindsay and just how we all viewed relationships.

"The dumbest thing you can do: Let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run," Daniel stated.

Kim looked at him questioningly, "Oh, is that why you're such a bastard to me?"

"Yeah, well you're still here aren't ya?"

He had a point, as a little bit of mystery was always welcome (so long as you weren't hiding something truly horrendous), but I was of the opinion that wearing your heart on your sleeve from time to time was just as welcome and perhaps essential in many relationships. Before I could vocalize any of that though, I saw it out of the corner of my eye: the LeMans that had blitzed us the other day. I gently tapped Kim's arm and pointed in their direction.

She spotted the car and almost burst into a frenzy. "Oh man, there's that car! Those jocks from Lincoln that nailed us, that's them!"

We all jumped into the car and Daniel sped out after them.

* * *

It didn't take more than a few minutes to make it to their destination, a house in one of the nicer parts of town. When the coast was clear we pulled ahead of the parked car and all got out, Kim had a can of spray paint in hand. She held the can out to Daniel, telling him to tag the car and the two briefly bickered back and forth about why it was on him. Reluctantly, he took the bottle and began spraying the side of the '68. It honestly hurt to see something so nice being trashed, but they did deserve it. What hurt more was Daniel's spelling of 'you suck' that had been shortened and butchered to 'u-suk'.

Just as he finished, the blonde-haired driver came out from his driveway. "What are you doing?"

Daniel began to step back. "Um…"

"We're giving your car a new paint job!" Kim's voice boomed as she defiantly made her way towards the Lincolnite. "What are you gonna do about it, huh?"

_Damnit, Kim! We already tagged his car, are we supposed to smash his face in, too? Well, at least it's just him…_

"That's what you get water balloon boy!" Daniel finally jumped in.

"You're lucky we didn't do… worse…" I trailed off as four more of his friends came into sight. This was no longer good.

"Yeah, something- uh, something tells me it's time to go," Ken remarked as we all started backing up again, but Kim stood her ground, even pushing the blond guy when he yelled out 'Look what that bitch just did to my car!' before moving back to us.

She was visibly pissed, but she usually was when anyone called her a 'bitch'. "Come on, Daniel, kick his ass."

The gang started descending upon us, with their ringleader mocking, "Kick my ass?"

I was nervous, but it was too late to back out now. I was bigger than any of them, save for the stocky motherfucker wearing the hat, but a five on four fight was still an underdog match that was not in our favor.

I heard Daniel whimper out 'Tell my mother I love her,' before I shot forward and pushed the instigator into his friends. Two of them caught him and the other two rushed towards us. I traded hits with one of them, the second swing landed on my shoulder instead of my face and I violently thrust my knee into his gut and pushed him to the ground. I was about to barrage him with rights and lefts when the blond guy tried to tackle me.

It literally made me laugh. Out of all the current chaos (I heard the others fighting behind me), the smallest guy tried to take on the biggest. In what was undoubtedly a rip-off of some wrestling move, I wrapped my arms around him and just hurled the little twerp into his own car.

I turned around to see how the others were fairing and someone grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back before whirling me back around. The little leader was back in my sights, wearing a smirk this time and throwing his fist into my face repeatedly before moving to my ribs. My mouth was bleeding; I could feel it ooze down my chin with each hit that landed on my side.

Every time my brain yelled at me raise my legs up and plant the soles of my feet in his chest, his hit would send a jolt of pain through my midsection and make me gasp for air, ruining any thought of retaliation.

The force holding my arms back loosened and suddenly disappeared altogether as I heard a whimper of pain behind me. The blond guy threw another punch my way but I deflected it and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt with both hands, pulling him in hard and thrusting my head towards his. I had seen guys do it all the time in movies and TV shows and it always looked cool. Holy shit was it _not_ cool, though. The 'thunk' sound that was created as soon as our heads made contact was gut-wrenchingly painful to hear. As soon as it happened I let him go and stumbled backwards, feeling like I had just cracked my skull open. The pain was instant and immense. The scenes where the guy who head-butts the other one and plays it off like he didn't feel a thing were complete and utter bullshit! That really hurt!

Upon putting my hand to my forehead I could already feel a goose egg growing. On the other hand, the tough guy was sprawled out on his back in the road, knocked out. It worked alright, it just wasn't worth it. I turned around and saw the guy who was holding my arms back, the stocky motherfucker, was now cradling his crotch and I could only assume one of my friends delivered a blow right between his legs. I laid a hard right cross into his jaw and knocked him out for good measure, too.

Daniel and Ken were pummeling the hell out of another one and Kim was furiously kicking at the fourth as he tried to shield his body from the blows. The fifth punk was halfway down the street, hightailing it as fast as he could.

"Come on, come on, let's go," I said, tugging on Kim's ripped shirt and staggering towards the Trans Am. In addition to the painful headache, I began to feel dizzy and sick well. "Guys, come on. They're done," I mumbled and reached for the Tans Am door handle. We needed to get the hell out of there, post-haste.

* * *

"UUUUCCCCKK!" I yelled, fairly certain I had somehow skipped any 'F' at the beginning. Something hard, wet and cold had thumped against the sore spot on my forehead and it sent a shockwave of pain through my body.

_Was I asleep? When did that happen?_

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," Kim blurted out and once again placed the object on my bump, though much gentler this time.

Daniel shot his eyes to the rearview mirror. "What the hell are ya doin' back there, Blondie? You're spose'ta be holding the ice pack, not hittin' him with it."

I could see that he had a vertical gash next to his eye and a smaller horizontal one right above his nose.

"Well, if you'd stop driving like a maniac maybe I wouldn't have bumped him with it," she snapped back at him. Both her top and bottom lips were split in the same area.

"What happened to you?" I asked hoarsely. Along with my head, my mouth was throbbing with pain and it kind of felt like it was stuffed with gauze.

"Same thing that happened to all of us," Ken replied, turning to face us from the passenger seat. His red badge of courage came in the form of a bloody nose. "We kinda got our asses kicked until Kim scratched one guy's face and kicked that big guy in the balls from behind. Then you got free and started smashing heads… and faces. I swear, man, I was waiting for you to turn green and Lou Ferrigno-ish." Ken began to laugh and I simply tried to smile, but ended up just grimacing in pain instead. "And you should've seen the look on the guy's face at the gas station when we asked for a few bags and filled them with ice from the fountain machine. He kept asking if we needed an ambulance."

Our antics knew no bounds.

"Daniel, slow down." Kim's voice came out deliberate and stern.

"We're not gonna make the start of the game if we don't hurry. We're gonna crush 'em. We're gonna crush 'em on the court as bad as we did on the street and I wanna be there to see it."

"No," she shook her head, "we need to drop him off at home first. It's on the way. It'll only take a minute to just stop and let us out."

"Us? You're not comin' to the game?"

"Look at him! He'd be in better shape if he fell off a cliff and hit every rock on the way down. Someone needs to explain what happened to his parents."

Daniel seemed irritated, but I knew how he felt. I had been there, in the zone so deep that you don't want to do anything else but what you're focused on and any little distraction is unbearable.

I was so exhausted I kept going in and out and I knew that wasn't a good sign. If I had a concussion then sleeping was the very last thing I should be doing and I was playing with the fact that I could slip into a coma if worse came to worse. Daniel dropped us off and asked if we needed them to stick around, but Kim waved him off. My dad was away in Detroit on a career fair, which wasn't exactly unusual since he had to go to such events quite a bit with the job title he held, but my mother nearly fainted when we walked through the door with the injuries we had. She immediately rushed us to the car and drove to the hospital. Kim refused to be seen, but I didn't really have a choice. My visit lasted for just over two hours, and with the help of some x-rays and various stints of poking and prodding, my attending doctor delivered some good news and some bad news. While he concluded that I didn't have a concussion, any broken ribs or a cracked skull, my sides were heavily bruised and the inside of my left cheek had a deep gash from the face pummeling I got. It required stitches and the doc 'heavily recommended' that I go to my dentist ASAP just to be on the safe side. I was feeling extremely loopy with the shot of pain medicine I was given and almost everything after that was consumed in a blackout.


	10. Disappointment in innocence

**Chapter 10 – Disappointment in innocence**

* * *

I woke up in my bed to the sound of my parents arguing back and forth. Everything was black, but the moon was shedding its pale light through the window, providing at least some level of illumination. I shifted slightly and realized I wasn't alone. As my eyes began to focus in the dark, the blonde hair in front of them was a dead giveaway to who it was: Kim.

We were lying in my bed, facing each other. I listened to her softly breathing as she slept, while my head had a mini-explosion of panic.

_Oh shit! What the hell happened? And should I remember any of it? _

I began summing things up, taking note of our surroundings. The bed was made and we were sleeping on top of the covers, my bedroom door was slightly ajar and I would remember if something came about… right?

_Of course, so don't be stupid. Nothing happened. We're both fully clothed for crying out loud._

Again my eyes wandered to her as my brain brought me to my senses. She looked peaceful as she slept (which was not exactly a look I was accustomed to seeing on her) and beautiful, too. Unquestionably beautiful. She was one of the few girls who looked just as stunning, if not more so, without the accompaniment of makeup. Her lips moved slightly as her eyes darted back and forth under her lids. She must have been dreaming. I smiled and gently swept a clump of hair that was lying on her cheek to behind her ear, just as I had seen her do a hundred times before. Her blonde mop was in a tangled, unkempt mess, but I'll be damned if it didn't actually add to her appeal, bordering on sexy even.

I scrunched up my face for a moment upon the realization that there was something faintly slippery feeling on my lips. I touched them with my tongue slightly and was greeted by the taste of… strawberries?

_What the hell did I eat and why was it still on my lips?_

* * *

My parents' voices spilled into the room, both raised, but neither really yelling.

"Mel, this isn't right and you know it. He's been wandering down the wrong path ever since he started hanging out with those kids. He keeps skipping classes, he won't tell us where he's going half the time and we both know he's been sneaking out at night and now this - assaulting kids from other schools over water balloons and a trip to the ER?!"

"They were jumped! Yes, they did something stupid and retaliatory, but they didn't deserve what those kids did."

"And what do we do if they decide to get the police involved? This could be his second close call to getting in all kinds of legal trouble."

"The Addler family dropped the idea of a lawsuit and there is no way those kids are going to admit they beat on a girl."

"A girl who is still here! Still here and now sleeping with our son!"

"Oh, Jesus, Keith! They're not sleeping together, they fell _asleep_ together. She was going to call her boyfriend and have him pick her up, but the next thing I knew she was out like a light next to Donny. They were both exhausted and, with Kim's mother working the night shift, there is no way I was leaving her with that stepfather of hers. You saw what he did to her last time she was here. Honestly, you're comparing apples to oranges and you know it."

_…Thank God?_ I felt a tad conflicted about how innocent our situation suddenly became. She felt comfortable enough around me to sleep in the same bed and, as far as I could tell, there was more sexual tension between two rocks than we had. This was clearly the 'you're like a brother to me!' grey area and I was lingering on the definition of insanity if I expected anything to change. I needed to just drop this infatuation and start paying attention to other girls again.

I heard my dad release a long, heavy sigh. "I just…I'm worried about him."

My mom's serious tone instantly took on a much softer approach as she spoke. "I know you are and I am, too. He will always be our little boy… no matter how big he gets, but he's almost seventeen. We can't expect him to hang on our every thread of advice and not go against the grain once in a while. He needs to find things out on his own, he needs to experience things on his own and we can't help him with that, only he can. What we have to do is trust him and be there for him."

"I want to believe that, but it is so hard to watch him make mistake after mistake…"

"Come on, baby. It's late, you had a long drive home from Detroit and I'm sure you're tired. Let's just go to bed. The three of us can sit down and talk tomorrow and maybe we'll work something out that will help us all feel better."

_Oh great… that's not going to be an agonizing conversation at all,_ I sarcastically thought to myself.

The dull pain in my face started to become more and more knifelike and I closed my eyes, willing myself back to sleep before it became too intense. I should have got up and taken something, but I was stubborn and… I didn't want to disturb Kim.

* * *

It didn't take long for the throbbing to wake me up… or maybe it did… I don't know what time it was when I woke up originally. In any event, the setting was still the same: night with a splash of moonlight thrown in. I shimmied off the bed and mildly as I could, attempting to be ninja-like in my movements, but failing badly (I couldn't help but notice Kim begin to turn as I left the room).

A quick fumble of my hand across the wall and a blinding light seemed to have lit the bathroom on fire. I stumbled across the cold tile floor with scrunched eyes, reaching for the medicine cabinet door as I neared it.

"No, no," Kim's groggy voice weakly commanded. The sudden break in silence put me into a wide-eyed fright which led to me immediately squinting them shut again as the burst of light gave an additional, albeit different, shock.

"You got some pain pills; Tylenol three or something. Your mom put them right there, next to the sink."

I released a grunt of acknowledgement and snagged up the dark orange bottle, briefly fighting with the child-proof cap. I glanced up at the mirror as my struggle continued. The damage was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The goose egg was actually the same size, if not even smaller, than a golf ball and my cheek was only slightly inflamed. There were a few scrapes, cuts and bruises all over, but nothing I hadn't been decorated with before.

"But you should eat first. Pain pills on an empty stomach will make you sick."

I turned to face her, my sight finally adjusting to the reintroduction of light. She still looked bushed and her hair was displaying a heavy case of bed head on the side she was lying on. I laughed and cradled my face as pain jerked through it.

"You're being awfully mothering here," I croaked out, noting how muffled my voice sounded.

She flashed a half smile, "I just wanna get you drugged so I can go back to sleep. 'sides, it was kind of my fault this happened anyway."

"No, it wasn't," I disagreed, following her into the kitchen with my pain pill in hand. "We all followed him looking for a fight… we just thought it would be a four on one."

"I'm the one who pushed him first."

"Doesn't matter. His friends were there by that point and there was no way they would just let us drive off, even if we didn't say a word to them."

"Well… whatever." She plopped two pieces of bread in the toaster and we stood there in silence, waiting for them to pop back up in a golden-brown color.

"How do you know where everything is?" I asked her as the realization that she did not need to ask me where the toaster or bread was.

She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "I pay attention, I guess. I like knowing my surroundings; where this is, where that is, where the doors are in case I need to leave in a hurry…"

Her home life had obviously made her very cautious of everyone and everything and to always have a plan B.

She looked around and seemed to be at a loss. "Butter knife? And butter?"

"Aha!" I teased, "You never scoped out the elusive silverware drawer."  
She smirked, "Better make it a steak knife so I can stab you for good measure."

* * *

As we ate, both taking more than an ample amount of time for a single slice of toast, I asked her what happened after the hospital because I truly couldn't remember anything post pain-shot. She sighed in dissatisfaction and gave me an accusatory look, as if I was trying to pull some weird joke or something. I continued my questioning stare until she finally gave in. I was half-amused and half-horrified to be told that I acted silly and almost child-like. It was embarrassing, but at the same time she seemed to be highly entertained to tell me that I kept shushing her mid-sentence as she talked to my mother and I would flip people off at stop lights while looking high as a kite with a smile from ear to ear on my face.

I gladly took my Tylenol, hoping it would somehow take away the memory of how stupid I had acted in front of her, and Kim took me by the hand, leading me back to bed. It took her all of a minute to fall asleep again, but I had to wait for the pain to recede somewhat before my eyelids became heavy.

The more I got to know Kim, the more I understood that there was a very large difference in how she acted on the outside and how she operated on the inside. She was always on the defensive, but felt at fault for most situations she was involved in (she wouldn't admit to something like that, but if you could read her right you could easily see it) and the 'I don't care' bitchy attitude she wore with pride was marred by just how much she loved everyone who was important to her. I wasn't the only one struggling with a conflict of standards to uphold… not by a long shot.

* * *

I dropped Kim off at her house the next morning, after narrowly convincing my folks I was okay to drive, and took my sweet time returning home for 'the talk'. It had to happen eventually, I knew that, but I also needed time to think of proper responses for my side of the debate, the side where I wasn't barred from my friends.

The conversation didn't go over as badly as I feared it would, even if the irritating subject of football kept creeping in, and most of it was just a rehashing of what I overheard the other night, but there was one thing my dad said that kept repeating in my mind long after we finished talking.

"Son, you've got to think of five, even ten years from now. Where are you going to be? Where do you want to be? More importantly, can you get there on the current road you're traveling?"

It wasn't a bad question, and certainly not one that I hadn't already asked myself, but the problem was that I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, how to get there or if I even could. I only had a little over a year before I truly hit adulthood and to not have a plan or even an inkling of an idea was unsettling when I really thought about it.

* * *

Things hit a bit of a rough patch in the group when Kim and Lindsay had a falling out of sorts. Mrs. Kelly was invited to the Weir's house for dinner after the girls were caught hitchhiking and, in what I found to be very typical of Cookie, she did nothing but bash her daughter's name in front of her friend's parents. Turmoil ensued the next day at school when the two girls discussed what the Weirs thought of Kim after having a discussion with her mother. Either Lindsay said something wrong or Kim took part of the conversation the wrong way because they were at odds with one another after that. My first indication that something was amiss was during lunch. Nick made haste with departing as soon as Lindsay sat down at our table (he was still sore over their breakup), but when Kim got up to leave too, citing she had to 'go do drugs and have sex'. After an astonished round of 'what?' from everyone, she indicated that Lindsay knew what she was talking about before giving the girl a malicious sneer and stalking off. I really tried to keep out of whatever it was that was going on, regardless of the fact that Kim kept trying to pull me into the whole fiasco countless times. She would start up randomly and get pissed at me for not listening and then, during my next class, Lindsay would say she had no idea what her problem was and drone on and on about whatever while I strained to convey that I didn't want to get involved. Not that it truly mattered much. Their little spat lasted just a few days before they were all hunky-dory again. I wasn't _trying_ to be an asshole; it was just an unfortunate byproduct of my current state of mind. I simply didn't have time for other people's problems when my dad and, more recently, Coach Fredricks were making me question going back to something I had sworn off just months ago.

It started when Fredricks called off gym class to figure out who the prankster among us was. Apparently someone had been calling his house since Tuesday night and kept giving him trouble.

I looked at the script I was supposed to read aloud as I sat in front of his desk.

"Fredricks, you're a turd! A stinky, fat turd! Go sniff a jockstrap, you poop-head."

That was about as far as I made it before I nearly went mad with laughter and I fully understood why the class bully, Alan White, couldn't control himself when reading the same article. Coach was not in the mood to be laughed at, but I just couldn't help it.

"Coach, you know me," I finally defended, stuttering my amusement. "I wouldn't- this isn't my style."

He sighed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know, but I didn't want it to look like favoritism or anything."

"So… can I go now?"

"Um, no, actually." He cleared his throat and looked at me like he meant business. "Your father called me. He's, uh, he's worried about you."

"Aw, geez," I dropped my head backwards dramatically. "The football thing again? Not you too."

"Come on, Donovan, he's just looking out for your future and so am I. You're good at football, you really are, and that alone can get you into a good college where you can get an education that will prepare you for life outside of the sport if you really don't like it. Can your new friends offer you that? I don't think so. Look, I know what happened with Tommy Addler shook you up a bit and I don't blame you for wanting to take a break… but don't walk away from this kind of opportunity. Come back. Come back to us next year and I will sing you endless praises and make sure you are seen by so many scouts that colleges will be knocking down your front door to personally hand you a scholarship."

If there was one thing I could commend Coach Fredricks on it was the dedication to not just his job, but the kids under his guidance. Sometimes we would get lost, one way or another, and he always did his damnedest to put us back on the right track.

The worst part of his whole speech? The fact that he had a point. Nothing against my friends, but they simply couldn't open doors for me like sports would. Barring some sort of radical brain transplant, there was no way I would get recognized for my intellect and grades the way Lindsay did, either. While my GPA had actually improved under my own will since dropping football and financial aid was provided to a B average student like myself, the chance of getting my name picked out of a hat with thousands of others was rather slim and, without the help of a scholarship or two, there was no way my parents could afford anything more than community college tuition.

Responsibility blows.


	11. Subtle, meddlesome wrath

**Chapter 11 – Subtle, meddlesome wrath**

* * *

To say I was pissed at Kim would be an understatement. She pulled the same type of shit twice… and in the same week, no less! I could understand that she was in a bad mood the first time. Hell, we all were. But the second time? Well, that was just downright malicious.

It all started after a mishap with the Weir family car (okay, maybe that is a slight understatement… the thing got totaled. I was just glad not to be a part of it thanks to the impeccably good timing of my dentist visit where I was informed there was no further damage to my mouth).

After that unfortunate incident, Lindsay had pulled a full one-eighty on us. She completely reverted back to her pristine academic days and showed up to school in a long-sleeved purple blouse and a skirt that went just passed her knees. I had forgotten how much she and Millie dressed alike back in the day until she visually reminded me. Unfortunately, it wasn't just a change in dress code that Linds decided her life needed after the car accident… she also banished all of us freaks from her life. We found out after giving her shit about her outfit (as any good friends would) and she scolded us all with a bit of harsh reality in return. According to her astute observations, we were all lost causes who were completely selfish and didn't care about being smart or going to school… or anything, really. She was sick of us and her words stung. They stung like a son of a bitch because we all knew Lindsay, and she was never mean unless she meant it. Again, it was another introspective opinion on what I'm _not_ doing with my life and future. Underneath it all, though, her bitter words held glimpses of truth all throughout. All of us were, in some way, shape or form, selfish in our actions and requests (I'm of the firm opinion that there is no such thing as a 'selfless' act in the entire world, even if someone sacrifices their life for another in the process). Some of us could have cared more about doing better in school (Daniel and Nick) and the same went for skipping classes or days altogether (Kim). Some of us needed to simply wise up in general, take an interest in the world around us and stop treating everything like it was some big joke (Ken and I). But were all of our lives already a 'lost cause'? I didn't think so, but I wasn't about to try to wax fanatical with her on the matter… I would just get a verbal ass-whoopin' that way. I had to wonder though, even if she was beyond pissed, did she say those things in the hopes that at least one of us would successfully prove her wrong?

* * *

We sulked about what she said during lunch, we sulked about what she said to each other in classes… we continued to sulk when we all went to Stackey's for lunch after school (sans Linds, of course).

In a moment of frustration, Daniel snapped his straw when it wouldn't go into the lid of his drink right away. Out of all of us, I think he was the most deflated by Weir's scorned words of wisdom, as each insult and demeaning insight seemed tailored specifically to him.

I went to the counter to get him another, not expecting anything other than a quick interaction with one of the employees, but much to my surprise, the cashier began flirting with me. I had seen her on several occasions throughout my increased visits to the establishment over the past few months and we had traded smiles a few times. I never really thought about it beyond that because, honestly, I shared smiles with a lot of girls. After I asked for a straw, she started a little bit of small talk with me, but I could tell just by her body language that this wasn't exactly a 'keep the customer happy' kind of interface. She leaned into the counter to talk with me and became all giggly. She also seemingly had a thousand questions to ask as we talked, but I didn't mind… because it kept us talking longer.

The girl had a face to kill for. She was a redhead (undoubtedly dyed, as the shade was far too bright to be natural, but it looked good on her), sporting a sensual smile through full, parted lips that curved up and into her high check-bones. A simple, quick flash of her dark-green eyes and I instantly felt pulled in for more (Eyes are obviously my weak spot). With a bit of chat, I found out her name, that she was a senior from Mt. Clemens and, as luck would have it, she didn't have any rock-solid plans for the weekend. There was a slight lick of her lips and rise in her slender, curved eyebrows when I asked for her phone number and I swear my heart began pounding loud enough to be heard by half of the restaurant.

"Hey, Matsen," a familiar voice spoke up behind me, "what the hell is taking so long? It's a friggin' straw!"

_Oh, hello Kim. It sounds like you're in a last name mood. I don't really have time for that right now._

Keeping my eyes on my weekend date, I bent my arm back and handed my friend the drinking utensil, holding it just above my shoulder. I felt her snatch it from my loose grasp and release a single huff of discontent. The cashier, Christina, was ripping off the piece of paper with her number on it when Kim walked up next to me and practically slammed her palms onto the counter, hunched over and glared at her through tightened lids, wearing a menacing scowl.

"Thanks for the straw," she said in a way that almost turned it into a taunt.

No other words were exchanged, but in the few seconds that their stares were held, some kind of conversation took place.

"Uh, Kim…" I began as Christina lost all expression in her face and looked to the ground. The interference came too little, too late though. My would-be-date crumpled up the paper and stuffed it into her work apron before disappearing into the back area.

_Wha- no! No! What… What was_

"that?" I finished my thought aloud as Kim turned around and went back to our table, straw in hand. "What was that?"

I stood there for a minute, hoping she would come back out, as her coworkers gave me an awkward side eye.

"Your food's getting cold, Donovan!" Daniel yelled out.

I sullenly made my way back to my friends and took a seat, trying to decide if it was even worth making a fuss about. Ultimately I couldn't help but question it. Kim was such an enigma to me and I couldn't figure out what made her tick in the odd ways she did… especially this time around. "What was that back there, Kim?"

She attempted to look puzzled, like she had no idea what I was talking about. "What? Look, I don't know what happened between you and little miss 'hot to trot' at the counter. I was just trying to get a better look at something on the menu behind her and thanking you for the straw."

"Oh that's bullsh-"

"What? Hot to trot?" Daniel suddenly cut in, looking interested as he almost choked on his gulp of pop. "Donovan, man, you holdin' out on us?"

Even Ken perked up. "Wait, the redhead? Oh, man, she was hot! But… I thought she was in love with me."

"In your dreams, Ken."

"Oh, like she's not gonna be in yours?"

"That's about all from the looks of it." I pointed my questioning gaze at Kim once again, pining for some sort of answer, but she just rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Daniel.

* * *

Lindsay continued to either avoid or outright ignore us the next day at school and it was almost as if she was trying to re-root herself into her old life… she even joined the mathletes again!

I found Daniel moping around the halls after school let out. He was just roaming without direction, all alone.

"Are you practicing for hall monitor duty or something?" I grinned, quickening my pace to catch up with him.

He looked in my direction momentarily, but didn't answer. He appeared dejected and uncertain about something.

"What's got you so down in the dumps, man?"

He shook his head and looked forward into the emptiness ahead of us again. "Nothin', just thinkin'"

"About?" I prodded. It wasn't always easy getting in Daniel's head and figuring out how the wheels turned in there. Then again, the only two in our group who I actually found to be predicable were Nick and Ken… and even they surprised me from time to time, so maybe I just sucked at reading people.

"Lotsa stuff," he shrugged indifferently, burying his hands in his pockets. "Like, maybe Lindsay was right, maybe my life is a lost cause."

"You can't-" I began and suddenly stopped, realizing I had to guide this in a way that sounded sophisticated if I were to attempt countering her words. "You can't just take what she said at face value. There are a lot of factors and differences she simply didn't take into account with her while she was bashin' us. All of our lives are totally dissimilar. She says we don't care about being smart but I would bet that she can't hold a candle to you when it comes to stuff like cars or… cars."

My voice trailed off, damn near disappeared altogether, as I repeated the one and only thing I knew Daniel was passionate about. Oh God did this ever sound weak and uninspiring… I guess I could cross 'motivational speaker' off my future job prospects list.

It was clear that my answer was just as unsatisfying to Daniel as I feared it was.

"Okay, maybe I'm not the best person to give an opinion because you're my friend and I have faith in you. Find some random kid, preferably one you haven't terrorized, and see what they think of you. That should settle it."

"Yeah, maybe."

I decided to switch subjects to see if anything could cheer him up. "Speaking of cars, though, I overheard Lindsay's little brother mention that Betty still needs a new fender and the mechanic is taking his time. Wanna go to Al's with me and see if we can help 'em out?"

There was that Desario smile. "Shit, yeah, man! That could get her blessing for us again, huh? It's a Buick, right?"

I nodded my head and tossed him my keys. "You drive."

"Aw, hell yeah. This day is startin' to get better."

* * *

Friday rolled around and, again, Lindsay was giving us the cold shoulder. We had a plan, though, one that we would have to wait until the mathlete scrimmage to unveil.

"Hurry it up, Donovan. We're gonna be late," Daniel moaned as I lagged behind him, hauling the fender by my lonesome.

"We already _are_ late. Why the hell do I have to carry this solo?" It's not that it was heavy, it was just a thin piece of metal, but it dug into my fingers after just a minute and it was an irritating, constant pain.

"'Cause you're the muscle," Ken chuckled as he briskly walked alongside Daniel.

I sucked in a breath of air as I painfully whacked my knee against the metal. "Then I guess I'm the brains, too, since it was my idea."

"You can be whatever ya want to be, just come on. Kim said she would save us some seats."

"Oh yeah," I scoffed, "I'm sure something like this draws in a crowd to rival that of a football game on a Friday night."

Ken slowed down and finally grabbed one end of the fender, smirking all the while. "Reminiscing a little?"

We passed by Nick going in the opposite direction and I was about to call out to him when Ken stopped me.

"Don't bother. He's still going through the motions. He'll hang out with us again when he's ready."

Nick had been fairly off and distant towards us ever since Lindsay broke up with him, but Ken had known him for longer than I had, so I took him for his word.

The start of a complicated math question greeted our ears as we entered the rearranged cafeteria. I never realized how huge the room was until half of it was empty. We attempted to remain as quiet as possible as Kim waved us over to the back row, displaying an overly-large smile as she looked at the fender we found.

"This is gonna be perfect," she whispered as we all took our seats, seeming genuinely excited.

* * *

We all cheered our McKinley peers on (they were going up against Lincoln, after all) as the scrimmage continued. Our shouts and howls, especially Kim's, really erupted when we saw Lindsay stand to take her turn and we all lifted the replacement fender modestly as she looked back at us. Even if we were on the outs, she was still special to us and we were all proud of her. Mr. Weir looked back at us too, but he seemed more perplexed than enthused by what he saw.

My hopes were high that we made some sort of good impression on Linds when she seemed lost in a trance for a moment before putting her game face back on.

As our friend tore through the competition, solving horrendously complicated math problems in a fraction of the time it took me to repeat the problem in my head, I heard Kim lament, "Damn, I've never felt so stupid in my whole life."

Honestly, I had to agree with her. The only thing that made me feel as remotely dim-witted as this was when I would watch _Jeopardy_ with my parents. Actually, at least with _Jeopardy_ I could get a question right every now and again. Suddenly I realized just how idiotic my suggestion to Daniel about his car knowledge far surpassing Lindsay's truly was. When pitted up against this kind of intelligence, knowing your shit about cars didn't even begin to compare. Then again, I don't think she was trying to insinuate that we didn't care about being as smart as she was (that was a mountain none of us freaks could climb), just in general.

After a few more mind-numbing equation questions, Lindsay scored a perfect round for McKinley and we gave her a standing applause.

"So… can we… leave now?" Ken asked awkwardly, as if he was working out the answer in his head as he spoke.

Kim glared at him for a moment. "No, idiot, we have to stay to the end so we can congratulate Lindsay."

He sighed and plopped back down into his chair as the next McKinley representative took her place.

I leaned slightly towards Daniel, keeping my eyes on Lindsay's teammate. "Is it just me or, uh, is that mathlete chick kinda hot?"

He laughed and put on that half-smile he was so comfortable wearing. "Ya know, if you were talkin' about any of those other girls, besides Lindsay of course, I would tell you your hormones were giving you beer goggles… but, yeah, she is actually pretty hot. Didn't peg you for a bookworm type, though."

At the point, I was willing to take just about any type. I didn't know if I wanted a full-on relationship or simply to test the waters and see what may come of any new friendships I forge, but I definitely wanted _something_.

The McKinley mathlete seemed completely stumped or distracted or something… she just couldn't focus. Unfortunately, she fumbled the first question without even trying.

"Oh man, that's a pretty good in for you now. She's gonna need some consoling."

Daniel and I started to crack up and were instantly shushed by a few spectators in front of us.

McKinley ended up winning, but we never got a chance to congratulate Lindsay. Hell, we didn't even get a chance to give her parents the fender. We were bickering back and forth about it before I finally just said I would stash it in my trunk again and drop it off at the Weir house when we were all on good terms.

* * *

Salvatore's Italian Deli. Before I started hanging with my crazy new friends, I didn't even know this tiny little place existed. Once I was introduced to it, though, it was almost love at first sight. The setting alone was inviting and nostalgic for the fact that it looked like something you would see in an old black and white movie. You wouldn't believe the rolls of film I went through just taking pictures of the place and the people who made it what it was. The 'L' shaped building was a small collection of shops, including a convenience store, Salvatore's and a liquor place. There was supposedly a thrift shop there too, but it was never open from what I could tell.

The deli was my favorite of the bunch. The burgers and pizza were top notch (I can say with confidence that Stackey's had nothin' on Sal) and it just had this look about it, both inside and out, that made me want to be there, that made me feel comfortable and at home. From the decorative, hand-painted wooden pizza and assorted slices donning the outer wall, just above the counter with seating for two, to the brightly-lit inside with its counter seating on one side of the entrance and the three tightly clustered table-seating arrangements on the other; there simply wasn't anything I found displeasing about the establishment. Even the regular patrons were nice to us and Sal (or his son, Tony, when he was working the night shift) would always greet us with a smile.

It was _our_ hangout spot and tonight was just like any other where we had no idea what to do. Ken and I were sitting next to Nick on the hood of his Ford Maverick when Kim suggested that we all go see a foreign film. Ken, in a seemingly sarcasm-free response, asked what the point was (though I assume he was attempting to stump Blondie) and he was matched evenly by Kim's snappy comeback as a result, implying he was a dumbass and maybe he shouldn't be for once in his life. I laughed into my straw at her reply, being caught slightly off-guard. Daniel agreed to go with her and Ken finally had to give in, but not without quipping, 'It just better not be about a guy who talks a lot!'

Low and behold a familiar face turned the corner and we witnessed our dear Weir had found her way back to us and we couldn't have welcomed her return with more open arms. It took all of thirty seconds for us to go from a simple 'Hey,' to inviting her to come along with us to see the midnight movie.

Even though we had all hung out together and done stuff over the past few weeks, it was always in groups that never consisted of all six of us. Going to this foreign film would be the first time the whole gang had been present for something in a while and there was a certain excitement about that.

* * *

The film was promoted as being the '1978 Academy Award Winner for Best Foreign Language Film,' but I knew right off the bat that it was going to be a struggle to enjoy it. I mean, the English translation of the title literally read 'Get Out Your Handkerchiefs'… not a good sign.

Just before the lights dimmed and the film began, I noticed the girl sitting in front of me turn around and give me a quick once-over, smiling as she turned back to the screen. I didn't pay it too much attention at the time, as Ken, Nick and I were joking about something, but once the opening titles began and she did the same thing again, I decided to move in to give her a closer look. Besides, I needed one, too.

"You mind?" I asked, motioning to the open seat next to her.

The girl shook her head, still smiling and still glancing.

"I don't, um, I don't generally watch foreign films. This will be my first actually. My friends talked me into it. You?"

"No, my friends talked me into coming here, too, but… I think they ditched me."

Thinking of what I would do in a similar situation, I granted her a cheeky smile. "They bailed on you to make out, huh?"

She began to laugh and turned in her seat to better face me. "Probably."

She was cute, or at least as cute as I could perceive her to be with various colors from the movie screen bouncing off our faces.

"So what made you want to move from the comfy spot next to your friends?" she asked, looking hopeful for some kind of complimentary answer.

I grinned, "Oh, well, the view is just so much better from here… and I can still see the movie pretty well, too."

I felt someone push on the back of my seat as Kim's voice interrupted our conversation. Her attitude sounded sweet and friendly.

"Hey, Donovan…"

_Oh, no. Please no._

"Your drink isn't so cold anymore. It should stop hurting the sores in your mouth," she finished and clumsily shoved the cup of water at me.

My jaw dropped, I looked to my lap and I swore I could feel my whole body jolt as a wave of embarrassment washed over me.

The cute girl almost mirrored my awestruck facial expression. "I think… I need to go find my friends now," she blurted, scurrying to stand and exit my very presence as quickly as possible.

After burying my face in my palms while all five of my friends laughed their asses off at the tragedy they just witnessed, I looked back at Kim, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why? Just… why?"

"What?" she defended. "I meant your cut!"

"Bull! You know that healed. You called to see how I was doing after the stitches were removed!"

"Oh, did I? Must have slipped my mind." She smirked and shifted her gaze back to the screen.

I disappointedly slumped back to my original seat, wondering exactly what I did to incur the subtle, meddlesome wrath of my friend.


	12. Words of Weir-sdom

**Chapter 12 – Words of Weir-sdom**

* * *

I pulled over on the side of the road right in front of Lindsay's house. After the midnight movie (which none of us liked. It was just too weird, no matter what language it was in), we made plans for me to drop the fender off in the early afternoon.

Mr. Weir greeted me at the door and helped me carry the piece of exterior shell into the garage.

"Say, you'll thank everyone for me, right? This'll look… nice." He was trying to sound pleasant, but I could hear disappointment faltering in his voice as he compared the cream colored fender to the rest of his light blue Buick.

"No, it won't," I laughed and he looked at me oddly for a second before cracking a smile and laugh of his own.

I told him we could paint it to match, or at least Daniel said we could, once we got the exact paint color of the rest of the car.

Though it was apparent that they had their apprehensions about the company their daughter kept, Lindsay's parents were very nice and welcoming people overall. Mrs. Weir kept asking if there was anything she could get me and Mr. Weir seemed extremely interested to know if I was looking for a part time job at his store. Her little brother, Sam, mainly kept to himself, but I would catch him studying me every now and then, as if he was trying to determine if I was going to freak out or something. I hung around the house for a while, getting my first real good look at it without waves of teenagers everywhere, before deciding to say my goodbyes and get on with my day.

Linds followed me out to my car and, upon spotting my camera equipment in the back seat, asked me where I was going.

"Oh, uh, nowhere in particular," I answered nervously, realizing what she had seen.

She looked a little disillusioned, "So you're not going to take some pictures or something? Kim says you have a really good eye."

My eyes widened, "She when? I mean, what did she say that? No- that-"

Tongue-tied. I was irrevocably tongue-tied in surprise.

She began to laugh, "Whoa, calm down. It's not like she exposed you for being a superhero or something."

It wasn't the photography secret being out that I was really concerned with, but just what else had Kim shared with her best friend?

"She, um, yeah. What else did she say about… anything?"

"I dunno," Lindsay smiled, "maybe we can talk about it on the way to nowhere in particular. Just hold on, I need to tell my parents I'm heading out with you and I'll be back later."

I sighed, realizing I had just been duped to some degree.

* * *

"So, really, where are we going?"

I scratched my head as I pulled back onto the street. "I was gonna go to Belle Isle and spend a few hours there just taking pictures of whatever caught my eye. That cool with you?"

"Very," she breathed, sounding pleased. "I've been boxed up at home for most of the week and going out anywhere sounds good."

Our destination was about an hour away and on the way there we talked about nearly everything under the sun, switching subjects so fast it made my head spin sometimes. She felt bad about what she had said the day after the accident, but she was truly worried for some of us… she just could have thought of a more eloquent way to put it out there. Toward the end of our trip she finally divulged what else Kim had shared with her and, as it turned out, it really wasn't much. Lindsay pretty much heard the whole story about the day I dropped by to hand back IDs (what happened with Kim's parents, her stay at my house, the pot… hell, even Irina) and, aside from the accompanied trip to the ER, there was no mention of the second event, the day of the regional finals. That was an immense relief to me.

* * *

We roamed the narrow hallway of the aquarium building (the tiled, tunnel shape made for some very interesting pictures) and I finally decided to ask someone if what I was thinking of doing sounded crazy.

"Can you keep a secret, Linds?"

"Yeah," she laughed, "I've already got a few, anyway."

_Oh, really? I wonder from- No, focus!_

"Well, I've been thinking a lot lately, been pressured more like it, about getting back on the football team. I'm not sure I want to do it, but…"

"You're not sure you _don't_ want to, either, huh?"

I nodded, trying to avoid any hint of what her opinion might be in her face by looking through the camera lens at a tank with a group of piranha swooshing back and forth. Was it some sort of sad coincidence that I chose to concentrate on the tank filled with dangerous, semi-carnivorous beings that joyfully tore through the flesh of their prey when talking about going back to a sport I felt created the same mentality and viciousness in its players?

"You gotta go with your gut, Donovan, always. If you feel like playing again, I think we would all be fine with that, so long as you don't start treating us like the dirt your teammates think we are. I mean, I went back to the mathletes and you guys didn't ditch me… you all supported me. Of course, I'm over it again now."

* * *

It was nice hanging out with Lindsay. I rarely spent time with her outside of the group, but we were enjoying being silly, having fun and sharing some deep, if not totally random, conversations about future prospects in college, jobs and relationships.

As I zoomed in on a fallow white deer and snapped a few shots, I asked my friend is she was really done with the mathletes.

"Yeah, I'm done. It's just not me anymore."

"Are you, uh, gonna talk to any of your teammates still?"

"Probably just Millie." She seemed to catch on that I sounded just a little too interested, "Why?"

I rubbed my forehead and turned to face her. "I… was just wondering if I could get a phone number of one of them from you."

Her face almost exploded with surprise as she burst into laughter. "Oh my God! Donovan Matsen interested in a geeky, smart, mathlete girl? Am I dreaming or something?"

I waved her off and began looking for more things to capture on film. "Never mind. It was just- I can figure it out on my own."

She culled her amusement and cleared her throat. "No, really, who do you have your eye on? I can totally help you out."

Again, I rested my camera and readied myself for more ridicule. "I'm not sure what her name is, but she's a long-haired brunette, kinda like you, and she was the girl who went right after you did. The one who sorta bombed her way through her turn, remember?"

Lindsay no longer looked entertained. As a matter of fact, she looked downright disgusted. "Oh yeah, I remember. It is a little hard to forget a bitch like Shelly Weaver."

_Whoa! Did sweet, little Linds just call another girl a bitch? A girl that I… just admitted to being interested in._

"You're right," her voice continued its sardonic pattern, "you're gonna have to figure that one out on your own, because there is no way I want anything to do with her."

"Jesus!" I finally huffed, having just about as much as I could stand with how my potential date choices were going over. "What is with you women? First Kim tramples my chances, twice, and now you act like I'm attracted to the anti-Christ!"

"Trust me, Shelly is not worth your time and twice? There was only one girl there last night, Romeo."

"She pulled the same stunt on a girl I was talking to on Wednesday as well. I was, like, this close to getting her phone number." I held my thumb and index finger almost on top of one another to demonstrate my 'this close' point.

A small smile began to grow in Lindsay's face and she laughed out, "Oh, wow, she was serious."

Now I was just confused. "Who was serious? And about what?"

"No, nothing, no one," she shook her head.

I tried a few more times to get the info out of her before giving up altogether. A patch of clouds, that had ominously been rolling in before we even made it to Belle Isle, began to rain down with fury upon us and we dashed for the car, cutting our outing short. On the way back into town, she suddenly became very interested in the details of my first disaster.

* * *

"You know," my friend said, opening the passenger side door as I dropped her off at home, "you can always just go back to Stackey's and see if you can get that girl's number without any of us around to ruin it."

It was such an obvious and easy answer… why couldn't I have thought of that?

"And, hey, I want some copies of those pictures, Mr. Ansel Adams."

We waved goodbye to each other and I watched her quickly make her way inside, out of the rain. I started heading home, but decided to put her idea to use as quickly as possible. The weekend still had a day left in it, after all.

I managed to catch Christina just as she was coming off of her shift and, although she was uneasy about even communicating with me, she did eventually hear me out. Kim had intimidated her with the stare, which I would applaud for being impressive all on its own if it didn't affect me as a result, but she wrongfully assumed that we were an item and I was being two-faced. It took a little convincing, but I wooed her into giving me a shot at proving that I was not as bad as the first impression represented me as and we had a 'date', of sorts, all set for the following night.

Success, finally!

* * *

At first, Christina was only truly interested in a casual relationship over anything else, which worked well for me considering I really had no idea what I wanted out of our connection. Part of me craved an actual relationship, but the other part was quite content with the 'no strings attached' approach we went with. A week into it, though, something shifted. In-between our stints of making-out, we got to know each other more and more and became attracted in a way that quickly outgrew our 'casual' beginning and we transitioned to an item without even discussing it.

After that, it began to feel like everything was moving fast… maybe even more like warp speed (or whatever the hell those geeks call it), but it was also really nice. When our lips weren't locked and our tongues not dancing around each other we had long conversations… long conversations that sometimes turned into debates where we bumped heads, but I would rather have a pairing where we keep things interesting by having varied opinions instead of a duo that mirror each other and are boring as hell. Oddly enough, with all that was going right between us, something still felt off and I couldn't figure out what.

It was strange how relationships could change things. Suddenly you found yourself shaving a little time off of everything in order to have more time for one person. The time I would spend with my friends, just hanging out at school or wherever, would get shorter and shorter the longer I was involved with someone who didn't go to the same school or was a part of our core group. As a result, I kinda, sorta missed a lot of stuff…

Ken was apparently lusting after some band girl while Nick continued to pine for Lindsay. Kim and Daniel were fighting once again and Lindsay was acting… awkward whenever Nick was around. It was like she was trying to look disinterested in everything involving her ex, but she didn't know how authentically pull it off.

I just so happened to walk into a conversation that seemingly divided the sexes.

The only thing I heard was Ken remarking, 'Is it just me or did it get a little chilly in here?' before Lindsay somewhat uncomfortably spouted, 'I'm gonna go get something to eat,' and I couldn't help but notice Kim's ice-cold stare towards Daniel. It was yet another roller-coaster of a day with my friends.

Nick suggested we go to Stackey's and suddenly the girls disappeared into the cafeteria.

"Watch her run, just like the little rabbit. I am the tortoise," Daniel gleamed, watching Kim leave.

"What?" I was not met with a response. I hated walking into these conversations midway through.

Nick turned to face me, looking as if a bright idea just popped into his head. "Hey, man, do you think you could talk Christina into giving us some free food when we get there?"

"Uh, no," I looked at him oddly, "Notice how we're in school, on a school day, during school hours? That's where she is right now, at Mt. Clemens."

"Oh… oh yeah," he smacked his forehead and briefly wore a riled look on his face. "Lindsay kinda got my head all twisted around."

I nodded, "Uh huh," and patted him on the shoulder, following after Daniel. Poor lovelorn Nick.

* * *

I was truly thankful I had a high metabolism and a great workout ethic, because I had been eating worse than at any point in my life since hanging out with the freaks. I could buy stock in the company and make money with the amount of times we frequented Stackey's. I would have preferred Salvatore's, but it was too far away when we had a limited amount of time to eat and get back to school. During our lunch outing I was asked if I was coming along to the laser dome with everyone tonight to see _Laser Floyd_ and I had to decline, citing that I already had plans in the works. I was met with a round of boos from the boys and one of them even threw a wadded up napkin at me. I attempted to get a better explanation on what I had walked in on before, but all that Daniel would say was that Kim was pissed about something that happened at the dome a while ago.

When we arrived back at school, Kim and Daniel ran into each other in the hall and they got into a yelling match with each other - or rather, Kim got in a yelling match while Daniel attempted to ignore her. I tried to calm her down, gently pulling her to the side and sharing a few words, but that turned out to be a bad choice. I had no idea who Wendy Franklin was or why she was so mad about her, but Kim's anger became redirected on me as soon as I tried to defuse the situation. It didn't take more than half a minute for Kim to jump right back in Daniel's face and I was on the verge of walking away when Mr. Kendrick stopped all three of us. Since we were being so loud and causing such a distraction instead of heading to class, we were all given detention.

Overall, our after school punishment was just another course of what happened in the hallway earlier, but I did get some insight into what the whole thing was about, albeit by eavesdropping. Wendy Franklin was, apparently, some 'slut' who Daniel had groped and made out with at the laser dome some time ago when he and Kim were broken-up. I was beginning to understand why this was such a big deal to her. I was just glad I wasn't the bulky kid stuck in-between the odd couple. They used him as a surrogate to fling insults and reasoning at one another and the poor teen looked like a lamb being led to slaughter. He was smart enough to finally dig himself out from the uncomfortable situation by asking to be excused to use the bathroom.

* * *

Kim called my house only about an hour after I got home.

"So, Daniel say's you're not going to the laser dome with us. What's up with that?" she asked, skipping a return 'hello' altogether.

"Um… with _us_? You're actually going?"

"Yeah," she replied, hinting that the choice was really a no-brainer for her.

I actually scoffed out of pure confusion. "Why are you going to the show if you're so pissed at Daniel? You've been at his neck ever since you found out about _Laser Floyd_ tonight."

"Are you kidding? What else am I going to do? Besides, I have to keep hounding him about how what he did was wrong or he'll assume I am now okay with it. You know him, Donovan… if I don't go, there is a good chance he'll do it again with some other Wendy Franklin slut. So… you're gonna come now, yeah?"

"No," I laughed out in reply. I had plans set with Christina already and there was no way I was backing out to go to a damn laser show. "I can't Kim. I got a date."

"With Christina?" She said her name with disgust. "God! You've been ignoring us ever since you hooked up with her. I didn't even think you guys were all that serious and then BAM!"

"Well, she _is_ my girlfriend."

"Yeah, and Daniel is my boyfriend, but I still call my best friend and try to hang out with him!"

_Wait, what was that? A 'him' best friend? As in me?_

"Best friend? What about Linds?"

She sighed loudly in my ear, signaling this was something I should have been able to work out all on my own. "She's my best _girl_ friend, you're my best _guy_ friend. Duh! Wait, are you trying to tell me I'm not your best friend, Matsen?"

"What? No, of course you are. I just didn't know there were subsections for best friends now." I lingered on my next question for a moment and decided to swallow it. I was going to ask why Daniel wasn't her best guy friend, but their current circumstance answered that for me. She could probably throw him further than she could trust him by this point. That did lead me to an earlier query, though.

Best _guy _friend or not, I still had to decline her request to attend the laser dome show. Christina's parents were out of town for the weekend and she wanted me to come over to her house. Tonight, I was sure we were going the next step.


	13. When it rains… (Part 1)

_Author's Note: For whatever reason, I had an extremely hard time writing this chapter. The flow just kept falling off and I had to backtrack to where I started to lose it. There were about ten or more revisions to it throughout. I had to break it into another two-parter as I kept going on with it._

**Chapter 13 – When it rains… (Part 1)**

* * *

_Okay. Alright. This is perfectly normal, right?_

I was lying next to my girlfriend in bed, she was asleep and I… was just resting there as endless thoughts ran through my head. We had had sex and, while she seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, I was left feeling fairly unsatisfied and I couldn't figure out why. Christina was a great girl; she was smart, funny and just as crazy about me as I was about her.

_Wait… am I crazy about her? I like her, but aside from our first meeting, has she ever set my heart racing? Do I really like her as a romantic partner or just as a friend?_

I sighed heavily and must have disturbed her slightly, as she turned onto her side and shifted her body back into mine. Turning onto my side as well, I slid my arm around her midsection and lightly kissed her shoulder, trying to force myself to go to sleep. Once again, my mind began to wander into the questioning territory.

_Am I disgusted or regretful for having sex with her? … No. I still like being with her, I still want to touch her and kiss her … or… do I? Is this why some guys find it so hard to maintain devotion to a single partner? Was my urge to be in a relationship simply a byproduct of a need to repress feelings for Kim and now I am going to hurt a person who actually cares about me as a result? I was rather arbitrary with whoever I chose to chase after. I think… I might be a horrible human being. Goddamnit!_

The more I questioned it, the more wound and uncertain I became of everything. The only thing I was really sure of was that there was no way I was going to fall asleep there, in her bed, next to her. As delicately as I could, I moved myself out of the bed and gathered up my clothes, roaming into the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed again, dropping my head. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I said aloud and almost laughed at the fact that it probably looked like I was scolding my crotch. After a speedy dress session (where I almost fell into the bathtub while trying to put my pants on), I once again ventured into the bedroom. I couldn't very well pull a 'dine and dash' type situation on her, it's not like she had no idea who I was or how to contact me, so I woke her up and told her the truth: I was heading home because I was having a hard time sleeping at her house (okay, half of the truth). She nodded and mumbled 'okay' sleepily before kissing me and asking that I come back tomorrow. I nervously agreed, but I hoped she was too tired to notice the hesitation in my voice.

* * *

I'll be the first to admit that one of my less-than-stellar personality quirks was my incessant need not only for acceptance but also to not disappoint people. I can affix both needs to my dad, who seemed to be detached from every emotion known to man when I was growing up. Except discontent. He knew how to display that one really well. No matter what I did, he either did not care or he simply was not impressed and then, when I gave up on it due to my want of approval from him, he would become 'disappointed' in me and the cycle would just start over. After a few years, I gave up trying to appease him, but the traits had carried over into every other relationship in my life and I didn't know how to not seek those things. My current predicament was one where the 'don't disappoint' aspect was flying into high gear.

While I drove home, a back and forth argument about what I was supposed to do began in my head. Much like people sometimes have imaginary battles with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, I conceived a similar situation where my confidence and my paranoia would deliberate over a particularly conflicting issue in my head.

_Okay, kid, just think about this rationally. You're kind of caught between a rock and a hard place, but there is a clear answer here. You like Christina but not your romantic relationship with her, it is just that simple. You also like Kim… but in all kinds of ways, amicably and beyond. Don't try to deny it; you'd only be lying to yourself here. You gave chivalry a chance and it ain't workin'._

Confidence had put together a rather straightforward and blunt opening statement, but Paranoia seemed to have a meatier counter.

_Donovan, think about what you're doing here. Christina is really into you, you guys get along and you're not chasing someone unobtainable… you've got her! Tonight? Well tonight was just… nerves. Yeah, nerves. Everything will be fine the next time. Besides, it's not like you couldn't perform or something. Well, you know… you were there. You were right to forget about Kim. She's got a boyfriend who she is deeply attached to, she's wildly unpredictable, just remember who almost ruined your chances with Christina the first time around, and she's your best friend. You don't want to risk losing that, do you?_

I was starting to side with Paranoia. Some valid points were made.

_Are you listening to that crap, kid? 'Cause if you are, you're only hearing half the story, the scared half. Sure, Blondie has a boyfriend, but how steady is it? They break up all the time and you've seen first-hand that Daniel has a problem stickin' to one girl. Let's see, there was Karen, Angela, Wendy… oh, and let's not forget the way he looks at Ms. Yeats. Who knows how many others there are!_

_Now, why do you think Kim was trying to keep you single? So she could claim you for her own if such an opportunity ever arose, dummy! Make that opportunity happen! And, hey, if the person you're with doesn't turn out to be your best friend down the road, why are you with them?_

Okay… now Confidence was making… some sense? There was a lot of wild speculation in there. We were kind of straying from the path here and it was beginning to give me a headache.

_Oh, we're going to play that way? Fine. Let's see: Karen? Sure. Angela and Wendy, though? One is a rumor that we have no way to validate and the other occurred when the two were broken-up, which makes it not off-limits and definitely not cheating! In regards to our teacher, well, everyone has a wandering eye now and then._

That was, uh… this is just turning into a-

_There's a big difference between a wandering eye and undressing someone with your eyes. Daniel's gaze falls into the latter category._

"Stop!" I yelled out, not even caring how crazy I might have looked to anyone watching. Enough was enough with that silliness. My thought process went from helpful to focusing on trivial matters in no time flat.

I realized I was sitting in my driveway with the car in park, just idling. It was always a little unsettling when I was driving and went into autopilot without even recognizing it. I was always worried I was going to run a red light or something, but I guess if my mind knew what turns to make and when to make them without much concentration, it would also know that red means stop.

* * *

As I walked in the door, all of my relationship concerns took a backseat. My mother was lying on the couch, in front of the TV, completely zonked out. Something didn't look right though and it put a knot in my stomach.

I made my way towards her and laid my hand on her shoulder, giving her a light shake. She grimaced in pain as she woke up and looked at me with almost empty eyes.

It was a quarter to one in the morning and the TV screen was displaying the random dot pattern of static it always did when it failed to obtain a transmission signal.

"Mom, are you okay? You're out here pretty late and watching a channel that has gone off the air for the night."

"I'm fine, Donovan," she replied in a slow, monotone voice, "I'm just tired and stressed and I can't sleep too well. I might- I might be running a fever."

This was usually how is started. She would become utterly fatigued, but have difficulty sleeping and, when she did sleep, she would be in immense pain when she woke up. Most of the time she avoided sleeping altogether, which only seemed to amplify her behavior changes. It was at its worst when she was fully into her sickness and did manage to fall asleep… because you never knew how she would react when she woke up. She might be my mom or she might try to rip my head off with a slew of verbal insults and taunts.

I sat down on the couch and waited for her to fall back to sleep. I went to bed soon after she did, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours later that I heard her roaming around the house. There was an inclination to wake my dad up, but I knew neither of us could do anything and taking her to the hospital would be next to useless. We would just have to wait until Monday to see if we could get an appointment with her doctor ASAP.

* * *

Christina was not pleased at all with my abrupt cancellation of our second 'special night', but when I explained to her that my mom was sick and I needed to look after her, she seemed to understand. I briefly thought of telling the complete situation to my girlfriend, but the sad truth was that I didn't even understand what was going on well enough to educate anyone else on the matter. Lupus was a big, complicated disease that was still widely unknown and every time I opened a book about it I just got sick with thoughts of how much it was going to affect my mother and how it would eventually be the death of her. I felt utterly hopeless when thinking about it, because no matter how much I learned, there was no cure and, since it affected everyone differently, there wasn't even a solid plan to keep it in remission (if you could even say it had such a state).

Dr. Hudson confirmed my mother was going through a 'lupus flare', but had no estimation as to how long it may last. I had been fearful of this coming for months and thought we were extremely lucky it didn't arrive sooner. Her hands and legs were starting to swell and her personality was shifting. That last part was what really worried her doctor, because he was not too familiar with a person's demeanor changing as entirely as my mother's had and thought it was a separate, albeit connected, problem. He didn't feel comfortable making a diagnosis without first seeing this change for himself.

Going home after school was a chore and a half during the times my mother was ill, because I never knew how different she was going to be, how loving or awful she may act, but I knew she needed me to be around in case she required help or needed to be watched. It was a role reversal that I was never prepared for. There were only so many times in a day I could stomach being told she would have been better off aborting me or that she never loved me. I knew that wasn't really her and it was whatever was going on in her head… but it still delivered a world of hurt to my soul each time. There were times when I wanted to yell at her for it when she was better and there were times when I was just relieved that she never remembered her transformations or the awful things she put out there when she was altered.

She would get ideas in her head and begin to believe them as fact, most of the time it was an obscene notion that my father and I had turned against her and were trying to kill her somehow. It was draining to deal with, both physically and emotionally, but it was terrifying to me more than anything. Each time it happened, each time she began to change, it would last longer and longer and I was never quite sure if she would return from it completely normal. The person in front of me was both my mother and not my mother at the same time.

* * *

It took over a week for the flare to pass, and in that time I had tried to keep in contact with everyone in my circle, but it certainly wasn't easy and I never had time to actually hang out with them. Sadly, the same went for Christina as well, though I was not nearly as tore about that as I probably should have been. We went from spending tons of time together to having an almost non-existent relationship and it was truly all on me. Dealing with my mother made me distant and quiet. Even when we did talk it was only for short bursts of time and I was very reclusive in our conversations. It was bothering her, I knew it was, and I didn't want to lose what we had, but… what did we have? We got along great and we had built a strong friendship while trying to grow a romantic relationship… but it was obvious that something was just not working between us. She was at least trying; while I... well I wasn't sure what I was doing. The lack of nearly any tender feelings towards her (that was becoming apparent before we had sex, but seemed to just augment speedily after that) was foreboding of any continuation our relationship's future, but even more distressing was my complete inability to understand why the sudden change happened in the first place.

The breaking point, as it were, came quickly and out of nowhere (okay, perhaps there was a bit of insipid boneheadedness on my end). Nick had called and invited me over to his place because Ken and Daniel brought over some of the, as he put it, 'heaviest shit he had ever had' and they thought it would be the perfect reason to hang out since we hadn't been able to in a while. There was just one hitch: I had to pick up Kim and she was bound to be beyond pissed. Daniel was supposed to stop by her house before he went to Nick's, but he "forgot" and was way too stoned to drive there himself. Something told me I was missing a vital piece of information. She had her own car, after all, so why couldn't she drive herself?

Christina called as I was getting ready to head out and when I told her where I was going, she became extremely irritated and upset.

"Wait, you can't be serious," she began and I could almost feel her grip on the phone tighten with anger. "I've taken these last, what, _nine days_ in stride. You pretty much ditch me right after we have sex because you have such a hard time sleeping at my house."

As she continued, the pent up frustration that had been welling up in her spilled out and went directly into my ear, her voice growing louder and more criticizing with each word.

"And then your mom _conveniently_ gets sick so you can't come over to my place, but you don't want me to come over to your house either…"

I was feeling very small at the moment. She was pissed about things I didn't even know she was pissed about… and she didn't believe me about my mom after all. "No, hold on," I finally butted in, "my mom really was sick, Christina. She didn't start getting better until just a few days ago."

She huffed out contemptuously in response. "I could have helped then, Donovan. I wanted to help. I wanted to be there with you. You sounded so stressed, so worried every time we talked and there wasn't anything I could do…"

That was something I wasn't about to let anyone experience. It was tough enough for me, but to let others know what happened to my mom when she changed? How she treated me? My dad? Herself? And what would she treat my friends like or my girlfriend? That would have been an immediate nail in the coffin, I was sure.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on answering her without sounding uncomfortable. "You don't- No, it's me. I can't explain it right, but it's not- it's… oh, fuck, I don't know."

"You can't even tell me if she had the flu or something? Maybe it isn't any of my business, maybe that's what you're trying to tell me without telling me, but I bet your friend Ken knows and Nick… and probably even that Kim chick. They just call you up and you're all set to spend time with them, but what about me? Why couldn't you come see me if you mom was getting better days ago?"

I felt like telling her that no, my friend's didn't know, but ultimately I knew it didn't matter. This was an issue of trust and respect, and I had breached both.

"I can come to your house right after-"

_Oh shit, did I just say 'after'?_

"What, like I'm some kind of afterthought? Second best? Hump me and then dump me? You know what, Donovan, I've been in this kind of relationship before and I'm not wasting time in another one. Go to hell!"

There wasn't even time for me to respond as I heard the phone smack into its plastic cradle several times before the click sound signaled the end of the call.

I cursed under my breath and just stared at the phone in disbelief.

_Did that really just happen?_

* * *

Within twenty minutes I found myself standing at Christina's doorstep, rapidly knocking on the door while trying to think of what to say, how to make this right.

Suddenly Confidence made its voice heard, _What are you doing? This is the out you were looking for, take it!_

Was it? No. Well, maybe. I obviously had no idea what I wanted, but I did know that no matter what, I didn't want it to end like this, where she thought I just used her for sex.

When the door opened, my eyes were met not by Christina's, but her mother's. She was a pretty woman, and I could see that her daughter got many of the beautiful facial features she had from her. On this occasion, however, her face was masked by a scowl of disgust and irritation.

"What do you want?" There was an unmistakable coldness to her tone and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I had fallen from good graces with the whole family. This wasn't going to go well.

"I was hoping to talk with Christina, Mrs. Garan."

"I don't think she has anything to say to you. Now, if you'll excuse us, it's getting late."

"But, but…" My words almost poured out of my mouth in a botched haste, "There was a misconum-, a misunderstanding that I really need her to hear the-"

"Listen, Donald," she interrupted my stumbling gush of hectic words.

_It's Donovan._

"You have already made my daughter cry once tonight, I'm not giving you another chance. Please leave before you upset her again… unless you want me to call the cops and have them make you leave."

After the door was shut in my face, I couldn't help but just stand there for a moment, mimicking my baffled feeling from earlier.

_That was a bluff… it had to be, right? _

I really didn't want to stick around to test my theory, even if that meant remaining a douche in my now-probably-almost-definitely ex's mind.


	14. … it pours (Part 2)

**Chapter 14 – … it pours (Part 2)**

* * *

After over an hour of aimless driving I arrived at the Kelly's. I wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with Kim, because sometimes it was a task that took a certain amount of patience and a much cooler head than I had at that moment. By the same token, though, I had already fucked up one friendship tonight and going two for two did not seem all that appealing. Besides, if the weed was really that good, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a piece of shit with some of it in my system. Sooner than I could even shift into park, she was walking out of the house, looking pissed.

"What the hell, Matsen? You were supposed to be here forever-ago! They've probably smoked it all by now! Thanks for adding to my already shit day."

I shut the car off, replying through an open window, "Yeah, well, I had to… take care of a… thing."

_Bad excuse. Get ready to have that thrown back in my face in three, two, one…_

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes as she spoke in a mocking tone, "Oh, did you need to get in a quickie with Christina first or something?"

I had just closed my door but I was more than willing to jump back into the car and drive home, ditching Kim and her attitude.

"I'm really not that eager to put up with your shit tonight, Kim. Remember, I'm not the one who forgot to pick you up in the first place and I easily could have just gone straight to Nick's. I probably just should have at this rate. You have a car, you know how to drive, why the hell do you need a ride?"

_Fuuuuuck... I should've thought that through better..._

She looked both shocked and hurt by my retort at first, but the expression quickly drifted from her face. "She held out on ya, huh?"

I shouldn't have poked the bear. Time to stop jousting before one of us gets hurt.

"No, she dumped me, 'cause I'm a fucking idiot. You're not the only one who is having a shit day, ya know? Now can we please just go get high and talk about stuff that doesn't matter and doesn't depress me?"

"Oh, shit. I'm- I'm sorry." For once she seemed embarrassed by her actions and there was an awkward span of silence that neither one of us knew how to break. "I wanted a ride because... yesterday I… I… I killed Millie's dog. I kind of… ran him over," she suddenly blurted out, as if I had been grilling her on the matter for hours and finally made her break down.

"You… what?!" My mind was blown and 'shocked' couldn't even begin to describe the look my face had contorted into.

I nimbly put the pieces together as Kim's confession repeated in my head. Daniel skipped out on his chauffeur duties because he didn't want to deal with the 'girly' emotions Kim was going to bounce off of him and she probably wasn't too fond of driving because of the whole dog thing.

Completely ashamed, she looked to the ground, her voice tumbling out small and almost inaudible. "I killed Millie's dog. Lindsay and I were going out last night and we… hit him."

She looked so crestfallen, so guilty that I simply walked up to her and embraced her in a hug, a hug that she immediately returned. She didn't cry, but you could tell this had triggered something in her.

"I'm sure you didn't mean to," I whispered, waiting a few more seconds before tossing an alternate idea out, "Hey, do you just wanna chill out here for a while instead of goin' to Nick's? I mean, those guys…"

She nodded her head against me, conveying that she understood what I was leading into. Our friends were great, no doubt, but they were not always the most sensitive of people (especially with the 'pack mentality' being together generates), and I could tell Kim wasn't interested in being ridiculed when she just wanted an outlet for the unfortunate event.

* * *

Her brother was asleep on the couch and her stepfather was passed out drunk in her parent's bedroom, so we spent time in her room. I was fairly surprised when I entered, as it was a stark contrast to the rest of the house and certainly not what I expected of her. For all intents and purposes, it was cleaner and more put together than my room, and I was fairly OCD when it came to that. The only theme that bled into her room was the half completed walls that were everywhere in the house.

I sat at the head of her bed as we talked and before long, I moved one of her pillows to the opposite wall and leaned back into it, lying vertically instead of horizontally like one normally would. The night of high emotions had quickly drained me and her bed was actually pretty comfy. I didn't plan on falling asleep or anything, but resting felt nice. I asked her if she told Millie what happened to Goliath, her dog, and she shook her head. She felt like it was too late to admit what actually occurred now because she opened up to Millie about her dog and even went to the funeral. Although I was tempted to poke fun at a dog funeral, I chose to inquire about Kim owning a dog, since it was the first I had ever heard of the Kelly canine. It might not have been the wisest choice though, as it was a rather sad story that made me recall and share my own memory of losing a dog. My pooch was part collie and part God-knows-what. She was born in a puppy mill that happened to be right next to my bus stop when I was just a little Donovan. Back in those days my Grandmother was in better health and lived in the same town that we did, her house being just a few away from ours. I would spend a couple hours at her place after school because both of my parents had jobs then and I was far too young to stay at home alone. I would walk to my bus stop each morning, meeting my grandmother at her house so she could accompany me and I would stand next to the fence that separated me from dozens of barking, yipping pups until my ride to school arrived, petting random dogs the entire time. There was one little runt in particular that seemed to take quite a liking to me. She was smaller than most of the other dogs that looked like her, but that didn't deter the canine in the least. She knew how to push her was passed her brothers and sisters and stick out prominently to gain my attention. We had built a small but strong bond during my daily visits where she would happily run up to the fence like clockwork when she heard my voice and it was a heartbreaking day when I got off the bus after school one day and she was gone… just gone. I cried during the entire walk to my grandmother's house and it was only when I made it inside and watched the little patchwork brown and white blur run towards me that I realized my good ol' grandma had bought her for me!

I had her for years after that point, but the best name I could think up for her was 'Girl' (pathetic, I know). She was my furry best friend and it was one of those connections I didn't think anything could break… until she got sick one day. I knew it was bad, far different from any other time she had been sick, because she crawled under the porch and refused to come out. When she did pass, burying her was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do in my life and I would still occasionally visit her grave marker and think of all the good times I had had with her. So, while part of me did mock the funeral aspect, a bigger part understood it.

* * *

"So, we're going to see The Who this weekend, you should come with us… especially now that you don't have any plans. Tickets are only forty bucks," Kim said, shifting from her seat in the middle of her bed and lying down as well, resting her head on my chest. It was moments like that where I felt like we were being too handsy for our own good and it only served to reinforce the feelings I had for her that I clearly shouldn't. By the same standards though, I wasn't about to stop her.

She crunched up her face for a second and peered up at me. "That probably came out wrong. Sorry."

It was a slightly insensitive statement, but not one that was necessarily untrue.

"Even if I wanted to go, I don't have ten dollars to my name, so tickets are out of the question. My mom is going in for a ton of tests over the next couple of weeks, too, so I doubt I can mooch off my dad for money. I'll probably have to mow some lawns around the neighborhood just for gas."

Kim laughed and covered her mouth, trying to squelch her glee but failing miserably. "For some reason I find it really funny to imagine you running around from yard to yard with a lawnmower just for a little gas money."

"It's a little ironic that I have to use something that requires gas to get money to buy gas. Anyway, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, but…" I shivered a little, thinking about what I was going to share with her. "Sometimes it is really creepy when someone, like let's say Mrs. Saperstein, comments on how hot I look and offers to hose me down to cool me off."

"Oh my God!" Kim roared with laughter, "Mrs. Saperstein? She's like fifty or something, Donovan! That goes way beyond creepy!"

"Like I said: gotta do what ya gotta do. And in case you were wondering, no, I do not shake my moneymaker for her."

She burst into another fit of laughter and I couldn't help but smile. After her laughing calmed, she looked like something was on her mind and, after a few moments, she spoke up again. "So, like, what kind of tests does your mom have to go through? What made her so sick?"

I sighed and briefly considered how to attempt to explain. "It's like, she starts having a lot of aches and pains and trouble sleeping, and then her hands and legs start to swell up and hurt her nonstop… and then…. and then it just seems like she changes into another person entirely. I think that's what the tests are all about, because her doctor says that what she is going though, what makes her sick, shouldn't affect her mentally like it does."

_That was… kind of easy. Not exactly the most sophisticated or technical answer, but still… why couldn't I do that with Christina? _

Kim remained silent after I said my piece, looking as if she was really taking it in and trying to think of an appropriate response. Before she could say anything though, there was a light knock on her door and Cookie peeked her head inside.

"I'm surprised you're home. Anyway, it's late and you have school tomorrow. Say your goodbyes and get to bed."

I cringed slightly, fully expecting an argument to escalate quickly, but Kim simply nodded to her mom as she closed the door.

"What was that? Did you guys just _not_ fight?"

She shrugged. "When things are good between us, I try my best to make them stay that way as long as I can. She may be a psycho, but she can be a mom too when she wants to be. She's been working doubles a lot lately so she and Rob can celebrate their whatever-ith anniversary in Grand Rapids. Annnnnnd, she's my source for the forty bucks so I've gotta try to keep things cool between us for a while at least."

* * *

The week continued on as normal… or as normal as it could for our group. Kim had taken Millie under her wing, so to speak, and was spending more time with her than she had since she was practically forced to during homecoming. I tried to persuade her to just come out with the truth if she really wanted to stay friends with her, because if Millie ever got wind of it from another source, she could kiss their bond goodbye. Expectedly, my advice was met with disdain and I was told to 'back the hell off'. Sometimes I was left to wonder why I even bothered.

One the day that everyone was going to meet and drive off to The Who concert I dropped by Nick's house for a quick hangout (I would be crazy to turn down free weed with friends) and Andopolis went on to horrify Ken and I by 'performing' a song he wrote for Lindsay called _Lady L_. I found myself wishing for Feedback like never before. I wasn't entirely sure, but the crescendo he performed at the end of the song _may_ have caused my ears to bleed a little on the inside. Ken and I shared pained looks throughout the piece and if it went on any longer, we probably would have shared a silent nod of understanding and punctured each other's eardrums in an act of merciful comradery.

It was Nick's intention to sing the song to his Lady L later in the day during the meet-up. Ken gave him a look like he would disown him if he followed through and I was suddenly a little glad I would not be venturing along.

Once I was home again, I made my third and (as far as I told myself) final attempt to contact Christina and just talk to her about what happened, but I was hung up on again after trying to quickly say 'don'thangup'. As the day continued on, I began to wonder just what exactly happened with my friends and if they were having a fun time at the show. I didn't have to wonder for too long before Lindsay called me up later that afternoon and invited me over to play Uno with her and Millie. I was stumped at first because I was under the assumption that both girls were supposed to be enjoying the energy of a live band with everyone else. Lindsay must have picked up on my puzzlement, because she started to laugh and promised to explain what was going on when I came over.

Though I will likely never know why or how, my friends usually had immaculate timing in regards to contacting me at just the right time to hang out… either that or I just had an incredibly boring life. It really could be one or the other, I suppose.

* * *

Mr. Weir looked at me rather oddly as I explained to him that I was dropping by to play Uno with the girls. If it wasn't true, it would be the lamest excuse to be alone with two women ever. As a testament to just how unbelievable it sounded, he made sure we left the door to Lindsay's room open while we were all in there.

I was rather astounded to learn of the fate that fell on Nick's guitar: smashed to pieces at the hands of a knight in shining armor named Ken. Even though he tried to play it off, Lindsay could tell that Nick was really pissed about what happened. I thought it was kind of funny how she didn't realize just how big of a favor Ken had done for not only Nick, but her as well with his deed of destruction. I had to contain a laugh and try to remain straight-faced when I said 'no' in reply to Lindsay wondering if I knew what Nick wanted to sing to her.

What came as an even bigger shock was that it was Kim who finally came clean about who hit Goliath. Her hand was somewhat forced, though, as she only seemed to own up as a last resort to stop Millie from truly going to the dark side… or simply from drinking a beer. It depended on which of the two girls you were listening to at the time.

As far as I was concerned, Kim did the right thing. She could have kept her mouth shut and let the girl down her first beer or go to the dark side or whatever, but she chose not to.

Even if she had been lied to and hurt as a result, Millie was already more than willing to forgive Kim and continue their newfound-friendship, but she was on her way to see the band before the message could be delivered. I noticed Millie's hair had a styling in it that looked very familiar.

"Did you let Kim put that braid in your hair?"

She nodded enthusiastically, a big, happy grin extended across her face.

"I thought it looked a little recognizable. It's nice."

We sat and drank pop and ate junk food for a few hours while playing the card game (and I lost every single time) and just joking around. I even got to see a picture of the now infamous Goliath. He was a huge Great Dane from the looks of it. I was honestly a little surprised he didn't do some kind of damage to Kim's Gremlin.

I liked Millie, she was a good person, but her tendency to be somewhat religiously hoity-toity when she wasn't being a rebel was slightly off putting for the majority of us. I didn't mind hanging out with her in short durations, but when anything even remotely spiritual came up, I was always quick to make an exit.

When asked if I wanted to come back tomorrow to play some more, I had to decline. I already had a full day of lawn mowing and inappropriate sexual harassment to look forward to.


	15. Jenna Is A Punk Rocker

**Chapter 15 – Jenna Is A Punk Rocker**

* * *

With just over two months left in the school year, there was a certain buzz of excitement in the air that only summer break could bring about. I was only mildly enthused by the idea of the end of school, because I knew that I would have to make a decision one way or the other about football beforehand. The longer we had in school, the less I had to think about it… and that time was a luxury I was running out of.

I ran into Daniel on my way to second period. He was rummaging through his locker for something and from the looks of it he had just made it to school. There was an air of stress and irritation about him, something that you would rarely affiliate to such a laid-back cool kid.

I made my way to him, leaning against the adjacent locker without him paying the slightest of attention. "What the hell ya digging for in there? Gold?"

He finally threw me a quick glance, still appearing irritated. "Smokes," he said shortly, almost hissing it out, before looking back into his locker.

Daniel had been going through a lot of home problems over the past few days and it all seemed to really be getting to him. His father's health was not doing too well and his mother was at his beck and call nearly 24/7 as a result. She took a lot of her frustrations out on Daniel and inadvertently made him feel like no matter what he tried to do it would always be wrong. This inevitably spilled over onto us, his friends, as we tried our best to make him feel less stressed and convince him that someday things would get better.

"There…" He reached into the top section of the cubbyhole and grabbed onto something.

Just as he did, we heard Kim yell out to him, "Hey, Desario!"

She sounded irritated, too. This was gonna be a joy.

"What?" Daniel snapped back and I could almost see Kim explode with exasperation.

"I've been waiting for you. Where the hell were you this morning? You have my notes!" she explained as Daniel and I walked to her.

"Um, I was held up," he responded, sounding almost embarrassed as he stuffed the pack of Marlboro lights into his shirt pocket.

"Well, thanks a lot. I failed a test because of you."

Daniel and I shared a confused look as we both tried to figure out how her failing a test was in any way his fault.

"What are you talking about?"

"It was an open notes test. I left my bag in your car last night."

I began to feel like a third wheel or unwanted spectator in the situation. This had 'dysfunctional fight' written all over it and I was not too fond of being around when those went down. I began to back away from the bickering couple, readying myself to turn around and walk to my next class as the two fought.

"Oh, so it's my fault that you left your bag in my car?" I heard Daniel say, sounding like he was attempting to antagonize her.

"No! It's your fault that you the most unreliable guy on the face of the planet."

"Well you're certainly reliable- you're always a bitch!"

I usually knew better than to try to interfere with their yelling matches, but his comeback struck a nerve. This was not the Daniel I was used to dealing with.

"Hey man, just be cool, alright?" I called out, retracting my departure.

Daniel whipped around and glared at me with the same disdained look he had just given his girlfriend. "How 'bout you mind your own business, Donovan, 'cause this don't concern you."

"You guys are my friends, right?" I asked, spreading my arms out at the rhetorical question. "Then this concerns me."

Kim scoffed at me in reply. "I don't need some retired football knight to come save me from a bad word. I can take care of myself perfectly well, okay? And you know what, Daniel? Why don't you enjoy spending the rest of your life alone."

Daniel raised a hand to say goodbye and show that he didn't care before turning to walk away and Kim simply made a snide grimace before doing the same.

_Well… fuck you both then,_ I thought to myself, turning around and leaving as well. In the span of about forty seconds they had turned my good mood completely upside down.

* * *

The two wouldn't even speak to each other the next day and Kim found solace in hanging out with her secondary group, the one that consisted of female bullies. I knew well enough that there was way too much bitchiness generated there for me to even try to hang out with her. They fed off of the negative energy of one another and just let it fester among them. It's not like it would have made a difference either way, though, because it wasn't just Daniel that was getting the silent treatment from her, Ken, Nick and I were, too. The only one in our group she would talk to was Lindsay. Go figure. According to a short conversation I had with Linds, Kim said she broke up with him, and according to Daniel, he didn't care. Their fights reminded me so much of perpetual child hissy fits and I just couldn't fathom why they chose to keep putting themselves through it again and again.

* * *

I pulled into the empty parking spot next to Daniel's Trans Am at the 7-Eleven. I didn't know why we were stopping there, as it had nothing to offer us. The food was better at Sal's (which was our original destination) and he obviously didn't need gas or he would have stopped at the pump.

I followed behind him like a shadow into the store, bringing up a conversation we never really finished during lunch.

"So, like I was saying earlier, it's not that I think they are going to be a bad band, it is just that their first album really didn't impress me. I mean, for a heavy metal band they-"

I looked around, suddenly realizing I had been talking to myself while strolling down the junk food isle. Daniel was nowhere in sight. Nowhere, that is, until I glanced up to the front of the store and saw him talking to the cashier. She looked kind of familiar, like she went to our school or something. She was the right age and everything, but I didn't recall seeing anyone with a completely punk outfit (hairdo and all) roaming the halls of McKinley. I stayed in my spot and listened to the two talk, contributing to the conversation in my head. It was kind of eerie how sound traveled in a quiet place.

"So, uh, how's the droppin' out goin'?" Daniel asked her.

A smirk spread across her face. "A lot better than the stayin' in was…"

_Okay, so she did go to our school but dropped out. Dropped out to work at a 7-Eleven? Oh the ambition… _

Daniel was trying to be his sly, seductive self, slowly walking over the cash register and resting an arm atop it, flashing a pair of puppy dog eyes when she nonchalantly asked if he wanted something. Suddenly she shifted forward, as if finally recognizing him.

"Aren't you the guy who had that… psycho girlfriend?"

_Wait, did she just refer to Kim as a 'psycho girlfriend'? That's kind of rich coming from someone whose hairstyle matches a porcupine… _

"Pfft!" Daniel coolly spat out, turning his charm up a notch with his smile. "Yeah, but, uh… we don't really share the same interests anymore."

"Well that's too bad," the cashier replied back somewhat coyly.

"Yeah, no, y'know it's like…she's not into current affairs. I am. She's not a punker. I am."

_Is Daniel seriously hitting on this girl? Did he just call himself a 'punker'? _

That last bit got the girl's attention as well as she stood up and somewhat closed the gap between them. I looked down at the items in front of me and began rearranging them into the wrong spots. I didn't want to make it obvious that I was listening to their conversation…and causing a little bit of a mess for her to clean up seemed appropriate for her remark about Kim.

"Do you know what punkers don't do?" she asked.

Daniel leaned in a little closer, looking intrigued.

"Call themselves punkers."

As hard as I tried to stop it, I snorted out a laugh rather loudly that surely gave me away. The two continued to talk, either not hearing my stint of amusement or ignoring me altogether. As Daniel listed the punk bands he listened to I shook my head in shame.

_This is just embarrassing… Iggy? Daniel doesn't listen to Iggy, I freaking do. If I could carry a tune I could probably sing Lust for Life track by track. What's she doing? _

I had been lost in thought long enough to miss whatever lead up to her writing something on his arm, but with the smiles they were sharing I could only imagine it was something personal.

_You're shitting me… did he just get her number or something? Sly son of a bitch… _

I diverted my attention back down to the snack cakes in front of me, half of which I had 'accidentally' dropped on the floor, as Daniel turned back to my direction. He did listen to a few of the bands he listed, especially the Ramones. One of their songs, _Sheena Is A Punk Rocker_, suddenly started playing in my head. Had Daniel found his own Sheena in the form of Jenna the punk rocker? What if he had? What would that mean for Kim? Hell, what would that mean for her even if nothing came of this punk shit?

"Hey, let's get outta here and go to Sal's," he said as he got closer, a large grin spread across his goofy face.

* * *

Nick, Ken and I met at Daniel's house, waiting for him to get back from a grocery store run for his mom. It had been lightly raining when we first arrived, but when Daniel got home, it started pouring a little harder. He popped out of the car with that grin still on his face (I swear it stayed there ever since the gas station stop), telling us all about his potential hook-up tomorrow night at The Armpit and happily displaying the invite written on his forearm. Like n idjit, I looked… even though I was present for the whole thing.

775 Elm. He peeked down to it and back to us several times with a seemingly expectant look, like he was waiting for us to bow down and praise him for his exceptional prowess in wowing females.

"Man… it's a good thing it's not on East Renaissance Boulevard. You'd need stitches!" Ken pointed out, taking note of just how hard Jenna had pressed into Daniel's skin with the pen as she wrote on him. "And the Armpit?" he continued with a laugh, "Makes me think everyone there is going to smell of heavy BO! Why would anyone want to go to a place with that name?"

Nick joined Ken in his amusement, "Why are you even interested in Jenna Zank anyway? She's way out there in her punk lifestyle and I don't even think you own any hardcore punk albums. What would you two even talk about? Would you, like, make a game out of how many balloons you could pop on her head or something?"

Now all three of us were laughing while Daniel looked like he was getting pissed. "You guys think you're so funny. Just wait and see." He looked down to his feet and kicked a rock into his next door neighbor's yard. "Kim thinks she's the only on who'll go out with me? She thinks I'll be alone for the rest of my life? We'll see what she has to say after this weekend."

"Seriously? That's what this is all about?" Ken questioned. "Proving Kim wrong when you know you two will be back together by Monday anyway?"

Daniel looked at us and tried to unlock his trunk, missing the keyhole time and time again. "Not this time, man. This time I'm moving on."

"Right, right," I grinned, knowing my friend's prediction was likely the end scenario. "You know, if you're really gonna move on from Kim, you should probably get with a girl who she _can't _kick the living snot out of."

"No shit," Ken laughed in agreement.

"You guys wanna come with me or not?" Daniel shot a questioning look to all of us before once again attempting to open his car trunk in the rain.

Ken simply nodded, "I'll go. I like a good freak show."

Nick, on the other hand, began to decline, stating that he didn't like Punk at all, bashing the genre as a whole for being filled with bad musicians who played loud to cover for their lack of ability. Daniel countered as we grabbed bags of groceries from the open trunk to carry into the trailer he and his parents called home, stating that it was what the punk singers were saying that was important, like 'screw the system' and 'make up your own rules'.

"Get a stupid haircut!" Ken added and I burst into laughter.

"Alright, fine, I'll go," Nick finally sighed.

I never committed one way or the other but I think it was just naturally assumed that I had nothing better to do and would tag along.

"If you guys are serious about goin', you gotta dress for the part, alright? We'll meet at Ken's."

Ken, Nick and I shared a look of ridicule behind Daniel's back. Even if we went, we were not going to Punk ourselves out.

* * *

Ken's parents actually had a really nice house, like probably the nicest out of all of ours. Lindsay's came in a distant second by comparison. It was the kind of house (it was huge) and the kind of yard (it was huge, too) I would like to have whenever I finally grew up and started being responsible.

I was sitting on the edge of the curb, Ken and Nick behind me on a tree stump, just waiting for Daniel to arrive. Ken and I had been busy giving Nick shit ever since he got there and Ken had just whipped out a gem revolving around how the girls at the punk club might be into Andopolis because they all hate themselves and that would improve his chances. I looked back at them just in time to see Nick punch him in the chest and we all cracked up simultaneously, even if Ken was cringing in pain.

The sound of Daniel's roaring engine drew our attention back to the road and we were all struck by a moment of silence when we witnessed what he had done to himself. His hair was twisted into pointy spikes, he had eyeliner on under one eye and he donned an older leather jacket with about a hundred safety pins adorned all over it. A chorus of laughter broke out between us, with Nick trying to be nice and stifle his own while telling Daniel that he looked good.

After a little more ribbing, a familiar scent entered my nose and I took a step back from the Trans Am. "What? Oh, man, did you cook eggs in your car or something? What is with that smell?"

A slightly embarrassed look crossed Daniel's face for a moment. "It's eggs and mayo. Made my hair all pretty. Now shuddap and get in the car."

"I… no, I can't, Daniel, I just can't. I will do many things for and with you guys, but a punk club is, well… we all have our limits, right?"

In fairness, I never had any intentions of going with them, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see if Daniel would actually dress for the occasion and how he would look. It was worth every second of wasted time.

"Suit yourself," Daniel said and began to drive away, Ken and Nick waving to me from their seats in the car.

I scratched my head and moseyed to my car. I kinda thought he would try to persuade me or something, but I guess he was done playing around.


	16. Something different

_Author's Note: Seriously - what house did Daniel drive to at the end of episode 15? It looked completely different from the Kelly household we were introduced to in episode 4 but Kim answered the door to this new place and was seemingly in her jammies. Just one of those things that makes you go, "Wait, what?"_

**Chapter 16 – Something different**

* * *

I had been lounging around at home for about a half-hour, restlessly switching from room to room, trying to figure out how to not be bored. Sometimes I was just inexplicably jittery, and it was definitely one of those times. Everyone was out doing something… well, almost everyone. Maybe Kim had settled down enough for us to hang out… then again maybe she wasn't even home.

_Only one way to find out._

I somewhat hated calling her house because it was either Rob or her mother who answered the phone, but rarely Kim. The 'Oh, it's you again,' line had gotten pretty old by the second time they used it, and yet it was a regular part of our short-lived conversations where they stalled to decide if they were going to let their daughter talk to her friends or not.

"Hello?" Kim's slightly irritated voice answered after the third ring.

I breathed out in relief, "Oh good, it's you. I hate talking to your folks."

"Pfft! You and me both. Luckily, I don't have to deal with them this weekend. They are gone on their little anniversary trip. I kind of hope it goes well just so they don't come back early like they did a few years ago."

"So what are you up to tonight?"

There was a long pause before I got any kind of response.

"Look, I'm still pissed at Daniel and not in a really good mood, so I think you should probably just hang out with the guys tonight or something. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow."

"Nah, they're with Daniel at-"

_Shut up! What am I doing?_

"They're with Daniel where?" Her voice suddenly gained a hint of curiosity.

"Uh, I'm not sure exactly. I didn't go with them. It's called the elbow or the armpit or something. Some body part."

_Oh, nice save. Way to not sell anyone out, idiot. I can't even play the 'obtuse' card right! Did I take my dumbass pill with a nice glass of truth serum or something? She'd better not ask if I like her or anything or I'm totally screwed._

Another long pause before Kim yelled, "He's going with some slut, isn't he? Don't even lie to me, Donovan!"

"He's not, I swear!" Technically, I wasn't lying. He wasn't going with any 'slut', though he might be meeting up with one there.

"Whatever. You guys are all the same. You'll always cover for each other," she spat out and hung up on me.

What had she said all those months ago? 'No one said being my friend would be easy'? Well this was a shining endorsement of that statement.

I was tempted to call again, but I knew her better than that. She would just refuse to pick up or simply take the phone off the hook. Now I needed to decide if I was going to head over there. The last time I made a blunder on the phone with a woman, going to her house did not smooth things over at all.

"Well, shit…" I sighed aloud and grabbed my jacket, yelling out that I was going over to Kim's for a while.

* * *

Something was going on on Alumni Avenue. Cars were parked on both sides of the street for as far down as I could see, and some jackass even blocked off the driveway to Kim's with their shitty park job. I had to stall my beauty six houses away.

As I made my way to the Kelly house, I heard someone yell out, 'Hey, buddy, over here!' but it was one of those things where you heard people yelling all over the place so I paid it no mind and kept moving. Not more than a few seconds later though, I heard it again, "Big guy, I'm talking to you. Help me out here, bro.'

I looked around and noticed a guy with his arms full just staring at me.

"Yeah, over here."

I made my way towards him and realized he was holding a stack of about four six-packs between his arms, steadying them with his chin.

"You're here for Jeff's party, right?"

"Uh…"

"Alright, cool, man," the guy smiled at me, somewhat creepily, "Could you do me a favor and grab those bottles from the back and close 'er up? I'll meet you inside."

I looked into the open backdoor of the car he was standing next to and spotted two cases of Labatt Blue sitting there. Before I could say anything else, the man was trotting his way to the house directly across the street from Kim's. I grabbed the two cases, shut the car door with my knee and smiled to myself, thinking this would make a nice peace offering as I made my way to my friend's house. It appeared as if Rob or someone had taken care of some of the clutter around the front of the house. The rugs and oven were gone from the porch area and the screen door had been removed and replaced with a somewhat elegant looking wood door that had an impressive glass frame in the middle of it.

I knocked on the door and waited for Kim to answer. When she did, she looked displeased to see me, at least until I held up the six-pack of bottles in either hand.

"Still not in a hanging out mood?" I asked with a smile.

It calmed my heart a bit to see a grin spread across her face as she reached for one of the cases and took it inside… or at least it did until she closed the door in my face.

I stood there stunned for a moment before I blared out, "Oh my God, you can't be serious right now!"

"I didn't lock the door, ya goof!" she yelled back.

I made my way inside and set the other case down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

I heard her close the fridge door and pull out a chair, its wooden legs thumping and bumping against the linoleum floor. She was kind enough to have kept a bottle out for me and herself as well. I picked up the bottle and opener from the table and snapped the top off as I sat down in the chair opposite of her, offering it out in trade for the capped one still in her hand.

She smirked slightly, handing over the bottle, "Thanks."

"Warm beer kinda sucks," I mentioned, popping the top off the second container and taking a large sip.

She shrugged, taking a drink of her beverage as well, "I really don't give a shit… I just want a buzz."

A voice from behind caused me to jump in my seat slightly.

"Oh, hey, beer," someone said flatly, as if it was interesting and boring at the same time. It was her brother, Chip, in one of the rare moments where he wasn't asleep on the couch or in a bed. He picked up one of the bottles from the case in the living room and snatched up the opener.

_Oh, okay… guess we're all sharing. Still, that's four beers apiece. That should be fine._

"Where did you get these anyway?" Kim asked, taking another swig.

I laughed a little, thinking of how much of an asshole I was. "There is a party going on across the street. Some guy asked me to carry those in for him. Guess I went to the wrong house."

"No way," Chip mused, "Jeff is throwing another party? I better head over there." He grabbed the case and started walking towards the door.

"Chip!" Kim called, "You're not supposed to go to parties. What if you hit your head or something? Nobody there knows what happened to you or what to do."

He waved her off, almost dropping the beer bottle in his hand, "Jeff knows. He'll look out for me, he's my friend."

Kim sighed and I turned in my chair. "Since you're going and all, mind leaving the rest of the beer here?"

He looked at the case in his hand and then back to me like I had said something preposterous. "It's rude to show up to a party empty-handed." And with that he disappeared out the door.

_That settles that. Three beers apiece._

"If he gets hurt," she began, breaking to take a drink, "I am so kicking your ass."

I knew she worried about her brother. Hell, he was probably the only family member in that house she cared for on a regular basis. She had told me about Chip and his affliction a few times over the past couple of months. Years ago he sustained some kind of head injury when a police officer struck him on the head with a baton and he was never the same after. Ever since the incident he had to move back in with Kim and the family because he just couldn't take care of himself adequately anymore. He suffered from fatigue most of the time and sometimes acted in the oddest ways. The condition also affected his coordination and he would often stumble around when trying to move. This caused the whole family great concern that he would someday fall, hit his head and create further damage to his brain. Regardless of the worries of his loved ones, Chip still enjoyed his independence and still liked to party when he had a chance to.

I looked at her. She still seemed down and irritable, and she was desperately avoiding eye contact. Jenna's words, calling Kim a 'psycho' repeated in my head randomly and I realized how much it really bothered me. Not just because some judgmental dropout chick said it, but because _a lot_ of kids said the same thing around school all the time. The called her psycho, a bitch, a slut, a loser, a burnout. All these hateful, degrading terms from people who didn't even know her. They didn't know the Kim that Daniel, Lindsay, Nick, Ken and I knew… and they didn't care. Most were wise enough to whisper those things behind her back, but she still heard them here and there and I knew for a fact that these taunts only increased tenfold whenever Kim and Daniel broke up. It bothered her deeply. Underneath all of her outer armor she still wanted to be accepted just like anyone else and I could see just how much those hollow words hurt her, even though she would never admit it to anyone.

I felt bad for her, I really did, and it wasn't just because I had strong feelings for her, either. No one should have to go through the ups and downs she did with her family and friends, even if a good portion of it was self-imposed.

"Come on, Kim, cheer up. You're killin' me here. Do ya- do ya know what I think?" I inquired, finally breaking the silence and tipping back my bottle to take another large drink.

"That I need to cheer up? That my attitude is killing you? You kinda already gave it away." She was staring at the half-empty beer sitting in front of her, using her hands to prop up her head as her elbows rested on the table.

"No," I laughed, "Word is that you're a crazy, tough girl with a short fuse and a bad rep around school. People assume that you spend all your time doing drugs, having sex and have no plans for a worthwhile future."

Her eyes grew wide and she looked at me like I had just slapped a baby in front of her. "Jesus, Matsen! If you're trying to make me feel better, you're doing a piss-poor job!"

"Hold on, Blondie, hold on," I laughed again, "You gotta let me finish here."

"Well hurry up with the nice stuff before I punch you in the face," she said sternly, but her mouth held a hint of a smile.

I found it highly amusing that she had actually just demonstrated the 'short fuse' label.

"That's the thing. People don't take the time to get to know the nice stuff about you. How you can be enjoyable and funny and considerate… and caring. You do have a soft side to you, even if you don't like to let anyone see it. Sometimes you just simply won't let them, like how you were at first with Linds and me, but most of the time it is because people have these preconceived notions about you based solely on gossip. Gossip that you usually reinforce to keep people away… to stop others from having the chance to hurt you. It's the defensive wall you've built to keep people out… but once they are in… once they're in, Kim, they'll find that you're one of the best friends a person could hope for."

Now it was I who was looking at the bottle of beer in front of me. After my little spiel there I wasn't exactly prepared to accept any look she may have been giving me, mainly because I was somewhat worried it would be disapproving. Her simple scoff of a reply confirmed my suspicions.

"And you know what else?" I continued, unabated by her lack of acknowledgement that she was indeed a friend worth having, "You need a change."

"A change?" She sounded uninterested, maybe even… angry? I couldn't really tell.

"Yeah, a change. You can't keep yourself locked in this same cycle because each time it eats away at your self-esteem a little bit more and…"

She knew what I was talking about, what I was referring to. At times like these, her 'relationship' with Daniel was fairly self-destructive and it was only a matter of time before the damage done by it would start to leave permanent scars. Scars that would not show on her beautiful skin, but leave deep wounds on her personality that would never go away. Her parents had already done a good job of getting that process started and it was heartbreaking to think it may only get worse.

"And what, Donovan? What makes you think you know me so well, huh? If you're such the expert then what the hell do you think I should do?"

"I don't know!" I snapped at her, reaching my breaking point for her unwarranted hostility. I knew she was angry, I knew she was sad but I wasn't a punching bag. I was trying to help. "Just not this again and again… just… something different."

**_Someone_**_ different. Someone who'll treat you better than this. Someone who won't break up with you and try to test the water with someone else within a scant few days… just…_

I tried to convince myself to put those thoughts out there, to say what I wanted to say out loud instead of in my head, but I couldn't.

I glanced at her and caught a look on her face that said she still understood what I was getting at, a look that said maybe, just maybe, I even had a point. She quickly stood and looked around the kitchen, speaking hastily as she did, "I haven't eaten yet. Are you hungry? I'm hungry, but there's like nothing here for dinner…"

"Well…" I shifted in my seat before standing as well; dropping our former subject completely as I could tell how uncomfortable it was making her. "Let's see what we can come up with."

* * *

Kim wasn't lying. Her parents did a horrible job of making sure there was adequate food left for those who would still be at home while they were away. There was a pack of ham rounds in the fridge and we happened upon a half-empty box of potato flakes in one of the cabinets. It wasn't a very tasty dinner (the potato flakes had next to no taste actually, but maybe we made them wrong), but it did at least get the job done. Her mood calmed significantly as we made dinner and it was nice to see her smiling and hear her laughing for more than a few seconds. That might have been because we both made it through our second beer in that time, but I was hopeful it was just because she was feeling better overall. I had planned to leave after we ate, as I didn't want to overstay my welcome and felt I had opened my big, dumb mouth more than enough, but I couldn't refuse when she asked me to stay for a little longer to watch some TV and finish our last beers. I was such a pushover when it came to her… but this was a little different because I knew she was there alone while her probably-soon-to-be-not-ex was out doing who knows what with Jenna Zank (Jenna freakin' Zank of all people).

* * *

I moved around uncomfortably on the couch while trying to enjoy the ABC Friday Night Movie, _The Pink Panther Strikes Again_ (which was actually really funny. I wouldn't have picked comedies as a movie genre Kim was a fan of, but she was enjoying it as much as I was). I had never noticed before, but the whole damn sofa was wrapped in those tacky protective plastic slipcovers. God they were irritating… and noisy! I could hear practically every little movement.

She pulled her feet up and tucked them under her, skewing her body somewhat sideways. I felt her rest her head on my arm and I glanced over to her. There was a funny little smile lining her lips and she seemed… peaceful. "I'm really glad you stopped by tonight, Donovan. I feel a little better now than I have for most of the week."

I began to wonder if I should do something.

_Knock it off, Donovan._

I half-turned, half-slid on the plastic covering and faced her. She seemed almost disappointed that I had pulled away, a confused look spreading across her lovely features.

"What's wrong?"

_Stop, fool!_

"Nothing," I said, paying no heed to the warnings my brain shouted as I moved in to kiss her.

Our lips met and, in my slightly-drunken stupor, I expected there to be some sort of fireworks, some instant spark that would light both of us up. I mean, I thought for sure we had _something_. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no reaction from her as my mouth pressed against hers. She didn't recoil her head or push back with her lips, nor did she shove me away or bring me further in. There was just nothing, and the lack of a response caused an aura of instant discomfort around my entire body as I felt like I had made a terrible mistake.

_Oh shit! You IDIOT! You practically face-planted into her, _the very essence of Paranoia screamed at me as I quickly retreated from her and stood up, stumbling over my own feet. If I wasn't so flustered, I would have found a bizarre comfort in my impromptu mimicry of Inspector Clouseau. _There was NO signal there! None whatsoever! Why the hell did you do that?!_

Kim looked a little awestruck, but I didn't have time to figure out if that was good or bad. I just needed to move my ass and get out of here.

"I-I-I think I better go," I stuttered out, awkwardly attempting to look like I was scratching the back of my head while grabbing a clump of my hair and pulling on it fiercely in embarrassment and frustration at my own inexplicable stupidity. This was bad. This was beyond bad. Both of us were a little drunk, but not nearly enough to simply forget about this the next day. I couldn't just leave well enough alone. I couldn't just enjoy the fact that I had cracked the exterior of Kim's tough girl persona and found a funny, quirky, beautiful girl underneath who would undoubtedly be my friend for life. No, no, no. I had to fuck all that up.

I turned around, checking the room for my jacket, when I felt Kim grab onto my wrist. She pulled herself up, somewhat using my arm for leverage, and she was staring at me with a look of anger. Or… wait, was that anger? I was having the hardest time reading her facial expressions and vocal tones.

_Save face, jackass! Apologize!_

"Kim, look- What just- I mean-"

I was usually as smooth as silk around women, but she was a completely different story and I was continually discombobulated around her, especially at times when I felt incredibly attracted to her (an emotion that was becoming more relevant the longer we were together). The really odd thing was that it actually felt good.

Before I could even begin to put something together, she shoved me, right in the middle of my chest. The couch was directly behind me and I simply fell back into a sitting position. Before I knew it, she damn near pounced me, straddling herself across my lap.

"Wha-what are you doing?" I asked, feeling completely perplexed. I had just messed up big time, so what the hell was going on?

She quickly brushed her hair behind her ears. There was a salacious grin on her face as she whispered, "Something different," and leaned in to kiss me.


	17. One-night stand

_Be forewarned that there are sexual themes in the first section below, though they are not extremely graphic or anything. They somewhat continue after the divider, but only briefly._

**Chapter 17 – One-night stand**

* * *

Like she handled most things in her life, Kim had a very… aggressive manner about her when she really wanted something. I just so happened to be that something at the time. She pressed her lips hard into mine and, instinctively, I returned with the same force. They had a distinctive, small hint of our makeshift dinner, a much stronger scent of lingering alcohol and there was something else… something that I couldn't exactly pinpoint, but I knew I wanted more. It simply must have been her unique taste. She breathed a small laugh as she broke the kiss momentarily. Our eyes met and the look of intensity I could see in hers was alluring in its own right. Under any other circumstance, I would be a bit nervous with those light blue irises staring at me so intently, but this was a situation I wanted to be in. Until that point I hadn't even realized that I had positioned my hands on her sides and weaseled them under her shirt so I could touch her skin. It was warm and smooth and soft... inviting even. I really wanted to explore just how the rest of her felt as well. I moved a hand to the small of her back and pulled her against me for another kiss. She actually had a few inches of height on me thanks to her mounted position and I had to lean my head back slightly as our lips met again. Locks of her bleached hair tumbled forward passed her ears, draping over both of our faces and encompassing us with the sweet smell of her shampoo. We were practically concealed in our intimate moment for only us to enjoy as our tongues discovered each other.

While one hand explored under her shirt, I softly caressed her cheek with the other, gradually moving down to her neck. When I did, she quivered against me slightly and released a low moaned of exhilaration against my mouth. I took that as a cue and slyly moved my lips to the side of her neck and nuzzled in, passing from her skin to her hair and back again while whispering (as I would put it) dirty nothings into her ear. She seemed to be soaking it all in, biting on her lower lip with closed eyes and rhythmically brushing against me. As I realized just how much I wanted this, how much I wanted her, I also began to wonder if it was right, if we were acting without thinking. Then again, it really wasn't something that I wanted to question either.

She began pulling at my shirt and I moved forward slightly so it wasn't pinned between my back and the couch. As soon as I did, the garment came flying off of my body almost faster than I could blink. Kim's hands were all over me again within a nanosecond and our lesson in French kissing continued tenaciously, though I couldn't help but break form and grin as her hands slid across my chest and upper abdomen. I took the opportunity to return the favor and began to lift her shirt up. She took it off a moment later and dropped it to the ground next to us, the material of her black bra slightly reflecting the dim living room light.

We were oblivious to the movie continuing to play behind us and a minute later it was shut off completely as Kim got up and pulled me off the couch with her. Her face was flushed but glowing with a grin spread across it. I could only assume mine looked the same, it certainly felt like it. We continued along in silence, the only sounds in the house came from our shuffling feet and wet, sloppy make-out session. She was walking backwards, seamlessly weaving around the various obstacles in our path with a practiced ease, towing me along with her fingers firmly laced in the belt loops of my jeans. In the span of only a few seconds I tripped over objects twice, not with enough force to actually fall, but with sufficient ineptness to require steadying by her hands. It broke the tension as we laughed out loud at the hilarity of it; a tension that I didn't realize was there until it was reduced. Not even in my wildest dreams could I have conjured up being in such a frenzied lip-lock with Kim Kelly (and I had had many a fantasy about it). From the looks of it, things were only going to continue to escalate as we disappeared into her room.

* * *

"Are those… horses on your shirt?" I asked while laughing, propping myself up on her bed while making sure the thin sheet was still lazily strewn over my naked body. The sight of Kim donning a piece of clothing with illustrated horses on it was inexplicably comical to me.

"Hey, shut up," she said in a lighthearted tone, pulling at the violet-colored sleeves that barely went passed her elbows anyway and turning off the bedroom light. "It's, like, one of the only nice things my mom has ever bought for me."

"I don't even see why you're putting that on," I teased, playfully pulling on the hem of the shirt as she got back into bed with me, "because all I want to do is get you undressed again."

She laughed and adoringly rested her hand on my chest. "Like you have that kind of energy."

I was about to reply back with a witty statement when she cut me off at the pass and busied my lips with her own.

Being tired, buzzed and in an exorbitantly good mood probably contributed to my current state of ridiculousness. I was… well, I was happy. I had every reason to be.

This wasn't a conquest, a victory or some sort of notch in my bedpost… and yet, there was something distinctively different about this liaison. As a matter of fact, this was worlds apart from what happened with Christina weeks ago. I was not looking for feelings that weren't there, they were front and center. I wasn't questioning how I felt, it was plain as day. I didn't want to distance myself from her; I wanted to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her again and again. Perhaps 'distinctively different' was a bit of an understatement, because this went far past being the opposite of my last relationship, this was different than any past relationship I had been in. It was something I was certain I had never experienced before.

* * *

We were getting into the thick of it again when I heard a familiar sound in the distance. A familiar sound that was getting closer.

"No fuckin' way," I uttered in pure disbelief, my hand stopping in mid-motion as I pulled the top up to her midsection. The noise was undeniable, as I had heard it time and time again over the past seven months.

The rumble from Daniel's car was just as recognizable to Kim as well.

"You hear that too, right?"

We shared a momentary stare of concern before jolting from the bed in a hectic craze.

As I staggered to put my foot through the opposite leg hole of my boxers, I realized this would be the second time in recent memory that I was attempting to scurry from a girl's house… a trend I was not all that fond of.

"Why are we panicking?" I asked, still struggling with my clothes in the pitch black room.

"Is that a serious question?" Kim was fighting with an article of clothing as well and her voice came out in alarm. "Oh shit. These are your pants, not mine."

"No, I-"

The pair of jeans came flying at me and smacked into my face, indirectly shutting me up.

"Ow!" I yelled out as the denims slid off my frame and hit the floor with a 'foomp' sound. "That, uh, that was my face, Blondie."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Really, though, you two broke up. You dumped him, he dumped you, whatever. The fact of the matter is you two are not currently an item. I can just chill out in your room while you tell him to go home, right?"

"Wrong," she breathed pretentiously, "Look, Donovan, this… this was a big deal. I need to figure out what I'm doing and if I happen to slip up in an airhead moment then I definitely don't want him stalking in here and you two going at it."

I heard the last part, but my brain was not able to fully process it, being stuck on the 'I need to figure out what I'm doing' bit. "Kim, wha- I thought out there you said you said you were doing something different. I thought-"

_What do I think? Am I confused about what actually just went on here? Is this a role reversal with what happened to Christina and me? _

She leaned against me and sighed, not in frustration but in distress. "Please don't do this right now. We will talk about this, about us, I promise, just not this very second."

The sound of a car door closing drew Kim to peek out of her window and turn around in a hurry. "Shit. It's really him. Time to go, like, now!"

"Where?" I questioned as she began pushing me out of her room. I couldn't very well walk out of the front door or jump out of her window.

She groaned as I quickly made my way to the living room to pick up my shirt, "The back door, goofball. Rob is working on the laundry room, right next to the kitchen. It's there. You'll have to jump a few fences, but…"  
Kim peeled back the large plastic sheet covering the wall and led me to the door, searching for the knob in the dark. A small amount of light poured in when the door opened, dimly illuminating our faces. I had my shirt and shoes bundled up to my chest and listened as Daniel knocked on the front door.

"I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk, okay?" She peered over her shoulder to the living room as she spoke.

I nodded as she turned back to me and started to head out.

"Hey," she said in a quiet tone and I felt her quickly slide her hand to the back of my neck and pull me forward into one last hard, irresistible kiss of the night.

"Tomorrow… and watch out for the Carrasco's dog," she whispered and closed the door.

I hastily put on my remaining clothes and zigzagged my way through various backyards. Looking back on it, it was somewhat opportune that I had to park so far away earlier. At the very least it made for an easier escape from the unforeseen arrival of Daniel, even if I wasn't too sold on the idea.

* * *

I switched through the radio stations as I drove home, finally stopping on a random one as the DJ announced it was time to continue with the music. I heard the familiar chords begin for _Love Will Tear Us Apart_ and I immediately spat out, 'Ahhhh! Fuck you!' before switching off the radio altogether. I really didn't have anything against Joy Division (except for the fact that Ian Curtis sounded excessively depressed in every damn song and at times it seemed like he was eating the microphone instead of singing into it), but I had a heavy belief that the radio had a tendency of jinxing me in certain situations. For instance, one time _Southern Man_ by Neil Young was playing in our car just before we arrived at the Rivercrest Stadium for a basketball game. The moment my mom, dad and I stepped out of the car we were all bombarded with racial slurs and threats from a group of men who apparently had some issue with my mother's race, interracial relationships and, obviously, me. I was only seven and the memory was burned into my brain forever, as it was my first real experience with racism. Another example is when _Stormbringer_ by Deep Purple was blaring on the radio in my room (during an actual thunder and lightning storm… the DJ thought he was soooo clever) and we endured a blackout across town when a lightning bolt hit the power grid and shut us all down.

It was clearly all be coincidental, but with what happened with Kim, why take the chance?

* * *

Saturday came and went with no call from Kim. I wasn't exactly waiting with bated breath, but I was anticipating _something_. As Sunday rolled around and began to display the same results, I tried to decide what to do.

_I have to play it cool, right?_ I thought to myself, starting off a small spiral of doubt. _I mean, I don't want to come across as Nick did with Lindsay… that was just creepy. Still though, what the hell is with the silence? Was this just a one-night stand? Did something happen after I left? Why didn't I just put my feelings into words and say something?_

Attempting to say something without actually saying anything was beyond arduous and I wasn't even sure if I was getting anything across. Well, there's no denying that I got _something_ across on Friday night, but was it enough to keep her interested? All this shit was spinning around in my head and I wasn't gonna do a damn thing about it.

Sure, my parents were happy enough to have me around for the entire weekend, but I began to feel stupid for putting everything on hold and not making any plans as I waited for a phone call from a girl who 'needed to figure out what she was doing'.

When the phone did ring later in the afternoon I hastily grabbed it up before either my mom or dad could get to it.

"Hello?" I said, almost in a whisper.

I heard Ken's unmistakable laugh on the other end of the line. "Why are you whispering? Is saying 'hello' a secret at your house or something?"

"No," I sighed, "I was just… never mind. What's up, man?"

"I was callin' to ask you the same thing. After Friday evening it's been nothing but crickets from you. You so shoulda came with us. I'm still not sure if the night was a tragedy or a comedy, but either way you missed out."

He proceeded to tell me that they weren't carded, but the bartender wouldn't serve them him or Nick drinks because they clearly were not part of the punk crowd. Daniel seems like he was making some headway with Jenna… then he got kicked in the back of the head by some guy crowd-surfing.

"They crowd-surf at punk shows?" I interrupted, not being able to help myself at the curious imagery that statement conjured.

"Hell yeah, man. The shows are actually kind of cool. Lots of yelling, headbanging and mosh pits just appeared out of thin air all the time! It was my kind of place. Don't laugh, but I'm honestly thinking of going there again."

I laughed. Hard. Like 'out of breath' hard.

After my outburst calmed and he called me a jerk for the hundredth time, he began to laugh himself, saying he was getting to the best part. In an effort to impress Jenna and further prove that he really was a 'punker', Daniel was going to have a safety pin nose ring pierced in by some chick. When he heard Jenna call over some other guy and she started making out with him, though, Daniel lost his nerve. It was too late anyway, as the pin dangled from his face, half-impaled into his nose. They all left after that, much to Ken's dismay.

"What happened after that?"

"I dunno!" Ken almost snorted. "I spent all of yesterday and most of today hanging out with Nick… and by that I mean we've been high as kites."

"Did you talk with Kim or Lindsay?" I was trying to be sly but God that was a stupid question.

"Nah. I mean, I called Kim today, but her stepdad answered so I kind of hung up on him."

"Wise choice," I nodded.

_Well, that helps me in no way, shape or form whatsoever. _

As I continued to talk with Ken, I pondered whether or not to call Daniel and see if I could get to the bottom of Friday night without trying to ask Kim for the info. She apparently had better things to do than call me, like deal with her returning parents. I ultimately decided against a call to the Desario household. If he had somehow found out, he would be one of the last people I would want to talk to.

* * *

Monday arrived and within five minutes of walking into school I felt like I had been punched in the gut by a visual 'what kind of fuckery is this?' moment when I spotted the gang in the smoking patio… with Daniel and Kim latched onto each other like they were in a recently discovered burst of puppy love.

My first instinct was to slither back inside and try not to blow a gasket for the whole school to see, but Ken spotted me almost instantly and called out my name with a wave. I grimaced, cursed under my breath and reluctantly made my way into the little cluster of my friends, hollowly throwing out a casual greeting. I tried to catch Kim's eyes with my own, but she was avoiding looking in my direction at all costs. Daniel, however, had no problem looking at me while wearing his trademark big, silly grin… a grin that I suddenly profoundly hated. Either he knew and this was his passive-aggressive way of telling me I was a putz for ever thinking anything would change and she was his or… or he didn't know and he was just smiling at me like a friend would smile at a friend.

It really didn't matter; the end result was still that I truly was an idiot for thinking that Friday night might have actually meant something to her.

After a few minutes of idle chitchat that I didn't even pretend to be interested in, I finally turned to the couple and decided to see just how amicable our situation now was. "Hey, Kim, can I talk with you for a minute?"

She finally looked at me, but it was with eyes full of contempt. 'No,' was all she said before turning around and leaving abruptly as Nick and Daniel started to laugh. That was pretty much the exact opposite of amicable.

"Well, now we know why Daniel's out of the doghouse," Ken chuckled out, "Kim's busy being pissed at you!"

"Fucking Joy Division!" I groaned out loudly as the bell rang, much to the confusion of my friends.


	18. Old habits die hard

_Author's Note: A big thank you to **lydiathedinosaur** for continuing to grace my story with her marvelous, insightful reviews. They always open my eyes to something I didn't even realize I had put out there. :) Please, if you have not done so already, give her Freaks and Geeks fanfic, Freak, a read. She is a great addition to our community._

**Chapter 18 – Old habits die hard**

* * *

Kim knew I wasn't just going to bring the subject up in front of all our friends and she had been doing a fairly good job of avoiding me throughout the week when she was alone. Trying to get her on the phone was just as futile and I didn't even want to endure the craziness that would ensue if I went to her house.

I had managed to figure out just where she was going off to during fourth period, though (our only shared class for the last semester of the year: study hall). She would simply hang out in the girl's restroom to smoke or talk with a few others from her bully troupe or mainly to avoid me.

I watched her walk through the door and I waited, looking for any previous occupants to leave or any potential new arrivals. After five minutes, I followed her in.

She was alone in the room, sitting on the tall radiator with the window open behind her, lit cigarette in hand with a look on her face that came across as… lost.

"Shit!" she blurted out when she saw me, "What the hell are you doing?"

I leaned against the wall and stared at her for a moment. "Well that's more than you've said to me all week. Care to continue?"

She blew out a puff of air wearily and rolled her eyes before completely diverting her gaze to one of the empty stalls next to her. "You should get out of here. This is the girls' bathroom, after all."

"Is this your whole plan? Ignore me until school is out… or forever?"

No response.

"I couldn't help but notice how you and Daniel are back together. So I was just, what, a rebound guy until he got his shit together? A placeholder? A one-night stand? Does he even know?"

"No!" Kim said frantically, jumping from her seat, "And you can't tell him… please."

I scoffed, truly pissed that _that_ was what got a reaction out of her. "So you avoid me like the plague, treat me like I don't exist anymore and I'm supposed to, what, stand back and admire you two with a smile?"

I caught a look of empathy in her eyes as she spoke. "He's your friend too, isn't he? Don't hurt him like that."

"Hurt him? I'm honestly having a hard time giving a shit about him right now. You know he manipulates people to get what he wants. Ken already told me the punk club went over like lead balloon and I have no doubt he came by to flash those puppy dog eyes at you and patch things up as quickly as possible when he realized he fucked up. You deserve better than being someone's backup plan and you know it. I'll tell you what hurts, Kim: the fact that I care about you... a lot. It hurts because I thought that just maybe you were beginning to see that Friday night when-"

"Friday night was a mistake, Donovan, a huge mistake," she cut in, throwing her cigarette into the sink and dousing it with water. It was as if she didn't even hear the fact that I had just put my heart on my sleeve.

"Kim- what? No, that's bullshit."

"No, it isn't."

She was facing me but looking down to the ground, avoiding eye contact again. I stepped closer to her, moving my hand to her face and placing my thumb and forefinger on her chin, gently pushing her head back up to draw her attention to me. I watched her move her hand up to mine, but she sheepishly embraced it instead of removing it.

"Are you sure it was a mistake?" I whispered, arching my head down to kiss her. I sure didn't think it was, and I intended to make that known to her.

Her other hand rose up and wrapped behind my neck, pulling me in so our lips met, somewhat forcefully.

It was kind of the opposite of what we had been engaged in just days before. It started off rough but quickly turned into a soft kiss… one that, for a brief moment, felt like she really meant it before she broke it off and pushed me away.

"We can't do this!" she yelled out, appearing both pained and frustrated.

I looked at her, studying her face and quick body movements. "What is it about the idea of us that makes you so nervous, Kim? We work. You know it and I know it. Give us a chance here."

She shot a glare at me that was overflowing with rage. "You really wanna have that talk right now, huh? Okay, I'll start."

I had a bad feeling about this. The range of emotions she was going through were cycling so fast that I couldn't keep up, but I knew she had switched to defensive mode, which also made her very vindictive. There was no time for me to brace for impact.

"Do you even know what 'us' would mean? I'd lose everyone! Ken, Nick, definitely Daniel… probably Lindsay, too! I know who I'm with right now and, yeah we have our ups and downs, but I also know he loves me and I love him. And I should throw all of that away… for you?" She tensed slightly and I could almost see her planning her escape in her head. "That is absolutely _not_ what I want, alright? _You're_ not what I want. So if you really care about me as much as you say you do then you'll forget about this, forget about Friday night and just stay the hell away from me… because 'us' means nothing as far as I'm concerned!"

I stood there, stunned and stung, as my expression crumbled and she rushed out of the room. My body trembled slightly as tears welled up in my eyes. That was… excruciating. In that moment, I would have given anything to go back in time and _not_ walk in the restroom to confront her… because I had just lost my best friend and the girl I couldn't get out of my mind in one fell swoop. There was no way I could have her in either capacity after that.

Daniel's words of wisdom bitterly reverberated in my head, 'the dumbest thing you can do: Let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run.'

* * *

Time dragged on for what felt like an eternity. The last few weeks of school seemed like they took longer to pass than summer would last and, even though life continued on as normal for all of us, I felt particularly detached from my friends as a whole. Still, though, I tried. I mean, what else was I going to do? Give up on all of my friendships because I had been stabbed in the heart?

As was the usual case with my friends, troubled seemed to follow us and pop up everywhere we went. Nick had gotten into some sort of huge fight with his dad after the Colonel sold his entire drum set. He decided that running away would somehow make his dad realize the error of his ways. As it so happened, he ended up spending a good portion of a week mooching off of Lindsay's parents while staying at their house. He was torn between being eternally grateful to the Weir's for their kindness and hospitality and trying to see if he could somehow rekindle something with Linds. Ultimately, he chose to remain thankful to the good fortune that fell upon him and keep his feelings bottled up as well as he could. When Mr. Andopolis decided enough was enough he ordered Nick to return home, he (not so surprisingly) did as he was told.

A week later we were all informed that the vice president would be making a special appearance at our humble little school and everyone was on high alert as a result. We were all even pretty much banned from our little cave under the stairs when the secret service people began scouting for possible problems. Most students were thrilled and excited to be meeting one of the most powerful men in the world. My friends and I, however, were just annoyed with the entire situation, especially Lindsay. She should have been honored, really, because she was given the opportunity to ask him the very first question. It wasn't until Kim gently nudged her into asking him some kind of really tough question that she actually got into the idea. After the questions she came up with were reviewed by the powers that be and it was decided that they were too "sophisticated" for such an event, she was given a guideline on what she could ask… and she didn't like that very much. Naturally, she called him out on it in front of everyone. That takes some balls. I can't help but imagine that the freaks had a bit of an influence on such a rebellious action.

* * *

One night when just us boys were staying the night in Nick's basement, I almost revealed what happened to Daniel during a stroke of absentmindedness. I knew I should have made up some excuse and left before we all decided to crash, but sometimes I am just a glutton for punishment. It started when we were all just waiting for sleep to take over. Ken called the couch before any of us even though to, so Nick, Daniel and I were stuck lying on a piece of puke-green shag carpet that was only thinly shielding the cold, hard, uncomfortable concrete floor beneath. As we all shifted and squirmed to become cozy, thoughts were randomly floating around in our heads.

"Hey, Donovan, why haven't we hung out in a while? Like just you and me, man? I kinda miss working on our cars together," Daniel harmlessly asked.

"Uh…" I racked my brain trying to think up some sort of excuse, "The ol' Challenger is purring like a kitten, so, ya know…"

_Really? Do you WANT to sound like a pretentious jerk or something?_

"Yeah, 'cept that clunk sound when you gun it," my friend laughed.

_Shit... that's right. Fuck that clunk sound. I don't care…_

"I've just been… busy, I guess. First there was Christina and then my mom got sick and then there was no more Christina. See what I mean?"

"Yeah, and then you went and pissed off Kim real good. What the hell did you do, anyway?"

I shook my head, "You don't wanna know," I thought aloud and my eyes instantly bugged out of my head and there was an awkward whistle sound as I sharply breathed in through my nose.

Daniel propped himself up on his elbows and looked over Nick's large frame to me. "What the hell does that mean?"

"What? I mean, no, it's just- I don't want to talk about it." How much further could I possibly keep digging this damned hole?

Suddenly (and thankfully), Ken surprised all of us by randomly proclaiming that he was probably going to break up with his girlfriend, Amy. After receiving a round of 'What? Why? Seriously?' and making all of us promise not to be jerks about what we were going to hear and not to tell anyone about it, he opened up to us about his reasoning. Amy, as it turned out, wasn't always 100% girl. When she was born, she was born as an intersex child and her parents had to make a decision as to what she was going to be. Even though the choice was made at infancy and Amy was comfortable in her own skin as a female, Ken could not figure out what to do. I wanted to help my friend out, but I really wasn't in the best state of mind to talk about relationships. Nick implied that since she was only sporting female parts, everything was fine, but Daniel wasn't so sure. When he jokingly asked Ken if his current predicament meant he was gay, our friend took the question quite literally. I finally chimed in, but from the look on Ken's face after my thoughts were put out there, it didn't make much of a difference.

"Ken, man, if you really do love her, then it shouldn't matter. She's a girl. You said so yourself and I imagine she has, too, so you're not gay, either, even if Mr. Funnyman's joke made you think about it. And, ya know what? Even if you were gay, so what? She makes you happy, man, and that's worth the world. The whole fuckin' world."

_Was that last piece of advice really for him…. or myself?_

After a few moments of silence, which I spent trying to read Ken's thoughts from his facial expressions, Nick began to crack up. "Are you- did you smoke a joint or something, Donovan? You're being all deep and introspective right now and it's weird."

I joined in his laughter, unable to really help myself as his glee seemed contagious in my increasingly tired state, before assuredly stating that I was serious with my advice.

* * *

According to a phone call from Linds, the day after he had reveled Amy's secret to all of us, Daniel had somehow inadvertently worded a greeting in a way that appeared as if he was poking fun at her past and that infuriated Ken, who in turn punched him in the face. Part of me was glad I decided to skip out on hanging with the group that evening, because I certainly didn't want to become closely connected with any of my friends' fists. The following day, when I ran into Ken in the lunch room (right before Lindsay's defiant run-in with the Vice President, actually), I was fairly ecstatic when he told me that he and Amy had patched things up and were staying together. I was very happy for them and the fact that they were not going to break up over something that really didn't change who she was or how he felt about her. That was how things should be, that was how _love_ should be.

* * *

With only three weeks left in school, I was tired of trying to keep up the façade that I was still happy with my new friends. I mean, overall I was, but there was a visceral tension the whole group could feel when Kim and I were in the same space… and it was nearly impossible for me to stand it. Continuing what Daniel had instigated the night of the sleepover, Nick asked what was going on once, Ken wouldn't leave me alone about it and Lindsay would look at me from time to time like she knew something. As for the perpetrator, Daniel, well… he really just wanted to know why I stopped hanging out with him.

Truth be told, I was still pissed at Desario. Not for any logical reason, but because of what he represented to me at the time. He was only content with Kim so long as there wasn't another option available. When there was, you could bet he was more than willing to try it out in one way or another. Unfortunately for him, relationships were not something he had actually easily mastered and he read women worse than I did most of the time (to be fair, though, I never would have guessed Jenna was involved with someone with how she led Daniel on), so his attempts to move on to another relationship never really panned out. It was very odd, because his very persona was attractive to women and he knew how to reel them in, but when it came to the real, honest to God relationship stuff, he was roaming in the dark. Being friends for the better part of a year clued me in to the fact that my friend's charm only allowed him to coast so far before it was sink or swim time… and he sunk like a rock. The astonishing thing was that he seemed fine with that, anticipatory of it almost, feeling confident that he would always have his ex to go back to in the end. She cared about him and understood him and he had no problem using that to his advantage.

It wasn't all on him though; Kim had a hand in the ordeal as well. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't and Daniel was that known devil. I think she was afraid to leave him… leave him for good at least. She wanted to be accepted and loved and, in his own way, he provided those things to her. As much as I would like to say she was brimming with self-confidence, the sad fact was that she had none in herself. All those slanderous remarks our peers made cut deep because part of her believed them to be true.

When I thought about all of it, I mean _really_ thought about it, I felt stupid for letting a girl, one single person, have such a profound and crippling effect on my life in a negative way. I needed a change or rather, I needed something back. On Friday, I made up my mind and knocked on Mr. Fredricks office door.

"I want my spot back next year," I said to him as he opened the door with a surprised look on his face.

"Uh, ye- well, there… hmm," he stumbled around whatever sentence he was trying to create at first. "We want you back, Donovan, we really do. Hell, I'll go as far as saying we _need_ you back, but… your spot has already been taken. It was filled shortly after you left."

My jaw dropped slightly. "Seriously? By who?"

"Seidleman," he replied quickly, looking rather embarrassed.

My jaw dropped completely with that disclosure, accompanied by a wide-eyed look of disbelief. "You're shittin' me!"

"Hey!" he yelled out sternly, but I knew that was as far as his reprimanding for my foul language would go.

"Coach, Seidleman's a wall. Sure, no one can tackle him and he can knock down any twerp that gets within arm's reach, but he won't move, he can't catch and he sure as hell won't be running after anyone! You know I can do all of those things _and_ I won't literally crush a kid under my own weight when I tackle them."

Mr. Fredricks shook his head, looking down for a moment and sighing, "I'm sorry Donovan, but all of the defensive line positions are taken. You're more than welcome to come back, but we're gonna have to find another spot for you."

I rubbed my head in frustration. We hadn't even gone through summer drills yet and all of the defensive line positions were spoken for already? How was that even possible?

"Coach, you said if I came back you would spotlight me. How the hell are you gonna do that if I can't do what I know? I need this to get into a good college."

"Hey, hey, Donovan," he said in a friendly tone, shaking my shoulder, "Do not worry about it. I will get it all figured out. You're gonna be seen, I promise you that. We're gonna have a good time next year. Now, if you're actually serious about this… we, uh, we're gonna need to run a drug test on you. You know that, right?"

I shook my head and sighed. Thanks a lot, Vicki.

"I don't believe those rumors, Donovan," Fredricks slightly backpedaled, trying to sound positive, "but as your coach I have to make sure that any accusations are either proven or disproven. That means a drug test."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Ugh. I was going to have to buy some geek's pee now. That was going to be... weird.

"Alright, so… we need to get a summer workout plan going for you ASAP."

* * *

Ken called my house later on that night and he could barely contain a normal voice through his laughter.

"Oh my God, man, Oh my God, you so should have came with us tonight! You're always missin' the good shit." Another outburst of laughter from my friend and I was truly interested in what I had missed.

"We went to that stupid disco place-"

"Ah, the ole 'disco sucks' tradition."

"Yeah, but you'll never believe who was there, dancin' to the groove."

I bit my tongue for a moment, hoping he would just tell me without further prodding. "Let me guess: Mr. Rosso. Oh, no no wait: Mr. Kowchevski!" I finally threw out, searching the far reaches of the fridge for something edible. I was stretching the poor phone cord to its limit and if I pulled any harder it would probably snap.

Ken suddenly spat out a horrible sound that reminded me of those 'wrong answer' buzzers from the lame game shows. "Wrong! That second one is pretty good, but still wrong. It was none other than our own Mr. Nick Andopolis."

"C-come again?" I said, almost dropping the carton of milk I had just moved out of the way.

More laughter from the man who just didn't know how to stop. "You heard me right. Nick was getting down with his bad self. Hey, if you're not doing anything tomorrow, which you're not and we all know it, you should drop by Nick's because we're all gonna get the scoop on this and give him non-stop shit."

I hesitated for a moment. _All of us?_

"I, uh, can't tomorrow…"

"What? Why? Is it because you and Kim are still fightin'? You guys really need to get passed whatever got between you. This has been going on for almost a month now and, honestly, it's making things awkward for everyone. The last time she was this pissed at someone it was Daniel and that's because they're dating. What's your excuse?"

I laughed nervously and moved on, completely ignoring his question and closing the fridge door with my elbow. "No, it's not that… it's, um…"

_Think! Think! THINK! _

"I've gotta get some things ready to go back to football next year."

_Well, that cat's out of the bag…_

It took my friend a moment to respond and I could only imagine he was slightly shocked speechless.

"You're- you're going back to football? Well, uh, alright."

There were a few more lingering moments of silence where neither of us knew what to say.

Ken finally spoke up again, "You're not, uh, breaking up with us now, right?"

"No," I laughed, thankful he kept his sense of humor about the subject. "I'm just going to be living in two worlds next year, but you guys will still be my favorites. Anyway, tell me about some of those funky disco moves Nick was doing."

Somehow I imagined I had just given the gang a whole lot more to talk about tomorrow besides Nick's _Saturday Night Fever_.


	19. The worst liar

**Chapter 19 – The worst liar in the history of the world…**

* * *

"Are you guys coming to the disco on Friday night?" Nick's new girlfriend, Sara, asked as Ken, Daniel and I huddled around the lockers while the couple cuddled together in front of us.

With a shit-eating grin on his face, Ken asked, "Why would we do that?"

Sara explained that our mutual friend was entering the dancing contest at the club and it was going to happen at the end of the week. None of us could have been more ecstatic… because it is hard to be more of something when you were never even experiencing it to begin with. The whole thing was just awkward. Sara tried her best to hang out with us, but you could tell she just didn't get what we were about and she tried too hard to emulate what she thought we expected her to act like. It was somewhat agonizing, but none of us wanted to say anything to Nick because, well… if she made him happy, we wanted him to be happy. Judging from Ken's increasingly agitated state over the subject though, it was only a matter of time before he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something.

* * *

During lunch I was trying to curb my laughter after witnessing Mr. Lacovara make a spectacle of himself by turning full-force into a student and basically exploding their lunch tray all over both of them. He only made it worse by raising both hands in the air and claiming responsibility, calling himself a 'clumsy clod' before helping the student clean up. Lindsay gave me a sturdy punch to the arm as I walked beside her, presumably feeling sorry for the bumbling teacher. She was about to say something to me when a voice from the table we were walking passed caught our attention.

"Hey, _American Beauty_! That is a great album, man!"

A quick glance caused me to sigh slightly. It was the deadhead couple, Victor and Laurie. During my initial hiatus from football, I shared a table with them one time during lunch. One damn time and I will regret it for life, I am certain. I had never heard so much useless drivel or stoner talk before that moment. They were completely obsessed with the Grateful Dead and, to a lesser extent, the care-free, mellow hippie lifestyle. I hadn't even noticed Linds was carrying around a Dead album, but when she seemed to take interest in what they were saying, I made my way over to Ken, Nick and… Sara.

"This is such a cool vest, Kenny," she admired as I sat at the table, watching her crinkle the material between her fingers momentarily.

"Kenny?" Ken asked, giving her a look like she had just crossed a line.

"Why don't you come over to Nick's after school? We're gonna go over some new dance moves!"

I tried not to laugh at the very idea, but failed as I saw Nick nodding his head enthusiastically. How in the world could he be so into such a thing? Strange things were a-happenin' with our vertically advantageous friend. From what I heard, he even quit smoking pot for this girl.

"How about you, Donovan?" Sara asked as Ken declined.

I looked over to my Nick's new girlfriend, fighting the urge to just laugh directly in her face.

"Uh, they don't really like to dance. Especially Ken," Nick quickly interjected.

Sara fawned in a sickeningly empathetic 'Awww' before continuing down the road better less traveled. "Kenny, that's just because you don't know how."

I could swear daggers were flying out of Ken's eyes at the mention of 'Kenny' again and I watched him stop himself from saying anything in frustration.

"I taught Nick how to do the Hustle in less than an hour. And you know what, you'll probably learn even faster than that because you'll have both of us teaching you at the same time."

"Ummmmmm, no," Ken replied, sounding somewhat more loathsome of the idea.

Finally, the girl got the hint and went to get something else from the lunch line while tempers smoothed over.

"Do I need to remind you that you used to hate disco?" Ken argued after a short back and forth with Nick.

"Look," Nick began, repositioning himself in his seat as he spoke, "what's the difference between disco and Zepplin really?"

Both Ken and I gave him a blank stare. Had Andopolis really just compared disco to one of his favorite bands of all time?

"No, listen," Nick quickly said before either of us could tear his question apart. "They both have heavy drums and bass. Have you heard that Foxy song, _Hot Number_? It rocks, man."

"No, I don't know that song. Thank God!" Ken replied, twisting his face into a look of disgust. I shook my head in comradery, having never heard the song myself, either. "But I can guarantee it sucks!"

Nick aptly deciphered that this discussion was not really about music at all and the underlying tone was in regards to his girlfriend. He immediately jumped to her defense, but when Ken insinuated that Nick was only dating Sara to make Lindsay jealous, it struck a nerve. I wasn't sure if it was on the mark or if Andopolis was just really ticked enough to leave, but either way he stormed off after the comment was made. Soon after, Lindsay joined us and talk shifted from Nick and Sara to the Grateful Dead (which didn't last long at all considering neither Ken nor I were very appreciative of their music) to one of the other elephants in the room.

"So, I think I figured it out." There was a smug smile on Ken's face and I was not looking forward to what he may have 'figured out', especially since he was looking in my direction. "Kim's mad at you because she's the first one you told about going back to football and she thinks you're gonna turn back into the same type of jockage jerk that hates us."

"Seriously, Ken, just drop it," I pleaded, rolling my eyes. Out of my peripheral vision, I caught Lindsay nervously look down at the mention of Kim and I not getting along. She knew something… she must have.

"What?" he proclaimed defensively. "This is probably the longest fight in the history of our group and it's getting old."

I ignored him and turned to Lindsay. "Could I talk to you outside, please, Linds?"

"Uh…" Her eyes darted back and forth fretfully. "Sure. We'll be back in a minute, Ken."  
He watched us get up and leave, waiting until we were a good distance before yelling, "Why is everyone leaving me today?"

* * *

The smoking patio was a ghost town of its former self. Most of the inhabitants were busy skipping out on the last stretch of school and sucking on their nicotine sticks elsewhere.

"Okay, what do you know?"

Lindsay leaned against the stained brick wall and looked at me, trying to appear innocuous. "Know about what? I don't know anything," she denied awkwardly.

"Lindsay, please. You're the smartest person I know… and you're also possibly the worst liar in the history of the world. It's a curse for you and a blessing for me." I looked at her as sincerely as I could muster. "What did Kim tell you?"

"Everything," she finally sighed out after going through the motions for a moment.

I draped my hand over my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling completely defeated for some reason. My lips quivered for a moment, stuck on words that simply wouldn't form as the realization of what Lindsay said truly sunk in. "Oh, Jesus. _Everything_ everything?"

She crossed her arms and looked at me, "Yeah, everything. What were you guys thinking?"

I didn't appreciate the snootiness her tone suddenly gained when she asked that question. "We weren't, alright? But that doesn't make it wrong."

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Daniel. He doesn't-"

Something in me snapped and I was all at once angry. Again with the defense of the at-the-time-ex?

"Oh my God, what is with you two? Are you the chairwomen of the Desario pity party brigade or something? He's not some innocent bystander in all of this, you know? According to Nick and Ken, he was scoping out Jenna before Kim even broke up with him! Let's not forget about Wendy Franklin or Karen friggin' Scarfolli, either!"

I had unwittingly put Linds on the defensive, momentarily blanking that Kim was her best friend too and she had more than a little interest in protecting Daniel.

"That's different and you know it!"

"How?" My face twisted into an odd mix of frustration and confusion. "Because he wasn't able to do the deed with any of them? That makes it okay? It certainly wasn't for lack of trying on his part, Linds, that's for sure. Now she- I can't even- for the- aw, fuck!" My fists balled up in a fit of irritation and I was suddenly very glad the patio was so empty, because my voice was on the brink of a yell. Again I was letting Kim get into my head and she wasn't even around! Now I could better sympathize what Nick was going through when he was lamenting the loss of his Lady L.

She stared at me for a minute, putting something together in her head as the silence grew thicker and thicker. "Donovan, are you… do you love Kim? Are you _in love_ with her?"

I was at a loss for words. As far as I was concerned, love was the biggest, scariest four-letter word I knew and one that I found my peers used far too freely without thinking of the actual context behind the term. Even Lindsay, in all of her wisdom, threw the word around like there were no true feelings attached to it. There was a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. One was clearly representative of a stronger, deeper bond.

I did love Kim, I loved all of my freak friends really, but… was I in love with her? Did I even know what being in love felt like? It was never an expression I would use to describe the depth to which my previous relationships had went, but the way I felt around her, the way I felt when I was with her, was completely unique and foreign to me. How could I classify something I had never felt before and how could I know if it was… that L word? Was it possible to be in love at seventeen? Was it even possible to be in love with someone you had only shared a fleeting moment with? One could be in _lust_ from such a short union, yes, but in love?

_Think about it, kid. Sex was a pinnacle of your relationship with her, not the whole of it. A pinnacle, not the pinnacle. You two have known each other for eight months now, growing closer and closer each day. She makes your heart race, you're always thinking of her and you don't want to give up on the idea of you two being an item. If this isn't love, then what is it?_

After a moment of consideration, I replied to my inner reasoning, _Fuck off, Confidence! You're not helping!_

"Donovan?" Lindsay said, waiting for an answer to her Pandora's Box of a question. She looked so expectant, as if it was the most uncomplicated thing in the world.

"Ijust- what? No. I mean, Idunno. No. Pfft… love," I choked in a muddled state of embarrassment, panting fervently between each word.

She gave me a half smile and laughed, "And _I'm_ the worst liar in the history of the world?"

I looked down, still embarrassed beyond belief. "Could you just… ask her to talk to me or something? This is driving me crazy and I don't want to lose her as a friend."

Lindsay assured me she would see what she could do, but I knew better than to hold my breath in anticipation. Kim Kelly was one of the most stubborn people I had ever met.

* * *

In a painstaking effort to be a good friend, I accompanied Nick and Sara to the Discotheque on Friday to show my support. Though I would not admit it in front of Ken, I thought Nick did have a point about disco music. A lot of it was good… then again, a lot of it sucked too, but that happened in every genre. I sat at a table at the far end of the small-ish room, trying to make sure no one could ever say they saw me there. As things were getting set up, I watched in horror as Ken and Lindsay came into the club. It looked like Ken was trying some last-ditch attempt at dissuading Nick from competing in this dance contest, but the DJ stopped the music to call out an 'opinionated rock-n-roller', aka Ken. The two had a small back and forth before Mr. Miller was escorted out of the building.

I stifled a laugh when he yelled out, 'Where the hell are Daniel and Donovan when you need 'em?' as he disappeared around the corner.

I watched Lindsay and Nick talk out near the bowling lanes and I sneakily got closer to see if I could eavesdrop on the conversation. It was a fruitless endeavor, however. The loud clash of bowling pins being struck again and again drowned out anything that wasn't right beside me. I jumped slightly when Sara whispered out a question to me. I didn't even realize she was trying to overhear what they were saying, too.

"Can you read lips? I can't hear a thing they're saying."

I could see the worry on her face and it didn't take a genius to realize she was still concerned that Nick would run back to Lindsay without a second thought if she wanted him back.

"Nope."

"Oh, God… why are they smiling so much? Do you- do you think she came here to tell him she's still in love with him?"

A laugh escaped my mouth and I had to turn away as more threatened to bubble out. "You think Linds was in love with Nick? Oh, girl, you've got nothing to worry about."

Suddenly the DJ announced that it was time for the contest to begin and _The Groove Line_ by Heatwave started playing. As our friend's name was called, Sara began to smile again. "Oh! He's first! I better get him!"

I examined Nick's face as Sara went to fetch him and what I read on it made me question if his girlfriend truly didn't have anything to worry about. He seemed fairly forlorn as Lindsay walked away.

I took my seat near the back of the club again and watched my friend dance and his girlfriend cheer him on; all the while trying to figure out if he still had a thing for Weir. It was slightly comforting to know I might not be the only one seeking to understand the concept of being in love and if it was indeed what I was experiencing.

To my complete surprise, Nick did pull off some nice dance moves, even if they were badly outdated. The second performer, Eugene, used a mix of magic and dance to wow the audience, but most of his act consisted of trickery instead of boogying. The third and final participant just used one move over and over again ('The Bus Stop' as Sara called it) and was pretty much booed off the floor. It was all too obvious who the victor would be in this dance-off… and it wasn't going to be Andopolis. After making a 'tough' decision, the DJ announced Eugene as the contest winner. I tried to seem just as disappointed in his loss as Nick was, but… it was a disco dance competition for crying out loud. The funniest thing about it was that Eugene's 'prize' was a 10% discount coupon on his next purchase at the DJ's store, The Funky Threads. Even the winner was a loser in this shit.


	20. Atonement

**Chapter 20 – Atonement**

* * *

The final ten days of school were always crammed with finals. Well, finals and lame school-approved movies. I was looking forward to both of them though because they seemed to just make the time just fly by and I was pretty burned out of school for a while.

Watch a movie or two, take a final. Watch another movie or two, take another final. Before I knew it there were only three days left and I was smiling ear to ear because I kept my B+ average and was moving on to being a senior next year. I had been spending more time with my teammates than the freaks during this time. I needed to rebuild a bond and get acquainted with the newcomers I had missed during my absence. Brett and Alex, my two closest friends on the team, were beyond happy to have me back. Some were decidedly not happy to see me, namely Taylor Lux. He always thought I 'stole the spotlight' from him and he never passed an opportunity to upstage me. Taylor was your typical McKinley High pretty boy. Prissy, stuck up, annoying and definitely conceited. He was very image cautious and would spend as much time looking in a mirror as he would communicating with others. Both means were just a way to satisfy his own vain end, though (in addition to his looks, the guy loved to hear himself talk). In a lot of ways, he was our Todd Schellinger, especially with how his hair was his world.

It didn't really matter who wanted me back and who didn't. At the end of the day, Brett, Alex and myself were all going to do our best to go out with a bang and give our successors something to live up to before we moved on to college (it was so easy to get sucked into an intoxicating, sports-induced hysteria with those two around).

"Did you have to drag your burnout friends along with you, Donovan?" Taylor called from behind me as we all laughed at a stupid dirty joke.

"What?" I turned to look at him and found he was pointing to an approaching Daniel.

I detached myself from the group and went to meet him halfway, somewhat surprised he would walk into the lion's den, so to speak. This was definitely not freak-friendly territory. "Hey, man, what's up?"

"A shitty week, that's what," he groaned, looking truly pissed.

We walked over to one of the stone benches and sat side by side as he explained what was going on.

"I've failed, like, half of my finals, man. There is no way I'm advancing now. I'm gonna be nineteen next year and still a Junior. How pathetic is that?"

I scratched my head, grimacing awkwardly at what I hoped to be a rhetorical question.

"I got caught tryin' to pull the fire alarm to get out of Kowchevski's stupid math final so I had to join the AV club for the last part of the year. I don't think I've ever been so humiliated in my life as when I had to show a movie in Nick, Lindsay and Kim's English class. I didn't know what I was doin' and everyone knew it. And, speakin' of Kim, I know you two are on the outs, but you gotta tell me what's going on with her, Donovan."

I tensed up and suddenly wanted to be back with my teammates. "I'm, uh… there's… nothing?"

"That's what it feels like!" He slapped his hands onto his legs in a frustrated fashion. "She's been acting weird ever since that night we got back together. It's like something's bothering her but she won't tell me and neither will Lindsay. And now she dumped me again, man. You gotta be honest here, was she cheating on me? Is she cheating on me?"

I could feel my forehead growing hotter as I spun into a nervous tumble at the very idea of Daniel asking me such a thing. "What?!"

"I can count the amount of times we've kissed in the past coupla weeks on one hand and… and…" He sighed loudly before leaning in and whispering the next part to me. "We've only had sex once since we got back together."

I recoiled away instinctually, "Oh come on, man! You didn't have to tell me that. I-I don't want to know that stuff!"

I felt bad, really bad… I didn't know what any of this really meant, but I could see it tearing him up inside and I was partially to blame.

"Well now you know why I think there's gotta be someone else. She's never been like this before. Come on, Donovan, you're my friend; you're like, her _best_ friend, so… is there some guy she's been talking to or hanging out with?"

"Shit, Daniel…" I didn't know what to do. He was hurting, but owning up to what happened would only increase it, not relieve it. "She's not… she's… oh, hell." I buried my face in my hands and they slid around on my sweaty skin. I wanted to just disappear, to just vanish off the face of the earth for a little while. I'd come back when all of this was over… but it wouldn't ever be over if something didn't give. This snowball effect had grown into a Goddamn avalanche.

"Hey, Donovan, it's not like I'm askin' ya to kill him or anything, I just wanna know, ya know… so I can confront the jerk myself," he consoled, releasing a slight laugh.

I moved my hands down my face, clasping them together so they only covered my nose and mouth. There was a weak breeze in the air that peppered my body with a chill that ran down my spine. "Daniel, man…" my muffled voice was barely audible through my fastened hands.

"I mean, you know, right? That's probably why you guys started fighting, probably why you were acting strange and said I 'don't wanna know' that night at Nick's. Kinda weird that it happened right after we… got back togeth…" he trailed off, sounding like he was coming to some sort of conclusion. A conclusion that I didn't want him to come to.

_Nonononononono!_

I turned my head slightly, still covering half of my stupid mug. The look of disbelief I saw growing on his face spoke volumes.

"Matsen, that is what you meant that night, right? What the hell are you two fighting about? It's not- you're not-"

I watched his face crumble in despair as he put two and two together and it equaled out to Kim and I having had sex behind his back.

"No… no way! No fuckin' way!" he cried out dejectedly. "Tell me it ain't true. Tell me I'm wrong here, Matsen."

My hands slipped from my face as I remorsefully looked away from him. "I swear to God, Daniel, we didn't plan it… we just…" I couldn't think of how to apologize for the situation we found ourselves in. I was adamant about the notion that we hadn't done anything wrong and that it was okay because they were broken up, but seeing the consequences first-hand put a whole new spin on things.

_Okay, okay, I just have to-_

My thought was jarred from my head as my friend's tightly clenched fist connected with my cheek and threw me backwards. I landed on my side, one leg still propped up on the bench I was formerly seated at. It took mere moments for Daniel to lunge at me, screaming 'you son of a bitch!' and furiously throwing punches wherever he could. He had only managed to land a few when he was violently pulled off of me. I quickly got to my feet and stumbled back a step before someone caught me.

"Whoa there, bud," I heard Alex say, shaking his long, blond hair out of his face and grabbing onto my shoulder. If there was one thing I could fault my friend for, it was the immense amount of vanity he had for his mane. The man had one beautiful head of hair, don't get me wrong, but he spent far too much time fretting over it, much like Taylor did with his. I never realized how deeply connected egotism and the jock mindset were until I came back into the environment after such a long absence.

I shook my head, trying to unblur my vision as rapidly as possible. I don't know why I thought that would work, but I had no doubt I picked it up from some damn movie. I saw Daniel desperately trying to break free from the hold of both Brett and Taylor. I knew the jock didn't like me, but he absolutely _hated_ the freaks and would gladly take any opportunity he could to pound on one.

"Get off me, assholes!" Daniel yelled. "This scumbag just stabbed me in the fuckin' back!"

"Let him go," I insisted, wiping at my nose and not at all being surprised by the smear of blood the area left on the back of my hand.

My reputation on the field still followed me everywhere and I had no doubt that my friends didn't want to start trading blows with me, so they went along with my request, although with bewildered looks on their faces. The demand, as it turned out, was not my wisest choice.

"Don't you ever even think about touching Kim again! I don't even want you near her!" Daniel roared in a raw, emotional state, his voice bellowing out as a raspingly broken version of what it usually was. He immediately charged forward at me again and landed another punch right into my left eye. I tumbled back and was again steadied by Alex as the other two restrained Daniel for a second time; Taylor even threw a balled-up fist into his stomach.

"Stop!" I said, sucking in a sharp breath of air as my eye throbbed in pain. Daniel was hunched over, coughing from the blow delivered to his belly while the jocks held his arms back on either side.

"Oh you're gonna get it now," Brett ridiculed with a laugh, "Matsen is going to mess you up!" He shot Daniel a disturbing grin of mockery that made me feel extremely uneasy. He was a natural redhead who had spent way too much time out in the sun as a child. His face was bespeckled with freckles as a result and I couldn't help but think they just emphasized the look of eager anticipation on his face. That, along with his taunt, shot warning signals zigzagging across my brain. Some of Taylor's freak hate must have rubbed off on my friend after I left the team. Maybe he blamed them for me staying away?

I shook my head. "Just shut up and let him go."

"Uh, did you _feel_ what happened last time we did that?" Taylor asked.

"Daniel…"

He raised his head to glare at me. There was no hint of the happy-go-lucky guy I had come to know so well over the school year. Instead, he had a look of defiance on his face that read as if we couldn't hurt him any more than he already was.

"I deserved this, I guess," I pointed to my face, holding my swelling eye shut, "and I'm sorry, I truly am. I never meant to hurt you. Kim never meant to hurt you. It was just… God, man, I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to find out like this. I didn't want you to find out at all, honestly. You can hate me all you want. I don't want you to, but I can understand it. Please though, don't hate her." I waited a few seconds before I continued, trying to see if any of what I said was seeping through to him. "I'm begging you to walk away when they let you go, Daniel, because if you come at me again, I won't stop them from tearing you apart."

Was this what I had reverted back to in just a few days of hanging out with my old clique again? Taunting idle threats at one of my closest friends? What else could I do though? I wasn't about to retaliate… I deserved every bit of anger and aggression he wanted to throw at me, but the idea of just letting him beat my brains out did not hold much appeal, either.

I looked back up at the two and they reluctantly released their grip on Desario's arms. He crumbled to the ground in a heap, propping himself up with one arm and wrapping the other around his abdomen.

"I'mma go get you an ice pack," Alex said as we all began to walk away. I wanted to help Daniel get to his feet, but I had no doubt he wouldn't even consider calling me a friend anymore, let alone accept any of my help.

"Donovan," I heard him rasp out weakly. I turned back to face him as the others continued on. "This isn't over. I'm still gonna kick your ass, but I wanna know why. I wanna know why you had to fall for my girl."

I felt nothing but pity for him in that moment. The Daniel in front of me was completely broken in every way imaginable. This was ultimately what Kim wanted to avoid. I briefly considered not answering at all, but the damage was already done and ignoring his request would just be adding insult to injury.

Sympathetically, I bowed my head and remarked, "How could I not?"

* * *

I was not too keen on staying at school for the rest of the day and having my puffy face squinted at by every passerby. I had taken my final final on Monday and I was honestly just contemplating skipping out on the last few days of school altogether after what happened. There would only be one class and teacher I would really miss anyway. Physics was one of the only subjects I actually enjoyed at school and I really excelled at it as a result. It was really the only time I felt Lindsay-smart. The study of matter and, more specifically, getting a glimpse at how the universe worked fascinated the shit out of me. Things like waves, sound, light, how they all worked and how we could use them in ways we never even thought of was complicated as hell, but my brain just ate it all up and I enjoyed every minute of it. Our teacher, Mr. Vencer, was actually the youngest teacher in our school and he took a certain pride in truly connecting with those under his guidance, much like Coach Fredricks. The result of feeling like you had a friend teaching you instead of an uninterested mentor really helped you to become absorbed in what you were learning and eager to put it into practice. After being a student of his, I wished more teachers would have emulated his style.

* * *

As I turned the key to unlock my car door, I heard a familiar shout from behind me.

"Hey, Matsen! Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted?"

It had been nearly two weeks since Linds said she would try to talk Kim into calling me and in that time there had been absolutely nada. I was smart enough to know this was not a good coincidence. Her words could only mean she found out that Daniel now knew our secret. I turned around to what was going to be a much-deserved slap, her face taut and angry as she readied to strike. She stopped herself in mid-motion when it was obvious how bruised and beaten my features already were.

"What- what happened?" Her tone carried genuine concern in it, something I was not expecting.

I shook my head. "I think you know. And to answer your other questions: no, I'm not happy and this isn't what I wanted."

She was lowering her hand but then threw both up agitatedly, yelling, "Then why the hell did you tell him?"

"I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. He figured it out when he was talking to me, putting the pieces together as I struggled not to tell him. He might not care about school, he might not care about his future that much, but I was wrong when I thought he was just dragging you along without a concern in the world. He really does care about you."

She looked away suddenly, shifting her feet uncomfortably before finally grabbing onto her left arm with her right hand.

"He's a mess, Kim. You probably… you probably already know that, but he needs someone. I don't know if you can help him, but I certainly can't."

"You should leave, Donovan," she said coldly, still looking away and seeming not at all concerned with my previous statement. "Like, our group. Don't hang out with us again next year, just… go back to your stupid football buddies. That's what you're going to do anyway."

I looked at her indignantly, finally feeling fed up with the third degree treatment. Here I was, admitting I was wrong and trying to somehow care for a friend who wanted nothing to do with me instead of continuing to be the selfish asshole who got us all into this mess to begin with and I was met with even more visceral hatred. "Just save it, alright? I'm done. I really am. I have never been anything less than kind to you and I get shit on in return. I'm sorry that Daniel found out but I'm also sorry that anything happened in the first place. You are, without a doubt, the most selfish, arrogant, hollow person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. And to think I actually felt something for you not too long ago. Enjoy your life, Kim."

I watched her face shift from disbelief to sorrow as I got into my car and slammed the door. She turned around and left, but not before I heard her say, 'Fuck you, Donovan.'

I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, imploring myself not to run after her and grovel. My words were unnecessarily harsh and I didn't mean a lick of what I said anyway… but I was just so tired of taking shot after shot without standing up for myself. I had likely burned all of my freak bridges at that point and I wasn't in the mood for any more abuse; physical or emotional. A long, rattling sigh escaped from my throat and I opened my eyes, observing what was happening outside. Couples were walking together hand in hand, looking as content as could be while groups of friends were standing around and laughing, playfully pushing each other and making exaggerated expressions and hand movements as they shared stories. I was envious of all of them… and hoped they never found out how quickly it could all go to hell in a handbasket.


	21. Donovan the Giant Killer

**Chapter 21 –Donovan the Giant Killer**

* * *

We were only about two weeks into summer break when things started to get weird.

Rejoining football meant I had to make some changes when I started hanging out with my teammates again. I had to adjust to a different kind of mentality, a different sense of humor… basically a different kind of everything. I never realized how painless my transition from jock to freak was until I tried to reverse it. Kim was right all those months ago when she said I wasn't like the jocks anymore. I liked who I was around the gang because it was representative of my actual personality. Changing all of that for my teammates made me grasp just how fake and hidden I would have to become again.

The only person in the group I kept in contact with was Lindsay and, for a girl who was dreading going to the academic summit when she first found out about it, she was almost bursting with excitement the night before she left. Our phone conversation was short, but she kept going on and on about how much fun she was going to have and how this was something she was going to be talking about forever. I knew she liked math, but I had no idea she was so fanatical about education as a whole. The way she kept talking about it made me think she may have been up to something, but if anything was going on and she wanted me to know, she would have told me.

Two days after Linds left, Kim's mother called my house. Her timing could have been better, as the call came right in the middle of dinner. My dad answered the phone and when he came back into the kitchen to say it was for me and who was on the line I looked at him in wide-eyed disbelief. It wasn't bad, it wasn't scary, it was just… awkward. According to Cookie, Kim had been MIA for the past few days and she was calling all of her friends to find out if she was crashing at any of their houses or if they had any idea where she could be. She didn't come across as concerned or worried, but rather annoyed that she had to do something like this in the first place. My honest lack of knowledge on her daughter's whereabouts did not help matters much.

Even if Cookie wasn't disturbed by the absence of Kim, I certainly was. I wasn't even sure if the girl wanted to know me anymore after my childish outburst the last time we spoke, but I couldn't just brush it off when someone who I was very close to suddenly vanished without a word. I was powerless to do anything more than fret, though. In all of the time that I had known her, Kim had never mentioned wanting to go anywhere specific or anything, so going out into the world to try to track her down would be the equivalent of looking for a needle in a haystack. A haystack the size of Michigan.

* * *

The following Monday, after returning home from my first summer practice session, my mom informed me that a friend of mine had dropped by to see me. 'The tall one who always smells like pot' is how she described him when I asked which friend it was and I couldn't stop laughing.

"Nick, mom, his name is Nick."

"Well, you might want to call him. He seemed pretty depressed."

As I began to dial his number, I wondered if his onset of feeling blue could have anything to do with Lindsay being out of town and him not being able to admire her from afar for a little while.

"Hello?" Nick said, sounding aloof and somewhat high.

"Hey, man. Heard you dropped by my house earlier while I was out."

There was a crinkling sound on the other end of the line and I could only imagine he was eating something.

"Ohhhh, hey Donovan. Yeah, I was just, you know, in the area. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something, but yeah, I'm home now, so… yeah." His words were quickly followed by a crunching noise and a slight cough. "Why are these chips so salty? Have you ever noticed that? They make them so salty and it's like, you need to drink something right after you eat them or your mouth feels weird. Do you think they are working with, like, Coca-Cola or something?"

He was definitely high. I thought he quit for Sara, though?

Ignoring his irrelevant question, I tried to get to the reason why he dropped by. "You wanted to hang out? I thought I would be blacklisted by Daniel for sure."

More crunching followed by his muffled voice as it fought to get passed the mouthful of food in its way. "Oh yeah, you were. He doesn't want any of us having anything to do with you. But I'm like, 'so what man', ya know? You're my friend and I think you're a fun person to be around. Besides, I want to spend some time with all of my friends before I get shipped off to the army."

"What?"

"Yeah. I, uh, failed senior year… again. My dad and I made a deal that if I kept a C+ average, I wouldn't have to go… but I screwed that up."

I sighed and began to rub my forehead, "Aw, geez, Nick. I thought you were so against going that you were gonna make sure it didn't happen, you were gonna keep your grades up."

"I just- can we not talk about this anymore? It's depressing as hell." After a moment of silence, he piped up again, "Hey, do you want to come over? I got some really good weed."

"I thought you stopped that for Sara or something."

"I did, but all this army stuff really got to me and I needed it. I really did. Oh, man, Sara! I wonder if she's gonna dump me now. Hey! Maybe they won't even take me if I show up stoned!"

"And then your dad will kill you."

"…yeah, you're probably right. So, do you want to come over?"

"Is your dad home right now?"

"No, but he probably will be a little later, so there is a bit of a time limit."

That was actually a small relief, as I needed time to try to figure something out. I couldn't just let my friend sink without trying to throw out a lifesaver.

"I'll be over in a little while."

I would gladly no-show a party to see about trying to keep Nick out of the military.

* * *

I wanted to pick up the rest of our friends on my way over to see if we could collectively put our heads together to came up with an idea, but the group was rather scattered. Lindsay was out of town, Kim had vanished, Ken &amp; Amy were always off somewhere, sucking face and Daniel… well, there was no use in trying to talk to him.

Nick was not too pleased when I demanded to see his last report card as I stepped into his house. I wasn't there to get high, I wasn't there to hang out… I was there to figure out how to save his ass.

"Jesus, Nick, you need a bare minimum of sixteen credits to graduate next year… that means you would have to take a class for every single period for the entire year _and_ pass them all." I shook my head in disbelief and dejectedly ran my hands through my hair.

"I know, man," he said, slowly exhaling a hit. "It's, like, impossible."

"No, it's not," I replied firmly, trying to give him a hard look but giving up when I realized he was drumming on an invisible kit while lying on the couch. "We just have to figure it out… unless, of course, you _want_ to go to the army."

At the same time Nick popped up from the sofa, vehemently proclaiming 'No!' an idea popped into my head. It was a completely crazy idea born on the corner of Desperation Avenue and Idiocy Lane, but it was at least something.

We talked and joked around while I waited for his father to get home. It was so easy to mess with my friend while he was high and the things he talked about hinged on asinine, but it was still highly amusing overall. I was not used to being around Nick while he was high and I was sober. Things were far more copacetic when we were both altered. Stuff that didn't make sense didn't have to because we didn't care.

"Hey, so, um…" Nick began, slowing the drum tapping he had been practicing on the coffee table for the past five minutes, "did you and Kim really...? I mean, that was a joke, right?"

My eyes widened in bewilderment as my brain deflated from the sheer absurdity of his question.

"Why would we joke-" I shook my head and sighed angrily. The look on my face must have been quite expressive, as my friend recoiled back in surprise as he looked at me. Much like the army issue was to Nick, what happened between Kim and I was not something I wanted to talk about. "Nick, you know I don't joke around like this. Even if I did, I would never carry it this far, to the point of ruining friendships."

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed. "I just kinda hoped it was all for fun, y'know? Like you guys would start laughing and say you pulled one over on all of us and everything would go back to normal."

I didn't reply. Hell, there wasn't anything I could say to that, aside from that fact that part of me wished it could be true.

"Okay, so if it happened then wh-"

"Don't ask why," I quickly cut him off. Outside of Kim and me, it was truly no one's business. I knew why I wanted to do it and it didn't matter anymore. She had made that point crystal clear. Now she was gone anyway and no one had any idea where. Well, no one who would tell me, at least. "What's going on between you and Lindsay, anyway? Have you got a little love triangle battle going on between her and Sara?"

Nick began to laugh, "I wish, man. I'm with Sara now, though, and that is that."

Even if he was as high as could be, Nick couldn't help but blush when talking about Lindsay. He was still holding some sort of torch for her.

"BS! I saw the way you looked after you two talked right before your dance-off with Mr. Magic. You can't-"

"Hey, hey," Nick quickly cut in while trying to stifle a laugh, "if talk of you and Kim is off limits then so is Linds and me." His face had turned beet red.

As we heard footsteps upstairs, he straightened up all at once, almost standing to attention without realizing it.

"He's home. It's show time. Wait, did you even tell me what you have planned?"

I thought he was joking at first, but the brutally honest look of anxiety on his face told me he had completely blanked on our previous _two_ conversations on my idea. The first time he thought it was insane, the second time he praised it. He was about as useless as tits on a bull in his current state and I pleaded with him to stay in the basement while I talked with his dad.

* * *

A few minutes later, after I figured I had given him ample time to settle in from getting home, I timidly stepped into the living room and found Colonel Andopolis sitting on the couch, tinkering with a model airplane. They must have been a hobby of his, as there were several on the coffee table in front of him and I could only imagine the level of patience putting such a thing together entailed. They just looked like a mass of toothpicks to me, but he had taken the time to shape each one into the type of aircraft they were supposed to represent. The propeller, the wings, the tail… there were so many parts, consisting of so many little sticks.

The man was the same height as me, but something about his character and the slightly cavalier presence that seemed to encompass him made me feel like he simply towered over me and could overpower me without any effort. I felt like Jack the giant killer getting ready to face Galigantus… only I wasn't going to behead Mr. Andopolis, just change his thinking. A lot had to go right for that to happen, though. I had to make sure he was listening to what I was saying, that he would take me seriously and that I spoke in a way that demonstrated I was trying to be both respectful and serious. I should have rehearsed something downstairs instead of messing with Nick so much.

"Um, excuse me sir, can I talk with you for a minute?"

He glanced up from his model, delicately holding a stick in one hand and pasting a dab of glue on it with the other. "It's not very often that one of my son's friends wants to talk to me. What can I help you with?"

His tone seemed casual and friendly enough, but I had witnessed him browbeat Nick a few times in the past and he kept that nice, sincere smile on his face the whole time. He didn't have outbursts of anger, but stoic moments of intimidation that you were never quite sure if you were currently a part of or not.

I shuffled further into the room and kept eye contact with him. He gestured to one of the leather chairs in the room for me to take a seat in. There were pictures lining all of the walls, but they were all military themed. Some were black and white photos of generals posing, or platoons of men getting ready for action. A few were of airplanes, ones he had undoubtedly replicated out of small piles of sticks again and again. Oddly enough, there were no pictures of Nick or his brothers. There wasn't even a family picture or portrait anywhere in sight and it left me wondering just how close knit the Andopolis family really was. Until that moment, I never even realized I have never met, let alone heard of, a Mrs. Andopolis.

"It's, uh, it's actually about your son, sir."

"Oh," he sighed, seemingly anticipating whatever it was I wanted to talk about being bad. "I should have expected that. What did he do this time?"

"Nothing, sir. It is what I believe he can do."

As eloquently as I could, I tried to explain to Mr. Andopolis that his son was not cut out for the army and all of his friends would band together to make sure he would succeed in school if he gave him one more chance. 'No,' was the only reply I was met with after giving my proposal. I continued on, trying to enhance my offer the only way I could think of on short notice. I should have known it wouldn't work, I should have known what I was going to suggest wouldn't make a difference, but I was stubborn… or stupid. Maybe both.

"Colonel Andopolis, uh sir, If you just give Nick a little more time, I assure you we can change your mind. I'll help, his friends will help. Lindsay will help. She's the smartest person we know, probably the smartest student in the entire school."

That never-fading smile was still stretched across his face. "Then why isn't she here, pleading his case, too?"

A smile faintly appeared on my face as he gave me the perfect opportunity to strengthen my point. "She would be, I'm sure, but right now she's at the U of M, attending an academic summit. Only _a few_ of the top 1% Michigan students are invited to attend that. She's really smart. "

"That's debatable considering the company my son keeps. No offense."

The man was stonewalling me. He had to be. There was no way he could be this against the idea unless he was actively trying to be. Okay, stupid, dumb trump card time. I met his eyes with mine and sighed. Goddamn I was really starting to hate that stupid ostentatious smile on his face. There he was, sitting around looking as cool as a cucumber while I was fidgeting and sweating bullets.

"Sir, I'm just a kid. I don't have any impressive tales of bravery or nice medals to proudly wear, but I do have my future and I am willing to put that on the line to get the opportunity to prove to you that your son can make it through school if you just give him one more chance."

Mr. Andopolis' eyes shifted and he clasped his hands together. "And what exactly do you mean by that, son?"

I gulped hard, convincing myself that if I said what I was going to say, I would literally kill Nick if he fucked up. "S-simple. If Nick does well, you forget about the army thing and let him continue on in school. If he fails, he will go to the army… and so will I when I graduate from high school. I have a pretty good shot at a future in football, sir, but if Nick fails then I will put that on hold and join the army with him."

Grin in tow, Mr. Andopolis shook his head and looked down in amusement. "Not intereste-"

"Do you want your son to become a casualty, sir?" I asked, angrily cutting into his dismissal.

He shot his gaze back up at me and the smile was gone, his mouth slightly agape. "What did you just say?"

I could feel myself shrink in my seat as his tone shifted from lofty to slightly menacing. Someday I would learn to stop spouting off and saying stupid shit without thinking it through, but it was not going to be that day. I continued on, trying to appear unfazed by his change in demeanor. "Your son is not army material, sir. It is as simple as that. He's more afraid of joining the army than he is of you. And that is saying something considering you scare the shit out of everyone. Pardon my French."

He didn't reply, only peered at me as if I was supposed to continue on.

"Nick, the Nick we know, is not the kind of person who can handle the army environment and there are only a scant few possibilities that I can see as far as how it would go."

"You don't know my son like I do," he sneered coldly, "he's an Andopolis. The army is in his blood, whether he knows it or not."

I wasn't going to back down… I could be just as stubborn as this ass. "Yeah and if he succeeds, if he makes it and adapts, then you'll lose every aspect of who your son was and he'll come back as a completely different person, one that not even you know. And what if he can't handle it, Colonel? What if he'll do anything to get out, like act crazy or hurt himself or…"

I didn't have to finish my last thought. I could already see that Mr. Andopolis was following my track of mind and had arrived at the last, and most horrifying, conclusion I had: Nick ultimately committing suicide if he couldn't get out and felt there was no other alternative. His face changed completely with the very notion of the idea that his son would hurt himself in one way or another to avoid the situation he was dauntlessly going to place him in. I could see him processing something in his head, but I wasn't sure if he was going to knock me out for insinuating his spawn, his own flesh and blood, couldn't hack a military life and kick me out of his house or agree to my proposition. As it turned out, it wasn't really either… but his response leaned more towards one than the other.

"I, uh…" he began awkwardly, fiddling with his hands. His out of place response and body language threw me for a bit of a loop, as I truly wasn't expecting any reaction whatsoever. "How about you and that Lindsay girl drop by here when she gets back into town and we'll talk about this again."

I nodded and quickly stood up. "Sounds like a plan, sir."

"Now don't," he cleared his throat as his voice cracked on the second word, but his tone returned to normal when he continued, "don't think this is anything set in concrete. Nick could very well still be going off to the army… I'm just giving you kids a chance to make a proper presentation to me."

I nodded once more and turned around to make my way back downstairs. Within a few seconds, Mr. Andopolis called out to me and I looked back at him.

"Just remember, if I do go with your offer, you should probably start getting used to the look of a buzz cut, because my son will disappoint you."

I didn't reply or nod as he settled back into his condescending attitude, but merely continued in the direction of the stairs.

* * *

In case it was all for nothing and his father decided not to change his mind, I decided not to tell Nick that he was even considering anything. Better to expect the worst and have a chance to be surprised with the best than the opposite. My friend was disappointed as I slumped down the stairs and shook my head when he peered up at me. The look of devastation made me wince, but I was hoping we could alleviate that completely when Lindsay came back the following week. In a rushed effort to counter his current mood, I told Nick to get dressed and make himself somewhat presentable, we were going to Gregory Benson's party. After all, we hadn't missed much of it and I knew that Greg's parties never really started to rock until they had been going for a while. He was hesitant at first, not at all sure if he was going to have fun getting beat up, but I promised him it would be a cool, lax party with no drama. Upon further consideration, I made sure he brought some of his really good weed. I needed something to take the edge off after talking with his dad… and getting Kim off my mind wouldn't hurt either.


	22. Out of left field

_Author's Note: I wrote a lot… couldn't bring myself to break it into two chapters this time._

_There are two little nods later in this chapter. One is a pairing that many people probably would have been pleased to see if the show continued (the same one a particular author around our community likes to use) and the other is far more specific._

**Chapter 22 – Out of left field**

* * *

Practice was making the days fly by and we were only just starting the easy part of it. I will admit that I was getting a little agitated as each day ended and coach still hadn't placed me in any definite spot while other guys were being given positions left, right and center. We had hour-long practices out on the field for the first two weeks; mainly to get a feel for positions and see what ones best suited the new guys. They were not full contact or anything like that, those only came towards the end of the training season when everyone knew what they were doing and were more confident in their roles.

I felt aimless out on the field without knowing exactly what I was practicing for. The fact that I knew it wouldn't be in my comfort zone didn't help matters either. Brett was a wide receiver and Alex was a cornerback and they knew they were carrying over their spots from last year. Taylor, in all of his smarminess, had somehow moved up the power rankings and landed himself the running back position. He may have been an asshole, but he was at least very fast and deserving of the title. At the rate things were going, I was almost sure I was going to end up on the reserves. Even going back to something that was supposed to be easy wasn't easy.

Some of my teammates were not making it a stress-free event, either, with their constant ribbing at the fact that I was friends with a group of freaks and the 'allegations' that I was a pothead (which I vehemently denied, even using my clean drug test as proof, though I knew over half of the team did some kind of drug anyway). It was all fun and games at first and I could roll with the punches, but once they started to get more volatile with their words, I began to put my foot down. The only one who didn't get the message (or refused to, rather) was Seidleman. He was nearly five-hundred pounds, if not over that, and used his massive size as a means of intimidation so he could act however he wanted and say anything he wanted to any of his peers without fear of retaliation.

Finally, when he warned everyone to keep their girlfriends away from me or I would screw them, I lost my temper and confronted him, stopping in my advance only when I bumped into his extended gut. As I reached him, I sent out a warning of my own.

"If you don't shut up about my friends and what happened between us, I'll clip the back of your fucking knees and watch you roll around on the ground like a turtle on its shell."

I made sure to say it loud enough for the entire occupancy of the locker room to hear, as a bit of showboating of my own and to float the message that the joke was now over as far as I was concerned. Seidleman seemed cocky and confident when I first checked him, and I'm certain he could have squashed me under his girth if he really wanted to, but there was a slight sense of satisfaction when beads of sweat begin to form on his broad forehead after my threat was out there.

* * *

"Donovan! Get your butt over here!" Fredricks yelled from across the field. It was hot outside and damn near boiling under all of our gear. I was pleased that it was Friday and we would have the next two hundred-degree days off to somewhat relax. It wasn't just the heat that was getting to me; practice was simply kicking my ass as well. Quitting at the start of last season and not keeping up with my specific workout routines had left me severely unprepared for the massive strain that practice put us through, both physically and mentally. Outside of football, my mind was in a continual state of concern over where Kim was and if she was even going to come back. So much about it bothered me. Why did she leave? Was it because of what happened between us? Did something happen at home? Did she run away for good? The simple state of not knowing was torturous to me.

As I made my way to Fredricks, breathing somewhat heavily and limping from a charley horse I had just beat out of my upper thigh (it wasn't the wisest method, but it worked in a pinch), I could see a look of disappointment spread across his face.

"Donovan, what the hell are you doing? I've seen you huffing and puffing down the field all week and now this-" he pointed to my leg, "you're limping?"

"Just a muscle cramp, coach, it'll go away," I guaranteed as I removed my helmet and mouth guard. We had only been outside for minutes but with the humid warmth bearing down on us, you just couldn't help but start perspiring almost immediately. The sweat that had built up around my head and face instantly began to trickle down my neck. Once I started moving and the wind hit it, it would be nice and cooling for a minute before it dried up. It was somewhat pathetic that I was counting on a stinky bodily fluid to counter this outlandish heat and momentarily aide in cooling me down.

Fredricks stared at me sternly for a moment before cracking a slight smile. "Well, it better, because you're playing a very important position today: Quarterback." His smile grew to a wide one as he told me this news like I had been anticipating it all day or something.

The reaction I had probably wasn't what he was expecting, though. My jaw dropped and my mind went blank. This was not a spot I ever wanted. There was simply too much pressure in being a quarterback. It wasn't just about throwing or handing off the ball. You had to make the calls and come to the quick decisions about what to do when the unexpected came up. You had to know where the key members of your team were and how they worked on the field with each other and by themselves. You had to predict the unpredictable and go with it without hesitation. Furthermore, I was not a leader, I was a follower. The team looked up to the quarterback as a whole and it was a position that demanded not only the ability to govern, but also motivate and build confidence. You could have a good team if you had a good quarterback, but you could have a great team if you had a good quarterback and a crew that believed in themselves. There were a ton of components to this spot that I simply did not possess.

Finally, it was also the position that took the brunt of the blame when things went wrong, even if it wasn't directly the quarterback's fault. With my predisposition to not only avoid, but downright fear being a disappointment, this was going to be a tough day. Thank God it was only for practice.

Everyone had a good laugh as I stumbled around plays and how to call them and how confused I looked every time I tried to quickly decide who was open enough to pass to. The only highlight of the hour in the cavalcade of disasters was when everything went right and we would have made a touchdown. Compared to that fiasco, the next hour of weight training was heaven.

* * *

After practice (and a much needed shower), I was off to meet Ken and Nick at the River Crest diner for lunch… the only problem was that I was running a little bit late. It was a new place that had opened up around the middle of the school year and none of us had been there. The food was supposed to be great and the prices were cheap, which fit us to a T. On the other hand, though, finding the place was a bit of a hassle and… well, I was cruising. Even if the temperature was in the triple digits, driving with the windows down generated a small wind that made for a very enjoyable experience.

Sometimes I would get lost in the scenery of our suburban hellhole and just appreciate the artificial perfection that was displayed everywhere, usually while listening to _Street Corner Symphony_ and _Summer Madness_ on my 8-track (another guilty pleasure I didn't dare share with the freaks). This was typically the kind of thing I would do at night to further enjoy the city lights, but it was one of those flawless summer days that was just too beautiful to pass up. Even though I was not ecstatic about our rough patch, not constantly driving all over the place with the gang saved me a little bit of green and having the extra cash to waste on gas was an acceptable consolation prize.

With his future still being uncertain, Andoloplis was really sticking to his guns about hanging out with his friends as much as he could, while he could. I had missed a few opportunities to hang out with him and Ken due to football and the fact that Daniel was with them most of the time as well. If Desario's path was ever to cross with mine again, now would be far too soon.

"Jesus H., man, I thought you were gonna no show or something," Ken ridiculed in his normal satirical tone as I strolled through the door and moved my sunglasses to the top of my head.

I held my hands up slightly and shrugged my shoulders, smiling at how nice it was to see my friends again in what I would consider our 'natural environment'… even if it wasn't Sal's.

As an older couple passed by me to exit the establishment, I moved to the side and bumped into whoever was sitting at one of the many swirly counter chairs.

"Heeey! Watch it!" a slightly miffed voice yelled out from behind me. I turned around and was met by a rather lanky kid with short, black, spikey hair. His face was unfortunately adorned by a large pair of glasses that actually covered a good portion of it. He looked a little more intimidated than angry when I faced him and I felt somewhat… guilty? I don't know what it was exactly, but there was just something about the way he looked that made me pity him. A moment of silence passed as he awkwardly held his mouth open, looking like he wanted to say something more but wasn't sure he should. He was definitely from the geek crowd. I remembered passing by him, Lindsay's brother and some other short kid multiple times during school.

"Sorry, man," I said with a smile, "I'm like a bull in a china shop sometimes."

"It's okay," he replied, his eyes flashing around timidly, "I just don't want to spill anything on my shirt, ya know? It's my first date with my girlfriend and I want to make a good impression." As he continued talking it seemed as if he became more confident in himself.

I heard my friends begin to snicker at the idea of a kid like this having a girlfriend when he gave the distinct vibe of being too afraid to even converse with the opposite sex.

"Ohhh, okay. Well you have fun with that." My tone came out fairly mockingly and I had to swallow a snort of laughter myself. He turned back around in his seat as I made my way to our booth and sat beside Ken. He had a balled up fist next to his mouth and was biting at his knuckles to stop his taunting laughter.

I punched him in the arm and he immediately winced in pain and began to rub the area I hit.

"Be nice," I chuckled. "Let the kid have his moment."

"You were being a jerk, too!" Ken whined with a smile.

I shook my head and picked up the menu in front of me. "Yeah, yeah. So, sue me why dontcha."

* * *

It was only a few minutes later, as we were going over and examining our entrée choices, that I noticed Nick look up and his face began to drop in disbelief. I shot a quick glance to Ken to see if he was paying attention to our friend as well, but he was busy drawing a penis on the nice, new restaurant menu in front of him. I rolled my eyes and shifted in my seat, pulling myself up slightly and looking over my shoulder behind me to whatever had captured Nick's attention. Of course it just had to be something superficial… like Vicki Appleby. What the hell was she doing here? There wasn't a table full of jocks or cheerleaders for her to hang out with. Another roll of the eyes and I flopped back down and continued to scan over the food selections in front of me.

"Guys…" Nick's voice came out sounding fairly distant even though he was less than three feet away from us. "Guys, look."

His eyes were fixed in a familiar direction and as I sighed and turned my head to the side, I saw the geek smiling just as wide as the Cheshire Cat from _Alice in Wonderland_. He had good reason to, though, as the head cheerleader took a seat next to him and placed her hand on top of his. My jaw just dropped. I swear if we weren't so rooted in reality it would have smacked into the floor just like out of one of those old cartoons I loved as a kid. Vicki was smiling, like _really_ smiling and not the fake one that she wore like a fucking badge of honor when she was being condescending.

"Holy shit! Is this the _Twilight Zone_?!" Ken said loudly, garnering the couple's attention, as well as that of a few other patrons.

Their faces flushed red with embarrassment and, for whatever reason, mine did as well.

"Hi, Donovan. Hi… whoever your friends are," Vicki greeted us pleasantly. I shouldn't have been surprised that she didn't know my friends' names, they were probably too below her for that, but the fact that she was being so seemingly cordial _was_ a shock.

Upon hinging my jaw back in place, I warily replied back, "Hi, Vicki."

The words barely floated from the back of my throat as I continued to soak in what I was witnessing.

Honestly, I was expecting a hint of mortification or awkwardness in her voice, but she sounded as happy as could be. She wasn't emitting the slightest bit of anguish for being seen with… well, a geek. Somehow I found admiration for the newfound quality she was displaying.

"I hear that you're gonna be back on the football team next year. That's gonna be fun, right?"

"Y-yeah, hope so," I nodded to her, still feeling not at all like I was actually seeing what I was seeing.

"Well, you guys enjoy your lunch."

The duo kept their hands cupped together and turned around a second later, each laughing lightly as they looked at each other.

Ken was right: that came right outta left field.

"Did you see that?" Nick asked rather dopily, nodding his head with an eerie grin spread across his face.

"No, we didn't," Ken scoffed in retort, "The only reason I said 'Holy shit!' so loud was because I suddenly went blind. Were you even listening when she said 'hello' and Donovan talked to her?"

We continued to whisper about the odd couple after the waitress took our orders and we waited for our food to arrive. It was just such a polar opposite pairing that none of us could clearly wrap our heads around it. We kept throwing glances back at them, but they never paid us any further attention. As they left, Ken followed them all the way to their exit with his eyes, slowly chewing on a bite of his grilled turkey burger.

"So I guess that means you and Vicki won't be the King and Queen of the homecoming dance next year, huh Donovan?"

I didn't shift my gaze away from my Philly cheesesteak sandwich, sad to see that it was loaded with more green peppers than meat. I would have just been met by a grin of his anyway. "Or Prom. Thank God for small favors."

He continued to prod, seemingly looking for some sort of reaction that would amuse him. "Maybe, uh, maybe you and Kim can get together when you guys stop hating each other. You know, since you two are so well _acquainted_." He nudged me with his elbow and laughed.

"Ha ha ha," I spat out unenthusiastically. I knew the subject would come up eventually. Ever since the big scene was made at school where Daniel went aggro on my face, the news spread like wildfire and it was somewhat the talk of the last few days I had skipped out on. "We don't hate each other, or at least I don't hate her. I kinda hate you right now, though."

"That's not what she thinks," Nick chimed in through a mouthful of omelette. The man truly had no qualms about talking with his mouth full when he was high.

My face twisted slightly as curiosity rushed over me and I shot my head up to look at my friend. "Wait, what? When did you guys talk? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Geez, calm down, man. We were hanging out a few days before she went AWOL. She was like, um… uh…" He squinted, looking as if he was really concentrating on remembering their conversation. "I can't think of exactly what it was anymore, but it was something like you told her to go to hell and you never wanted anything to do with any of us again."

_Well, that got a little more dramatized from one person to the next…_

"That's it?" I felt slightly dejected at my friend's inability to recall a simple conversation from a week or so beforehand.

"Wow. You really do like her, don't you, Donovan?" For the first time that day, Ken's voice did not carry the faintest hint of cynicism. It always put me on edge when he suddenly switch modes and seemed to be serious. Half the time it was just a waiting game for the other shoe to drop and the other half he would get pissed when people were not sold on him being sincere.

"I…" Gloomily, I slumped back into the cushioned booth and just deflated, not at all sure how to respond. No matter how much I tried to fight it, to push them away and hide them in the back of my mind, no matter how futile it all was, I still had strong feelings for Kim. Even though the secret was out and everyone was coming to their own conclusions about the bits they didn't know, I still didn't like to face the judgment that came with the issue. I wasn't ashamed, perhaps remorseful when it came to Daniel, but not ashamed… yet people looked at me and talked to me like I definitely should have been. "What does it even matter, man? It's not gonna change a damn thing. We all know her and Daniel are going to hook up again when she comes back."

_If she comes back…_

"They love each other and I just kinda fucked that up."

Ken and Nick exchanged glances with each other and began to laugh.

I felt like I had missed a crucial punch line in my melancholy state. "What? What's so funny?"

Ken shook his head and began to explain, still chuckling, "They might love each other, but I don't think it is in the way you do."

I looked at him and made a face, shaking my head slightly and gesturing that he had lost me.

"They fight, like, all the time, man. It's toxic. I'm pretty sure that, while they both love being with someone, they don't exactly love who they're with. They care about each other a lot, I guess, but love? _Love_ love? I-I'm not falling for it."

"Yeah, besides," Nick added while shoving another forkful of food into his mouth, "Daniel's been busy swapping spit with a few other girls, like Laura Oliver, so I don't think he's hurting too much anymore."

"Oh man, she's so hot," Ken grinned, looking towards Andopolis, who nodded vigorously with agreeing enthusiasm.

My gaze instantly switched back to Nick as my mind wrapped around what he had just dropped on me. "What? But he seemed so shattered when he found out. Like we had just ruined one of the most important things in his life."

My statement brought about more laughter from my friends.

"Well wouldn't you be pissed and a little broken if you just found out your girlfriend had cheated on you with one of your good friends? The same friend you were just casually talking to moments before figuring it out? You guys were all sneaky and, like, trying to hide it behind his back or something. You two just should have said something right away," Ken threw out very matter-of-factly, showing a sudden burst of irritating omnipotence.

I dropped my sandwich down onto my plate indifferently; once again growing angry with what I was sure would turn into a wall of defense for Desario. "And what exactly were we supposed to say, Miller?"

_Whoa! Did I just pull a Kim?_

"Hey, Daniel, Kim and I had sex while you two were on your weekly break-up. No hard feelings, right? Great." My tone came out harsh and abrasive, but I continued on without concern of changing it. "And when? When would have been the best time, huh? Right after we did it and he dropped by to get back together with her?"

I was so engrossed in my own frustration that I didn't even realize the look on my friends' faces. An odd mix of stunned confusion is the only way I could even think of describing it. I had obviously gone a little too far.

"No need to kill the mailman here," Nick pined through coughs as he choked on a bit of his food.

"Messenger. It's messenger, Nick, not mailman," Ken corrected through a half-cocked smile. "But maybe we should back off. I think ole Donovan here is letting us know we just tap danced on a nerve. At least we got a few more details about that night, though."

* * *

I sighed out roughly a few minutes later and shook my head. There had been nothing but silence from our group ever since Ken suggested they back off the touchy subject. "I'm sorry, guys, I don't mean to be an asshole. This whole thing is just really getting to me though. I really like Kim, a lot, and I don't even know if she's coming back."

"There, was that so hard to finally admit? I knew it, man; I knew it before you two even had sex. You guys were way too close to just be 'friends'". Ken held his hands up and mimed some phantom quotation marks with his fingers as he said the last word. "And don't worry… she'll be back," he guaranteed and rested a hand on my shoulder, "ya big sissy."

I hoped he was right and tried to push my concerns to the back of my head as we continued our conversations, which were thankfully steering further and further away from this dysfunctional love triangle, but somehow right back to Vicki Appleby and her new boyfriend.

As we were all getting ready to leave, I couldn't help but notice a worrisome look overcome Nick's face.

"Hey, guys," he said, sounding suspiciously serious. "I think- I think I'm gonna have to leave town or something. It seems like my dad is really serious about sending me off to the army and there's no way in hell I'm gonna go."

"What?" Nick, come on, man, that's-" I began, but was quickly cut off.

"Crazy?" Nick answered, finishing my sentence perfectly. "Maybe it is, but it's not any crazier than what the old man has planned for me. He's not gonna change his mind, Donovan, you know that. He turned your idea down right away."

I felt my hand being forced by my friend's unforeseen admission of skipping town in lieu of any other options. Why the hell did people think that running away from their problems would somehow solve them? It never worked and yet Kim likely did it, Nick was considering it and even I had been guilty of using the tactic, albeit in a more metaphorical way.

"Nick, just… wait, okay?" I pleaded. "Lindsay gets back in town in a few days and when she does, I'm going to see about having her help me convince your dad to give you another chance, alright?"

Andopolis' eyes grew wide at the mention of his old flame's name. "Really? Lindsay? Do you think she'd want to help me?"

I scoffed at his remark. "Yeah, you're a loveable loser. Who wouldn't want to help you? Even Ken is willing to make sure you stay on track, right bud?"

As I finished my sentence, I wrapped an arm around Mr. Miller, giving him a good shake with a smile on my face.

He was smiling as well, but it looked painfully fake. "Yeah, sure. Why not?" he agreed halfheartedly.

A big grin spread across Nick's face. "Alright. If you guys wanna try it again, I guess I can wait."

He began nodding his head up and down, as if agreeing to a question that was never asked, and I began to wonder what was going on in his head at that moment. "Okay, hey, I gotta go to the bathroom, but don't leave without me."

After he left, I was promptly punched in the arm by Ken and berated for volunteering him for something he wasn't even sure he was interested in doing. It wasn't that he didn't care, it was just that he doubted we had any chance of changing Nick's future in military service. After using the same logic I did on Colonel Andopolis, however, Ken was more understanding to the reasoning behind my plight.

* * *

Upon my arrival home I couldn't help but smile at the flower garden in front of the large living room window. Mom had obviously been putting work into making it look nice today and she had done a wonderful job. There were bunches of Gladiolus, Petunias and Snap Dragons all around. There was even a small collection of potted blue Orchids right in the middle of the bunch that seemed to accent everything perfectly… even if it was a weird mix of pretty plants.

"Mom?" I called out as I entered the house and found in eerily quiet. If the TV wasn't on, she usually had some record or another playing. Something was off.

I heard her yell out an all too familiar 'Ouch!' from the bedroom and falteringly headed that way. She was lying in bed, looking exhausted… and in a rather concerning state. It was at that moment when I remembered that Dr. Hudson expressly forbid her from spending long amounts of time out in the heat and sun, as that could cause her Lupus to stir and act up. Usually, though, he said it would take more than just one factor to get a flare started, so what the hell happened and why so soon?

"Hey mom," I greeted lightly, grimacing at the look of pain written across her face as she shifted in bed to watch me walk through the door. She hadn't even bothered changing into something comfy from the looks of it, her gardening clothes were still on. "You know you're not supposed to overexpose yourself to the sun and heat, right? I think… I think you might be in a little trouble here."

"I thought maybe working in the garden would help me let go of some stress," she said, ignoring my already too-late warning.  
"Stress? What has you stressed, mom?"

"You do, Donny," she laughed with a smile that just made me feel worse about the whole thing. "For the past few months something has been eating away at you and I don't know what it is. I'm worried about you, honey, I really am."

"Aw, geez, mom. You shouldn't- you don't have to worry about that. It's nothing, really."

"I know you, Donny. It's not 'nothing'."

"Just rest and don't worry about it, mom. We'll talk about it later when you're feeling better," I promised, kissing her forehead and leaving the room.

She was right, of course. It wasn't 'nothing', but I had already done enough harm unknowingly and my only hope was that she had caught this flare in time and it wouldn't go full-blown. Deep down, I knew better though. There was no such thing as 'catching it in time' because if she was going to have a flare, she was going to have a flare, simple as that. Meds didn't stop it, praying and hoping didn't stop it… nothing seemed to. All we could ever do was deal with it, no matter how hard it got.


	23. Obligations and Revelations

**Chapter 23 – Obligations and ****Revelations**

* * *

If it wasn't one thing it was another over the past couple of months and I was desperately looking forward to the point at which things got easier again, but… would they? Life only seemed to become more hectic and complicated the older a person got, so would this the new easy? I could only hope not.

* * *

I spent a vast majority of the weekend cooped up inside with my father as we tried our best to both accommodate my mother in her ill state and duck her wrath whenever possible… sometimes it was just completely unavoidable, though. Since I had nothing but an enormous amount of time on my hands, I decided to study up on the playbook that coach had provided for all of us when drills started. If he was going to pull a quick one on me and have me fill in the empty quarterback spot again during practice then I wanted to at least seem like I knew what the hell I was doing. Stumbling around blindly on the field was painful and probably made me look like a huge buffoon… and it was simply not something I wanted a repeat of. There were so many different plays, so many things to take into consideration and be mindful of… just studying it gave me a headache. I found that if I split my time reading, checking in on my mother from time to time, trying to formulate my own runs and going outside to practice my throws every now and then (my accuracy was God-awful), cabin fever did not have a chance to set in and my jittery states were far and few between.

* * *

As Monday came around, I was hopeful that Fredricks would have realized the mistake he made on Friday and not put me in such an important spot again, but if he did then I was at least more ready than the first time around. It was a good thing I was prepared, too, because he irrationally had me practice the same position again during drills. At least my success rate was way better and I felt far more confident in the calls I made and plays I decided to put forward, though. On Tuesday when it was more of the same for practice, I decided to confront coach after weight training was done and everyone was heading home.

"Okay, coach, I give. Why are you having me continue to practice a spot that I suck at and the team desperately needs filled?" I asked, walking into his office unannounced as he filled out some paperwork. From the looks of it, the old saying of 'a teacher's work is never done' had some truth to it.

"Why, yes, Donovan, come right in. I'm not busy as all," he welcomed snarkily.

I took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and looked at him, thinking I probably did deserve that snappy greeting for just busting right into his personal space. "Come on, this is getting a little ridiculous."

"No, what's getting ridiculous is that mop on your head. If it gets any thicker you might not need a helmet anymore." He pointed to my puffy hairstyle.

Around the middle of the school year, Ken, Nick and I all entered into a bet where we would let our hair grow until we couldn't stand it anymore. The last man with a poofy head of hair won and, so far, we were all still in the game. We each threw twenty bucks into the pot and I would be damned if I was gonna let sixty dollars just slip from my grasp.

"Coach," I laughed, "I'm serious here."

He sighed and dropped the pen onto the stack of paper before him, warily rubbing his temples a moment later. "Okay, first: you don't suck at being a quarterback, Donovan, alright? As a matter of fact, I think you did some studying up on it over the weekend because your competency level blew through the roof when you came back to practice yesterday and it was even better today."

I couldn't help but grin in self-satisfaction. I mean, who doesn't like a verbal pat on the back like that?

"Secondly, Mr. Matsen, you're right: it was a spot the team desperately needed to be filled, which brings me to point number three…"

_Was? Needed?_

A smile was forming on his face that made me speculate on (and somewhat dread) what he was going to say next.

"I was going to announce this in front of the whole team tomorrow, but since you seem so hell-bent on doubting yourself, maybe this will boost your ego. You, my friend, are the new quarterback for the McKinley Norsemen football team!"

An odd mix of euphoria and fear came over me and, somehow, I wondered if Mr. Fredricks had lost his marbles. My plan to not look like an idiot out on the field had either worked tremendously or backfired tremendously. I couldn't decide which.

"Coach, are you- I don't think-" I staggered, trying to figure out what I wanted to say as I was saying it. "There's gotta be someone else who's better equipped for that spot. What about Taylor? You can just bump him up, right?"  
Fredricks began to laugh, "I thought you'd be excited about this, Donovan! I mean this is _the_ spot to have on the team and I handpicked you for it."

I simply shook my head in disagreement. "Well, I don't want it, alright? Look, you have no idea how badly I buckle under pressure. Those guys- they need someone who can lead them, someone who can take charge and help them step up their game. What you saw out there on the field those past two days? That was just practice… I didn't have the stress of the entire team on my shoulders. I can't do it coach… I can't."

"Yes you can, Donovan. I watched you take charge in the locker room last week when Seidleman started ragging on you. Sure, you were a little aggressive, but has anyone said anything to you about your friends since then? I certainly haven't heard a word."

I hadn't even realized it until Fredricks pointed it out, but he was right. No one had said anything else about the freaks or what happened between us since my outburst. I wouldn't say that was a shining example of 'taking charge' or anything like that, though. More like just being an ass to an ass. And the silence? Well, fear was a powerful motivator, and while many of my teammates could go toe to toe with me, none had the status of hitting another player so hard that it induced a coma.

"You may have had to be upfront, but the majority of guys out there respect you, kiddo, whether you see it or not. That is a quality that a quarterback needs: respect from his peers."

I shook my head again, resolute about still refusing the offer. "There's more to it than that, coach, I just… can't." I was going to disappoint him either way. Why not just make it quick?

As I whined, I watched his face go from jovial to dead serious in a second flat. When he spoke again, the tone of his voice matched his changed expression and I knew he meant business.

"Listen, this is my team alright, so what I say goes. If you have a problem with that, then you are free to leave, because I don't have any place for you out there unless you are ready to step up and take the leadership role. This is your senior year, Donovan. You came back because you wanted to be spotlighted, right? Well this is me spotlighting you. Take it or leave it, but those are your only options."

I didn't have time to keep arguing this with him and it wouldn't have done any good anyway. He had put his foot down and that was that.

"Ughhhhhhh," I sighed out, finally conceding and wanting nothing more than to just head home and try to accept the fact that I was about to take on a lot more responsibility. "Alright, fine."

His smile made a swift return as I gave in and he watched me stand to leave. "You're gonna do great, champ, trust me."

I was expecting a lot of backlash and angry outbursts when Mr. Fredricks made the QB announcement at the end of practice the next day, but to my complete surprise, the only person who seemed to be in disagreement was the one I was expecting. Taylor gave me a heated look of discontent as the rest of the team gathered around to congratulate me.

* * *

After being yelled at by my mother for absolutely nothing, other than her reasoning of me 'planning' something and she knew it, I decided it was time to call Lindsay and see if I could convince her to team up with me to save Andopolis' stupid ass from military service. Much to my dismay, the phone just rang endlessly. As far as I knew, she was supposed to be back in town on Monday, but not a soul was answering at their house. I tried again and again throughout the rest of the afternoon, but was met with the same result each time.

On Thursday, I decided to quickly head over to the Weir household after practice (before I was stuck at home with my mother for the rest of the day). I knocked on the door and waited. No answer. I knocked again. No answer. After the third time and a lengthy wait (and more than a few attempts to peek in some windows), I gave up and began heading back to my car, rather surprised to see Millie just staring at me from across the street.

"Hey Millie," I greeted as I crossed the road to talk with her. She was dressed in her usual attire: a colorful, long-sleeved shirt that covered all but her neck and a long pair of brown pants.

She flashed a quick smile and continued looking at me awkwardly, leaving me to wonder if she was secretly judging me for something or not. "Hi, Donovan."

"Do you, uh, know where Lindsay or, well any of the Weirs are?"

She shook her head, squinting as the sun bounced off of somewhere and plastered her in the face. I shifted my body to block the path of the beam and stop the poor girl from going sun blind. Once the light was out of her face I could see that she was still squinting, as if trying to come to terms with some argument going on inside of her head.

"Do you know if Lindsay got back into town yet? I mean, the summit ended on Monday, I thought she would have been home by now."

"Lindsay might be in some kind of trouble," she finally breathed out in a hurry, as if the secret was just bursting to be freed.

I tilted my head and looked at her questioningly. "What? What do you mean?"

There was more squinting and random gesturing before she looked back to me and sighed. "Look, I don't want people to think I'm spreading rumors, so just keep this between us, okay? I'm only telling you because you're her friend, too."

I nodded and waited for her to continue on. Apparently, Lindsay never went to the academic summit at all. She skipped out on it altogether to join up with some deadheads and follow the Grateful Dead around on their tour for two weeks. I could feel my eyes widen in shock at the news. A little stunt like that really shouldn't have shaken me as much as it did, I mean I knew the kind of people we hung out with and the influences they could have, but I never would have pegged Linds as having the guts to up and ditch something that big. I could only imagine she went with the hippie twosome from school, as I noticed her sitting down and talking with them a few more times after their initial introduction.

The Weirs found out about their daughter's deceitful ways just a few days after the summit began and she called them to come clean about what she was really doing. Her parents, Mr. Weir especially, were beyond angry and demanded she return home at once, but Lindsay clearly stood firm in her decision and was not returning to Chippewa until after the tour was over on July fourteenth.

With my eyes now as big as saucer plates (I was almost sure there were), I asked the girl with the answers a question that was at the top of my curiosity list ever since she started talking. "How do you know all of this, Millie?"

She shuffled her feet for a moment and looked around anxiously, as if someone else may be listening in. "Mrs. Weir was helping me make cookies for my church's bake sale tomorrow. We were talking about stuff and when Lindsay's name came up she just started to get mad and told me all about it. And then I was right next to her when she got the call from the hospital-"

"The hospital?!" I spat out, almost in a shout, cutting her off entirely.

"Oh…" Millie said mournfully, averting her gaze as her face grew red with embarrassment.

I wasn't sure if she was going to continue, as her reaction led me to believe that she said more than she wanted to already. "Millie, what happened?"

She sighed and continued on, still looking away. "On Tuesday, they got a call from some hospital, asking if they were Lindsay's parents and informing them that their daughter was in the ER for… something."

She knew what had landed Lindsay in the emergency room, she had to… but she didn't trust me enough to tell me. That was fine and understandable, I guess. After all, it's not like we were close or anything. All we ever did was hang out at a school dance and play a few games of UNO. "Mrs. Weir was the one who answered. She looked as pale as a ghost when they told her about Lindsay and the person on the other end was talking so loud that I could hear everything they said. The whole family left almost right after that."

"Oh, wow," I scratched my head and began to wonder just what had happened and if Lindsay was okay. "Do you know where they went?"

She half shrugged while answering, "Some hospital in Denver. Saint Luke's, I think."

"Denver? That's like… two days away or something."

"It's over a twenty hour drive if they keep to the speed limit," Millie corrected. "I did the math last night."

_Oh yeah, she's still a practicing mathlete…_

She suddenly sighed and lowered her head slightly. "I should have known something like this would happen to her when she started hanging out with those freaks."

That little quip felt like somewhat of an undeserved cheap shot to me. "Hey, come on now. I'm one of them too, ya know? And you and Kim are friends."

Or were. I really didn't know anymore.

Millie's face changed suddenly and she looked altogether angry. "Kim is the whole reason Lindsay is in this mess. She went with her to all those shows and she's the one who made sure Lindsay went to the hospital. She got on the phone and started apologizing to Mrs. Weir, but that only made things worse."

"She- wait, what? Kim's with her?" My mind all at once flooded with a sense of relief in that fact that I knew Kim had not just vanished off the face of the earth and she was with Linds.

Millie simply rolled her eyes at me and began to shamble away in her earmark fashion, flopping her arms to her side in frustration. "Maybe you should be more concerned with the friend who's been hospitalized instead of the one you… fornicated with."

_Oh my God! Even Millie knows?_ Word spread way farther than I originally thought.

It wasn't that I lacked concern over Linds and her current situation, Millie just didn't know how important Kim was to me as well. I had to quickly try to backpedal. "No, wait- I mean is Lindsay alright? Do you know? Millie?"

The religious girl just kept walking to her house.

_Shit…_

* * *

After I made it home and had another wonderful run-in with my mother, I gave Nick a call and asked him if he had heard anything about Lindsay. I figured there was a good chance that he knew something, I mean he was working right alongside Mr. Weir at his store, A-1 Sporting Goods, for crying out loud.

"Nah," Nick answered me casually. "I haven't heard anything and Mr. Weir gave me the rest of the week off. I think it was his way of saying sorry for being in such a bad mood last week or something. She should be back in town, though, right? Maybe we should all drop by her place tonight or something."

It was painfully apparent that Nick had no clue what was going on. Mr. Weir was pissed because they had found out about Lindsay not going to the academic summit and he likely gave Nick the rest of the week off because he was driving like crazy to get to Denver.

"I, uh, I can't tonight, bud. I gotta take care of stuff at home. My mom… she's sick… again."

"Oh man, I'm sorry. Anything I can do?"

"Not really. Just gotta wait it out. Thanks though."

"Oh, yeah, no. No problem," my friend said, sounding somewhat downtrodden. I wasn't sure if it was because he knew how much my mother's illness affected me or that his plans to see Lindsay may have just been nixed. His next sentence somewhat pointed me in a different direction entirely.

"Sara's coming over and then I got- I got drum lessons in a little while anyway. They're, like, really hard and I don't even know if I'm getting any better."

Nick was sort of an oddball when it came to his passion for being a famous drummer. It was a dream he never wanted to let go of, but putting any kind of effort into actually pulling it off seemed like torture for him. It was as if he wanted the talent to just appear out of thin air, fully formed and understood. Then again, at least he had some kind of vision for his future, even if he wasn't pursuing it as hard as he should be. What was I doing? Going back to football to get into a good college to do what exactly? That was a question for which I had absolutely no answer.


	24. Spurned or yearned?

**Chapter 24 – Spurned or yearned?**

* * *

It had been a week since my mother began to spiral into her flare and she was still not showing any signs of coming out of it. I was looking forward to the weekend like no other because, regardless of what my dad wanted, I needed to go out and have some fun for a few hours at least. Maybe I could even drop by and check on Lindsay… if the family made it home yet… or if her parents would let me for that matter.

The constant walking on eggshells was driving me insane. I would do just about anything to make sure I was not in the same room as my mother while she was awake, which explained why I was almost overjoyed to stay in the basement and do our end of the week laundry. As I put the last of the dark colored clothes in the dryer and set the cycle, I heard my mother's raised voice booming from upstairs. Who was she yelling at? Did we have a visitor and I missed it? I had always done such a good job of running interference with something like that happening before. The very idea of such an occurrence sent a torrid of worry through my system as I rushed up the steps. If it had to be someone we knew, I was praying for anyone other than Ms. Vegala. That woman spread gossip with a passion that hinged on being incomparable. If she was on the receiving end of my mother's outburst, the whole block would hear about it by nightfall (with wild exaggerations, no doubt).

"Mom, who was that? What just happened?" I asked as I shot into the living room.

She was fuming about something and gave me an accusatory look, yelling at me as I made my way to the door. "Don't act like you don't know what's going on. I'm not as stupid as you are."

I bit the inside of my bottom lip in an effort not to reply, opting instead to simply open the front door and walk outside. She was in one of her moods where I could do no right, it was a-ok to insult her own child and everything was some sort of plot against her.

I had a faint hope that I could maybe catch a glimpse of whoever the poor soul was that received a verbal tongue-lashing from my mother, but I could swear my heart skipped a beat when I looked at the car in the driveway. It was Kim's Gremlin. As ugly as the vehicle was, I would certainly call the thing a sight for sore eyes that day.

The door slammed behind me and I instantly heard the familiar sound of the deadbolt locking.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I turned around and wrapped my hand around the handle, twisting it and pushing my body against the wooden barrier in a vain attempt to regain access. I should have seen that coming. Foolishly, I pounded on the door with my fist a few times, hoping against hope that my mom would come to her senses and just let me back in. I sighed and rested my forehead against the weathered frame, sighing out in frustration before the sound of the Gremlin's engine caught my ear. It sputtered and tried to turn over again and again behind me. The whole 'suddenly getting locked out of my house' situation quickly made me forget about our visitor (and I honestly thought her car was already running and she was on her way out), but the blonde-haired driver was obviously having trouble with getting her vehicle to cooperate.

Even though it was apparent that Kim wanted to get the hell out of dodge, I was all at once overcome with anticipation as I made my way the driver's side door. Our last talk didn't go so well at all, so what was she doing here?

The sight I saw upon arrival literally made me wince in pain. She was desperately trying to get her car to start, furiously turning the key with one hand and wiping away a steady stream of tears with the other.

"Kim-"

"Just get the hell away from me, Donovan! It was a mistake even coming here, it really was. I should have known you meant all of that shit you said at school. I mean, Jesus Christ, you even turned your mother against me. And now my stupid fucking car won't start!" She pounded on the steering wheel in a fit of furious emphasis.

"No," I shook my head, "You- you gotta understand-"

"Understand what?" Kim snapped, looking at me with a world of hurt in her eyes (a world of hurt that I would have done anything to quell). "That I'm a whore? A slut? A dumb bitch? She made all of those things pretty understandable."

My chest tightened and I could feel myself nervously clench and unclench my fists in a rapid fashion. Shit had hit the fan if her words were any indication. Could my mom really have said those things to her? Probably… she had said worse to me.

"Kim, I'm sorry she-" I sighed out unhappily. This 'parental' role was not one that fit me well. "All those things? They're not true. They're not true and you know it. Please, you can't- you can't listen to her."

"Why?" she shouted angrily, her eyes still red and puffy, but a definite look of rage filling them.

"Because she's sick!" I shouted back with an odd break in my voice. My breathing had increased substantially and I wasn't sure if I was having some sort of panic attack or just dealing with stress in a whole new way. I quickly ran my hands through my hair in frustration before placing them on the retracted window opening of the front door and squatting down to better face her.

She averted her gaze to the steering wheel. "Sick? Like she was a few months ago?" The confession of my mother's returning illness seemed to shock her back into a considerate state and her aggression dropped almost instantly as she spoke.

"Yeah," I sighed, "only maybe worse this time. It always seems to get worse… and last longer."

"This happens every time she gets sick? She acts like… that?"

I looked down and nodded sheepishly, not at all being able to help feeling as ashamed as I did. I knew something like this would happen eventually, I just didn't want it to be Kim who was the first to experience it. Dealing with Ms. Vegala would have been cake in comparison to this. "It's not just the lupus…" I began, unsure of how to continue what I was going to reveal when I was still struggling with it myself.

It had been a while since my mother went in for all of those tests to try to better understand just what happened to her mentally when she has a flare… and Dr. Hudson believed we finally had an answer.

"My mother apparently suffers from manic depression as well, and her lupus causes it to act up at the same time as a flare… only it makes it go into some kind of severe stage or something. He says it makes her develop mental symptoms that teeter on being psychotic. She becomes aggressive in her personality and lashes out at everyone for no reason that we can understand… but she does. She thinks something is going on and we are all a part of it, playing dumb to try to keep her in the dark. I don't understand it, but I hate it. I fucking hate it!"

I broke down a little as my explanation went on. There was an undeniable hitch in my throat as I talked, I could hear my voice crack at the very end and I could feel tears drip off my cheeks. I was suddenly very glad my head was bowed. Could this day have gotten any fucking worse? First my mom ripped my friend a new one and I basically said it was because she's a little insane… and now I probably seemed like some kind of pussy. Guys aren't supposed to cry.

I quickly ran a hand down my face and took in a deep breath, raising my head up to meet Kim's eyes as I felt her hand graze over mine. She looked at me with what I could only imagine to be the same empathy I had felt for her a minute before.

"I never- I can't even begin to imagine what living like that would be like. At least I know what my parents are going to be like consistently, even if they are almost always assholes."

"I-I'm sorry if my mom said all that stuff to you, Kim. It isn't- none of it is true, you know that, right?"

As her eyes averted away from mine again and she nodded ever so slightly in silence, I decided to move the conversation in a different direction.

"Um, how is Lindsay? I kinda heard what happened, but a lot of the details are still sketchy."

"Oh God," Kim breathed, leaning back into the headrest with a hefty sigh. "I thought I had warned her to be careful enough times for it to be drilled into her smart brain, but I guess that girl has a thick skull when it comes to cute boys. Some jerk who she was a little sweet on gave her a spiked drink and we all kind of freaked out when she just fainted in front of us. We couldn't get her to wake up. Victor helped me get her to the van and I think Laurie broke every driving law known to man to get us to the hospital as quick as she could."

"Oh shit!" I uttered, truly in shock and concerned with what I may hear next.

There was a smile on her face and she shook her head momentarily as she continued. "Don't worry, she's totally fine now. Well, unless her parents kill her or something, which I wouldn't entirely put past her dad with how pissed he was. I never would've guessed it before that day, but that guy could make a sailor blush."

I burst into a short stint of laughter at the mere thought of Mr. Weir blasting out obscenity after obscenity. It just didn't seem to be in his character… which made it all the more funny. Kim laughed along with me and I watched her cheeks plump up and take form as her smooth lips turned upward into a gorgeous smile.

There they were again in full force… all of those feelings I had for her. The ones that I tried desperately to bury over the past couple of weeks were just bubbling up to the surface with ease… and I was more than happy to let them. As pleased as I was though, I did have someone else I needed to check in on.

"I should probably get back inside and make sure everything is okay in there."

"Didn't she just lock you out of the house?"

"Oh, I've got an extra house key duct-taped under the one of the wheel-wells of my car," I answered, raising my eyebrows several times lightheartedly. "Of course, I did that so I could still get inside when I lock my keys in my car, but this works, too."

Kim giggled and nodded, slowly withdrawing her hand from atop mine.

"Do you need a ride home? We can call Nick and see if he can-"

"No, it's alright," she smiled and shook her head again. "I was just pissed and trying to go too fast. Sometimes you have to turn the key…"

I watched her slowly and more carefully spin the key in the ignition this time. To my surprise, her little Gremlin came to life.

"…just right," she finished, her smile turning into a full on grin at the sound of the engine weakly revving.

We stared at each other for another moment and I wasn't exactly sure of what to say. I knew what I _wanted_ to say, but not what I should. "Well, it's good to know that Lindsay is okay and I, uh, I'm glad you're back in town, Kim. I really am."

She began to laugh, "Yeah, well you're probably the only one. I thought my mom was going to kill me when I walked in the house last night."

"How did that go?" I asked with slight hesitation. I knew it couldn't have been good, especially with that opener, but I wanted to stall for more time.

Smirking, she answered, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

Nodding, I stood up and put my hands in my pockets awkwardly.

"Hey, give me a call tomorrow. I'll try to be home, I promise. I really need to… well, _we_ really need to talk," she said as I took a step back so she could exit our driveway.

"Sure," I complied, not at all being able to hide the stupid, goofy smile that had adhered to my face as curiosity came up with a thousand scenarios encompassing what she meant.

* * *

"So, what do you think? Is this going to be a good talk or another bad talk? I don't really think I want to go through another bad talk, but… I dunno… she seemed happy to see me after I explained things, so it'll probably be a good talk, right?" I asked in my usual rambling fashion. When it came to talking about things simply to get them out there, knowing I wasn't going to get an answer, I usually let myself get rather longwinded.

I lay in bed with my hands behind my head, inquisitively looking at my guest. Irina raised her little, sweet face up from the comfy, ball-like position she had curled into after she hopped onto my chest and blinked at me several times before opening her mouth in a wide yawn. She blinked one more time before nestling back to her resting state.

"Thanks for all of the sage-like advice, fish-breath," I smiled, reaching up to run my hand over her silky fur. Having Irina around was somewhat of a risky move when my mother was like this, as she had a tendency to just burst into my room whenever she so fucking pleased during a flare and I didn't want to spend half of the night chasing a scared cat around the house while trying to explain why it was even inside in the first place. Regardless, I always did enjoy the feline's company, even if it came without conversation.

"You know," I laughed, bouncing her on my chest momentarily, "you're gonna have to share me one of these days."

* * *

The next morning, as silly and nervous as I felt, I could hardly contain the buzz of pure adrenaline that was rushing through my body, pushing me to call Kim as quickly as I could. I held out until noon. Kind of pathetic considering she would probably just be waking up (I knew for a fact that she was a bona fide night owl on the weekends). Cookie answered and I tried my best to sound respectful, painful as it may have been.

"Hello, Mrs. Kelly. Um, this is Donovan. I was calling to talk with Kim."

"Well, tough," she began and immediately started coughing. It was a deep, phlegmy cough that I knew the sound of all too well. My parents were afflicted with smoker's cough as well most days. I waited for it to pass, grimacing at the horrible sounds she made alongside it.

"She ain't here. Don't know where she is neitha. She came in night before last and was lucky I didn't beat the ever-lovin' hell out of her for running away like she did to see some damn band. You know, I provide a roof ovah her head and she still has no respect for me. Didn't even bother coming home last night and was only here for a hot minute this morning. She left here about an hour ago and when I asked her where she was going she said 'to the library', expecting me to believe her like I'm some kind of idiot."

My heart sank slightly at the news that Kim wasn't home and I had no idea how to find her.

"That kid wouldn't know what a book was if one hit her in the face. What did you say your name was again? Donovan?"

I cleared my throat awkwardly, not at all being able to kick the feeling that it was now lined with mucus as well. Her coughing stint was as contagious as a yawn. "Yes, ma'am. You, um, you called my house a few days after Kim left and we talked briefly."

"I don't rememba that. Hey, wait a minute. Are you the kid who fixed the bathroom sink? The same one who was lying in bed with her that night a coupla months ago?"

"Um, yes, but it wasn't what it-"

She spat out an apathetic 'hmph' before I could finish. "I thought so. I've seen the way my daughta looks at you and I don't like it. It's the same way she looked at that Daniel kid and every other guy who's nothin' but trouble. Maybe you two shouldn't be around each other without some kind of supervision."

I held my breath for a moment as I panicked to find an appropriate response to her statement. I mean, how was I supposed to react to that?

"Well, you have a good day, Mrs. Kelly," I said quickly and hung up the phone. That was going to become more uncomfortable than I was ready to deal with on a Saturday afternoon.

After informing my dad that I was going out for a while and being met with no flak for it (something told me he knew I needed to just get away from the stress of home for more than just football practice), I began my adventure to find a rusty Gremlin.

* * *

_I just wanted to take this opportunity to touch upon the Lupus subject for those who have dealt/are dealing with it and (perhaps) feel I may be misrepresenting the disease here. I try to make it a point to not draw very deeply from real life experiences when writing and simply allow my imagination to build scenarios as I go, but this is a little different. My mother suffered from systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) and it was (and still is) one of those afflictions that is shrouded in mystery, even within the medical field. Not everyone reacts the same when they are hit with a flare and not everyone undergoes such an huge degree of altered mentality. It does happen, though. I know from firsthand experience._

_It is still largely unknown if those who have lupus and a corresponding altered mental status also have a form of bipolar disorder (manic depression) that is triggered by a flare, if it is simply a symptom of the SLE disorder that closely mimics bipolar or if it is a side effect of a certain medication (such as prednisone), but it is not unheard of that there is a definite shift in personality during a flare._

_While very personal to me, this is the only part of the story that 'borrows' from my life in any way._


	25. Uncivilized animals… (Part 1)

**Chapter 25 – Uncivilized animals… (Part 1)**

* * *

I quickly decided that my first stop should be the Kelly household. It wasn't that I didn't trust Cookie not to be lying to me… actually, yeah, yeah it was. After a speedy run to the corner store to pick up a very specific item, I drove passed 2413 West Alumni Avenue and there was indeed no Kim.

_Okay, so if she' not home, where would she be? Daniel- aw, fuck, I hope not. Then again, she didn't come home last night._

Dismayed by the very thought, I made my way to Desario central in hopes of _not_ finding what I was looking for there. I breathed out a sigh of relief as there was no sign of Kim at his house, either.

_Strike two. Where the hell? Maybe Nick's?_

It was at least worth a shot. I was honestly beginning to feel like some kind of crazed stalker and, when the Andopolis residence left me disappointed as well, I was all but convinced to just give up. Here she was, back in town for all of a day and a half, and I was trying to chase her around like a little puppy. It was pathetic, _I_ was pathetic, and yet…

_Ken's? No, his dad hates everyone. I guess that would mean Lindsay's place is out, too. Maybe… shit, maybe she really is at the library._

To my complete and utter surprise, Kim's car was sitting in the parking lot next to the library. Who would have guessed that she wasn't lying to her mother… and her mother wasn't lying to me. I stationed my car right beside hers and grabbed the small plastic bag I had picked up at the store, shoving it into my front pocket as I made my way into the building.

* * *

The library was unusually active for a Saturday, or at least I assumed it was. The last time I set foot in there was during a school field trip when I was around eight or nine.

As I undertook the task of trying to find the blonde beauty, pleasant memories of past library trips floated into my head. I began to vividly recall reading Where the Wild Things Are, The Little Engine That Could, Harold and the Purple Crayon and practically every Dr. Seuss book ever, as well as the Berenstain Bears ones. I was actually quite the little reading machine when I was a child. The more I reminisced, the more I wondered when my reading habit suddenly stopped. As I pondered the idea and made my way up to the second story of the building (the place where the more grown-up books were, such as history, science, health and the like), I found Kim sitting at one of the tables along the half-wall that gave a nice view of the lower half of the library. The table was cluttered with magazines and big red and blue textbooks (the kind that surely only held boring information). Her head was half buried in one of them, going back and for the as she jotted down something in a notebook beside her. There was a small pile of crumpled up pieces of paper at the far end of the corner. They were obvious rejects of some sort.

* * *

She didn't even notice my presence until I stopped right next to her and placed the small bag on the book she was so engrossed in.

"H-hey!" she said, looking up at me with her bright blue eyes as a smile formed on her face.

"Hey," I replied, once again sporting my goofy-ass grin.

She began to laugh as she looked at the small gift in the middle of the textbook. "Jelly beans! You remembered that they're my favorite!" She happily scooped up the package and ripped it open, plopping a few in her mouth a moment later.

"What're you doing here?" she asked through a mouthful of sugary-sweet candies as I took a seat at the opposite end of the small table.

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied, picking up an issue of Scientific American magazine that looked like it was from the seventies. "I called your house and your mom said you were here. I didn't actually believe her at first and checked everywhere _but_ here."

My admission of doubt caused Kim to laugh and cover her mouth. For whatever reason, I always found it incredibly endearing when she did that.

"Yeah," she gulped down the jelly beans, "I guess I can understand that. It's not like this is a place I've ever been interested in hanging out at."

As I looked at the collection of literature between us, I couldn't help but speculate on exactly what she was up to. There were medical journal magazines alongside the science ones and (based upon a quick glance at the wordy titles) the textbooks were regarding medical and medication knowledge in content. "Okay, so… are you studying for some sort of medical licensing exam that no one knew about?"

She shook her head, tufts of her hair spilling over her shoulder as she looked down to pick out a few of the licorice flavored pieces. "I actually… well, I know how much it gets to you when your mom gets sick and yesterday I could see how frustrated you were with what's going on and- and you said that you don't understand it, right? So I figured I would see what I could do to help, see if I could get some notes together so it's not so confusing for you anymore."

I was completely blown away by her reasoning. "I-I- Kim, that's- how, um-"

The ability to properly articulate words left my mind temporarily as I restrained myself from simply reaching over and hugging her tightly. My mother's transformed actions spilling over onto my friends was paralyzing to me, but to be met with support after the fact? That was unbelievable. Would this girl ever cease to amaze me?

"Don't get all tongue-tied on me, you goofball. I doubt I even found out anything you don't already know."

With a smile forming on her face for the second time, I watched her collect and group a selection of magazines together and put them to the side. There was such a sense of focus about her that I didn't want to ruin it by diverting her attention at all. Soon enough, she began to twirl a pencil between her fingers and scan the collection of notes in front of her, flipping through the pages randomly with her free hand. "Does you mom take pred-, um… pred-ni-zone? Yeah, prednisone. Does she take that?"

"Yeah, that sounds familiar actually," I nodded. "She's on a bunch of meds, though and she just started a new one for her manic depression."

"Oh," Kim frowned. "Sometimes new meds can cause a flare and, according to one of these books, the prednisone can cause an altered mental… something. I don't remember and I didn't write it down. Anyway, I guess it can cause, um…" She skimmed along the lines of the paper with her finger, biting her lip and looking slightly frustrated. "Mania and psychoses. I don't know what those are, either. I mean, I kinda do, but you're probably gonna have to do a lot more research here."

"Mania and psychoses?" I repeated sullenly. "That sounds bad. Like really bad." It wasn't anything that Dr. Hudson hadn't already covered when he sat all three of us down to discuss his prognosis, but everything still stung, everything was still a shock when it came to my mother.

"Shit. That probably isn't what you wanted to hear, huh? Is this just going to depress you? Oh God, I feel dumb now. I just thought if-"

I could hear agitation and frustration quickly building up in her voice. Without even thinking, I reached over and took her hand, cutting her off before she could erupt. "Kim, I don't know how to say thank you enough for what you've done here. I mean, all of this," I waved my other hand around the clutter between us, "must have felt like going right back to school, maybe even worse, but to try to help me understand something you don't even have to deal with? I don't know if I can find the words to say just how much I appreciate it, how much I appreciate you right now."

For the first time that I could ever remember, I made Kim Kelly blush just with the words I had said to her. Well, maybe that wasn't exactly true, but this was the first time with non-dirty words. Just like I had the day before, I took this moment of silence and changed the subject. It wasn't that Kim was telling me these things about Lupus that made me uneasy; it was just the disease itself. At some point I knew I would have to overcome that if I ever wanted to be of help to my mother, but… it just wasn't going to be that day.

"I was wondering; why did you drop by my house yesterday?"

It took her a moment, but when she answered, she made sure she was looking me directly in the eyes. "I came by to say that I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"For those last few weeks before school ended. I said... a lot of things. A lot of things I didn't mean. I'm really sorry."

_What exactly didn't you mean?_

"I'm sorry, too, Kim, especially for that last day we talked- I was just pissed and hurt and tired. I didn't mean any of that shit. Honest."

There was a certain relief that accompanied our shared apologies. With them I felt that we had overcome the wall that had grown between us and, while things may never be what they were, we might still have a chance of being friends. If what she was doing wasn't a sign of true friendship though, I had no idea what was.

As I looked down and saw I was still holding her hand, I remembered that she said something else yesterday. "So, was that what you meant when you said we needed to talk?"

"Kinda."

I brought my eyes back up to meet hers, but she darted them away from me in a hurry.

"When I was on the road with Lindsay, Laurie and Victor we had a lot of time to talk about, well, everything. The Dead, all our friends, plans for the future, drugs, relationships, mistakes. I… I also had a lot of time to think about the things we talked about. Mostly, though, I thought about me and…"

As tempting as it was, I willed myself not to get my hopes up about anything by this point. After all, that was how all of this started in the first place.

_Wait… Oh God, did she trail off like that because she's going to say 'Daniel'? Is she gonna want us to smooth things over so there isn't any more awkwardness? Might as well just get this over with._

"Daniel?" I answered questioningly to something that wasn't even, well, a question.

She raised her head up and gave me a look like I was purposefully being a smart-aleck and I better knock it off. "Nooooo," she elongated with a smirk. "You. Me and you, dumbass. That's what we need to talk about."

I watched her reach for the small pile of licorice jelly beans and I knew what her intentions were almost instantly, yet my body failed to react properly. I just sat there as she lightly threw them at me with the smirk still on her face. While the majority just bounced off my chest, one hit my shoulder and ricocheted over the half-wall to the lower part of the library. Like a set of astonished twins, Kim and I not only gasped at the same time, but we both leaned over the wall to see where the piece of candy would go. We peered over just in time to see it ping off the head of an older gentleman below. His shoulders tensed and he jumped slightly after it sprung off his balding spot.

Pulling our heads back quickly, we looked at each other and shared some silent communication for the immediate need to move before scurrying out of our seats. I turned back around within only a few steps to grab the notebook she had left.

"Come on, that was the librarian," she whispered through a laugh and latched onto my wrist, pulling me along with her. We turned down an aisle that was just short of the end of the library, sitting down at the far end of it and trying to appear innocuous.

Kim clutched a random book from the shelf and shoved it at me, taking her notebook in exchange. "Just look like you telling me stuff to write down or something."

Scrunched together side by side, we waited anxiously for the librarian to make his way to where we were. We knew he was coming, you could just feel it, but had he seen us before we pulled our heads back? What would he do if he did? It's not like we hurt him or anything, it was just an accident. Then again, food wasn't allowed in the building at all, even if it was just candy.

Less than a minute after we assumed our cover, the gauntly man poked his head around the corner and stared down the aisle in our direction. He looked at us for a moment before turning around and walking away and I couldn't shake the feeling that he was on to us.

We waited for a few extra seconds before breaking into a relieved chorus of laughter.

"Oh my God. He totally knows. He has to!" Kim said through her chuckling, putting words to how I felt. "He knows I'm the one who got all those books and magazines, and there are stupid jelly beans all around our table."

We looked at the opposite end of the corridor again, waiting for the librarian to return with Kim's revelation that he must have figured us out. We held our breath for a moment and then just started to crack up again.

It was there, sitting shoulder to shoulder and giggling like a couple of children, that our eyes fixed on each other's once more and I became instantly lost in hers as desire crept into my brain. She must have read my mind, as I watched her arc her head slightly to the side and lean towards me. I pulled back a little, feeling idiotic for even doing so.

"I thought- I thought you said we needed to talk about us."

She scanned me up and down with a seductive grin spread across her beautiful face. "I'm pretty sure that's what we're going to do right now," she replied in a tone that just made me melt. Succeeding her statement, she continued leaning towards me. I followed a similar motion and, as my eyes closed, I was beyond pleased that our lips touched, with hers lightly skimming across mine before they locked together. I could feel her soft, silky features press into mine while our shared moment immediately grew in intensity. The taste of the strawberry lip balm she was so fond of immediately greeted my senses and, underneath that, there was that exclusive Kim Kelly oomph that I had been craving since our last kiss.

She raised her hand to my chest and I encompassed it with mine, all the while we continued on as if we were the only two in the building, completely unashamed that we could be caught at any moment. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but eventually the soft, light sounds of our lips smacking and faint contented moans were interrupted by the noise of someone clearing their throat.

After we pulled away from each other, I quickly licked my lips and swallowed hard, feeling a little flushed. As I peered up at the person who made the noise, I found a grandmotherly-looking older woman was surveying us in a somewhat condescending manner.

"Some of us come here to read, not act like uncivilized animals feeding off of some disgusting primal attraction! If you two are going to keep doing that, maybe you should find somewhere else to be!"

Kim scoffed and gave the old woman a look of contempt. "Back the hell off, lady. It's not like we're having sex or anything. What are you anyway, the library police?"

The woman's face scrunched up into an even angrier scowl and it looked as if she was gearing up for a nasty reply. Luckily, without so much as waiting for an answer, Kim got up, pulling me along with her, and we made our way back to our vacated, messy table. I slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her close to me as we went, not being able to help myself. A small, playful scream escaped her as my action caused her to inadvertently hip check me.

* * *

"I think I drove that library guy half-crazy with the amount of magazines and books I had him find for me," Kim laughed as I took a seat. I was still focusing on the moment that just ended between us, feeling fairly confident that that was one of the better 'us' talks I'd ever had.

"He'll probably go fully crazy when he realizes he has to put them all back," I jokingly replied, pulling out of my trance.

"Well, not all of them." She began stuffing her backpack with the stack of magazines she had separated earlier.

"Wha- what are you doing? I thought you were knee deep in research here." I laughed as I watched, but I was also half nervous she was going to be caught in the act.

"That's why I'm borrowing them. I haven't read through these yet and there might be something helpful in here. I would take a few of those books too, but…" She picked one up and let it fall back onto the table. When it connected, there was a loud 'smack', followed by a 'thummm' sound which continued as the shaking reverberated down the pole the table was bolted to. "They're a little heavy. Come on, let's get out of here before the old lady narcs on us. It's not like we're on the librarian's good side or anything."

Confusion riddled my face as I tried to figure out what she was up to. "Where are we going?"

"Just follow me," she directed, excitement coursing through the words. There was a certain look of intensity in her eyes that I had only seen once before and I instantly no longer cared where we were going, just what we would be doing once we got there.

* * *

_Author's Spoiler/Forewarning: I am contemplating simply calling the next chapter 'Smut' :P_


	26. …& primal attraction (Part 2)

**_Warning: Smuttiness below... through the whole damn chapter! :P_**

**Chapter 26 – …&amp; primal attraction (Part 2)**

* * *

After successfully sneaking out of the library without being detected by the warden, we made our way to the cars.

Kim threw her bag into the back of the Gremlin and turned to face me. I was looking down slightly, trying to dig my keys out of my pocket when I noticed her spin around, but I was taken by surprise when she reached over and grabbed a handful of my shirt. There was a powerful tug and our lips were sealed together again, followed by her tongue embracing mine. Something about the stigma dissolving between us caused a massive overflow of desire and sexual hunger. It was an overflow that (seemingly) neither of us were willing to repress, but very much looking forward to satisfying.

"Just make sure you keep up," she said, slightly panting, as she broke away a minute later and lowered her posture down from just standing on her toes.

"We need to- I mean, I need to," I began sputtering. "Um, I don't have any… Do we need…? Yeah, we do. Of course we do."

I felt a pained look overshadow my face as I continued to try to explain our current predicament while avoiding a certain word.

_Jesus Christ! Condoms! Just say you don't have a condom and you need to stop at a gas station or something!_

Kim looked perplexed for a moment and then what I was trying to say must have clicked in her head, as she began to laugh. "No, I've got it covered, trust me. Why do you think I wasn't worried the first time we did it?"

I was clearly not at the top of my game, as what she said took a bit to sink in and make sense to me.

_Birth control!_ The name rang loudly in my head as if it was the solution to a question that had been nagging me for months.

"Oh! Gotcha. Wait, you have like a, uh, prescription or something? So your parents know? Well, I guess they do but-"

"God, no!" Kim laughed again and looked at me somewhat shocked. "My parents? Seriously? Try the clinic in Roseville."

The light bulb suddenly came on over my head and I felt like an idiot. Roseville was a small city that was about a twenty minute drive away. Even though it was barely a third the size of Chippewa there was a ton of stuff there, including a few clinics.

"Nobody knows who I am there, so I don't have to worry about word getting back to my mother and I guess it is illegal for them to let her know or something," she continued. "Anyway, keep up."

I watched her quickly make her way to the driver's side of her car and jump in before I followed suit with my own car. Her demands for me to 'keep up' were actually far more accurate than I originally would have given her credit for considering the difference in power and speed of our vehicles. For a car that had difficulty starting the day before, her little Gremlin was showing it had some get-up-and-go when it needed it. Within fifteen minutes, I had followed Kim to the parking lot of some apartment complex and once again parked next to her jalopy.

* * *

"Come on, come on," she commanded impatiently, holding her hand out for me to take while quickly making an opening and closing motion. After she had a firm grip on my hand, we practically ran up the steps next to the yellow and green colored collection of apartments on the other side of the covered parking spots. We went to the third floor and walked past several doors before stopping.

I noted to number of the door, 336D, as Kim pulled out a mass of keys from her pocket. Though things had calmed slightly during our drive, I found my longing for her rising at an almost overwhelming rate again. She leaned her head slightly to the side and flipped her hair over her shoulder while scanning through her keychain.

As I stood directly behind her and stared at her now exposed neck, something else altogether began to rise. I put my hands on her shoulders, massaging them lightly as she continued to comb through the keys. Leaning down, I began to kiss her neck, recalling just how well it had worked to get her horny the last time we were together. It wasn't that I doubted she already _was_ aroused, but a little extra never hurt. She leaned back into me and the sensation of our bodies pressing against one another only heightened my excitement.

"Whose place is this?" I asked, my words were slightly muted as they vibrated off of her soft skin.

Kim released a low, quick moan of appreciation before answering. "My cousin's. She's gone for the weekend, so…" She raised her arm back and ran her hand through my hair, her fingers weaving into the curls atop my head. "We need to cool it, Othello, before the neighbors get nosey. I feel that poking me, by the way," she finished with a laugh.

"Othello?" I repeated, raising my head up in curiosity. The name sounded familiar, but from where?

"Well, I thought it sounded better than Romeo," she defended, picking what seemed to be a random key out of the bunch. "Everyone says Romeo."

The dots finally connected in my head.

"You know Shakespeare?"

"A little… kind of. We had to read Macbeth last year and… Ugh! That guy wrote in the stupidest way! The old bag, Mrs. Whiteman, handed out the wrong book to half of the class and I didn't even realize it because I cut the next day."

A small laugh escaped my lips. "So you read Othello instead of Macbeth? For how long?"

"A week. Barely." She joined in my laughter. "I was wondering why every time we talked about the book in class it was about some other characters that I never even read about, but then again I'm not the fastest reader, so I thought I was just way behind. Anyway, it would kind of fit us, right? Othello was some dark-skinned guy and the chick he was with was white."

With a grin on my face, I shook my head slightly and resumed kissing her lovely neck. It honestly didn't matter to me if we were both blue and I had no doubt her intentions were sincere with the comparison. If she wanted me to be her Othello, I was fine with that… even if part of me was certain it was a Shakespearean tragedy where Othello and his 'chick' probably died. Kim did have a point, after all… lots of people compared their significant others to either Romeo or Juliet and that always struck me as daunting considering both characters ended up committing suicide.

After a few more failed attempts with random keys, she was finally successful with unlocking the door. My constant necking probably didn't help in that regard, but she sure wasn't complaining.

She turned and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me fervently. "In. Now!" she said between smacks.

Interestingly enough, there was something very sexy about the way she just took charge every now and then. Maybe I just liked a woman who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it.

* * *

We made out in the living room. We made out in the hallway. We even somehow ended up in the kitchen area and made out there, too. I had never been shoved up against so many walls in all of my life… nor enjoyed it so much.

Almost immediately after we entered the bedroom, we were on the bed, Kim pulling me down on top of her. Our hands began to frantically roam the other's body: unbuttoning pants, rustling tops and, most notably, groping at random parts.

I ran my hand under her shirt, drawing the clothing up as I traced my fingers along her stomach and chest, stopping to fondle and tweak her heaving breasts. She moaned and the sound was like music to my ears. The feeling of her once again running her hand through my hair, grabbing at it and pulling lightly, only emphasized my elevated sensuality by sending shockwaves through me. She arched her back slightly so I could reach and unfasten her bra as she tugged on my now loosened pants.

With both of us half-naked and our bodies wrapping around each other like snakes, I slipped my hand down her unbuttoned jeans. I watched her suggestively bite her lower lip as the tips of my fingers lightly skimmed her soft, warm thigh. There was such an intense craving in her eyes that I just wanted to satisfy her immediately, but instead I shifted my hand to her panties and slowly began to rub up and down, teasing her through the fabric.

She moaned again and again as I continued, each time becoming louder, and I could feel what little nails she had dig into my back as she pulled at my shirt.

"I want… to touch…you… all… over," I gruffly stated, almost literally growling the words out. I broke the sentence into pieces, pausing every other moment to kiss my way up her neck to her lips.

Even though I never would have made claims to be an expert in the bedroom, I knew how to make the foreplay experience very… rewarding.

She gently grabbed my bottom lip between her teeth and tugged lightly for a second.

'You can start with your tongue,' I heard her whisper with a giggle before she nibbled at my earlobe. There was a grin on my face as I wiggled the last two pieces of clothing down her hips. The request had me more than willing to comply.

* * *

After coming back to bed, Kim deliberately rested her head on my left shoulder and settled her arm across my chest.

I was gently rubbing her back when a short laugh escaped me. "I didn't, uh, I didn't expect you to be a cuddler, honestly."

She shifted slightly against me. "I'm not, really… but this is nice, right?"

"Very," I nodded, kissing the top of her head.

She seemed rather uncomfortable and I wasn't sure what was bothering her, but remembering what happened the last time we had sex and she panicked, I was not entirely confident in what may be going on.

"Hey, so tell me all about this trip you and Linds took to follow the Dead. I mean, two weeks on the road, a bunch of shows. You must have at least one or two interesting stories."

"I got a few," she replied, sounding a little more upbeat.

Kim proceeded to share tales of fun, mischief, adventure and everything in-between. Nine shows in twelve days, spanning from Houston, Texas to Denver, Colorado, left her with a lifetime of memories, it seemed. Even though she wasn't completely sold on the music before the trip started, she admitted that the experience may have been exactly what she needed. Somehow, the band's laid-back, vibe-filled songs supplied her with a calm that washed away all of her anxieties and just let her be, well, carefree and happy. She even came away from the shows with a few new favorite tunes, such as _Scarlet Begonias_ and _Not Fade Away_. I was sworn to secrecy on that end, though, because as much as Kim appreciated the music and experience, there was no way in hell she was going to be viewed as a 'hippie' anytime soon. I found it ironic that she chose to share her musically-focused guilty pleasure with someone who had more than a few of his own.

Kim and Lindsay met some very interesting folks who had some fascinating tales to share during their travels as well. The band, their music and the atmosphere of their gatherings had helped many, or at least that was the impression I got from Kim. She had heard of how the Dead aided people through extremely tough times of loss and remorse. There was a man in his late sixties who followed the band incessantly. He and his wife were huge fans and had frequented many of the concerts during a good ten year run. Unfortunately, she had passed from a losing battle with cancer that started just a few years after they discovered the band. As sad as it was though, he swore he could still feel her presence there with him when he followed the Dead on their tours. No matter how hard it was on him, the comfort he felt from knowing he was somehow with his better half again made it all worthwhile. At first, Kim didn't know if she should pity him or simply consider him to be insane. Once she saw how at peace and happy he was to sit on a patch of grass and sway to the rhythm of the music, holding a conversation with his wife who wasn't there, her heart broke for him and at the same time she wished to know that kind of joy at least once in her lifetime.

As she spoke, I realized just how profound of an effect the whole ordeal had had on her. It had changed her, that was for sure, but it only came out when she reflected on it, which I assumed was purposeful.

Whatever was stressing her from before was completely gone, and I didn't want it to return again.

* * *

"Okay, you've got me interested in giving them a second chance," I admitted. "Do you have any Dead albums we could listen to?"

"Yeah? You mean it?" She turned up to face me with a smile and I nodded in return.

She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled at the white bed sheet until it became completely untucked. After standing, she proceeded to wrap it around her body and I couldn't help but begin to snicker.

"I've already seen you naked, ya know? A couple of times now, actually, and you have quite the stunning body."

She turned to face me for a moment and stuck her tongue out in a taunting, yet playful way. "See if I ever try to be modest around you again." She continued to the corner of the room where a duffle bag was leaning against the wall. As she began to rummage through it, a small realization crossed my mind.

"Wait, just how long have you been here?"

"Since last night; I slept on the couch. After the chaotic, unpleasant mess staying at home turned out to be on Thursday, I decided to see if I could crash here for a while. I kinda doubt she wants me to sleep on her bed… or have sex on it, but oh well."

I knew that Kim's problems at home would never get any better if she just kept running away from them, but it wasn't the time to bring that up. "You guys are pretty close, huh?"

Kim looked back at me and shrugged before pulling a record sleeve out from the bag. "I guess. We weren't for quite a while, but once her mother, my aunt Kathy, passed away, we kind of settled our differences and started to get along again."

I watched her make her way to the record player at the opposite side of the room, the sun that was pouring through the drapes was also spilling over onto the sheet she was covered in. The thin fabric was almost transparent thanks to the light source and I drank in the sight of her body structure as she walked. She had curves in all the right places and the little bit of pep she had in her step simply underscored that fact. I just wanted to photograph her and save that moment forever… because it was flawless. _She_ was flawless.

"This is actually Mr. Rosso's, I think. Lindsay borrowed it from him and I borrowed it from her before I left with Laurie and Victor," she explained, gently placing the record on the player and moving the needle to the first song. "I wanted to stay at the hospital and leave when she was released, but her stupid dad refused to let me ride in their car." As the music began, a grin spread across her face and she came back to bed.

"Okay, so this one is called _Box of Rain_ and, yeah, I don't know what it's about. I don't know what most of these songs are about, really, but I like them. Victor and Laurie tried to explain it to me once, but I was so high." She began to laugh and I could swear she became a little lost in thought at the memory.

Again she rested her head on my shoulder and, as the song continued, she hummed along with it.

The music was alright, but I probably would have had to be at one of the shows to truly appreciate it as Kim did. Seeing her smile, though, was more than reason enough to continue listening.

Taking her relaxed mood into consideration, I decided to see if I could pick her brain as far as what her take was on what we were and what we were going.

"So, I know Lindsay's attempt went bust, but how about you? Were there any guys who caught your eye on the trip?" I teased.

"No," she sighed facetiously in a way that let me know my little ploy didn't fool her for a second. "Well, kinda. I mean, we met our fair share of cute guys, but I'm working on a little something here in town and it's going pretty well. I'm almost sure I've got this guy wrapped around my finger."

I shook my head and put my hand over my face, breaking out into laughter a moment later. I should have known better than to engage in playful banter with Kim and expect her not to catch on. She was just as quick on the draw as I was, maybe even faster. At least her response sounded hopeful.

"Your turn. Any stories of half-naked women to share?"

"Oh just one, and then I got her fully naked," I replied nonchalantly as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "I'm thinkin'… I'm thinkin' she's a keeper, though."

There was a moment of silence after my lively retort and I began to wonder if I didn't make it as flirtatious as I had at first thought.

Finally Kim spoke up, though she sounded somewhat cynical. "I'm still… broken, y'know? Are you sure you want to keep dealing with all my shit at a moment's notice?"

_Is that what her mood swings have been about? Self-doubt?_

"You're not broken," I smiled, trying to keep the atmosphere neutral. "You're normal, same as me. I have a fair amount of baggage, too, you know."

She nodded slightly, still appearing unconvinced.

Halfway through the second song, and after yet another round of unsettling silence, I just decided to go for broke. "Ya know, neither one of us are perfect, but…" I hesitated slightly, "I want to believe that we're perfect for each other."

She looked up to me again, that same, natural happy expression quickly spreading across her face. "I want… I want to believe that, too." She shifted up slightly and we kissed, making motions to guarantee we would be secured into the action for a good while. After the third song started, Kim was mounted on top of me, my hands firmly latched onto her hips. More sex. But this time something felt- no, something _was_ definitely different. The first two times we were together we were all over each other. It was hot. It was dirty. It was raw and uninhibited. It was intense.

Our third time, though? We were more intimate. Well, she was more intimate and I followed in her footsteps like second-nature. We moved slower, but with more zeal (which I didn't think was possible until that moment). We were softer in our touches, yet they were more passionate. Hell, we even looked at each other more and that too had deeper meaning. I wanted to send out my feelings and have her know them simply by how powerful they were, by how much I truly meant them, and when I looked into her eyes, I felt that same energy springing from her. Words were unspoken, but they were all around us. It was almost as if time didn't exist anymore and it was only Kim and me, much like how things felt at the library when we kissed. Looking back on it, even that was different from our first experience and our last. It wasn't as showy but it somehow spoke volumes about us at the time.

Were we experiencing the difference between simply having sex and actually making love or were we merely drunk off of how good it felt and I was just embellishing the whole experience? Whatever it was, all indications were that we took our sweet time enjoying it, because the record finished before we did.

"What- what was that?" I breathlessly questioned minutes after we were done, our panting dissipating to a fraction of what it was.

"Fucking amazing!" Kim managed to boisterously declare through rapid breaths and we both began to laugh.

* * *

_Author's Note: I never realized just how perfect Ripple was for the ending of Freaks and Geeks until I listened to it a few times on its own. I mean, the melody is just one that brings a tingle to your body when you hear it and you can't help but smile, but there is also a very subtle underlying sadness to the song as well. The season is ending, and Lindsay and Kim are overjoyed to be going on this once-in-a-lifetime trip together, but there is also sadness for the viewer in that this is it for our insight into the lives of these awesome characters and all we have left is the ripple this show created for us that will never be filled by any other._

_Also, I wanted to say a big 'Thank You' to those who recently followed and favorited this story. I truly appreciate it._


	27. Meals and Reveals

**Chapter 27 – Meals and Reveals**

* * *

"So, I got, like, five bucks. Do you have any money?" I asked, pulling my t-shirt over my head.

Kim had just finished putting her hair into a ponytail, a style I rarely saw on her. "A couple dollars. Why?"

I flashed a quick smile her way and that was almost answer enough.

Her lips curved upward and she began to giggle. "Pizza from Sal's?"

"Mmhmm" I hummed, giving her a quick peck before I stood and began to look for my shoes.

* * *

"Hey, kids," Sal acknowledged in his thick Italian accent as Kim and I approached the counter. It was customary for him to refer to all of us as 'kids' and the title was one that we took without any contention. Sal had a very grandfatherly way about him when it came to the freaks and, in return, we treated him with a respect that we really didn't showcase for a lot of adults in our lives. He was always nice and genuinely seemed happy to see us, making a lot of us feel more at ease in his little restaurant than we ever could at home.

"This one," he pointed to Kim, "I haven't seen you in a while. You musta been on a summer vacation, huh?"

"Yeah, something like that," she laughed.

"Look at you. Still pretty as ever with a nice tan to boot now, too. So, you- ohhh. Ohhh, look at this," Sal's tone changed, as if he had just caught a kid with his hand in the cookie jar. He smiled and I followed his gaze, which was peering down and our intertwined hands. I must have reached for her hand after we got out of the car. Either that or she reached for mine, I couldn't remember.

"You two finally got your act together, huh? That'sa nice. That'sa real nice. You always seem sweet about each other." The idiom wasn't exactly used in the right context, but his intention was as clear as day. He began to chuckle as our faces reddened and grins spread.

Before either of us could even try to get a word in edgewise, Sal took the lead again.

"I like seeing all you kids again, I really do. Sometimes I look around and all I see are people just as old as me and I wonder. I wonder if this is it, if all my little place appeals to is old geezers like myself, but then you kids drop by every now and then and I think, 'Nah, I still got it!'"

All three of us cracked up at his words this time, but Kim and I shared a laugh that was more forced than genuine. Sal always meant well, but sometimes the things he said just flew over our heads.

"Anyway," he continued, waving his hand in dismissal, "I 'preciate that you guys take the time to talk to little old me, but I imagine you're here to meet up with you friends."

I squinted with mild confusion, "Our friends? We're just gonna order a pizza to go."

"Oh. You might wanna to tell them that, then." Sal pointed between us, seemingly to something that our backs were to.

There was a knot beginning to form in my stomach as we turned our heads, and it was only slightly loosened when we were met by the stares and otherwise blank expressions of Ken, Amy, Nick and Sara. There was, thankfully, no Daniel.

"You two are adorable!" Ken called out, tongue-in-cheek.

Kim squeezed my hand lightly before pulling free and making her way to the four. "And you need to get a new line, buddy."

"Pizza should be ready in about ten minutes, but, uh, that table is a little small for all of you. I got one a them fancy picanic tables set up outside, though. It's got a brella and everything. You two, uh, still want one of your own pies?" Sal questioned.

"Not… not just yet," I murmured back to Sal, keeping my eyes on the half of our little band that sat before us as Kim stopped in front of the table and continued talking.

"What, are all you dorks on a double date or something?"

"Why? You two wanna make it a triple?" Ken asked with a smirk.

Kim laughed and punched him in the arm.

"Same ol' Kim," he lamented, rubbing the spot she hit.

There was a big smile on Nick's face. He was obviously happy to see his friend again… either that or he was high, but I was hoping for the former. "When did you get back into town? Or did you even leave?"

"Oh yeah, I left," she replied proudly. "I came back Thursday."

"Thursday, huh? So what have you been doing since then? Or should I ask… who?" Ken was obviously full of piss and vinegar. He shot glances to Kim and me as he spoke.

"So, you went on vacation?" Amy asked, giving her boyfriend a light shove and sounding somewhat doubtful in her own question.

Kim shrugged. "Kinda, I guess. It's sort of a long story. Can we go out to that picnic table, or whatever the hell Sal calls it? My legs are sore as shit and I don't want to stand around much longer."

A faint smile lined my lips and I wanted to tease her by saying, 'You're welcome' but I wasn't sure if Kim wanted our friends to be that well-informed of our activities.

Everyone nodded and began to shift and stand up. Kim wrapped her arms around my waist and pushed me in the direction of the door with her body. I peeked back, giving her a questioning look.

"What? They probably saw exactly what Sal did and Ken won't stop making suggestive remarks, so they already know. Might as well give them something to whisper about for a few seconds." Kim insisted, sounding serious at first but then laughing out her last sentence.

* * *

Things were a little more mellow and quiet outside, with the only awkward moment being when Kim gave everyone a hug except Sara. She didn't say anything, Nick didn't say anything and it just seemed like Kim didn't give a shit. Knowing the girl like I did, though, I couldn't really say I was surprised. If she didn't like someone, she wasn't very subtle about hiding it, and Sara just couldn't make the cut.

"Oh my God, that's better," Kim breathed as she took a seat next to me. Nick flanked her other side and Ken, Amy and Sara sat opposite at the table.

"Okay, so where did-" Amy began to ask, but was quickly interrupted by her boyfriend.

"No, no, no," Ken said in quick succession. "We're finding out what's going on between these two first." There was a devilish grin on his face and you could just tell he was up to his old antics.

Kim scoffed and furrowed her brow for a moment. "If you don't know, then you're hopeless. Sorry, Amy."

"No, you're right, he's totally hopeless," Amy teased, causing all of us to laugh. Ken did as well, though he tried to hide it behind a feigned look of hurt. "But I still love him."

Almost as if anticipating the next question that was sure to follow, Kim tailed on a speedy response. "You guys can't let Daniel know. This is something I need to talk to him about myself. Speaking of the devil, he usually just pops up whenever someone mentions his name… where is he?"

I uncomfortably shifted in on the bench at the mention of Daniel. I hadn't even thought about how we were going to break the news to him until the moment Sal made me feel like he was standing behind us, watching us hold hands. My uneasiness must have been quite apparent, as Kim reached down and gently took hold of my hand, surrounding it with the soft warmth of hers.

I watched Ken and Nick exchange awkward glances with each other and I could only assume they were trying to decide if they should tell her about Daniel's new fling… or who would be the one to say it. I wasn't the only one to catch their less-then-subtle gawkiness.

"Oh, what? Did he move on to some new slut already?" Kim asked, sounding as if she already knew the answer and wasn't entirely surprised by it.

"Maybe?" Ken grimaced, scrunching up the left side of his face a little. It almost looked as if he was expecting to get slugged for a second time. Then again, it was better not to put anything passed Kim if her attitude shifted.

She simply scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"What does it matter, though? You're with Mr. Football here, so everything is good… right?" Again Ken seemed apprehensive in his words.

Kim looked confused for a moment. "Football? Oh my God, I totally forgot you rejoined your little team."

My jaw dropped and I gave her a bit of a dirty look, which only resulted in her laughing.

"Com'on, Donovan. That happened when we weren't doing too well at all. Cut a girl some slack." She looked up at me with a mischievous smirk. "Wanna know a secret?"

I propped my hand under my chin and tried to look debonair, nodding in return.

"I've never dated a jock before."

There was a little shift in her expression before she continued. "You'd better not expect me to become a cheerleader or anything, though. God, I'd rather spend the rest of my life listening to my mother gossip over that."

Ken began to laugh, "You guys are going to be the weirdest couple ever."

"What? Come on!" I retorted in jest.

"No, seriously, he's got a point," Nick insisted through a guffaw of his own. "I mean, it's kinda weird seeing you two together. I'm so used to seeing Kim with- um, it's just weird."

"Well, make it un-weird, weirdos, 'cause this ain't changing," Kim countered.

I was a little thrown by her unexpected confidence in our relationship considering she was so doubting less than two hours before. At the same time, though, it was refreshing and touching in its own way.

Sara piped up suddenly, from almost out of nowhere, "Well, I think you two are a good pair."

Again she was just trying too hard. She didn't have any idea if Kim and I were a good couple (even if I did happen to agree with her on that point). Hell, by the time she came into the group, Kim and I were at each other's throats.

Realizing what an awkward, albeit nice, statement his girlfriend had just said, Nick quickly changed the subject. "So, Kim, you finally decided to come back to Chippewa, huh?"

A trademark roll of the eyes and classic 'pffft!' prefaced her reply. "Like I had any other option. I would so ditch this town in a second if I could."

The pizza arrived before any further conversation could develop and, as we all talked and ate, there was a fast approaching realization that eight slices of pizza, big as they were, would not feed six hungry teenagers equally. Kim and I put our little collection of cash together and ordered another one as soon as everyone grabbed a slice and we were all eyeing the last two pieces with tunnel vision.

Amy had once again inquired about Kim's out of town exploits and, with a distinctive aura of apprehension, Blondie finally admitted to the gang that she was a Deadhead for about two weeks. The roar of laughter from the four was almost deafening, and I couldn't help but snicker along with them myself (an action that gained the slight ire of Kim, who planted her elbow in my side).

"Did ya- did ya come back with a wardrobe full of tie-dyed shirts?" Nick choked out through a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, and are you only going to listen to music in the rain now, and start using words like 'groovy' and 'far out'?" Ken added in for good measure.

Even Amy joined in the fun, showing she could keep up with the boys. "Come on, guys, you're dragging her down and making this a bad scene. Peace." She held up her hand, displaying the well-known peace sign.

"Oh ha-ha. Everyone's a comedian," Kim mumbled, picking at her pizza slice and pulling a piece of pepperoni free from its cheese encasement. "That's the last time I ever share anything with you guys again."

"You know we all love you," I whispered, throwing a glace her way.

"Do you?" she sighed in return and leaned her head on my shoulder momentarily. After the laughter subsided, her frown was slowly replaced by a grin as tales from the trip were shared with everyone.

* * *

Recalling the experience really did seem to put her in a happier place, though I couldn't help but notice she was doing her damnedest to steer clear of any mention of Lindsay. Nevertheless, in an unintended demonstration of the old saying 'all good things must come to an end', she absentmindedly outed our friend while retelling a rather animated story about a show that finished just as a rainstorm began.

"…and it was like everyone just started freaking out, but in a good way. Lindsay was smiling and spinning around so much I thought she was going to puke!"

Everyone caught onto her slip immediately, even Kim.

"Oh, shit," she muttered, hunching her shoulders in disappointment.

After recovering from his temporary shock, Nick asked, "How was Lindsay there? I thought she went to that summit thing."

"She kinda… skipped out on it?" Kim responded, making a bit of a face as she did.

Ken let out a short, legitimate laugh and Nick began to reprimand and lecture.

"What!? Kim, how could you do that to her? That was, like, really important for her college future… and stuff." He seemed to lose focus at the tail end of his statement.

"Hey, it was all her idea, okay? She started talking with Laurie and Victor at the end of the year and totally fell in love with the idea of following the band around for a few weeks. She asked me if I wanted to come along and I was like, 'Hell yeah!'… I mean, really, what else was I going to do this summer?"

A mini-epiphany seemed to overcome our stoner friend and he all but ignored Kim's valid excuse. "Oh man, that explains so much. Like… like why Mr. Weir was so mad and why he gets that look on his face when I ask him if Lindsay made it home safe and sound. Hey, maybe we should all go see her."

And just like that, Nick switched gears and was no longer concerned with the missed academic summit or how it may or may not have an impact on Lindsay's future. I somewhat felt sorry for Sara as I listened to Nick ramble on and on. You could practically see her shrink in her seat and look more and more dismal with just how concerned her boyfriend was with his ex. I couldn't blame her, I guess. After all, this was the second time he was all set to go and see how Linds was and try to hang out with her. I couldn't begin to imagine how I would feel in a similar situation.

"I doubt it," Kim snorted. "Not after what happened." She immediately groaned out in anger after realizing she had messed up again. "Oh my God! Donovan, shut me up, please."

"What- what happened?" Serious Nick made a quick comeback. Ken and Amy appeared to know better than to even try to enter into the conversation.

"She got really sick, right?" I responded quickly, trying to make some sort of save for the damsel in distress.

"Yes!" Kim confirmed with what I would consider as too much joy. "She ate, um, something bad… and got… food poisoning!" Again, she finished her sentence sounding far too happy with the last words.

"Oh no," Amy gloomily remarked. "Is she okay?"

I wrapped my arm around Kim's shoulders as she responded to the concern.

"Oh yeah, no, she's fine now."

I gave her a light squeeze, hoping that would indicate that she may want to consider adding to that answer.

"I mean… she _was_ really sick, and her folks even had to come pick her up, 'cause we took her to the hospital and everything. So, yeah, she's probably still recovering. Like, we should let her get some rest and stuff, y'know?"

"Yeah- yeah, I guess that makes sense," Nick agreed, sounding slightly disheartened.

Disaster averted? I hoped so, but then again, Ken was wearing a telling smirk on his face. You always had to be careful with what you said and how you said it around him. His mind was always working, always picking things apart and either finding some sort of innuendo in it or the true meaning behind the words.

"Say, Linds wouldn't be pregnant now would she, Kim?"

There were a variety of disapproving ooohs and whats thrown around by everyone and Kim even wadded up a napkin and threw it at his head.

"What?" he defended, flinching from a smack Amy delivered to his arm. "It's a fact that there is a fifty-fifty chance a woman can be pregnant every time she gets sick."

Kim rolled her eyes and began to laugh. "Only if they've had sex, dumbass."

* * *

After another half-hour of random conversation, most of which spent with Nick looking lost in a deep thought, the lumbering giant finally spoke up.

"Hey Kim, what was it like just leaving town without knowing what you were going to do when you got wherever you were going? Like, do you think you could just leave town without any kind of plan and things would turn out alright?"

Confusion quickly spread over Kim's face as she threw glances to all of us in question of what she was just asked and how to even answer it.

Ken and I looked at each other and we both sighed.

"Nick, settle down. I thought we already talked about this just last week. Give Lindsay a chance to recover, then she can help Donovan get this fixed."

Kim shot me a (deserved) accusatory look after Ken finished.

"Well, I just hope she gets better soon. My dad is getting tired of waiting to have that talk."

"What talk?" Sara and Kim probed in unison.

Ken shook his head. "Jesus, Nick, you didn't even tell your girlfriend?"

Instant embarrassment flooded Andopolis' face, but he tried to scoff it off. "I wanted to wait to see if- I mean _until_ they talked my dad out of it."

Sara, looking more worried every second, interjected again. "Talk your dad out of what?"

"_If _was the right word. You don't even think they can and that's why you just asked about leaving town."

Now Nick just looked pissed. "You're really not helping at all here, Ken."

"Hey, I'm just being realistic."

This was escalating at an alarming pace and I could visibly see Kim start to tense up as it continued. Arguments like this probably dug up some unpleasant memories for her.

"Maybe you guys should stop bitching at each other and tell us what's going on," she finally demanded.

Both men first turned their attention to Kim and then veered their gaze my way.

_Oh, of course. Of-Fucking-Course!_

"Donovan, care to share your brilliant plan?"

The cynicism Ken's tone was drenched in almost made me want to punch him. Suddenly all eyes were on me, including Kim's returning harsh glare. Andopolis had just somehow stealthily slithered his way out of having to explain his predicament to Sara (with a major assist from Miller) and it was on me.

"No. You know what, just… no. This isn't my fuck-up, okay? Nick here is going to explain what you two are arguing about and then we'll talk about my brilliant plan to fix it… 'cause it is brilliant."

This wasn't a game of hot potato, but we were all certainly treating it like it was and I certainly wasn't going to be left holding the damn thing.

Nick let out a small huff of discontent and his face crumpled slightly. "Thanks, man. Thanks a lot."

"Nicky, what's wrong? What are you guys talking about?" Sara asked, reaching over for his hand and once again desperately seeking an answer to our cryptic back and forth.

"Seriously, you guys need to cut the bullshit and tell us what you're talking about," Kim pressed. "This is getting old fast."

"Okay," Nick sighed out after a few seconds of absolutely nothing. "Donovan's right- I fucked up. I thought my dad was bluffing again and now I'm in trouble… serious trouble."

He continued on with a certain dismal quality to his voice and I could only imagine just talking about it made him feel utterly defeated. By the same token though, this was something he had to acknowledge and not try to hide away, as it could become his reality. As I noticed him begin to falter after getting the meat of the matter out of the way, I jumped in with a little help and presented my 'brilliant' plan, pointing out reasons why we couldn't let this happen to our friend. I had to change it up slightly to not make Nick sound like a complete and utter weakling, but he actually agreed with many of the modified points I made. I also left out the speculation of self-harm as well… again to save face for my friend and because I didn't think his girlfriend needed that extra concern on her already-overflowing plate. Thankfully, Nick took the reins again and even went as far as asking for help from the three girls on his own. It was actually somewhat of a relief to get it out to three new people all at once, as we needed everyone backing and supporting our cause as much as possible. Even though I believed in the dork, I also knew how much of handful he could be with lack of focus and a practically nonexistent concern for school in general. It was simply not something I would be able to handle by myself and if I could rally everyone to help keep him in line, we may be able to pull off a miracle.

After we finished and garnered the support of everyone (Ken went back to being reluctant about it, but Amy promised to straighten him out), the conversation and mood never really picked back up and we eventually all said our goodbyes. It was kind of a somber way to end an impromptu meet up, but what was done was done.


	28. Through thick… (Part 1)

_I just wanted to take this little opportunity to say thank you to Lydia (now known as yodasbitch :P) for all of her wonderful reviews and encouragement through them and via PMs._

_I also want to thank my Guest reviewer for reading through all of my story and leaving a great review as well._

**Chapter 28 – Through thick… (Part 1)**

* * *

"Geez, what a day," Kim droned as she walked in from the balcony, returning from her needed nicotine fix. She practically toppled over onto the couch next to me and released a long, tired sigh. We came back to her cousin's apartment after Sal's, taking the last four pieces of pizza with us, and basically vegged out in the living room. There was another impressive sound system in the room as well as a pretty big TV. There was a cable box attached to the television, but it really just confused the shit out of both of us since our shared knowledge of how to work it was nil. Nonetheless, we were able to trial-and-error our way through it, finding that we were even allowed to access some of the fancier pay-channels like HBO and Showtime. The humble abode was actually very well furnished with new stuff everywhere and I couldn't help but think that someone in Kim's family actually had it made.

"We totally need to get Sara out of the picture. I mean, I'm not the only who thinks she's annoying, right? I don't even get what Nick sees in her anyway… it's not like she can teach him how to foxtrot out of a foxhole."

I laughed at her articulate assessment of Sara's boogie-oogie-oogie knowledge being completely useless on a battlefield.

"He is totally screwed, ya know? I don't even think brainiac Lindsay can save him from an army future. It's nice what you're trying to do, though."

I winced as my laughter quickly died out, feeling uncomfortable about the situation all over again. Was I the only one who had faith in him? Hell, I still hadn't even told her the catch in my plan, the one where I may be stuck next to Andopolis, peeling potatoes while on kitchen patrol in the army. With all of the negativity, I was beginning to have doubts myself. This was my future I was playing with as well, and I suddenly had more than just a potential football prospect to lose if it all went south. I decided to quickly change the subject and bring it up at a better time (if there was such a thing).

"Your cousin must have a nice job," I noted, not being able to help but admire just how new the place looked and felt.

She rested against me and shrugged at my statement. "Yeah, but Erica's boyfriend also just so happens to be the manager of the bank she works at and I guess he likes to spoil her. He buys her new stuff all the time… and they even go on trips, like every weekend…"

"Wow."  
"Mmm," she hummed in agreement. "But I think she's just kind of using him for his money. He's way older than her, she never talks about him and all she seems to care about is the things he gets her."

"Well that's a little unscrupulous…"

Kim scrunched up her face and looked at me. "Un-what? Don't get all smart on me."

"Um, immoral," I laughed. "Sounds like she's definitely just using him."

"Told ya. What are we even watching?" Kim asked, snorting out the question through her laughter as she began to pay attention to what was showing on television. My little outing to the library had made me slightly nostalgic of my childhood and when I switched to HBO and _Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown_ was on, I decided it was an appropriate place to stop while she was enjoying a cigarette.

My cheeks grew hot and I could only imagine they were glowing red. "It's a Charlie Brown show. It might be new, I dunno. Never saw it before."

"Oh my God, I'm dating a manchild!" she declared, going into an all-out cackle.

_This must be payback for all of the hippie talk earlier_. I smirked at the thought and responded, "Okay, okay, we'll change it," before trying to stand.

Kim latched onto my arm and pulled me back down onto the couch. "No, it's okay. I kinda want to watch it now." There was an innocent bounciness in her voice that I had been hearing a lot more in the hours we had spent together.

"You are in an awfully good mood today," I said after I was forcefully plopped back onto my seat next to her.

"And why shouldn't I be? It's been a really nice day, aside from that little drama revolving around Nick."

I smiled and enveloped my arm around her as she curled up onto the couch. She had a point; it had been a really nice day. I wasn't sure if Kim's actions were just a result of winding down from her time on the road or if it was what she would be like around me regularly because we were actually in a relationship. Either way, I decided to soak it and enjoy the experience as much as possible while I could.

"You know what you said earlier about never dating a jock before?"

"Yeah." She kept her eyes on the screen but sounded a little questioning in her answer, as if she was expecting me to make some sort of joke.

"Well, this manchild jock just so happens to be the new quarterback for the McKinley Norsemen."

She turned to face me, her eyes growing wide with shock.

"Holy shit! Seriously? That's good, right?"

A grin spread across my face as I nodded in confirmation. "Yes, that's very good." It was the first time I had actually felt at ease, perhaps even accepting, about my newfound title.

"That's great, babe, it really is, but now…" She reached up and gently pulled me in for a kiss. "You've ruined all future jock prospects for me."

"Future jock prospects?!" I barked out, my jaw slightly agape after the fact. Kim began giggle like a nut and I knew she got me.

"Still though," she continued, calming her laughter, "for never dating an athlete before, I kinda jumped to the top of the ladder. Ya know, you never did tell me what made you want to get back into football anyway."

I let out a little sigh before answering. My intentions were partly mature and partly immature at the time I decided to head back. "College, mainly. I'm never gonna make the kind of grades that will attract scholarships based on them and, with all the medical stuff my mom has to go through all the time, my parents had to pretty much obliterate any college funding they were saving for me. I was hoping to catch a full ride for my athletic abilities… maybe."

"That makes sense, I guess."

I wasn't sure how Kim viewed college and her future in it. I knew she wasn't very fond of high school (though who among us was?) and she had some plan to become a lawyer who prosecuted cops or something, but college was one thing she never really talked about. Her reaction to my first reason was rather flat and ambiguous.

"Aaannnddd… when we, as you put it, 'weren't doing too well at all', I felt out of sorts with everyone, not just you. I guess I kind of panicked and wanted to fall back into the good graces of some group."

There was absolutely no response from her that time. I figured that maybe I should spin some fun into the conversation. Back and forth teasing was kind of our thing. Actually, it was a thing between all of the freaks, but Kim and I always seemed to take a special interest in practicing the hobby on each other. I smiled as a little thought crossed my mind.

"So, about that 'no cheerleader' thing, you wouldn't mind at least donning the outfit for me every now and then, would you?"

"You wish!" she grinned. "Now shut up and watch Charlie Brown with me, perv."

As both of our eyes fell back to the screen, I felt her nestle back into her spot.

There was something very entertaining about the Charlie Brown cartoons in that, while they were aimed for kids, they had a sense of humor about them that extended to all age groups. The monotone dialogue delivery of some of the characters, the absurdity of the things Snoopy and Woodstock would do… just the peanuts gang in general had us laughing.

* * *

Truth be told, I was stalling for time with the movie and I imagined Kim knew it, too. The day had been so nice, almost like a dream, and all I had to look forward to when going home was the return to a living nightmare.

"It's getting a little late," she mentioned as the colorful end credits began to roll by.

I sighed. "Yeah, time to head home and face wrath for not coming back sooner… or even calling."

"That's not what I was hinting at," she said, turning to face me. "You don't- you don't have to go home, ya know? You could stay the night here. Erica won't be back until sometime tomorrow afternoon, anyway."

"My dad would probably kill me."

"Well then…" She leaned in and kissed me. "Better make this a night to remember. We could just take a shower and then, oh, I dunno… head to bed." Her tone suggested that 'heading to bed' would just be the start of our activities.

Debate won. But then again, how could I even imagine saying no to that?

I smiled and released a little laugh as she came in for another kiss. "You're really, um, horny today, aren't you?"

That look was coming over her once again as she replied, "You don't have a problem with that, do you? Like I said earlier; I had a lot of time to think about us… and there were certain things I thought about us doing over and over again."

* * *

Needless to say, we really didn't get a whole lot of sleeping done and, by the time we did, the result was us waking up slightly after noon on Sunday. I was somewhat rushed out of the apartment when Kim realized just what time it was and that she didn't have an exact idea of when her cousin would be home. She wanted to clean up a little bit, and definitely didn't want us to get caught.

"Finally decided to come home, huh?" my father greeted as I walked into the front door. He was sitting in his favorite chair near the corner of the living room, reading the newspaper. His voice didn't sound angry, as I had expected it to. Instead he sounded calm and somewhat pleasant. Maybe that was a sign that mom was getting better.

I scratched the back of my head, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry I didn't call or anything."

"It would have been nice, son. I've already got enough to worry about with your mother here. Not having to be concerned that something bad had happened to you would have made things a little easier."

"Yeah, no, I got it, dad. Sorry. How is mom, anyway? Is she doing any better?"

He momentarily lowered the paper, looked at me and shook his head before scanning over the news once again.

I sighed and made my way to my room, trying to mentally prepare myself for dealing with erratic behavior.

"Hey, did you at least have a good time with your friends?" my father called out as I turned into the hallway.

I poked my head around the corner with a goofy grin on my face. "Yeah, I had a good time."

That, at least, put a smile on his face before he buried it in the paper again. I decided to head back into the living room and tell him about my 'promotion' to quarterback, as Kim was the only one who I had actually told outside of the team and I was starting to feel more comfortable with the label and (to a lesser extent) the role. Oddly enough it was the first time my father and I had sat down and just talked about things in a long time… and it felt really good. It was like we finally connected again after the debacle that had ensured when I left sports last year.

There was actually very little interaction from my mother throughout the day. She was in an extreme amount of pain and spent most of her time trying to sleep.

* * *

As evening descended and the sun went down I decided to give Kim a call to see if she wanted to do anything tomorrow or maybe meet-up with some of the group after I was done with practice. I had only made it to the third number when I heard raised voices coming from my parents' bedroom. My father had just gone back there to check on my mother and see how she was feeling or if she was asleep. I hung up the phone and stood up to see what was going on, but my father was already making his way into the living room.

"Donovan, call 9-1-1 now!"

My heart started beating faster and harder almost immediately.

"Wha- why? What happened?"

"You mother took a whole bottle of aspirin. Now call 9-1-1!" He looked at me with a sense of urgency before turning around and going back down the hall.

My hands were shaking as I tried to hold the receiver in one and correctly push the three numbers with the other. I misdialed three times somehow before getting the simple combo right.

_What could a whole bottle of aspirin do? Did she take them all on purpose? How could she have accidentally done it?_

"9-1-1. What is the location of your emergency?" a female voice asked after the lines connected.

"Um, there- I- What? My address?" My thoughts were jumbled and I could think to say was that my mother needed help. My heartbeat had increased to a rate at which I was sure it was just about to burst out of my chest.

"Where are you located?"

I tried to answer again, but my words came out just as muddled and all I could mention was my mother. I felt like I had reverted to some scared, child-like state and I couldn't get a good foothold in the here and now.

"Sir, I know this is difficult, but I need you to calm down and talk to me so I can send help. Now, please, where is the location of your emergency?"

After the operator repeated her question for a third time, I took in a few deep breaths and tried to compose myself enough to properly communicate with her. It felt like forever before she actually asked me what was happening.

* * *

After I had placed the call and was told that help was being dispatched, I quickly ran to my parents' bedroom. My mother and father were arguing back and forth, but aside from that she seemed perfectly fine; irritable, but fine. She was lying in the bed and continuing to argue, even directing a sentence of wrath my way when I entered the room. Apparently she was having trouble sleeping and had recurring pain spikes. Every time she would take some aspirin and fall asleep, a bout of pain would wake her up shortly after (she swore it was hours later, but we knew that was impossible. The timeline just didn't make sense). She would repeat the process again, taking more pills, sleeping for a little while, waking up in pain and starting over.

Before long, an ambulance arrived, sirens blaring and lights flashing. I asked one of the EMTs what the consequences of taking so much medication could be and I was not very fond of his answer. There was a surplus of issues overdosing on aspirin could bring about, including gastrointestinal bleeding, the patient falling into a coma, having a cardiac arrest or suffering from liver failure.

Following a fair bit of convincing on the part of the medical technicians, my mother was finally coaxed into allowed them to take her to the hospital for possible poisoning treatment.

The management system for such an event consisted pretty much forcing her to ingest a large container of liquid charcoal. The substance would bind with the aspirin in her system and absorb most of it before her body could.

Even though it was an accidental overdose, the attending ER physician saw fit to admit my mother to the facility for observation considering her aggressive actions and personality in regards to, well, everyone. My father's insistence that this was not how she normally acted only aided in the decision. What really seemed to seal the deal for the doctor was the knowledge that my mother was having an active lupus flair and we really had no idea how to deal with it. Apparently there was a hospitalist whose expertise overlapped into the field of the disease due to dealing with a family member with the condition.

We both stayed in her room with her throughout the night, sleeping in hard, stiff and generally uncomfy chairs. In the morning, my father insisted that I go about my day normally and head off to football practice, but I simply was not in the mood. I called coach Fredricks to explain (in as little detail as possible) why I would not be able to show up, which only caused my dad to sigh out in frustration. He was worried about me, I knew he was, and he wanted me to concern myself with other things that I had control over instead of things that I didn't… like my mother's health. His version of helping was by offering distractions from a problem… which only worked sometimes.

He had the right idea. I did need something to somewhat distract me, but I didn't want to leave in case something happened. I wanted to be there, I wanted to hear what this doctor had to say, but mostly I wanted to see my mother get better and be with her. The exhaustion from the night before and the combination of medication they had her on made my mother constantly sleepy, which wasn't entirely a bad thing since she needed the rest and she couldn't be volatile when not conscious. Besides, it was a waiting game for the doctor to have free time to come by and talk to us since she was not technically his patient.

As the afternoon approached, I once again made my way to the payphone in the main lobby and lodged a quarter in the coin slot. I had to pull the little slip of paper out of my wallet to dial in the number and the bubbly, neat handwriting of the digits made me smile. It was amazing I was able to pull off a smile in such a place. Hospitals had always creeped me out and this visit was no exception. Between the wails of pain from patients recovering in the post-surgery ward and raspy calls for help that flowed up and down the halls the other night to the blank stares of dementia-ridden patients as I passed by their rooms, there was little to smile about at all.

The phone rang twice before someone picked it up.

"Oh yeah right!" I heard Kim say in a cheerful manner before bringing the phone closer to her mouth and actually answering. "Hello?"

"Hey," I replied, trying to keep the smile on my face and not sound as sullen as I felt.

"Hey, sexy."

Another female voice echoed in from further away. "Is that him?"

"Yes, this is him, but-"

"Well tell him I want to meet him!"

"Shut up so I can talk to my boyfriend," Kim laughed.

There was a moment of silence where I could only imagine Kim and the other girl (Erica, I assumed) were exchanging some sort of non-verbal communication.

"Hey, so… we totally got caught," Kim began, giggling her way through the confession. "One of Erica's neighbors complained about how loud we were Saturday night. It was probably the same jerk that started banging on the wall. Anyway, they thought it was Erica and her boyfriend, but yeah, she now knows."

"Oh no," I replied, being somewhat relieved to laugh a few words out given the current circumstances, yet embarrassed at the same time because of the fact that a private night was unexpectedly exposed.

"Yeah, 'oh no' is right. She was royally pissed at first but when I told her it wasn't Daniel she cooled her jets a little. For some reason her and Daniel never got along. Whatever. She wants to meet you now."

There was another slight pause and I could almost hear her mouth curve into a smile during her next line of dialogue. "So, you wanna come over? You could see her and then we could go out and do something."

"I would like to…"

_Jesus would I like to._

"...but there's-"

_Should I do this? Should I ruin her good mood with this downer shit involving my family? This is what relationships are about though, right? Taking the bad with the good. Through thick and thin… and ugly, I guess._

"It's my mom. She's in the hospital."

"Oh, oh no. What happened? No wait, I'll come by. What room is she in?"

"No Kim, you don't have to-"

"Donovan, stop. I'm not even gonna let you be all stubborn about this. What room is she in? I want to be there with you."

Pushover. I had always been a pushover for her and probably always would be. No matter what though, I was always happy to give her what she wanted… and spending time with someone who made you happy when you really needed it was never a bad thing.


	29. and thin… (Part 2)

**Chapter 29 – and thin… (Part 2)**

* * *

About a half-hour after we talked, Kim appeared in front of the doorway to my mother's hospital room, knocking softly on the metal frame.

"Hi," she said, somewhat sheepishly. A pained look overcame her face as I watched her eyes quickly flicker from my mother to the floor. I stood up and went to meet her, catching my father quickly throw a glance upward, murmuring a 'hello' before turning back to the piece of paper he had been scribbling questions on just beforehand. There was a lot going on and a lot we wanted to know. He wanted to be prepared with all the problems he could think of when the hospitalist did drop by. Even though there was little chance that the aspirin overdose could have caused liver damage or even acute failure in my mother (mainly because of how quickly it was dealt with), it still brought about a whole slew of other concerns we needed to tackle.

"Hi," I quietly returned her greeting, embracing her in a hug.

"You okay?" She squeezed me tightly.  
"Been better," I sighed, actually feeling more at ease with her there and holding me.

"Stupid question, huh?"

I felt her shift against me and turn her head towards the wall. I could only assume she was trying to avert her gaze from my mother once again, and I couldn't really blame her. I didn't doubt that I would be the epitome of uncomfortable if I were in her shoes.

"Do you wanna go out to the waiting area? I don't think there is anyone else out there and I could use a break from being in here."

She nodded against me, loosening her hold just slightly.

* * *

Kim heaved a heavy sigh as we sat down. "I'm sorry. I probably seem like a huge bitch not wanting to be in there with your mom, but-"

"No, you don't seem like a bitch at all," I interrupted, knowing her reasons before she even needed to state them. "It's hard to see. Period. Believe me, I thought I had seen her at her worst times before this, but now…"

Kim wrapped her hand around mine. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, alright Donovan? I mean, she's in the hospital, so they're gonna help her."

I nodded, still feeling hopeless… and suddenly very tired.

"God, you look exhausted. Have you slept? Or even eaten?"

"Slept a little in those hard-ass chairs. I guess I forgot to eat, though."

She let out a huff of discontent and stood up, still holding my hand in hers and yanking me up alongside her. "There's a cafeteria down on the first floor. Come on, we're getting you something to eat."

I began to shake my head in protest, but Kim just pulled me behind her without giving me a proper chance to decline.

The whole thing kind of reminded me of the night Daniel turned into a punker for Jenna and left Kim all by her lonesome. It wasn't our first hookup that I was thinking about, but just being there for her when she needed someone… just as she was for me in my time of need. I loved my father dearly, but there was simply something about this situation that he couldn't make me feel at ease about, but Kim's presence could.

We made our way to the lunchroom and I was not very surprised that the food offered was only marginally better than the junk we were used to being served at school on a daily basis. The only saving grace in the selection of unappetizing slop was a Monte Cristo sandwich and French fries combo. Odd, but workable and thankfully we could have the food charged to the overall bill for my mother's stay since we somehow forgot we had spent the last little bit of our collective money on pizza not too long ago.

We ended up splitting the sandwich and fries. Once I started to eat, I realized I actually was hungry, but I could see that Kim was as well and I felt awkward eating alone. There was not a lot of conversation to be had, but we both seemed alright with that. As we readied ourselves to head back up to the room, I stopped her for a moment.

"There's something I gotta tell you."

It was time to come clean with the whole prospect behind Nick's potential Get Out of Jail Free card. As I admitted the full scope of the conditions, I watched her face unravel in disbelief. I had either hurt her or angered her… or both.

"What the hell, Donovan! Are you crazy?" she yelled, not at all caring whose attention she may have just garnered.

It was definitely both.

"No, I'm just trying to-"

"What? Be some hero and save Andopolis from his own dumbass self?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of," I answered, for some reason feeling all at once stupid and not knowing why.

Kim scoffed, rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and slouched back in her chair. That was not a good combo. "And did you even think about the other people in your life that would be affected by this if Nick screws it up for both of you? You mom, you dad, your other friends… me…"

"Hey…" I pulled her plastic chair right next to mine. "I didn't- I mean, we weren't… What am I supposed to do here? Say 'Too bad, so sad, Nick. Have fun protecting our country'?"

"Maybe!" Kim said defiantly. "Maybe his dad is right, y'know? Maybe he needs some tough love to finally get on the right track."

"Maybe," I agreed, "but you and I both know that Nick isn't cut out for the army, Kim. If he goes there, we'll lose him in more ways than one. That's why I really need Lindsay to help me convince the Colonel to give his son one last chance… and then we gotta pull it off. "

"You know this is total bullshit for you to wait until _now_ to tell me, when your mom is in the hospital and I'll feel like a complete bitch for getting too mad at you. Remind me not to let you have any more ideas ever. God, this is so stupid…"

I winced. "You still in?"

"Well, I don't really have a choice now do I? It took us this long to get to where we are now. I'm not just gonna let you go off and turn into some jarhead."

"I think that's a Marine term."

"Whatever. You know what I mean, Donovan. This is insane and I don't wanna lose you. Do you know how hard it is for me not to just explode on you right now?"

I put my arm around her and pulled her into an embrace. She kept her arms crossed but didn't resist. "I do actually, and I am honestly surprised."

I was fully expecting her to make a bigger spectacle of the news and just walk out on me in anger. What I was getting instead of that was unpredictably tame in comparison. "And you won't lose me. We'll make this work. All of us." I rested my chin on top of her head.

"Ow! You have a bony jaw, bonehead," she proclaimed and lightly punched my chest.

There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again. "Hey, I want you to promise me something, okay?"

"Sure," I replied, taking note of just how staid her tone now was.

"I don't want us to have the kind of relationship where we keep things from each other. Daniel and I did that enough times for me to realize I don't like it. All I want is honesty. Can you promise me that- honesty?"

I pulled back and looked at her, waiting for her eyes to meet mine. I felt very mutual on the matter, as I didn't want what we had to be tainted by lies, omissions and mistrust. "I promise you honestly, Kim. I really do. I will always be open and inclusive with you from now on."

"Good," she sighed out, seeming truly relieved. "And if you do that again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

I smiled and held back a laugh. It made me glad to see that she was both growing and somehow sticking to her roots at the same time.

* * *

Upon returning upstairs, I watched a doctor (or someone who I assumed was a doctor) speedily walk out of my mother's room and disappear into yet another one.

"Did we… miss the doctor you were waiting for?" Kim put my thoughts into words.

"Well it definitely wasn't the hospitalist who saw her earlier today."

My father confirmed that that was indeed the person we had been waiting to see. Just my luck. Thankfully, the visit seemed to have calmed his nerves and brought his manners back into place.

"Hey, son. Dr. Ventian just dropped by while you two were out and we talked for a bit."

"Dr. Ventian? Is that the guy who just left?"

"Yes. I know you had some questions for him, too, but I really think we got everything covered. Bottom line is that, if Dr. Hudson is okay with it, we're going to switch a few medications around and maybe get a better grip on this whole lupus thing in the process."

"But can't that just make her flare last even longer?"

My father gave me an odd look, like I cut him off at the pass or something. "Maybe, but if it helps to get it under control in the long run then we have to try. We're also looking at gradually decreasing the dose of prednisone she's on."  
"Right, because of the negative side effects?"

Again I received an odd look. "Were you listening to us talk outside the door or something? How did you know that?"

A small smile lined my lips. I looked to Kim, who was standing next to me, and reached for her hand. "Kim, uh, took it upon herself to do a little research on what's happening to mom and wrote down a lot of good information for me."

A look of surprise quickly flashed across my father's face. "Oh, really? Well, that was very… kind of you, Kim. Thank you. Maybe I can take a look at those later this week. And I'm sorry about my shortness earlier when you got here. Things have been a little stressful, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Oh, no, it- it's alright," Kim graciously excused.

He went on to explain that mom would likely not be in the hospital for more than a few days and we would have to once again monitor her at home while we tried to adjust her medication to a point at which the lupus went into a longer remission and the flares were (hopefully) more controlled. We had to make sure to keep the other factors in mind as well, like doing our best to make her environment as stress-free as possible and reminding her not to stay outside in the sun for too long. The liver concern was almost all but forgotten about when it was dismissed by Dr. Ventian as well. Following our lengthy discussion, my dad once again urged me to go home, get some sleep and start treating the week like I normally would by going to football practice in the morning. I tried to argue it, but when Kim joined in and sided with him, even offering to drive me home since we left my car at the house, I knew it was going to be a losing battle.

* * *

"I don't even know if I can go to sleep," I admitted as I sat down on my bed.

Kim began to laugh. "You haven't even tried! You know what? Lay down…" She kicked off her shoes. "And don't start getting any ideas."

I did as she asked and scooted further to the side as I realized she was getting on the bed with me.

"I actually didn't have any ideas until you told me not to have ideas. And how is this _not_ supposed to give me any ideas?" I asked, turning onto my side to face her.

"Because you're tired, clearly. Just listen to how many times you said 'ideas'! I want you to get some rest, doofus! Now…" She reached over and lightly placed her hand on the side of my face, gently rubbing the middle of my forehead with her thumb. "…when I was a little girl and had trouble taking a nap, my mom would do this little massage on me and I would _always_ fall asleep."

I was doubtful about the effect such a simple massage could have, but I felt myself start to drift off just a few minutes later. For whatever reason, my stubborn side kicked in and I automatically started to fight it.

"Hey, Kim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for today. Thank you for being someone I can reply on to be there for me even when I'm too bullheaded to ask for it."

I watched her face redden a little and she looked lost for words in how to reply. Another thought popped into my head, but in the simple few seconds it took for me to go from one subject to another, I found it difficult to get my words out without sleepy pauses.

"You've… been different… ever since you came back. Not bad, just more… relaxed? Yeah, relaxed or… something."

Kim laughed lightly as I fought to keep my eyes open.

"Just go to sleep. I could see you were almost there, and then you started talking. And I'm not different." She made a bit of a face before continuing. "I'm just different around you."

"Why?"

She was continuing with the soft brushing and it was doing me in in record time. Even this lame attempt at a conversation to keep myself awake was failing.

"Because." Her reply sounded distant to me, but it must have only been because I was on the verge of sleep. She was too close to me for it to be anything other than that. Next thing I knew my lids had shut and they were simply too heavy to open again.

"Because?" My voice barely floated out and I wasn't even sure if I had said anything at all.

"Because I- I-"

* * *

I woke up to a room filled with darkness. I reached over to the other side of my bed, but it was empty.

_When did she leave? What time is it? How long have I been out? I'm absolutely starving now…_

I kicked my feet over the side of the bed and sat up, hunching over as my body tried to wake up and continue to move the way my brain wanted it to. I cleared my throat and stood up a minute later, making my way to the hallway. I was greeted by the sound of my father's snoring when I opened my door and smirked at the noise.

As I stumbled into the kitchen and flicked on the light I began to wonder if I snored and, if I did, was it as loud as a Mack truck like my father's was?

A snort of laughter spilled forth at the idea and soon grew into a full-blown laugh I was having trouble controlling. I was, without a doubt, still exhausted.

After making myself a sandwich and gulping down a glass of water I made my way back to bed. There was a note in front of my alarm clock; its message neatly formatted by Kim's handwriting.

_Meet me at your house after practice._

After I lazily crawled back into bed, a thousand scenarios for what she could want to meet for played through my head before I drifted to sleep again.

* * *

In the morning, as I was packing my duffel bag for practice, my father stopped by my room before he ventured off to work. I was a little surprised, but just as I was continuing on with my week, he needed to, too. I inquired if there was any change in mom's condition and that brought a slight smirk out of him, followed by an 'Oh yeah.'

She woke up a few hours after I had left and she was none too pleased to still be in the hospital. It didn't take long for her angry energy to focus in on my father and she started to yell at him, blame him for her current situation and finally kick him out of her room. When my father asked if I would be dropping by the hospital, I became a little lost in thought, feeling a little bad for the nurses, aides and doctors who would have to deal with her and put up with her rabid demeanor and it made me wonder if it was even worth trying to visit her at all if all that was going to be in store for me was more of the same. I absent-mindedly admitted to having plans with Kim post-practice and my father looked at me in silence for a moment, appearing to take a special interest in my last statement. When he had that look in his eyes I could almost see the wheels turning in his head, trying to put some puzzle pieces together.

"Is there something going on between you guys? I noticed how close the two of you were yesterday and on Sunday you were that silly kind of happy you only get when there is a girl in your life."

Just like clockwork, my face lit up and a smile expanded from cheek to cheek at the mere mention of Kim and me. "Yeah, um, Kim- we're- yeah, we're together."

There was a look of doubt on his face at the news. "Is that really a good idea, son? A relationship is the quickest way to lose a friend if things go sour."

_Yeah, trust me, I know…_

"Besides, I thought she had a boyfriend already."

"Mom said she had a boyfriend when you met her… and that changed."

His look of doubt was quickly replaced by what I can only define as pleasant abasement and he erupted in laughter. "Okay, point taken, point taken. Just, uh, maybe try to keep this one for a change, huh? She really seems to like you."

"I really like her, too."

He smiled and shook his head. "Alright, I better head out before I'm late. Have fun at practice and…" He put his hand on my shoulder, gaining my full attention. "I'm proud of you. You know that, right kiddo?"

"Yeah," I replied with a nod. I always seemed to seek out approval from him, but on the exceedingly rare occasion that I actually got it, I had absolutely no idea how to react. Awkwardness was all that ever followed.

With a smile on his face he turned around and almost instantly vanished down the hall, calling out just a second later. "Oh! You got a couple of calls last night. Um, Greg, Brett… some other kid."

Ah, the football team. Sometimes they were just as gossip-driven as any other clique. Brett's intentions may have actually been out of concern, but I sincerely doubted Greg's were. I never spoke to the guy outside of practice, games or the occasional party he threw and we had no mutual friends outside of the team either.

"Thanks, dad. Have a good day at work."

* * *

It may have been that I was focused in on the drills or maybe the heat wave that decided to reach its peak while we were outside or, hell, maybe something else entirely, but practice passed by in the blink of an eye. Time went so quickly that I didn't even have a chance to listen for whispered rumors about my absence the day before, if there even in fact were any. That last part may have had more to do with an idea Coach and I were trying out: Locker Room Leaders.

I had read about the idea in some sports magazine last year and brought the idea up to Fredricks. We needed figures that could further shape and maintain the team's attitude, productivity and determination. Figures that could help me bring the team up when we were not doing too well or bring out that silver lining when we lost a game. We also needed to make sure the team didn't get too big of a head when things were going well and lose it all to overconfidence. Besides, not everyone was going to view me as their best friend on the team and if they had other options of higher-status people to vent to or connect with then it would further strengthen us overall. Leaders were also supposed to cull any form of distraction that may begin to swell in the locker room as well. Ideally, things like teammate rivalries and unnecessary rumors and gossip (such as suspicions about my nonappearance).

Fredricks fully embraced the concept and we put it into use right away. Brett and Taylor were chosen for the roles. I tried to get Alex appointed over Taylor, but I couldn't win every battle I put in front of Coach.

* * *

Upon my arrival home, I found Kim's Gremlin parked in our driveway with her sitting cross-legged on its hood.

"It's about time! I'm burning up out here in this sun," she complained, but a smile was slowly building up on her face.

"Practice almost always runs long, hothead," I teased back in return, making my way to her.

"Oh listen to the punny guy over here," she deadpanned before arching her head up.

I grazed my hand across her cheek and leaned down slightly, meeting her lips with mine.

It felt so good to kiss her, to be with her. All of my worries and frustrations just shrank to nothing when she was around.

She rested her forehead against mine a few moments later and I obliged her by staying in my hunched position.

"Having a better day?"

"More so with you here."

"And how about your mom?"

"She's… improving. I think. She woke up a while after we left according to my dad… and then she promptly kicked him out of her room."

"Oh," Kim replied, quickly raising her hand over her mouth to contain the bit of laughter that laced the word. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh, but it's just so hard for me to imagine your mom acting like that, even though I know it happens."

It didn't take long before my back started to complain from its wayward positioning. 'Stand the fuck up,' the aches seemed to say. Practice had worn it out enough and it was having no more of the stooping shit.

I took her hand and kissed it before accommodating my spine and straightening my posture. The movement was complemented by several 'pop' sounds as my spine realigned to its original position.

"What the hell was that?" Kim grimaced. "You're going to be in a wheelchair before your twenty from the sounds of it!"

"Naw," I disregarded while twisting the upper part of my body from side to side, resulting in several more pops from various places. "I'll be good to go until I'm at least twenty-five!"

"Whatever, you shit," she laughed.

"So tell me, beautiful, is there a special reason you wanted to meet me here or did you just know you would miss me insanely by this point in the day?" I was actively fighting the temptation to just kiss her again and again.

"I was hoping we could get this whole Nick thing out of the way."

Confusion suddenly riddled my mind and no doubt coated my face. "Whaddayamean?"

"I had a little epiphany yesterday after you fell asleep and- wait, is that the right word? Epiphany? It's gotta be. Anyway, I called Nick to see when his dad would be home and he said he would be there all day."

"Okay, but Lindsay-"

"I'm hoping her mom still plays bridge on Tuesdays and you better hope the same so we can sneak her over to the Andopolis house. Com'on, let's go. You drive."

"You are a genius," I complimented as she slide off her car, "but I have to shower first. No ifs, ands or buts about it… but you're more than welcome to join me."

Her smile turned into a suggestive grin. "And who's the horny one in our relationship?"

"Both of us, apparently."

"Well, too bad for you I already took one before I came over here, but I wouldn't mind coming in to cool off a little. So hurry up and get clean!" She underlined her point by smacking my butt as I walked to the front door.


	30. …and ugly (Part 3)

**Chapter 30 – …and ugly (Part 3)**

* * *

The Weir residence wasn't exactly close to mine; it was actually about a twenty minute drive, but that gave us plenty of time to try to come up with plausible reasons and excuses to get Linds out of the house if Mrs. Weir was home. After the first few attempts we kind of just gave up and instead started to throw out ridiculous ideas just to make each other laugh. We were on another subject entirely by the time we pulled into the Weir's driveway.

"So, really? Amy made him go?" I asked, pulling up on my door handle to make sure I locked the car.

"Well, yeah!" Kim proclaimed, brushing her long hair behind her ears. As per usual, a rogue lock or two would always escape and fall back on either side. "I mean think about it, he totally hates Sara, right? So why would he ever be around her unless Amy asked him to?"

"Hmm," I nodded, realizing she had a very solid point. Ken was probably more whipped than he would ever like to admit to, but was that really a bad thing? If it ever really came to light he would likely be given endless shit about it from Nick, Daniel and likely even me, but… wasn't I in the same boat? Kim came back into town and I trotted right after her. She would ask me to do this or that and I would comply. Hell, I did that kind of stuff even before we were together. So was accommodating your partner really something to be so ashamed of and ridiculed over? And this was a two way street anyway, at least for us it seemed. Kim cared enough to try to help me better understand my mother's disease, and even be there for me when she was hospitalized. So long as it didn't go overboard into complete and utter control by either party it was fine, perhaps even a sign of true companionship… or maybe I was just trying to rationalize because I was head over heels for this girl.

"I'm a little excited," Kim expressed, wrapping her arm behind my back after she pushed the doorbell a few times in rapid succession.

"At the possibility of being scolded by Lindsay's mom?"

"No!" she giggled. "I went from spending every day with Lindsay to not seeing her at all. I wanna see how she's doing and make sure she's not regretful or resentful about seeing the Dead. Besides, Mrs. Weir is actually still really nice to me. I've tried calling to talk to Lindsay a few times since getting back and if her mom answers she politely tells me Linds is okay, but she can't talk on the phone. All her dad does is hang up. I'm gonna tell him to 'shove it' next time, I swear to God."

A roar of laughter came dangerously close to bubbling over from me. She could be such a little firecracker at times. _My_ little firecracker. Suddenly the door opened and I was all ready to say a nice, friendly 'Hello!' but I was shocked by who answered and the greeting came out all wrong.

"Hellllll…" I elongated with an uncomfortable pause, dazed at the sight of Daniel. I finished off with 'oh' as if it was a completely separate word. There was only a small degree of comfort in the fact that he looked just as stunned as I felt. The smile he was wearing when he first opened the door quickly dropped.

"D-Daniel?!" Kim stuttered. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Kim, and thanks for letting me know you made it home safe and you're okay. Ya here to get Linds in even more trouble or somethin'?" His reply was cold and somehow felt venomous. The guy was very observant and it didn't take him more than a blink of an eye to notice our touchy-feely state. "I guess I don't even have to ask what this jerk-wad is doing here with you. Congrats." At first, it looked like he was just going to slam the door in our faces, but he quickly stopped himself and made an angry-looking expression. "Ya know what- I'm outta here; you two make me sick."

_So much for the hope of letting bygones be bygones…_

He hastily stomped his way past us, making sure to give me a hefty shoulder check on his way. The aggressive nudge knocked me back a step and I normally would have taken the action as a rumble initiative… but it wasn't exactly a normal situation. There was also a strong doubt that pummeling my girlfriend's ex was a solid way to start a relationship.

"Daniel, hold on!" Kim beckoned, turning around to face our retreating friend. "We should talk about this!"

I looked over my shoulder to see what his reaction would be.

"Ain't nothin' to talk about! Now leave me the hell alone!" he yelled out, not even bothering to look back.

Kim quickly followed after him, apparently adamant about not letting this grow out of control for a second time.

"Oh, Jesus…" I whispered, trailing behind her a moment later. There it was again, that hotfix that was every freak's go-to solution: running away from your problems.

Our efforts were to no avail, as Daniel made it to his car, slammed the door shut and started the engine, appearing to have no actual intention of talking anything out.

_How the hell did we miss his car? We drove right passed it! _

Kim let out one more angry plea of 'Come on, Desario!' before the faded Trans Am revved once and peeled out into the street, vanishing in no time.

We stood there on the side of the road, halfway between Lindsay's house and her neighbor's. The silence was actually somewhat painful. We seriously had the worst luck in the world.

"Gimme your keys, Donovan. I gotta go straighten this out," Kim finally huffed out, rather impatiently.

My eyes widened out of pure bewilderment. "What?! You don't even know where he went!"

"I was with him for over two years, okay? I know where he likes to go when he's pissed or hurt… and it's usually just home. You need to stay here and get Lindsay to help Nick, but I really need to settle this shit with Daniel. I didn't want it to happen like this, but it is a little late now."

I was anxious and I had no idea why. As she talked, the feeling just swelled within me.

"Donovan, trust me on this. Please. I know what I'm doing." Her voice still sounded frustrated.

I put the set of keys into her outstretched hand and she latched onto them… and me.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head and looking down. "It's just… he has this way of making me feel like I did something bad and it just instantly pisses me off."

"You gotta calm down if you really want this to go over well, or else you two will just get into a yelling match like you always do." I gently pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"It's just- he's just-" She finally sighed and just nodded. "You're right. If I want this done right, I have to be cool. You handle this, I'll handle him. Meet me back here?"

I nodded and watched her run to my car. She made an odd face to someone as she unlocked the door and yelled out 'What?!' before getting in.

As I rounded the corner a second later I was met by the faces of Lindsay's brother and four of his friends. They had to be the targets of Kim's 'what?!' shout. It was a little unsettling to have five pairs of eyes just lock onto you without saying a word, like you were auditioning for something you had no idea about.

There were the two I saw him with on a regular basis and then there was a bigger kid (who was maybe a hundred pounds lighter than Seidleman, but that was about it) and another kid who I had seen around school grounds a lot, almost always reading a book.

_Oh, man, what is his name? Harry? Harold? Harr… is? Yeah, Harris something. _

"Where, uh… where did Daniel go? We kinda have a game going and it's his turn," the tall one asked.

The discomfort was so thick you could almost grab it out of the air. I didn't know what to say and apparently all they knew how to do was stare at me.

"Sam, what's going on?" I heard Lindsay ask as she stepped out onto the porch. Her face seemed to light up when she noticed me. "Donovan? What are you doing here?" she asked with a smile.

I made my way passed the group of gawkers and gave Linds a hug as I approached. "It's good to see you. You look good."

In all honesty she looked the same as she always had, which wasn't a bad thing and was actually somewhat of a relief considering how much trouble I could only imagine she was in from her and Kim's escapades. Lindsay was still Lindsay and she didn't try to revert to some distant version of herself from days past like she had done before.

"It's good to see you too, but really, what are you doing here? I'm not allowed to have any visitors or even talk on the phone, so you can't stay for long."

"We gotta talk. Can we go inside?"

She looked uncertain at first but finally shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess. Come in."

Lindsay led the way and I looked back at Sam and his friends.

"Daniel had to, um, go home. His mom needed him for something."

They all shared momentary glances between each other and followed us back into the house. It was obvious that my answer was not flying with them, but what else were they supposed to do? Wait for Daniel to come back and explain things to them? They were smart enough to know that was not likely to happen.

* * *

For the umpteenth time in recent memory I explained Nick's situation to someone, only this time I was forthcoming with everything right away… even my stupid offer. Lindsay was taken aback by the development and, to my complete and utter surprise, she agreed to help right away. She had been expecting his dad to hold true to his little threat for some time now, but the reality of it actually happening was still chuck-full of shock value. A large part of me was sure she would go back and forth as hesitation had her change her mind ten times a minute. I was quite obviously over-thinking her reaction. Nick was more than just her friend, he was her ex and with that came a deeper connection than she shared with the rest of us. I felt relieved that I didn't have to run a bit of a guilt trip on her by telling her she was truly his only chance (which I would have actually meant), because if she wasn't on board, there was no way the Colonel would give a rat's ass how many other kids were behind his son. She had the brains not only to help Nick, but to make for a convincing argument that his father couldn't easily counter. All I was able to do was tell the Colonel how injured or dead his son could end up… but fearmongering would only work for so long against someone who was familiar with the gambit.

* * *

As I sat on the couch and waited for Lindsay to get ready to head out, I couldn't help but overhear the group of five geeks talking as they sat around the table in the dining room. I still was trying to understand what Daniel was doing with them, but there was not a single thing I could think of that he would have in common with the group.

"…well maybe he's hooking up with that crazy Kim girl again. First he left in a hurry and then she left in a hurry right after him. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what that means."

I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue.

"Shut up, Neal," Sam pleaded, sounding truly distraught by what his friend mentioned. "Did you even listen to what was happening out there? They were arguing about stuff."

"So?" Neal sounded completely dismissive of his friend's point. "Couples get it on all the time after an argument. It's called make-up sex!"

Sam scoffed, "God, Neal! How do you even know that?"

His reply was slightly overlapped by one or two of the other kids sawing 'eww'.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I've been taking a lot of Daniel's advice pretty seriously," Neal gloated. "And this year the women at McKinley are going to know that this Schweiber is on the market and available."  
As deserved, his statement garnered nothing but laughter from his friends.

"Laugh now, but you guys just wait and see. Soon enough I'll be on par with Harris and Bill."

"Hmm, I don't think so," Harris' voice droned. It wasn't exactly that he sounded annoying as much as it was the way he delivered such well thought-out spiel in such a monotone fashion. Somehow he always sounded condescending, but he never looked it. "There are no other women like Judith at school and, well, Bill and Vicki may go down as the eighth wonder of the world for all we know."

"Heeey!" Bill sounded slightly miffed at the jab. "Sam- Sam dated a cheerleader, too, ya know? Maybe they just have a thing for us."

"Yeah, it's called a 'restraining order'," Neal zinged.

There was a soft chuckle from Harris. "Even if that were the case, I don't think Neal would have any luck. I mean, he's not even funny."

"Screw you, I'm hilarious!"

A very melancholy-sounding Sam interjected himself into the exchange again. "Do you really- do you really think Daniel and Kim went off to have… sex?"

"Why not?" Neal replied, carrying that same flippant tone in his voice.

_God! Does this little know-it-all ever think about anything other than girls and sex?_

"Sam, come on, you're the one who said they were practically having sex on that counter over there after they got into some argument and she slapped him around."

"No I didn't! I said _my sister_ said that while she was on the phone with Kim."

"Potato, pototo. It still proves that arguing equals sex for those two and we know they were arguing outside, so what is the next logical conclusion? We've all heard the rumors about them, and we _know_ a lot of it isn't just made-up stories…"

This was an exercise in torture… I was simply putting myself through anguish by continuing to listen to their conversations. And now they had to go and make me paranoid as shit, too!

"You know what else I heard? Rumor has it that Kim-"

"Rumor has it that Kim what?" I bellowed from the living room. For all of my talk about not losing one's temper, I went and did the same damn thing myself… over a bunch of inexperienced kids for that matter.

I stood up and made my way into the dining area, where I was again met by silence and five blank faces staring up at me, Neal's looking slightly more petrified than anyone else's.

"Come on, kid, tell me a rumor about my girlfriend," I prompted, taking the empty seat that I could only assume Daniel had been occupying before he left. A rare, ugly side of me was coming out and for once I couldn't blame it on the cult-like mindset of sports. Someone I cared about was soon-to-be badmouthed within earshot and I wasn't going to just sit back and let it happen. Even if Kim and I weren't an item I would have blown a gasket over this kind of thing. A bad reputation preceded her almost everywhere, even among those at the bottom of the social ladder.

"You-your girlfriend?!" Neal gulped. "I-I thought that Daniel was- I mean, they were always-"

"You know she could crush you like a doodlebug, right?" I asked, forcing myself to chill out. "I mean, I don't need to tell you she has a temper, but I really don't think you'd like her to know you are helping to spread rumors about her."

"No, no," Neal laughed nervously, quickly looking to his friends for help. They all shied their eyes away from his. "I, uh, I heard she was a really nice person, Yup, that was the rumor."

"So if that was the rumor then what did you think before? That she was crazy? That she was a bitch?" I wasn't stupid. I knew that wasn't the 'rumor' that Neal had heard, but if he wanted to play it that way then I could let him keep digging a hole.

Neal groaned and put his hand on his stomach as I he was feeling sick. "I didn't mean anything by it, okay? I was just- I was just goofing with these guys. It's what we do."

"You know that makes you no better than the people who say shit about you guys, right?" I asked, inadvertently trying to drive a point across.

Neal's face changed and he seemed to be truly contemplating the revelation I had put out there. They all did, actually.

"Your language might be a little rough, but you have a good point," Harris said with a certain confidence in his voice. "But then again… being an aggressive bully doesn't make _you_ any better, either."

I smirked, looked down to the table and nodded in agreement. Harris had a point. It was at that moment that I took notice of what was cluttering the piece of furniture: cans of pop, a couple bags of chips, some weird dice, a bunch of… dominos? Everyone had a little notepad and pencil in front of them except Harris. There was some sort of cardboard cutout of a castle in front of him and something that kind of looked like a tri-fold menu.

"What is all this?" I asked, scrunching up my face in perplexity and holding up some sort of mini-action figure.

"Dungeons and Dragons!" the big kid exclaimed with a smile. "You know how to play? If not, we can teach ya!"

I noticed Bill, Neal and Sam give their friend a horrified look, Neal even going as far as telling the guy, Gordon, to be quiet.

_Learn to play something like this? No, that isn't happening. _

"No, I have- wait a minute… Daniel plays this with you guys?"

"Oh yeah," Gordon once again enthusiastically answered. "A couple times a week since summer vacation started. He's really good at it, too!"

_A couple times a week? He's really good?_

"You don't say," I mumbled, trying very hard to believe what I was hearing.

_Daniel Desario… our Daniel Desario, hanging out with a group of geeky kids and playing an even geekier game? More than once? I must be hallucinating…_

"So you guys just sit around and play this game and… what?"

They all looked around at each other again. This was becoming a common routine for our short interaction.

Finally Sam spoke up. "Normal stuff, ya know? Like eat junk food and joke around. Daniel's a really cool guy. He's kinda helped us out with a few things. He's probably the whole reason Bill had the guts to ask Vicki out on a date."

I looked over at him to verify this and the kid was wearing a grin from ear to ear, blushing a little.

"So unfair…" Neal said from under his breath, barely loud enough for me to actually hear. He looked over to me and spoke up, "It might not be such a good idea for us to be telling you all of this."

"Why?" I glanced around the table and found his friends to be just as puzzled by his statement as I was.

"Because, if you're really dating Kim Kelly, then you're…" he trailed off and I could see him look for the nerve to finish his sentence. "That means you're the guy Daniel keeps calling 'that asshole'."

I burst into laughter. "'That asshole'? Seriously?"

"Well, you did… steal his girlfriend," Sam muttered, quickly looking down at the paper pad in front of him.

"Did he really kick your butt?" Bill asked without hesitation.

"Bill!" Sam and Neal scolded, almost in unison.

"What?" he defended his question.

I shrugged and clasp my hands together. "Technically."

"R-really?" Sam probed, his voice rising to some odd octave.

"He threw two punches at me; one knocked me on my ass and one gave me a black eye."

I _theoretically_ wasn't lying. Daniel did, by definition, kick my ass and there was no reason for me to try to belittle what he did in front of his new friends… even if I was 'that asshole'.

Lindsay poked her head around the corner. "Hey, you ready to go?"

"Without a doubt." I quickly stood up.

"Go? Go where?" her brother threw out in a whiny tone. "You're grounded, remember? That means you're not supposed to go out of the house. If mom and dad find out-"

"Sam, shut up. They won't find out and I'll be right back."

The girl had put on her Sunday finest from the look of it. She wore a nice long-sleeved white shirt that was accompanied by a skirt that went to her ankles. Hell, she even had her hair nicely corralled with a headband. Linds was all kinds of dressed up and I couldn't figure out why.

"Here." She handed me a set of keys.

"Wha- oh, shit. Good catch." I had completely neglected to figure out how we would get to Nick's if Kim had my car. "But, uh, shouldn't you?"

"Oh, nuh-uh. No way. The last time I took Betty out… well, you know."

"Fair enough."

Sam's high-pitched voice of concern rang out again. "You're taking the car?! Oh man!"

"Sam! Shut up!"

Listening to the two kind of made me glad I didn't have any siblings.


	31. Out of the frying pan

**Chapter 31 – Out of the frying pan and into the fire**

* * *

"Donovan. Donovan, you're veering a little…"

"Ohshit," I spat out, quickly correcting my course before I took out a collection of trash cans on the side of the road. That was an unneeded moment of tension.

"Maybe I should be driving after all," Lindsay nervously laughed. I could only imagine she had enough fear running through her with the prospect of getting caught. Trashing her parents' car again must have been a terrifying notion that she wanted to bury in the back of her head.

"Yeah, no. Sorry. I was just a little- what do you think they are talking about?"

I had almost plowed into the garbage because I was lost in thought, trying to figure out how the conversation was going between Kim and Daniel. More than that, I was simply worried about _if_ they were talking at all. That little brat had somehow gotten into my head, though I had no one to blame but myself for my eavesdropping.

"Who? Nick and his dad?"

"No. Kim and Daniel."

"How am I supposed to-" She stopped mid-sentence and her contrary expression fell away. "Are you and Kim- have you guys talked about what went on between you two since she got back?"

"Well… yeah," I looked over at her somewhat nervously. "We've done a lot more than just talking, honestly."

"Oh, geez," she groaned and I wasn't exactly sure how to take the response. "So…?"

"So… we're dating," I smiled. "She's said it, I've said it. Not sure it can get more verified than that."

"Well that's… good, I guess."

"I just… ya know… I'm a little worried. I mean her and Daniel- they have a lot of history, and-"

Lindsay released an angry sounding scoff. "Oh what? Don't you have any faith in her?! If not then why are you guys even together?"

"It's not her I don't trust!"

I did trust Kim, truly, but I also knew just how much of a deep, confusing past those two had between them and how Daniel worked. His ability and willingness to manipulate the emotions of those around him and use it for advancement or to get his way was scary (perhaps even bordering on a sociopathic tendency) and he had the charm to pull off the trick with ease. I didn't even know what to think of him anymore. He was understandably angry over the whole situation, but how did he ever expect any of us to move on or coexist if he refused to talk about it?

"Daniel? You're seriously worried about Daniel getting her back?"

"Why is that so ridiculous?"

"Because he's with someone else! People don't just end relationships out of the blue for someone else!"

She didn't even throw a glance my way with her statement, as if she was trying to convince more than just me. Her statement was preposterous and she must have known that. She was smart enough to know that people did all kinds of scummy things, including adultery.

"How do you even know that?"

"I know because we talked a little when he dropped by on the weekend to play that game with Sam and the guys. He- okay, so maybe he still has feelings for her, but how could he not? You said yourself that they have a history. He knows it's over… he just doesn't _want_ to know… ya know?"

I just gave her an odd look, trying to figure out what she was alluding to. At first I thought she was telling me not to worry, but after her explanation I began feeling like there were crossed signals of Daniel moving on and not moving on at the same time.

"You know, even if he wasn't with anyone, Kim wouldn't do that to you. She lo-" Lindsay suddenly gasped and clasp her hand over her mouth to cut herself off.

"She what?" I asked, trying to keep my focus on the road.

"Donovan, you need to really think about your feelings for Kim. I mean _really_ think about them, because… do you remember when you finally came clean with me at school and I teased you about being in love with her?"

"That was _teasing_? You could have told me that sooner…"

"Good! Maybe if you believed I was serious then you actually thought about it."

I was completely lost in what she was referring to. This wasn't even her smart brain that was flying right over my head, but something else entirely.

"Are you just jumping in a relationship with her to be in a relationship?"

That did it. I couldn't get any more lost if I were in the Bermuda fucking Triangle. What was all of this about? "Linds, how could you even-"

"Because I don't know, Donovan! She's my best friend and I don't want to see her get hurt by you… again."

_Again? That was a bit of a low blow. We both got hurt when that shit went down…_

"All I'm saying is that the last time you were with someone you pretty much just picked out a random girl and went for her. This is bigger than that for Kim, and it better be for you too! Do you remember when you were telling me about how she was acting when you were talking to other girls? That day at Belle Isle?"

I nodded, recalling the day she was referring to and trying to figure out how it connected with the conversation at hand.

"And how I mentioned something like 'she was serious,' when you told me about the first time she stopped your date and I wouldn't tell you what I meant?"

"Yeah," I nodded again, sounding uncertain in my answer.

"Well, I was talking about Kim!"

My eyes widened at the revelation. "What?"

"Yeah! Kim did those things on purpose, but it wasn't because she was trying to be mean to you or anything... she just didn't know what to do with how she felt about you. She really likes you, really cares about you, Donovan. She has for a while now. Once the subject of you guys came up on our trip, it was like a floodgate opened and I couldn't get her to stop talking about it. I don't know what happened between you two to cause it, but... I think Kim really loves you. No, I'm sure of it."

_Kim really… loves me? Like 'love' loves me?_

"I- I-" I was simply at a loss for words. My brain was right back to the state of confusion it was in when she brought the subject up the first time. What was it about the notion of 'love' that was so paralyzing to me? That was, after all, what I felt for Kim, right? We got along excellently, always enjoyed each other in every way possible and… I honestly couldn't say that anyone else made me happier or that I wanted to make anyone else happier than her. That was love… right? I was scared of committing to an emotion that I didn't know how to truly define or attach a word to how I felt if I would just be doing a disservice to either.

Suddenly a boost of confidence chimed in my head, right on time.

_Who's to say you aren't in love with her, kid? You know what love is, you define it all the time. The only reason you're scared of it is because it is a concept you have to have faith in, something you have to believe in and not something you can simply hold in your hand and know is real. Those feelings you have for Kim are love, plain and simple._

A smile began to show on my face, but just like every yang, the yin of paranoia was soon to follow.

_So you know how you feel… but what about her? Can you really go by what Lindsay assumes and hope she's right? Saying someone loves you because someone else thinks they do is a bit of a stretch, don't you think? And what if you do tell her and she doesn't feel the same way about you? Can you handle that? Are you ready to handle that this soon? Listen, just keep your feelings under wraps, cause you'll probably lose it all if you don't._

The back and forth I was creating in my head would have undoubtedly continued if not for Lindsay's voice breaking through.

"Please, Donovan, whatever you two are doing, whatever this is to you, don't lead her on. Don't hurt her," she urged.

"I won't, Linds. I never would."

* * *

Somehow Lindsay knew that our talk had put me into a thoughtful state of mind and she didn't even bother trying to bring up any further conversation with me. Maybe that was her plan all along, to get me thinking.

A slight panic overtook me when we arrived at Nick's and I realized we had not gone over what we were going to say to the Colonel at all. My mind was so completely focused on Kim that Nick came in as a very distant second, if at all. With a sincere smile, Lindsay told me she had already worked out how she would guide the discussion when she was getting ready and how she presented herself was going to be part of the tactic, hence the fancy getup. Mr. Andopolis was one who judged things not only by their contents, but their outward appearance as well… which perfectly explained why he thought so lowly of his son's friends even though he knew next to nothing about them.

Mr. Andopolis looked as patronizing as ever as he greeted us and invited us into the house. I was expecting Nick to be stalking around the house in anticipation of seeing Lindsay for the first time in weeks but his father made it a point to let us know that his son had left the house 'hours ago'. To my surprise, Lindsay looked a little dismayed at the news, but she soon found her focus again when the Colonel started talking about why we were there.

It was amazing to see Lindsay figuratively run circles around Nick's dad with her logical retorts to his open skepticism and it got to the point where I thought it may all just backfire, a point where I was almost certain Mr Andopolis would simply say 'fuck it' and send Nick off to the army anyway just to spite the girl who was probably putting a pretty good dent in his masculine mentality. Try as I may, I couldn't even get a word in edgewise or attempt to be a mediator, as neither one of them would give me the time of day to make a noteworthy comment. As I paid closer attention, though, I realize that Mr. Andopolis was listening to what Lindsay was saying and not simply shrugging it off. She presented herself as the young, highly intelligent person that she was and he eventually gave her the benefit of the doubt, even if it was in a deliberately self-righteous way. It wasn't the prettiest debate I had ever witnessed Lindsay enter into, but she was victorious and Nick got his (very) last chance to prove he could apply himself to school.

Sadly, I didn't know whether to feel relieved or terrified at what the victory meant and the possible consequences that could follow. I entered into the whole thing with the slight fear of losing a few years of my life to the army, because I knew I could always apply for West Point Military Academy if I was indeed doomed to enter the service. They had a descent football program… even if chances were slim that an exception would be granted to pursue an NFL opportunity and their acceptance rate was only between ten and twenty percent. Honestly, I didn't even want to think of such a future. I only slightly calmed myself by reasoning that I could just be a complete piece of shit and back out if Nick crumbled. Things seemed so much simpler before I entered into that conversation with Lindsay.

I asked her if she wanted to wait for a bit to see if Nick would come home from wherever he was, but she was insistent upon returning home as soon as possible. Again the girl was sending out crossed signals because, while she wanted to look as if she showed no interest in seeing him, she couldn't stop smiling when his name came up and she would go into this little daze. Was she into Andopolis again? Did she meet some _other_ guy named Nick? I was bad enough at analyzing my own girlfriend's behavior… there was no way I was gonna try with Lindsay.

* * *

When we pulled into her driveway we both took notice of my Dodge Challenger parked on the side of the road with Kim leaning against it and smoking a cigarette. I parked in the garage and made my way back to where she was. A quick flip of the smoke into the storm drain and she immediately squeezed my ribs in a fierce hug. Before she buried her face in my shirt I could see that her makeup was smeared and her eyes were very red and puffy. Something _or someone_ had gotten to her in a bad way.

"Hhheeey," my voice wavered, becoming all at once consumed with emotion that I had no idea how to control. Seeing her like that put me into an instant world of hurt and all I wanted to do was make sure she would be okay. "Hey, what's wrong? What's got you so upset?"

She didn't reply and instead just began to sob into my shirt. It was an extremely rare show of vulnerability from someone who, by all accounts, was the toughest of tough girls at our school, a girl who would throw a punch at you before she would break down… a girl who had cried in my presence twice before and hide the action away from my sight on both occasions.

Lindsay had followed behind me. I hadn't even noticed until she shifted uncomfortably and her long, stretched shadow crept right by us. She took a few steps back and mentioned that she was going to give us a little space and went inside the house.

Kim's crying stopped after a minute or two and she turned her head to the side but still kept it practically buried in my chest. I stood there with her in silence while she took whatever time she needed to collect herself. With one arm wrapped firmly around her I gently rubbed her back with my other.

Before long, she pulled back a little and looked up at me. "Are we bad people?" she asked in a hushed tone. The level of seriousness in her voice was so strong that it stopped me dead in my tracks as I began to wipe away the messy makeup.

The question was not one that I was expecting, not in a million years, but I knew the answer right off the bat and answered immediately. "Bad people? No, not at all. What made you think that, babe?"

"When I was talking to Daniel, I just wanted to get it all out there, y'know?"

I nodded, giving up on my attempt to fix the makeup situation when I noticed I was only making it worse than it already was.

"Well, I told him about the first time we kissed and he just lost it right away. He went on this tirade that made me feel horrible, but maybe… maybe we are supposed to feel horrible about it."

"What?" I asked, a touch of stupefaction now added to my already overflowing cup of emotions. "He already knew about that. He worked it out himself. We can't be bad people for that; you guys were broken up for crying out loud!"

A look of pain shot across her face as she grimaced and shook her head, "No, that was the second time."

_The second time? I thought that was in the bathroom…_

"Are you sure?"

She shot me a look like I was half-crazy. "Yeah, second time, Donovan. I know we said we would forget about the first time, but since we're at this point now there really is no reason anymore."

None of this was making any sense to me. How the hell could I have completely forgotten about something like that?

"I'm sorry. I think I need a refresher here…"

There was that look again and I was really starting to feel self-conscious. "You know what? Just… fuck it. Just forget about it."

"No, hey, I-"

An obviously offended Kim pulled away from me and began wiping at her eyes. There was a dissatisfied 'ugh' from her when he looked at her eye shadow-stained hands. "I've gotta clean up… and say hi to Lindsay."

"Kim…" I tried again, but she ignored me and made her way inside the house. If this was what was going to take the place of her 'exploding' on me when she became angry then I would really rather just have the former. This passive-aggressive-disregarding-you stuff was even worse as far as I was concerned. I was left truly feeling like a bad person.


	32. That first kiss…

_Thank you to guest reviewer 'Person' for leaving a nice, encouraging review for my last chapter. It is very appreciated and I like how you noted that my story almost feels like a TV show. :)_

**Chapter 32 – That first kiss…**

* * *

We didn't get to spend more than about ten minutes at the house before Mrs. Weir made it back home. The majority of that time I spent chatting idly with Lindsay and Kim (mainly gloating about our win over the Colonel), while Sam, Bill and Neal all played some video game in the living room. His other two friends had left while we were dealing with the Andopolis situation. There was a sense of tension between Kim and I that Lindsay was no doubt picking up on, but she was kind enough not to try to pry at it. While we talked, the two girls fell into bouts of hysterics as they reminisced about their cross-country trip to follow the Dead. I listened, drinking in all the information they shared and growing a little envious that I had yet to have as good of a time doing anything up to that point in my life that resulting in as much fun and good times as they had experienced.

Once Linds' mom arrived, we snuck out the back door and tried to remain out of sight as we went back to the car. The ride back to my house was silent and long… and it wasn't the kind of enjoyable silence like we had experienced at the hospital cafeteria. As I drove and tried to figure out how to fix my fumble, I realized I had screwed up not just once, but twice.

"Kim, I'm sorry," I said quickly, shutting the ignition off after parking next to her car. She was already reaching for the door handle, so I knew I had to be fast with my words. She stopped in mid-motion and looked over at me before darting her eyes downward.

"I should have let you finish before I just jumped in there and started interrupting. And I'm really sorry that I… that I can't remember our first kiss. I feel horrible about that, I really do."

She slowly nodded, but kept her eyes away from mine. "It's turned into a really stressful day, so I think I'm just going to go to Erica's and just… chill for the rest of the day."

I didn't want her to go with this staying unresolved. It was important and upsetting to both of us. "Can't we just-"

She was out of the car in a flash; long tendrils of her hair being blown around in a flurry as a gust of wind picked up. Brushing the frenzied hair out of her face, Kim made the transition from car to car in less time than it took me to fumble with my seatbelt and open my door. I sunk into my seat and moaned out in defeat. She was hurt and not interested in talking it out (which was something else entirely that I would have to talk with her about). The only way to stop her at that point would be by standing behind her car… and even that wasn't a guarantee. Barely three days together and we had already hit a snag.

* * *

Nick called a few hours after I made it in, totally ecstatic about his reprieve from an army-based future. Never before had I ever heard anyone say 'thank you' so many times in a fifteen minute conversation. It almost became annoyingly redundant at one point and it was a welcomed relief when he started asking about Lindsay and exactly how the conversation went. Then the chat got a little weird when he started asking me what I knew about constellations and refused to tell me why he was inquiring after I told him that all I remembered about that stuff was that the North Star was in one of the Dippers.

A little while later my dad walked into the dining room and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. I had a playbook out in front of me, but I was only half-studying it while trying to figure out what drummer-boy was up to at the same time.

"We're a bit of a mess without your mother around, aren't we?" he asked, making the question sound rhetorical.

I looked up and propped my head on the palm of my hand, cupping my cheek. "…because we only had macaroni and cheese for dinner?"

"Yes, among other things," he laughed.

"I just want her to be better."  
"I know, son, me too. I, um…" He cleared his throat before continuing. "I stopped by the hospital after work to talk with the attending doc. They said that they think she's doing mildly better, but they're not one-hundred percent sure, either. They also said she didn't have any visitors all day. Didn't feel like dropping by?"

I let my hand fall to the table and shook my head, looking over to the side of the room in a slight shame. I could have gone over there after Kim left, but I was just so… "I didn't exactly feel like it today."

"Is everything alright, kiddo? You seem pretty quiet… and down."

I felt bad because I knew he was genuinely concerned, but there wasn't anything he could do to help me with this dilemma. "It just… wasn't a great day." Well, it partly was, but he didn't need to know about the whole Nick situation.

"Did you and Kim get into some sort of disagreement?"

My eyes drifted back to him and I let out a long, deep breath. "We just- I forgot about something that was really important."

"Aha," my dad sat back in his seat as if I had just told him the whole story of what went down. "You forgot her birthday, didn't you? I forgot your mother's birthday once when we were dating."

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. "No, Kim's birthday is at the end of April. I forgot… just something else that was really important."

"Well, have you two talked about it?"

"Tried that. Why do you think I'm so down? She remembers, but I don't and she's hurt about that."

"Okay, so have you asked her to just tell you what it is that you don't remember?"

"Dad, come on." I gave him a look of ridicule. "I already tried that too, and it didn't work out so well."

"And neither is you continuing to not remember. Give it another shot… at least that would mean you're trying."

I pursed my lips together at the slight agitation of the fact that he had a good point. Perhaps I could word it better than the lame 'I need a refresher here' line.

"Speaking of your girlfriend, though, can I have a look at those notes she put together about lupus? I've been interested in reading them since yesterday."

"Yeah, sure," I nodded and stood up, staring at him for a moment. "Did you really forget about mom's birthday once?"

"Just get the damn notes," he laughed with a shake of his head, confirming the tale.

I heard the phone ringing as I made it to my room and by the time I returned to my father with the documents in-hand he had an odd little smile on his face and said, 'Trade you the phone for the papers'. I figured our caller had to be Kim.

* * *

"Hello?" I said as I put the handset to my ear.

There was nothing but silence in return. Did we lose connection?

"He-"

"I'm trying to decide if I should just hang up on you or not," Kim yelled, static crackling her voice through the line. "That kiss was really important to me, you know? And it should be to you, too!"

There was some sense of instant relief in that she called, in that she wanted to talk and this wasn't something she was going to just hold over my head in silence.

"It is Kim and I want to remember. Maybe just, I dunno, walk me through what happened, when it happened." I felt like an idiot for even suggesting such a thing, but I had no idea what else to do.

My proposal was met with another round of silence.

"Please, babe. I'm tryin' here. Help me."

There was a huff of anger before she finally responded. "This is the one time I wish you were taking a joke too far. You really don't remember, do you? And all this time I thought you were being sweet and holding true to our promise. Then again, I guess that means you really weren't trying to be an asshole to me that night, either. That pain shot really did knock you for a loop, huh?"

_Pain shot? Oh shit…_

"The day of the basketball regional finals?"

"Duh!" she chuckled. "You're lucky I'm laughing about this. After your mom brought us back to your house from the hospital, I was laying down with you, waiting until you dozed off to call Daniel and have him pick me up. Your stubborn ass was taking forever to actually fall asleep, as usual. You kept apologizing about the split cut in my lips and then, while we lied there looking at each other, you scooted closer and kissed me."

Suddenly flashes of what Kim described began to spark in my mind. We did kiss before and her lips were just as soft and tantalizing then as they were a month later. I only remembered bits and pieces, but I clearly recalled a few key things. "I… oh wow, I remember that now."

"You should, jerk!" She was trying to sound serious, but I could tell just by the way she said it that there was a grin on her face at the very least. "I don't even know if I believe you, though. Prove it. What do you remember?"

"Um…" I closed my eyes and smiled, thinking about the distant memory as hard as I could. "I kept trying not to push on your injury, but really kiss you at the same time… that damn strawberry lip balm instantly adhered to my mouth and… the way you smiled at me that night," I finished, my smile simply beaming at the last recollection. My eyes, however, popped open a second later as dots connected in my head on the subject of something else entirely. My sudden recollection, paired with Lindsay's surprise from earlier in the day, made the whole 'date' situation even clearer. "Wait, does that explain why you kept scaring potential dates away from me a few weeks later?"

More silence before I heard her trying to contain laughter. "I may have been a tiny bit jealous… but to be fair, I thought you were doing that to actually _make_ me jealous. So, what you weren't trying to do at all… somehow worked."

_And here I thought I came up with complex stuff in my head…_

"Anyway, I'm sure it wasn't the most romantic thing in the world, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make my heart begin to race when you made your move. I must have looked shocked or something, I know I felt like it, but when you saw my face you looked so disappointed. I kissed you back. Not out of sympathy for your sudden puppy dog eyes or anything, but because I really wanted to. Then we kissed again… and again and we just kept at it, smiling and giggling like idiots. After a few minutes I realized what we had done, like really realized it, and I knew we had to stop before we went too far. I made you promise that we would just forget about what happened, and told you to close your eyes and go to sleep and for once, you actually listened to me. I was watching you sleep, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened, when your mom walked into the room and thought we were both out, so she turned off the light and shut the door slightly. I guess, in the end, I just wanted to live in that moment for a little while longer... so I stayed there next to you and eventually fell asleep, too."

I was left breathless by the story, not just by what she said, but by _how_ she said it as well. The emotions she displayed both in her words and through her voice while recalling the full account made me realize how truly in love with her I was and it sparked a hope that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same. I wanted to tell her right then and there. "I-"

Before I could get more than the first word out, paranoia infected my brain.

_'The dumbest thing you can do: Let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run'. Those are words of wisdom right there, and she already ran once before when you opened up._

I wanted to shake off the stupid memory of a warning, to just ignore it and continue on with those three words… but they were not stuck in my throat and were not going any further.

"Now do you see why Daniel said we were bad people and why I need reassurance that we're actually not?"

I closed my eyes and grated my teeth, inattentively rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand. There went that golden moment of opportunity.

_Fuck you, Paranoia!_

"Can I see why he would say that now? Yeah, I guess."

A distinct scoff suddenly chirped from the phone. "Wow, thanks a lot, Donovan. You really know how to make a girl feel better."

_Act fast to pull her away from that cliff again, dumbass._

"No, wait, hold on. I said I can see why he would say that, I mean you two were still together at that time, but I never said I agreed with it. He can feel whatever he wants to feel and no one can say he's wrong, but… Kim, we're not bad people."

"Why? You and I both know that is a really shitty thing to do to a person."

_Of course she would have to ask 'why'… _

"Because… because…"

I could almost feel her hanging on my words here, looking for that explanation that would release her of the guilt that Daniel brought to the surface. A word popped into my head and I grabbed ahold of it, blurting it out without anything to follow.

"Intent!"

"What?" Kim asked in an odd mix of amusement and confusion.

"Um… we're not bad people because…" I let out a single, nervous laugh as a sentence slowly formed. "I mean consider this: we didn't intend to hurt anyone by doing what we did. It wasn't a malicious or shameful act; we just… wanted to kiss each other."

"So… we're not bad, we're just selfish?"

"Oh God," I groaned. "You're impossible."

I heard her begin to laugh at the other end of the line and I grinned in hopes that, despite her lambasting question, my reaching answer was somewhat satisfactory to her. We talked for another hour before letting each other go for the night. I had practice in the morning and I figured I should at least try to visit my mother since I skipped out entirely on it once already and Kim had plans for an exercise in agony by sitting down with her folks and trying to smooth things over so she could come back home. There was an urge to tell her to let me know if things got bad and she needed me, but I knew Kim was stronger than that when it came to the adult figures in her life. She didn't let them get to her in the same way she let her friends and peers get to her.

I went to bed thinking of how I owed her a better response to her 'bad people' concern… but was there one?

* * *

_So, I can say with 100% certainty that the next chapter will be out on Friday, October 31st! I can also say with 100% certainty (and equal amount of sadness and happiness) that it will be the finale to this long story._


	33. Perfect for each other

**Chapter 33 – Perfect for each other**

* * *

Three weeks had passed since we settled the Andopolis fiasco and, while a lot of things stayed the same in that time, a lot of things changed as well.

The biggest shift was that, a week after finding out his fate in regards to school next year, Nick slowly announced to everyone that he and Sara were 'taking a break' because he felt that they had 'grown apart and needed to look at their relationship again'. That kind of wording always spelled the indefinite end of a relationship and I never understood why couples went through the façade that there was hope of rekindling what was quite obviously gone. I think we were all shocked that it was Nick, the guy who always grew too attached to his significant others, who essentially broke up with Sara and not the other way around.

Lindsay continued her perpetual lockdown and Ken and Amy were still, well, quite content with each other.

I didn't know much as far as how things were going for Daniel. Kim had spoken to him a few more times, continuing to try her best to patch things up as well as she could so our little family of misfits could be whole again at some point, but Desario was not so interested in being around me again… ever (or so he said). According to Linds' weekly calls to Kim on Tuesdays (at least her mom's game of bridge was predictable in that regard), he even still came over to her house a day or two a week to play that weird game with her brother and his friends. She was a little concerned though, because each week he seemed to have a new girlfriend who he wouldn't really connect with and just move on from within a few days. I would say that he was looking for someone who could provide that anchor and rock companionship that he had with Kim… but just thinking about that brought up the whole 'bad people' debate again.

Ultimately I couldn't afford him the luxury of renting space in my head, just roosting there and making me wonder if we had a future friendship or not. I liked the guy, I really did. He was unique and as good of a companion as anyone could ask for, but what happened between the three of us hurt him (as it would anyone in his place) and I simply did not have the mental or emotional wherewithal to keep hoping he would come around. If he did at some point then that would be great, but I wasn't going to bank on it or pursue it when I knew I was simply scum in his eyes. Sometimes it just took time to heal, and that was all I could give him.

My mother was released from the hospital less than a week after being admitted once she started showing signs of her lupus flair (and it's personality altering affects) going into remission. Things were still touch and go for a little while, but she eventually came out of it completely and we all hoped and prayed that the 'fix' actually worked out the way it should. Once she was feeling up to dealing with other people again, I invited Kim over for dinner and we formally confirmed our relationship status to both of my parents. Even though my dad had already figured it out long beforehand, he kept it under wraps from my mother because he knew I wanted to tell her myself. She was thrilled with the news and gave me one of those looks that read 'See? Didn't I tell you?'

The whole thing was more for me than anyone, as Kim wasn't really concerned with letting anybody know our business if they didn't really need to. I was quite proud of our relationship though, and wanted at least a few people outside of our friends to be in the loop.

Speaking of the beautiful blonde girlfriend- things were slightly looking up for her as well. She had made amends with her mother and stepfather and moved back home. Conditions weren't perfect between them, but I don't think either side ever expected them to be. They simply found a way to coexist… for a little while at least.

* * *

On Monday evening I received a call from Nick asking if Kim and I wanted to go to the park and watch the meteor shower tomorrow night with him and Lindsay.

"Lindsay?!" I asked in shock, my eyes growing wide. "Our Lindsay? The girl who was grounded for forever, never to see the light of day again save for school?"

"Um, yeah man, Lindsay. So, you wanna come or not?" Nick asked, trying to carry a certain slyness to his voice that was not very convincing.

"Why? Aren't you just itching for some alone time with her since you broke up with Sara? I just wanna know how you plan to get her out of the house."

A frustrated sigh escaped the other end of the line.

"Look, it took a lot of convincing for me to get her dad to agree to let her come out to see this and… and he only went with it because I told him it would be a group of us seeing it and not just me and Linds. So can you come, please? Ken and Amy already have other 'plans'." He sounded slightly annoyed about being brushed off by the couple.

"Wait a minute; I'm not even your first choice? Now I'm just hurt Nick." I figured he deserved a good amount of teasing over such an interesting development.

"Oh man, come on. Daniel has been acting weird ever since Kim talked to him and, Kim man… I guess we should tell her, huh? I don't even know if Mr. Weir will let Lindsay go when he finds out she's coming. Maybe she won't even want to go, right? I mean, Kim isn't into all this stars and meteor crap."

"Don't count on it. She'll want to come along to see Lindsay," I laughed. "So it'll just be you, me, Linds and Kim? Kind of like some spontaneous double date?"

"What? No!" Nick freed an awkward, nervous laugh that even put me at unease. "It's just four friends hanging out, ya know?"

"Okay, whatever loverboy."

"Shut up, man."

"Is that what you were talking about with constellations and stuff a few weeks back?"

"Yeah!" Nick confirmed and I could hear his face light up in a smile with just his reply. "I was watching that, um, Star Hustlers show and the host guy was talking about this meteor shower that happens every year around this time. It's called Perseids or something."

"You mean Jack Horkheimer? 'Some people hustle pool, some people hustle cars, then there's that man you've heard about, the one who hustles stars!'" I quoted from the show's opener and began to bellow in laughter. I knew exactly who and what Nick was talking about. It was a short little weekly show that played on our public access channel at the end of their broadcast on Sunday nights. Jack Horkheimer was absolutely crazy about stars, planets, constellations and pretty much everything else in the universe. He made extreme facial expressions and hand movements during each episode. It was a show that I had stumbled across a time or two when I was high and channel surfing.

"Yeah, that guy!" Nick laughed along with me. "I was watching him talk about that and I thought Lindsay would love to see it. I even checked out a, uh, book that kinda told me what groups to look for in the sky so I can point them out to her. Um, I mean so I can point them out to all of you guys."

Leave it to Andopolis to study up on something that has absolutely no influence on his ability to do well in school. At least this proved that he knows how to study. There was an awkward snag in our conversation after that, one where neither of us knew what to say next.

"So, you and Kim are really making this work, huh?" Nick finally threw out after a minute of nothing.

"We're doing our damnedest to. I had a little idiot moment when we first started out, but these last few weeks have been great."

"That's awesome, man. Really. I'm happy for the both of you. Ya know, there really is a whole different side to her when she's around you. I noticed it just a couple months after you started hanging out with us."

Kim's words suddenly echoed in my head, 'I'm just different around you.' It was as if I had found the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle I was putting together in my mind and everything fit; I could see the whole picture…

"Heeey, Donovan," Nick said, loud and slow. "Did you go off into space or something?"

I released a small chuckle. "Yeah, I guess so. Um, are we all gonna meet up tomorrow night at Lindsay's?"

"Yeah, yeah, probably around eight. It won't even start to get dark until it gets closer to nine anyway. Did you know we're starting to lose daylight already?"

"Jesus! I might as well just start calling you Horkheimer Jr. at this rate."

Nick blew a 'pfft' of genuine laughter out. "That guy is pretty cool. Anyway, I gotta go. See ya tomorrow."

I let Nick go and eagerly started to think up some sort of plan to go with my newly discovered revelation.

* * *

It didn't take more than a minute to convince Kim to come along when Lindsay's name came up. She was overjoyed at the idea of hanging out with her best friend again face to face. We all met at the Weir house at around the designated time.

I turned to face her as she unbuckled her seat belt. There was a grin on her face that was absolutely shining. I loved it when she smiled like that. Her cheeks would grow full and round and sometimes she would stick her tongue out like a goofball for just a moment and laugh madly.

"You may just want to, uh ya know, sit tight 'til we get Linds out of the house."

"Why?" She shot me a crooked glance.

I nervously scratched the back of my head. One thing was certain about Kim: she didn't like to be told 'no' about anything.

"Well, you and Mr. Weir aren't exactly cozy and odds are that he'll be around to-"

"I don't care!" she interrupted rather loudly, sounding irritated. "If we're doing this, we're all doing it together. Lindsay's dad is just going to have to accept the fact that his precious little princess is growing up and making friends he may not like. We've been friends for almost a year now; he should know I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, alright," I conceded with a smile, putting my hand atop hers and rubbing it delicately. It was quite by accident that I realized a simple, soft touch would, more often than not, quickly snub out any aggression or exasperation that was building up in Kim and she would unwind soon after. "We'll all go together."

Nick was patiently leaning on his car, hands in his pockets, waiting for me to exit mine and accompany him to the front door. He seemed slightly shocked when we both exited, as we had talked earlier in the day about trying to keep a good distance between Linds' parents and my girlfriend, but when I flashed him a 'what the hell am I supposed to do?' look, he instantly caught on and shook his head with a grin.

Kim knew how to be sweet and cordial when she needed to be, and I could only hope she was feeling more passive than confrontational.

One of the double front-doors opened as we made it onto the front porch and we were greeted by Lindsay's smiling face as she threw on the old army jacket that we were so used to seeing her in.

"Hey," she greeted, meeting us at the halfway point of her porch.

We all returned the acknowledgement, Kim even giving her a light shove on the shoulder. My eyes were drawn to the doorway again as I caught sight of Lindsay's parents making their presence known. Mrs. Weir looked just as happy-go-lucky as usual, a genuine smile on her face and Mr. Weir… well, he was trying at least. The smile he wore looked dubious, but that seemed to be the look he donned most of the time anyway. I was half expecting him to make a cross sign with his fingers and demand Kim go away (my imagination always did have a flair for the dramatic), but he seemed to be in a civil mood as well.

"Hi Mr. Weir, sir, Mrs. Weir, ma'am," Nick said awkwardly.

"Hi, Nick. You kids have a good time tonight and enjoy the meteor shower. It sounds exciting!" Ms. Weir exclaimed with a burst of enthusiasm.

"Bring her home no later than eleven, though," Mr. Weir added. His expression dropped a moment later. "I mean it. I know how to call 9-1-1 and report a missing person."

All four of us exchanged glances and, while Nick, Kim and I tried to hold back laughter, Lindsay looked thoroughly embarrassed.

As Mrs. Weir tried to indiscreetly elbow her husband in the side, I realized I wasn't the only person who held a knack for the farcical.

"Harold, we talked about this," she whispered, rather loudly.

"Oh, alright." He straightened up and put on his fake smile again. "I mean- you kids have fun and make sure to come back by eleven."

"Sure thing, Mr. Weir. We won't even go to any concerts tonight," Kim replied.

I couldn't tell if she was trying to be funny or just egg him on, and judging by his quick face contortion again, he couldn't either.

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. I'll make sure to be home by eleven," Lindsay interjected, pushing all of us towards the cars. "Come on, let's go."

* * *

The night was perfect for what we had planned, as there wasn't a cloud in sight. The good viewing conditions were actually kind of a raw deal because it also brought out quite a number of spectators for the meteor shower, most of which chose to gather at the same place we went to: Budd Park.

It took a little while, but we were finally able to find an area just on the outskirts of the park that was clear of any other people. It was still a nice, open spot and we actually ended up further away from city lights than we would have been if we stayed in the crowded areas.

"Hey, do you… do you think Lindsay would ever, ya know, want me back?" Nick asked me as we lay on the hood of his Maverick. I glanced over at him. He had this hands resting against his stomach, fingers crossed and his legs were just dangling over the front of the car. He seemed peaceful, looking up at the sky and waiting for the show to begin, but the way he asked his question sounded like he was apprehensive of the answer he may receive.

"I knew it, dude. I knew this whole thing was just a ploy for you to see if you could hook up with Linds." I couldn't help but begin to laugh.

"Shut up, man. I don't want her to hear you." Nick waved his hand back and thwacked me in the chest.

"Ugh!" I laughed out, flinching at the sting the slap left. "You're so touchy when I give you shit about still being hung up on her," I sulked, rubbing my palm on the spot he hit before locking my hands together and cradling the back of my head with them. "But, um…" I turned my head in the other direction, looking at the two girls lying on the old comforter I had salvaged from the basement for the sole purpose of stargazing… if not a little bit more with Kim later on in a less public place. They were giggling about something and pointing to the sky. I looked back up at the same direction they were. "I dunno. Maybe?"

Nick perked his head up and turned my way. "Maybe?"

"Well, shit Nick, I really don't know. You should have heard how she talked about you to your dad. She didn't sugarcoat the fact that you messed up, but she sure sounded like she believed you had it in you to fix this whole school thing. And she smiles, man. She smiles at the mention of your name."

"Really?" There was a big, toothy grin spread across his face. "Should I say something to her?"

"Yeah, but maybe not something like 'hey, do you like me?'"

"What should I say then?"

"You can start out with 'Hi' and after that it is up to you," I smirked. "Just be yourself. That's what got her attention in the first place, right?"

He didn't reply, but simply turned his attention back to the darkening cosmos above us… a smile still painted on his face. We continued to get into conversations about random things, but we never delved too deep into anything after our short discussion of Linds.

Finally, when it was practically pitch black out, I heard footsteps approaching us, the distinct sound of crunching foliage giving away any stealth a person could hope to have under the cover of darkness.

"Hey guys," Lindsay said, essentially in a whisper.

"Hey," we replied. I simply shifted my gaze to try to look at her in the dark, but I could hear and feel Nick fumble around to try to quickly sit up.

"So, I don't know when this thing is going to start, but Kim wanted to switch." There was something about the way she said it that sounded off.

"Oh, uh… okay." I sat up and slid off the hood, watching as Lindsay quickly took my spot without a moment of hesitation.

Nick began to get off the Maverick as well, but Lindsay stopped him. "No, she just meant me. For me to switch with Donovan, I mean."

* * *

The dull sound of the radio seeped out of the car and greeted my ears as I neared Kim. There was a song playing that I had never heard before. The singer was talking about a tree or something being free… I couldn't really make out the lyrics because of how muted it was.

"Hey there," I casually called. "Heard you requested me."

The pair had laid the blanket out just in front of the car and I watched her tilt her head back to look at me.

"What? No, I see enough of you all the time," Kim threw back in jest. "But, since you're here and all, there's a nice, hard spot on the ground right next to me if you want it. I won't bite… unless you ask me to."

"That," I grunted, banging my knee into a rock like I fucking knew I would as soon as I kneeled down, "is something we can discuss with a little more privacy."

"You okay?" she asked with a giggle.

"All good." I gracelessly flopped down next to her. "You sure you didn't want to watch this meteor shower with me? Lindsay said you wanted her and me to switch places."

"And you believed her?" Kim continued to giggle, finding my hand and locking hers around it. "She told me she wanted to go sit with Nick for a while and she would send you back."

I began to laugh at the stark contrast of what we were told, but it wasn't exactly an outright lie… just a slight manipulation of the facts. "So, she's still into Andopolis, huh?"

"Oh yeah! I don't know if she was ever not into him, really. She's seemed fine after they broke up, but her little 'I'm over Nick' thing started to fall apart when Sara came into the picture."

"Really? I didn't notice that."

"Well, you're a guy so, yeah. If it isn't about football or if it doesn't have boobs, it is very hard to get guys to notice stuff." There wasn't a moon out to provide any pale illumination, but my eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see a classic smirk appear on her face.

"I listen to other words aside from those… like 'sex' and, um… yeah, that's probably it."

She laughed and reached for my shirt, pulling me in for a kiss. "Now lay down so I can use you as a pillow and we can watch some stupid stars… or assssteroids, as Lindsay says."

I listened to how she elongates the 'as' part to make the word sound ridiculous and a quiet laughter rumbled in my stomach just as she rested her head on it. A playful, small scream escaped her as her head bobbed around from the laughter spasm and before I knew it, we were both cracking up.

* * *

"So, what's with the radio?" I asked a few minutes later as Kim tried to focus in on the solar system above. I wasn't doing near as good of a job as she was, as my eyes were mainly affixed on her.

"Linds wanted it on so we could talk about you guys without you hearing."

"And the plot thickens."

"Haha. Well she is all smitten with bong wonder over there."

My eyebrows shifted up in surprise. "She knows he's smoking pot again?"

"Well, yeah."

I had always been a little enamored with how Kim said 'well, yeah' as if the statement it was preceding or following was the most obvious thing in the world. It had a subtle appeal to in in that she could be being playful, spiteful or both. There were many things about her that fell into that category and knowing the difference was sometimes the key to having a good time around her or a really bad time.

"I mean, I felt like I _had_ to tell her, y'know? She didn't like how much he smoked before and then she thought he totally quit for Sara."

"Well, he doesn't smoke nearly as much anymore," I weakly defended.

"I know, and I told her that, too. I think… I think she's more open to the whole idea of people smoking pot, really. We ran into a lot of potheads on the Dead tour and she realized that most of them were really cool. I think what really freaked her out about the whole thing is that Nick was really her first friend who smoked it and then they got together and she had to deal with someone who was high pretty much all the time. It was just too much for her, y'know?"

I quietly nodded as she shifted her attention to me and I let her continue without interruption.

"But, like you said, he's better about it now and Lindsay is, too. Besides, we also ran into a lot of people who were on some way harder drugs… and they were kinda scary. I think that helped her realize how harmless pot is in comparison to a lot of shit out there. Anyway, they like each other, I know they do… maybe they are a better match now."

"Switch a few things around and you could be talking about us."

"Oh, whatever… Othello." She stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. "All I had to say about you was bad stuff anyway, so…"

"Oh, I'm sure," I grinned, listening as a new song started on the radio; it was Bad Company's _Can't Get Enough_. The blues-rock melodic tune and obvious lyrics made me think it would be the appropriate time to say something I should have a while ago.

"Oh! Oh!" She pointed up to the sky in excitement. "Was that one?"

"I, uh, I didn't see it," I admitted, my grin still strong.

She turned her head slightly and looked at me. "Watch the meteors, goofball, not me. They're supposed to be beautiful."

"But I'm looking at something just as beautiful, if not even better."

She rolled her eyes, those stunning lips curving upward, and shifted her concentration back to the sky.

"Hey Kim," I whispered, trying to get her to look at me again.

She replied with an 'hmm?' while still scanning the stars.

"Hey," I repeated, ultimately gaining her TLC once more. "I think I have the actual answer for why we aren't 'bad people'..."

"Oh yeah? Better tell me." She sounded a little skeptical, like I may be preparing to poke fun at an issue that was undoubtedly still eating away at her.

"Love." I put the single word out there with a strong resonance of confidence and a complete lack of hesitation.

"Wha- what?" I could see a mystified look overcome Blondie's face.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, her gaze and silence speaking to me that she knew I wanted to say something important. I just hoped she was ready for it. We had only known each other for less than a year, only been dating for less than a month, but…

"I love you." I thought for sure the words would just fall out of my mouth clumsily or sound disingenuous; especially considering how cocksure I was when I first said the word… but they actually flowed like silk and carried the truth behind them that I earnestly meant. The sense of paranoia and ensuing doubt, which I feared would rapidly flood my mind, were nowhere to be found.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open a little, a jut of breath accompanied by a small, indecipherable sound. I was hopeful that it was (in its own way) the same way I felt when she recalled the story of our first kiss to me. She shifted onto her side almost instantly, the look of surprise not waning in the least.

"Donovan, I swear to God, if this is some kind of joke about this dumb song-"

"I love you, Kim," I restated with just as much assurance in my voice. "I love you and- and I'm _in love_ with you."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Y-yes. Wh-"

"Did Nick put you up to this? Is there some kind of bet going on between you guys?"

We were both sitting up now, absorbed in each other.

"No, Kim, I-"

She planted a hand on either of my cheeks, pretty much smooshing my face between them, and proceeded to smother me with a torrent of kisses. After finishing off a round of quick-fire pecks, she concluded by giving me the deepest kiss we have ever shared (or at least it felt that way). I could just feel her give me her all in it. She rested her forehead against mine after our lips parted.

"I love you," she disclosed softly. "I love you so much and, God, you have no idea how much I've wanted to say it when you could actually hear me."

A rush of pretty much every good emotion I could imagine poured over me as I heard her say those words. In my heart, I knew she felt the same way, but to hear it, for her to confirm it herself… my world just came alive. The last part of her sentence made its way through my euphoria and (in an almost clairvoyant manner) I recalled when I tried to fight against sleep and asked her the question that put momentum to my sudden courage.

"That Monday you took my home to get some sleep?"

"You heard me say it? I thought you were asleep. No, I _waited_ until you were asleep to say it."

"Actually, you said it before I fell asleep… in a different way."

"What?"

"We've both already said it to each other in our own weird, abstracts ways."  
She pulled back and gave me an odd look. "Okay, now I'm thinking you and Nick smoked a little weed over there and you're high."

"No," I shook my head with a laugh. "What I mean is… on that Monday, just before I fell asleep, I asked you why you were acting different and you said you weren't, just that you were different around me. Why would you be different around someone unless you felt differently about them? I knew you didn't hate me, so…"

A smile formed on her face and she squeezed my hands. "I think- I think I know when you said it, then…"

"Oh? Well, please Ms. Kelly, do tell."

"Yuck! Don't ever call me that again." She pushed our held hands into my abdomen, causing me to bob back a little. "That day that we finally, finally got together, you… you said we weren't perfect, but we were perfect for each other. That's when I knew. I knew I had you whipped."

She waited for a shocked expression to appear on my face before she let out a deep, coarse laugh that was followed by another kiss. We rested foreheads against each other again.

She bit her lower lip momentarily and then asked, "Is this what being in love feels like?"

I lightly nodded against her, "It has to be."

As her hand grazed my cheek and settled on the side of my neck, I closed my eyes and silently soaked in the gravity of this huge moment in our relationship… hell, in _my life_. When I opened them again, I was met by the sight of Kim's beaming, smiling face. Her eyes were closed, too, but she was also… crying?

"Oh, hey, no. What's wrong? This is supposed to be a happy moment for us here." I moved back a little and encompassed her face with my hands, gently wiping away the tears.

"I _am_ happy, goof," she said with a little laugh. "This is like, the only time when it is a good sign that I'm crying."

I laid a smooch on the top of her forehead and pulled her closer to me. In what had become a natural extension of how we interacted with each other, she calmly rested the side of her head on my chest.

"We've made… a lot of progress in less than a year of knowing each other, huh?" My brain was thinking back to just how we met and things began to develop.

"Yeah. Kinda weird how it all happened, but… I'm glad it all did; even the bad parts."

"What- why-" I kept stopping myself, half-worried that what I wanted to ask wasn't really relevant to anything at all considering the point we were currently at… but I was a curious person. "Why did it take us this long, Kim? Why did we have to go through the bad parts?"

"I dunno," she shrugged, sniffling a little. "I mean, when I'm with you, it doesn't feel like there are boundaries I have to watch out for or… or that I have to be on guard for when you're checking out some other girl. It's also kind of intimidating that there aren't any guidelines; like I don't know what to expect from you or how to ready myself for whatever it may be. I got… scared, I guess. I knew what to anticipate from Daniel and how to keep control of certain things, but going into a situation where I didn't have to do something that almost became second nature in two years was, well… scary. Things were just too different and I didn't want to lose what I had for something I wasn't even sure I could understand."

Her response was surprisingly articulate, well thought-out and reasonable. It shed an enormous light on what happened and I understood what was going on in her head at the time.

"What changed?"

"Um, everything," she laughed. "I couldn't go back to what I had with Daniel after that night. I tried. I thought I could convince myself… but it just wasn't what I wanted anymore. I finally just broke up with him and then things got really out of control when he figured stuff out. I didn't know what to do… but going on that trip with Linds and talking things through with her helped me a lot."

Her voice was so full of sincerity as she opened up to me that I almost felt guilty for asking, as if I was accusing her of something that she wasn't at fault for.

"But, hey, like I said- I'm glad it all happened, I really am. It made me realize what was right for me. Who was right for me. You. And I do love you, Donovan."

"I love you, Kim."

She pulled herself out of my hug, straightening up and smiling again. "You kinda- you kinda stole my heart, ya know? I let you in and showed you parts about me I hid away from everyone else and you… you didn't judge me. You did your best to make me feel better about some of it and just let me know that the other parts were not as horrible as I made myself believe they were."

I had never loved someone I was with before, not in this way, and I had certainly never been in love before. Period. To feel this way and have it echoed back to me from the object of my affection simply left me wordless. Personified in happiness, yet wordless.

"Oh…" Kim said; her mouth stuck in an O shape as she stared over my shoulder at something behind us. "Oh, shit…" she giggled.

My curiosity was piqued. "Wha-" I began to ask was I turned my head back to see what she was seeing. I didn't need to finish my question when I caught an eyeful of Nick and Lindsay sitting on the edge of the Maverick, engaging in what appeared to be a pretty hot and heavy make-out session.

I mimicked Kim's 'Oh, shit' reaction and she let out a giggle before throwing a few catcall-ish whistles and whoos at the couple. They quickly separated and made awkward, uncomfortable movements as they both turned away from each other, undoubtedly in embarrassment of being caught in such an intimate moment. If red faces could actually glow, I was sure theirs would've been lit up like a stop light.

We both started to crack up, Kim actually laughing so hard that she ceased to make any noise whatsoever and just clapped her hands together. She allowed herself to topple over into me and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Oh my God, my cheeks hurt now," she wheezed, gasping in gulps of air after the bout of amusement emptied her lungs.

"So much for watching the shooting stars," I said with a grin.

"I think all four of us knew that wasn't what tonight was really about," Kim managed to say before she burst out again, only she sounded very hoarse this time around.

"Shut up! You guys are being jerks!" Nick yelled from across the way. It wasn't hard to detect a note of delight in his voice.

I wanted to say something, but I was distracted by Kim continuing her hysterics and burying her face in my chest to muffle the sounds.

It took a few minutes for her to finally collect herself and in that time I took a peek behind me to see the two lovebirds were back at it again.

"Tonight has actually been a pretty good night. There have been a lot of those since I got back into town," she remarked as her last bit of chuckling subsided, righting herself into a sitting position again. "Maybe this is like fate or something, ya know?"

Now it was my turn to display an ear to ear smile. "I'll go with 'or something', 'cause I don't really believe in fate or divine intervention or anything like that. You can't really control those things. It is something that happens to you rather than something you create. But destiny? Destiny is something that can work itself out and the conclusion is based upon the actions of those involved. That has quite a nice ring to it when I think of you and me."

"You…" Kim trailed off, lacing her hands behind my neck. "You are such a geek sometimes," she finished, curling her lips into a wicked smile and pulling me back down onto the comforter with her.

* * *

Summer vacation seemed to zoom by after that night. Before any of us knew it the next school year was around the corner. That was okay though, because even with our break coming to an end, we all had made more than enough great memories to know that while time flew by, we had spent it well. Lindsay and Nick were doing far better as a couple than their first attempt, even with limited contact and keeping the relationship under wraps from her parents. They understood how the other worked better and they took that knowledge in stride and made things work. I hung out with as much of the gang as I could, whenever I could. I helped one of my friends get one last chance to prove himself to his father outside of the army. Football was going to be a blast and since I had been quarterback for a little while, I couldn't imagine myself in any other position. My mother's health seemed to improve and there had been no further fallout from the medication changes. All in all, there had been far more ups than downs in the past few months… and that was an analogy that I could even apply to my relationship. Outside of my whole mini-stint of amnesia revolving around our first kiss and a few five-minute arguments here and there, Kim and I had managed to have more solace than sorrow. While my weekdays seemed to be split between everyone and everything, my weekends were almost exclusively spent with her. If we weren't crashing at her cousin's apartment (where we would be smoking weed, having sex, getting drunk or some strange combo of the three) we were either hanging out with our friends or getting into some sort of mischievous trouble somewhere around town.

One thing was for sure: between Nick's grades, maintaining my own, dealing with Daniel, football, trying to balance two cliques and keep my relationship in the positive – senior year was going to be one hell of a ride!

* * *

**_**_Author's _**closing note: _**

_And that is a wrap for this story! Wow… just freakin' wow! This is the first piece of work that I have actually finished in years, and it honestly feels great! I am truly in amazement from all of the people who have read this story so far (from those who have favorited it and followed, to those who have left great reviews and even to those silent readers who simply read from chapter one to thirty-three and stuck with it!) I want to say thank you to all of you, because I do not know if this would have made it to completion without you. _

_To throw a couple personalized shoutouts out there, I want to say thank you to MysticHysteria who is pretty much responsible for me turning from an accountless lurker to, well, someone with one :P Her story had many parallels to one I had been working on before coming across FFN and I was instantly drawn in to it. I had a few questions I wanted to ask, but the only way I could was via PM... and so I delved deeper into the site. _

_I owe my biggest thanks and praise to Lydia. It was because of her F&amp;G story that I decided to share yet another one that I had been working on (hint: this one) and we forged a pretty good friendship while sharing reviews on each other's stories as well as ideas and bits of encouragement through PMs. _

_This has been a blast. It really has, and I am happy to have seen it through to the end. As you may be able to imagine, I am throwing around the idea of a sequel in my head, but even if that does come to fruition, I have to work on a few other writing projects before anything can come of it. _

_I will say, being able to put your story out there on a site like this is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because of what it is and what it provides: The means to put your work out there to be read, enjoyed and critiqued, but it is also a curse in that it may allow for a bit too much freedom when writing and mistakes are not taken as seriously as they should be (I am only only speaking for myself, not others with this) and the biggest mistake I made (which I will go back through and fix at some point) is a large lack of detail throughout this long story. There were many times when I would introduce a character in a chapter and say they were dressed very nicely (or something) and that was it! No actual description of what they were wearing that was 'nice' or anything like that. So, yeah, embarrassing face-palm on that, as it happens quite often in these 100,000+ words. Anyway, even with that thorn, I do hope all of you who made it to this point have thoroughly enjoyed it and find this a worthwhile waste of time! :P_

_See you guys next time!_


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